Sir Loin Steak

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  1. The people of King's Landing are a level of fickle not usually seen outside Springfield. Remember when they didn't like the Lannisters, but adored Margaery and the Tyrells? Remember when they were overtaken with religious fervor? Remember the walk of shame? Cersei has no real claim to the throne, is known to be incestuous and is open about it, blew up the equivalent of the Vatican along with their beloved Margaery and the High Septon. And yet the people are cheering Euron in the streets and seem to have zero problem with any of this. And if it's a choice between a surgical strike on the Red Keep or months of being starved and worse in a siege, which one are the smallfolk going to get over quicker? edit forgot this one: I doubt walking around guarded by a giant, presumably very smelly, zombie does much for her public image either. Tommen's suicide would probably be rumoured to be murder on her part too, going by what we've seen before.
  2. You flatter me, but of course!
  3. Haven't posted a good rant in a while, so this one's a long one. Samwell's defining trait is now that he will steal your stuff then take off in the middle of the night, all the while forgetting about vital exposition until required. He should rock up to King's Landing and cart the Iron Throne off while he's at it. Jaime's fake out death was impressively lame. Kudos for not even having him shed his breastplate. Kept the gold hand too, good thing his empty head makes him so buoyant. Bronn contradicting himself within the space of two lines was just the Emmy award winning writing I've come to expect from this show. St. Tyrion the Most Moral Man in the Universe is the most worthless adviser of all time. He has done absolutely nothing to prove himself of value to Deadpan and has consistently fucked everything up: he screwed up in Meereen, he managed to concoct a plan so amazingly terrible that Deadpan lost all three of her major allies, now he's crafted a pointless suicide mission for Jon. There is no in universe reason why she would tolerate or forgive his breath-taking incompetence and borderline insubordination – they are on the same side because they are “good guys”, any pretence of still being a deconstruction or a more realistic take on the fantasy genre is long gone. Week after week it's hammered home that there is zero reason for Deadpan not to have immediately taken the Red Keep, she could've flown there with Drogon and ended the war single-handedly at any time with minimal civilian causalities. Instead she has been sitting on her arse for what have to be in-universe months (given all the other events this season: large scale movements of medieval armies and fleets, etc.). Hell, this episode establishes that Davos and the extremely conspicuous Tyrion can access the Red Keep any time they felt like it (and mentally summon Bronn?), she doesn't even need her extremely well-behaved, precision targeting, psychically-controlled superweapons she could send a few assassins and Cersei would be done. In a show that has no shortage of extreme contrivance, the warping of the plot to preserve D&D's beloved Carol is the most glaring. That said the competition is stiff, especially the White Walkers, who despite marching for literally years in showtime still haven't reached the Wall. A teenage girl dragging a large crippled boy through icy wastes is somehow orders of magnitude faster than an army that doesn't require rest or food. As for the moral quandary over Deadpan burning fools... why is this violence different from all the other “empowering” violence. She's been completely consist on this for seasons, everyone both on her side and against is aware of what she has done (somehow). It's also completely consistent with the behaviour of every other leader in the show, including “heroes” Jon Snow (executed traitors including Olly, with dubious authority to boot given that he immediately declared his watch over) and Ned Stark who executed a Night's Watch deserter in the very first episode). And Varys is judging her? Varys who is open about the fact that he sends assassins after people he feels are unworthy to rule? Her bringing up the Wheel Breaking speech again was obnoxious but executing an idiot traitor who doesn't know when to surrender, who refuses the mercy of being allowed to take the Black, who's whole motive comes down to insane xenophobia (let alone that he seems to have forgotten about centuries of Targaryen rule, fighting for them during Robert's Rebellion and that Dragonstone is part of Westeros, let alone the fact Cersei blew up the Vatican). Scene wasn't helped by David Benioff standing around conspicuously just over Randyll's shoulder. On a tangent, why are the Lannister troops so loyal and have unshakable morale in the face of overwhelming force and dragon-fire? It's not believable and doesn't fit with any of the other depictions of them found throughout the show. The lampshading of things like Ghost not being present or Tyrion being responsible for the death of Davos' sons, is somehow even more annoying than the writers forgetting large elements of their own plot. It's obnoxious, "yeah we remembered one of the many things that we dropped the ball on, we just don't care." Jon's suicide mission to somehow snatch one of the wights without being immediately killed by the rest of the army reminds me of Star Trek where the bridge crew, the senior officers/main characters are always going on missions where they have no business being on the front-line. They even through in a few wildling redshirts to complete the effect. That they didn't even shell out for a few horses was the cherry on the stupidity cake. If they know they are within walking distance why even go to them? Why didn't Deadpan just do a fly-by if she cares about Jon's well-being so much as to almost express a feeling? And proving things to Cersei? The illegitimate openly-incestuous queen who blew up the Vatican, who's military only survives because Dany is inexplicably merciful? It gets even worse when you remember all the dropped plot-threads, time wasting and obviously incompetent plotting that led to this point – so many of us ranters saw this coming for years, but apparently professional writers D&D are either wildly incompetent or simply don't care (or, more likely, both). Remember how they spent an entire season moving Sam from A to B just to have him re-learn information he had at point A? One of the biggest arguments for deviating from the books is efficiency, there's simply too much to be covered in a live-action format, but the writers have been incredibly wasteful of screen-time for seasons and are now obviously scrambling to jam everything together into a simple good vs evil confrontation, logic be damned. Almost all character development ceased seasons ago, with the possibly exception of Sansa's dial-a-personality. Half the cast have been standing around waiting to be killed off for years now, and it won't even register when they finally are struck off the payroll because they barely resemble characters at this point and won't be remembered save for maybe a catchphrase (see Rickon the Quantum Stark, Stannis the Gammer-nazi, the House/Nation of Dorne, etc.). The show is bad fan-fiction peppered with cheesy, forth-wall breaking, “fan”-service. Every element of the writing feels fake and low-effort.
