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About Liffguard

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    A gentleman and a scholar.

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    Devon, UK

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  1. Fair point, but I'm not really saying that we shouldn't acknowledge the way that western culture treats men and women differently, just that we should stop thinking of particular characteristics as masculine or feminine. If we say that a certain positive trait is an aspect of masculinity, then it still implies there's something odd about a woman who displays that trait (or vice versa). Even if we as a society become totally accepting of women displaying masculine traits (and vice versa), that still creates expectations of how people should be that may run counter to the way that individuals want to live their lives.
  2. It's probably a lost cause, but here's my possibly quixotic attempt to wrench this thread somewhat back on topic. Has anybody else been reading How Not To Be A Boy by Robert Webb? Part memoir, part musing on issues surrounding masculinity in the modern world. I've not quite finished it yet but what I've read so far has been good. I doubt it will fundamentally rock anyone's worldview but Webb presents the topic pretty thoughtfully. One of parts that got me thinking was earlier on when he's having an imaginary conversation with his younger self. He reveals that he went through a period of defining himself in direct opposition to his abusive, drunken, emotionally immature, hyper-masculine northern dad, and by extension in direct opposition to toxic masculinity as a whole. More to the point, he also delves into how this was almost as unhealthy as wholeheardtedly embracing it. After all, if your whole identity is based around being the exact opposite of a certain stereotype, you're still allowing the stereotype to define your life. In many ways the exact opposite of the hyper-masculine "alpha male" is the passive "nice guy," which is just an expression of toxic masculinity in a different package. This got me wondering, is toxic masculinity composed of inherently toxic traits, or is it taking traits that are healthy in moderation to an unhealthy extreme? At another point in the book Webb talks about how he struggled to reconcile that it's possible to be strong and active without being domineering and aggressive, or that you can be kind and well-mannered without being docile. Ultimately, one of Webb's main points (so far as I am in the book) is the conceptions of masculinity and femininity aren't particularly useful, and that trying to redefine masculinity into a more healthy form is still just perpetuating an idea that men are expected to act a certain way. Positive personality traits stand as positive on their own merits regardless of the genitals (or personal identity) of those who exhibit them, and the same is true for negative traits.
  3. Each to their own, but I don't get this at all. I hate the idea of it being a game, and the idea of having to always be the pursuer/initiator exhausts me.
  4. Whichever sadistic fucknugget invented the open plan office needs to be hunted down, chained to a wall and kicked repeatedly in the balls for the rest of his natural life. How the fuck can anyone ever get anything done in this environment? Why are people so utterly incapable of sitting the fuck down, shutting the fuck up and just letting things be vaguely peaceful and quiet for ten minutes?
  5. I saw JL last night. What an utter pile of nothing. The only thing that saved it from being a disaster was that it didn't have enough ambition to truly fail. A total by-the-numbers waste of time. - Pointless CGI villain with zero personality or motivation. He had literally no purpose except to make hammy declarations like "No! This cannot be!" Also, for some reason he decided to mention the race of every new person he fought? Amazon! Atlantian! Kryptonian! Yes cheers mate, we've been watching the same movie, we know who these people are. - Most of the other characters weren't actually characters, just plot pieces. Cyborg especially was the worst for this. He just moped around with his tortured brooding man-pain until his next turn to resolve the plot. Also Aquaman is an obnoxious surf-bro now for some reason. - What should have been major plot beats were just skipped over in the most perfunctory way possible. There's more but I just can't be arsed right now.
  6. I woke up this morning feeling crap. Physically exhausted, emotionally drained and unmotivated, non-specifically angry and just thoroughly in no mood to deal with the world. Now I'm sitting at home and just feeling good. I got assigned to a really cool new project at work. I'm looking forward to a fun weekend away and right now I'm merrily getting fat on camembert, cornish blue cheese and wine. Sometimes things just do a random 180.
  7. I dunno, sexual harrassment and sexual assault? Far from falling short, it seems like he's keeping up with a long and proud tradition.
