Happy Ent

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About Happy Ent

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    Godfather of the Weirwoods
  • Birthday 07/01/1968

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  1. You’re seeing penises everywhere now. Sometimes an anger limb is just an anger limb.
  2. You really want to lose your shit? (Unspoiler to never sleep again.)
  3. Ah, I should have put that in there. Metaphysical processes, or something about subject–object collapse. Ah well, there will be other parodies. (Four Ordealmen is coming up sooner or later.)
  4. “Seriously, it’s crashed.” Mekeritrig said. “I may be the Erratic here, but I’m sure it hasn’t moved for 120 years now. I can remember the last time I had NonPoon, but I don’t remember the last time the meter increased. It’s just stalled. Let’s just install this damn patch, power it down, unplug the battery, and do a fresh restart.” “I’m sure it’s fine. And if we had moved the repo to git from the start, this would never have happened anyway,” opined Shauriatas, the words bouncing between sphinctering mouths. “Fucking git. The Progenitors ran the whole bloody Ark on Subversion, and if it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for us. Besides, Aurax would never get a hang of the whole index concept.” Aurang reluctantly pulled another corpse from the Carapace. He briefly ejaculated while the Sranc brought forward the next Norsirai wretch. He stopped them with a dejected wave of his still-sticky hand. “But Mek’s is right. Pull the plug.” “No wait! Now it moved!” Shauriatas screamed. “No it didn’t. You were hitting the Carapace!” “I never!!” Shauriatas signaled the Sranc to unshackle the skeletal Norsirai. “Yes, you did!” “I never, never did anything... I don’t even have arms!” Aurax slapped the Carapace with his shining phallus, yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly. “’ello Polly!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!” He grabbed the captive Norsirai with a powerful hand, shoved him into the eldritch apparatus, and pushed the button with all force. Incandescence. “See? Nothing. It crashed! Null pointer exception! Kernel panic! 404 File not found! The Carapace Must Restart Because the Remote Procedure Call (RPC) Service Terminated Unexpectedly. lp0 on fire. This.” Aurax slapped the Carapace with every word. “Is. An. Ex. No-God!”
  5. Oh, absolutely. I just wanted to point out that they may easily have ascertained progress. We don’t need to assume that they blindly repeated the same failed experiment for a thousand years. They are tenacious, not stupid.
  6. The only explanation I can see is that the Carapace has a completion bar, much as when you install software. But a new soul into it, and you can see the bar become just a tiny bit larger. — “See? It moved!” Aurang pulled the charred corpse out of the Carapace and gave it to the Sranc. “BS. Didn’t move at all.” Mekeritrig stared into the sorcerous lens that he used to magnify the status bar, pulsing green. “Your brother moved his finger.” “Didn’t” whined Aurax. “Can you do nothing right?” Shauriatas hit the cowering Inchoroi with one of his stumps. “All you have to do is keep your finger in place, so we can see if the bloody bar moves, or if we might as well reboot the whole thing. If I had fingers, I’d do it myself.” “OK, put another one in!” Aurang stepped back while the Sranc unchained the next wretch and placed him, screaming, in the Carapace. The dread Inchoroi ejaculated quickly. “Let’s do this carefully. Switch off your dildos, stop the rutting. Maybe if we could switch the bloody Inverse Fire off for just two seconds we could get a proper reading.” Mek shrugged apologetically. The Norsirai man screamed, blue ripples of lightning shook his body. After a moment, only the black, smoking hull of his corpse remained, filling the room with the smell of roasted pork. Aurang ejaculated quickly. “There! Saw that?” The others agreed. Clearly the status bar had grown, if only by a hair’s breadth in the magnified image of the Lens. Shauri smiled. “See, guys? This works. We just have to keep doing this, and the System will Initiate.” “How looong?” whined Aurax. Shauri quickly did the math, using his twelve body stumps as an abacus, whizzing about the golden Shield of Sil with alarming speed. “Thousand years, give or take. Depends on the quality souls we feed it.” “All right, let’s do it. I guess we need a longer chain.”
  7. Speaking of imagery (and deliberately frustrated expectations): I was sure Bakker was setting up another Tolkien reference in the Seducer-of-Thieves POV, to the Bridge of Khazad-dûm. I fully expected Mekeretrig to appear, shining in his majestic wards, and hold the bridge into the Ark in an epic battle with Kakaliol, trash-talking him to go back into the shadows. (The inversion would be that this demon actually has wings.)