  4. Theremin! It would really underscore the jarring transformation of Carol into Cheryl.
  5. Everything is incredible contrived. A small example is rolling Loras' trial into the same day as Cersei's, in universe why do the Faith do that? He was already completely broken the only time we saw him prior to the finale this season. Instead, we're meant to believe that the Faith kept him prisoner for months on end for basically no reason (let alone the absurdity of the charges against him and Marg to begin with), which only served to increase the risk of reprisal by the ruling class. That in turn required the Small Council, and the Tyrells especially, to be complete morons and do nothing about the situation for months as well. Then when they finally did realise that they could use force, they write this completely illogical part where Marg is somehow playing the HS so she get's them to back down (the finale confirmed her scheme was idiotic and achieved nothing). This is to say nothing of the smallfolk going from loving the Tyrells to apparently being cool with the Faith Militant's reign of terror. I've said it before and I'll say it again, they pick an endpoint they want then they warp the story and characters to get there, no matter what. It's the polar opposite of how GRRM writes.
  6. As well as the anachronistic and hypocritical nonsense in the break the wheel speech, it was also specifically referencing her breaking the Great Houses. Well Deadpan's left it a bit late to get in on that action. House Baratheon - Extinct. House Stark - Currently headed by illegitimate bastard Targaryen. Possibility of civil war. House Lannister - Most of the family is dead. No support for Cersei. Possibility of Jaime turning on her. Remaining Lannister heir is buddies with Deadpan. House Martell - Extinct. House Tyrell - Extinct. House Arryn - One frail, easily manipulated heir. Basically under the control of Littlefinger and currently allied with the Starks. House Greyjoy - In state of civil war. Two heirs allied with Deadpan. House Tully - Mostly dead. Deposed & held captive. She's gone with the Balon Greyjoy approach of simply surviving until all your enemies destroy each other/themselves. It was hilarious that St. Tyrion was talking up how dangerous it was now that she's in "the Great Game", looks like he hasn't been paying attention. I dub this fifth season Snortumn. In fairness to Sam, Weisseroff!Autumn appears to look identical to Weisseroff!Summer, and that baby he's adopted seems to be frozen in time - no wonder he's confused!
  7. Remember Sam saying it would be Autumn "soon", four episodes ago? I think I missed the entire season of autumn on the show, perhaps it happened during bastardbowl while everyone was distracted.
  8. That reminded me of the classic evil overlord list, specifically rule 12. http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html I feel the show writers would really benefit from such an adviser.