  8. Sorry, I haven't communicated very well. I'm absolutely not looking to kick her out of anything (not sure how I could even if I wanted to). As you say, I'm just looking to take some space for myself so I can get over this. My only real concern is how to deal with the inevitable questions that will come if I pull back from socialising a bit. As for ego, I don't know, you may or may not be on to something there. I get turned down loads and it hasn't been a problem before. It's not that I can't keep my emotions in check, I'm capable of being friendly. It just makes me feel like shit later. Nah, that's definitely not on the cards. I asked the question and got an answer. I completely accept that answer, but I feel like I need space to come to terms with it.
  9. I wonder if the board hive mind has any thoughts or advice for my present (absence of a) love life. Backstory. A little while ago I met a good friend's sister when she joined us for a group hike. I thought we hit it off so I asked her out and she said yes. We had a pretty good date but I found out she was moving away to a distant part of the country. Fair enough, I said bye and wished her well and moved on. Recently, she moved back here and we ran into each other at another mutual friend-group event, and there ended up being some making out. I told her straight-up that I liked her a lot and would she like to go out again? The answer was no. It was a soft no, with lots of reassurance that she liked spending time with me but she was too busy and would be away a lot for university and such like, but it still boiled down to no. That's fine, I'm a big boy and I can handle that. What I didn't bank on was that since we share basically the same friend-cirlce we just keep running into each other, and it's affecting me more than I though it would, and making me feel very down. Apparently my feelings are a lot stronger than I originally thought? I think it would be good to get some space and not see or talk to this person for a while, so I can get over this whole situation. I definitely don't want to make a big deal out of it or anything. Beyond not initiating communication I'm thinking I'll just check in advance if she'll be at a gathering and bow out from attending if she is. I'll also look to host a few events myself where I can control the list of invitees. The problem is that my broader social group heavily subscribes to the old geek social falacy that everyone in the group must always be invited to everything and must attend everything they are invited to (slight exaggeration for effect but the broader principle stands). I really don't want this decision of mine to be a big thing, but I know that if I avoid lots of events or fail to invite friend's sister to my own gatherings then there will be questions (especially from said friend). Is there any way of doing this gracefully without raising drama that I'd rather not raise?
  10. I like that poem, and I credit Captain Awkward with my being an occasionally halfway socially competent adult.
  11. Leaving the other points aside for now, we literally just went over this.
  12. For some, maybe. But for a huge number of suicides this isn't true at all. Suicide is often an extremely impulsive decision, and in the absence of a quick, painless, foolproof method then the impulse often passes. See for example the reduction of suicides in the UK when ovens switched over from coal to natural gas, or when limiting the total number of painkillers that can be bought in one go.
  13. George Carlin also put it in characteristically blunt terms, "Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers."
  14. It's not about how much you care, it's about the loss of executive function and fine motor skills when placed in an extremely stressful situation. TrueMetis has the right of it, do you have any idea how many people forget how to even walk when placed in situations significantly less stressful than armed combat. You won't be able to make an assessment of how much you care about different people's welfare because your adrenaline-addled brain will be incapable of forming higher thoughts. The only thing going through your head will FFFFFFUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKWHATDOIDOWHATDOIDOWHATDOIDOWHATHTEFUCKISHAPPENINGFFFFUCCCCK, assuming that it isn't just pure white noise mental static.
  15. Here's something I've always found odd about the protection from tyranny angle. Whilst guns seem quite widespread across the states, it seems like the people who maintain large arsenals and actively shoot on a regular basis tend to fall into the right-wing camp, and often pretty far to the right. I reckon (and I could be totally wrong here) that if you were to draw a venn diagram of american gun enthusiasts and those with sympathies towards white supremacy and/or christian theocracy, well, there'd likely be a large overlap. If tyranny ever does come knocking in america, my hunch is that a large proportion of private gun owners would play a significant role in supporting it rather than resisting.