Count Balerion

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About Count Balerion

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    Hedge Knight

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    GRRM, languages, history, opera, Tolkien, parodies, being weird.

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  1. Am I The Only One Around Here Who V.2

    Oh no; I do that all the time. I probably come back more out of curiosity to see what's goingv on. Am I ... who wonders whether there are other planets in Universos? I think Earthos has a moon, but don't definitely remember. But thing like the morning star, etc.? Not that it's a big screaming deal.
  2. Outrageous Lies bout TP above, Ver. 24 (I like it better than 23)

    RB is the head of government in Andorra. To be fair, discussing a proposal to ban the QM is on the agenda--number 17 on the list, right after revision of the chewing gum law.
  3. Am I The Only One Around Here Who V.2

    No, I haven't either. But I don't really do audio books, not yet anyway. Am I ... who likes the Quentyn chapters? Although how I'll feel if GRRM never finishes is another matter. But in themselves I find them more enjoyable than, say, Tyrion in boats.
  4. Mellow drama, unleash insane megalomaniac, v. 2

    OK; the Count, not knowing that TJ's sword had been blessed in the Seven Heavens, laughed and laughed, because he knew that, glamour aside, he was still the Drowned God! So he took a copy of AGOT, stuck it into a deadly compound of wildfire and basilisk venom, and hurled it at TJ, screaming "DIE! DIE!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Oh, and he had a sea cucumber attack from behind, because that was the kind of treacherous thing he did. Although ... perhaps the Count *was* afraid, deep down inside. Or perhaps he was cooking up a new and even more dastardly plan for world conquest, now that being a Drowned God was getting messy ... **^^^&*(((( Weird things seemed to be happening in Daenerys's scenes lately. Joey lunged at her with a dagger; but the dagger wasn't a prop, it was real! A CGI dragon was replaced with a robot one ... which started breathing real fire at her! And what was with these trap doors that suddenly opened at her feet, or these weights that narrowly missed landing on her head and crushing her to death? Or when she had a nude bathing scene, and suddenly a school of piranhas turned up? Then there was the feast where she suddenly felt ill ... It was a good thing she'd had such a tough life hanging out in Somali refugee camps and whatnot. Emilia Clarke: "If I didn't know better, I'd think someone wanted me dead." Narrator: "It's weird. I don't recall the machine gun scene coming up at all."
  5. Outrageous Lies bout TP above, Ver. 24 (I like it better than 23)

    PF was the psychoanalyst at the psychic ward. His preferred approach is called "the Qyburn method", and is banned in 187 countries.
  6. Be as unhelpful as possible

    I get lots of spam promising deals with glasses, but I just delete them. If Stannis turned up in a commercial selling something, what would it be?
  7. Be as unhelpful as possible

    The War of the Five Trumps sounds like a horror film. What's GRRM's favourite ice cream flavour?
  8. Mellow drama, unleash insane megalomaniac, v. 2

    CB immediately transformed into the Westerosi Metropolitan Area Transit Authority, and GRRM's books all fainted while waiting for the bus. Oh noes! "NOOOOOO!!!!!! NOT PUBLIC TRANSIT!!!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the audience, and died.(*) No wonder WOW is taking so long to get finished. But surely TJ won't be daunted by that? (*) Temporarily.
  9. Mellow drama, unleash insane megalomaniac, v. 2

    [Oh, the bit where Count B supposedly turned into a 147-foot ... I forget what. Wait, I found it: " And he immediately transformed into a showrunner-seaworm demon undead hybrid that was 147 metres high, and brandished an enormous flaming torture-stick (sponsored by Matel(R)). "]
  10. Be as unhelpful as possible

    Getting caught in a temporal loop, and a boring-ish one at that. Or getting killed in a red wedding. Or both. Where can I meet hot lady Others?
  11. Am I The Only One Around Here Who V.2

    Not anymore. I'm immediately imagining Joffrey on Twitter, and it's a frightening thought indeed. (It's not even that hard to imagine!) Am I the ... who thinks a tad too much time is spent wandering around the Riverlands and seeing how awful the war is? Although now that I think of it, I'd say the Riverlands bit of FFC may actually be more enjoyable than Riv. COK. Thaphireth!
  12. Am I The Only One Around Here Who V.2

    Probably not. I guess, in a manner of speaking, Joffrey's wedding feast was a national food day. Am I Theon ... who wondered what would happen if you cast GOT with cute muppets?
  13. Be as unhelpful as possible

    No. What would happen if you tried to turn GOT into a Sesame Street skit?
  14. Outrageous Lies bout TP above, Ver. 24 (I like it better than 23)

    RB was caught in the batbob by accident, and spent years trapped in Batbob's infamous dungeon. He only got out by bribing the jailer with his copy of THE WIT AND WISDOM OF TYRION LANNISTER.,
  15. Be as unhelpful as possible

    He sent her a prenuptial agreement; but she didn't read the small print. This is actually quite romantic, by his standards. Is the Wall made of mint chocolate chip ice cream? I'm hungry.