  8. Possible. The Dunsult, of course, can be expected to learn everything Kellhus did. So they might develop the Metagnosis. They know it exists, so that’s a huge hint for any scientist. (Argument in favour: They have even better teachers, Quya mages. There are four of them, so they will level up much faster.) (Argument against: Kellhus was a prodigy even by Dûnyain standards.) I’m less sure the Dunsult will develop the Daimos, let alone the Metadaimos.
  9. Oh! But this doesn’t work, time-line wise, does it? Also, ’jokli would be able to find Baby!Kellhus, would he not?
  10. Good. Just to make my position clear: Ajokli is genuinely surprised. First, he’s trash-talking the Dunsult. Suddenly there is a voice where there should be none. Not good. He quickly relinquishes control of the joint avatar to Kellhus, who manages to immediately identify Li’l-Kel, but the non-magical control of the nearest skin-spy hand gets interrupted. The skin-spy rolls a natural 20 on his Willpower trait, manages to lift his hand and makes an unarmed Slap attack, inflicting (100 times magic level of the target) damage on the Kellhus body, which salts (either because the body would salt anyway, or because Kellhus inhibits it right now. Take your pick.) Kellhus just manages to slip into the available Decapitant. (Here the theory breaks down a bit. Why isn’t that head inhabited by Ajokli?) Ajokli gets ejected from the Golden Room, presumably respawning in Hell, and being utterly unaware of what just happened, and assumes he was just tricked by Kellhus. (This would make sense to Ajokli, who is himself the Trickster.) Kellhus isn’t in Hell. None of the souls inside the Ark can be entered (he can’t even see them). To inhabit a soul, the God rolls D100 under the target’s damnation, modified by distance to a Topos. Clearly, Cnaiür is the best target. Ajokli makes his roll, inhabits Cnaiür, and starts looking for Kellhus’s soul. The latter, of course can’t be found, since it dangles from the salt statue in the Golden Room. — I think this fits. What I don’t like at all is that the Consult won’t just leave Salt!Kellhus standing there. Would they not get rid of the Decapitants in order to control variables? Ah, no. The Dunsult will experiment on them rather than getting rid of them. That would make sense. Prediction: next book contains a Malowebi POV whose demonic head is subject to neuropuncture. You heard it here first.
  11. Here’s how I see it. Ajokli cannot enter Golgotterath for reasons of metaphysical topology. We get a good description from the POV of Kakaliol: The exact details are a mystery to me, but here is a working hypothesis: Flatten the 3rd dimension, so that we can picture reality as a blue sheet. Below the blue sheet, and parallell to it, is a red sheet: Hell. The z-axis is now the distance to Hell, with “down” being Hell. Reality is mostly flat, but a Topos is a depression in the sheet, and Really Bad Topoi are so as deep as to intersect with the red sheet. Now view the Ark as a depression in the blue sheet, made not by a ball, but by a ring. It is extremely steep, so the ring bleeds into the red sheet (Hell). Demons can travel freely back to Hell at the circumference of the ring. But the interesting thing is the interior of the ring. That part is not depressed. It does no intersect with Hell. Maybe it is on the same z-coordinate as the rest of the blue sheet, maybe it’s somewhere else entirely – clearly the Gods don’t see it, and certainly can’t travel to it. (Until I see a richer model, let’s just assume the topology is exactly that of putting a hoola-hoop ring on a lycra sheet, with the middle part at z=0.) Kellhus puts Ajokli into a Decapitant, and walks with the God into the interior of the ring, a step that the God would not be able to take. Once inside, Kellhus goes dormant and lets himself be possessed by Ajokli, who can operate in the interior of the ring just fine. (Except he can’t see Li’l-Kel, so he briefly needs to reswap back to Kellhus, with disastrous consequences.)
  12. I agree with this, and think it’s a shame. It’s not a mistake, though. Bakker clearly thinks that even epic fantasy should shoulder the same literary ambition that memetic fiction is lauded for. Bakker wants to write fantasy for people who like Thomas Pynchon. I strongly disagree with this choice, but it’s his to make.
  13. I laughed out loud at this: (That being said, I think such passages cheapen the integrity of the work. They are too obviously trying to situate the novel within a literary/pop-culture debate that is going on right now in our mundane world, which pulls me out of the experience. I dislike that, for entirely aesthetic reasons, even though I understand the motivations behind postmodernism etc. I’d leverage similar arguments against, say, The Handmaid’s Tale or 1984, even though I am well aligned with the political motivations fuelling these works.)
  14. C’mon. You set it up so nicely, why not write “so started McCarthy’s Blood Meridian” or “The Gulag Archipelago” something like that.
  15. Good call, “the last tree they would ever see.” After this last contact with arboreal sanity, the Great Ordeal descends into madness. From willow to wallow. Also, we get a few more mentions of the Copper Tree of Siol.