  9. Conversations Cheryl must have had prior to the finale: On tailoring. Tailor: Your grace, I have prepared some dress designs for the, erm, trial. They emphasise your humility while also projecting a quiet strength. Would you care to... Cheryl: These won't do at all. I require an outfit that projects villainy. I'm thinking a combination of militaristic with dominatrix, it should look remarkably uncomfortable and impractical. Tailor: (gulps) I see... Cheryl: Oh and that assistant girl you had, the one who took my measurements last time. Tell her I've forgiven her, and that I'd like her to attend my trial. Tailor: (studiously avoiding making eye-contact with Cheryl's sloshing glass of wine) Very well your grace. On timed detonations. Qyburn: Your grace, we must exercise extreme caution with the casks of wildfire, the slightest mistake could result in a premature detonation. Cheryl: Tsk. Men that's always what you think about isn't it? Qyburn: I'm sorry your grace? I'm concerned about how we safely detonate the wildfire. Cheryl: Isn't it obvious? (picks up a lit candle) Just use one of these as a timer. Qyburn: You want me to place an open flame in a puddle of wildfire? Cheryl: Oh, oh, oh, and have one of the children lure Lancel down there just in time to see it happen! Qyburn: How are we...? What if he puts out the candle? Cheryl: Seven save me! Have one of the children stab him in the leg. Qyburn: May I remind your grace that Lancel was a trained knight before his conversion? He's also usually attended with a small band of Faith Militant thugs too, I'm not sure how we can lure him off on his own. Wouldn't it be easier if... Cheryl: Bored now. On protecting Tommen. Qyburn: Your grace, the King is a sweet boy, I fear this plan may cause him considerable upset. Cheryl: Over that skank? He's (mumbles inaudibly) years old, he'll get over it. I'll find him another. Qyburn: Yes, well... Might we at least move him to the opposite side of the Red Keep? His rather large window directly faces the Sept of Baelor. There might even be a small risk of shrapnel. Carol: Qyburn my children are all that matters to me. Cheryl: There's no way he's missing mommy's firework show! On Pycelle: Qyburn: The next item on your plan is to “Stabby, stabby, stinky old maester!” I'm not sure exactly who you're referring to here? Cheryl: Pycelle. Qyburn: He'll be attending the trial anyway, your grace. Also, the man is a Lannister loyalist, and I've received no reports to suggest otherwise... Cheryl: He farted in my presence. Qyburn: That was unfortunate, but he is rather old and Gregor is rather impressively frightening (smiles over at his handiwork). Cheryl: He farted, he dies. Qyburn: As you wish your grace, but why not just let him go to the trial like the others? Cheryl: Qyburn, if there's one thing everyone can agree on it's that I love children. They should be a part of this. Having a small pack of children stab the stinky old man to death symbolises me standing up to the patriarchy, it's very empowering. Qyburn: I... see your grace. I better go stock up on candy.
  10. Heresy! Linda Hamilton was the first (and best) Sarah Connor. But I agree they that D&D have no discipline as writers so yeah that probably will happen because they want it to.
  11. Unless someone's favourite character was Hot Pie, I think pretty much everyone's favourites have been butchered. But yeah they turned her into a psycho-killer, which is abhorrent. Her book character is tragically on a dark trajectory but she's not going to set up elaborate, ironic punishments for people as if she was bloody Jigsaw! Book Arya hasn't lost her humanity and there's still hope for her, this creature on the show is a self-righteous version of Ramsay (with a Wolverine-level healing factor to boot). The show version was well off the rails by the time she killed Trant, they cut her time among ordinary people in Braavos, they cut her killing a Night's Watch deserter (which was significant to her true loyalties and personal sense of justice), they completely messed up the House of Black & White, they inexplicably had her lie about the euthanasia water, they cut her connection to Nymeria, which in turns disconnects her from her siblings. They've always avoided her having any negative reactions to using extreme violence. They gave her the nihilistic viewpoint that "Nothing is nothing". In this week's outside the episode Bennioff says of Arya's plotline, "In some ways it's the cleanest narrative of them all." Says it all really.
  12. Here's a picture of show King's Landing which gives a good idea of the scale of the Sept relative to the rest of the city (KL's geography is inconsistent but this is from season 5 episode 6, so it's quite recent). http://i.imgur.com/TIsPTIb.jpg I concede that Dubrovnik has predominantly stone buildings (what we see on screen is very anachronistic compared to what KL should look like but I guess we have to accept what we see). That would slow the spread compared to predominantly wooden buildings, but the interior structure and contents is going to involve wood and the shock wave would likely damage or collapse nearby stone and brick structures. There's still going to be plenty of other flammable material in a medieval city, and the wildfire itself can't be extinguished with water (secondary fires could be). I'd still expect that Flea Bottom should be a tinder box at the least and we know from Jaime that it also has wildfire caches underneath it. We also know from Jaime that he didn't tell anyone about them. Back in season 2 prior to the Battle of the Blackwater characters talked up wildfire a lot, we were warned that dropping a single jar could end up burning the city to the ground. We've also heard a lot about how the jars of wildfire are sensitive and get more volatile with age. All in all, there should be a lot more devastation than what we saw, which diminishes how reckless and evil this action by Cersei was. As you say, Cersei probably wouldn't care if half the city burned, but this did end up reducing just how stupid and genocidal this choice was. It is also at odds with the show's own continuity. I know I'm focusing rather a lot on a relatively small problem compared to the multitude of cavernous plot-holes on the show.
  13. And that's if they're incredibly lucky and it didn't trigger off the other wildfire caches hidden throughout the city, which I'm pretty sure Jaime even mentioned on the show. The Great Fire of London (1666) was sparked by a single bakery going up; after a massive explosion of mystical Greek fire the rest of densely packed King's Landing should be toast. They don't even have the benefit of a river running through the city to act as a firebreak.