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Werthead

GOODKIND V

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Allow me to echo BrantheBuilder.

:sick: :sick: :sick:

I see your :sick: :sick: :sick: and raise you :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: .

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while(1)

{

printf( :sick: );

}

Edit: There aren't enough sick emoticons to express my feelings about this.

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Some things that might have happened if TG had written ASOIAF...

- Ned, taken to the sept for execution, quickly carves a statue of Honour and the crowd all weep with joy. Ned laughs, Joffrey laugh, all the men laugh.

- Instead of wearing Renly's armour, someone takes all his clothes off and paints himself white to lead the assault on KL, going "wooo!"

- Robb, having captured Jaime, allows him to be tortured slowly to death by the Karstarks, while everyone cheers

- The bear kicks the maiden fair in the face

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while(1)

{

printf( :sick: );

}

:lol: Awesome.

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Some things that might have happened if TG had written ASOIAF...

- Ned, taken to the sept for execution, quickly carves a statue of Honour and the crowd all weep with joy. Ned laughs, Joffrey laugh, all the men laugh.

- Instead of wearing Renly's armour, someone takes all his clothes off and paints himself white to lead the assault on KL, going "wooo!"

- Robb, having captured Jaime, allows him to be tortured slowly to death by the Karstarks, while everyone cheers

- The bear kicks the maiden fair in the face

:lol: You're still missing about a dozen rape scenes though. And perhaps some evil women having sex with the Others (who would have icicles sticking out of their wangs. Talk about a prick!)

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Talk about a prick!

Are you talking about the Wang of Ice, or the Yeard Himself??

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Some things that might have happened if TG had written ASOIAF...

- When Joffrey lies about what happened with Arya and Mycah, Ned kicks him in the face and shatters his jaw. Robert later praises him for having the moral courage to discipline his son when he himself couldn't.

- Robert gets drunk and has his way with Cersei as usual. This time, though, it is described in vivid detail.

- Several scenes are devoted to Tywin Lannister's sexual abuse of young boys. They go on for many pages and always end with a ritual disemboweling.

- While at Winterfell, Benjen gives a rousing speech on the dangers of fire, one that makes his audience weep uncontrollably. Much to his surprise, Ned later discovers that his brother is really an agent of the Others.

- In the dungeons of Riverrun, Catelyn doesn't offer to answer Jaime's questions in return for him answering her own. She simply sleeps with him.

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- In the dungeons of Riverrun, Catelyn doesn't offer to answer Jaime's questions in return for him answering her own. She simply sleeps with him.

No, first she tortures him, then sleeps with him. When the oppurtunity arrises always torture, then sex.

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This is my first attempt to write something that could look like Fan Fiction. To my shame is a Sword of Truth fan fiction. I've changed some names. Please be merciful with me. :P

Dear diary,

Today I will go to the Cathedral to see the new statues that the benevolent Order commisioned our enemy, Lord Roland Reich, to carve. I couldn’t understand why our beloved leaders asked someone that is against our social system to make those two statues but they must have some reasons to do so.

On the way to the Cathedral I have decided to stop by the Orphans House and the Healers House for the Poor to give them some money. I know that they have money thanks to our taxes but I cannot forget how they helped my family when dad died after a long and terrible wasting disease. Knowing that my money will be used to buy some sweets and books for the children warms my heart and makes me feel better, being part of a community and knowing that we are ready to help each others.

Dear diary,

Something strange has happened. I arrived to the Cathedral with high spirits but what I saw there completely changed the way I see the world. Lord Roland Reich uncovered two statues that were marvelous to behold. They represented a man and a woman and they were filled with a dignity that went beyond to cold stone that they were made of. There was truth in them, just looking at the serene face of the man I felf my heart beating hard and realized that my soul was hungry for truth. The woman was something different, even though she was covered she represented the true ideal of feminity and I felt a “thing†rising in me. I would have been embarrassed if the same wasn’t happening to the rest of those that were gathered in the Cathedral, in fact most of the men felt uncomfortable like I did when they looked at the statue of the woman.

Then there was an uproar when the wise leaders of the Order commanded Lord Roland to destroy the statues. I couldn’t understand why they were so angry with him, after all they had brought him to our city and ordered him to make those two statues.

I left, I was disgusted and while I was leaving I heard a greater uproar inside the Cathedral. I didn’t particulary bother with it something had changed in me after seing the statues. Suddenly I saw things clearly. On my way home I burned to Orphans House. Seeing the two statues had made me understand that we cannot help people, that by helping them we are not allowing to help themselves, and this is bad. Every one has the right and the duty to pursue his path for freedom and truth. I feel cheated because the Order helped me, they didn’t have any right to do that, really.

It was a shame that all the children were in the Cathedral because I felt a thing in me rising, a thing different from the other thing when I saw the statue of the woman, and I wanted to kick some of their faces. I would feel better now.

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The Mad Moose, words fail me in describing how truly stupid that last passage was. :sick: Even emoticons fail me.

The bear kicks the maiden fair in the face

:rofl:

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Agulla, you've done the impossible. You've managed to make something from SoT sound mildly reasonable. I can't seriously believe it is SoT fan fiction because it is so much better written than anything Goodkind could contemplate writing. Though I did like the bit about the statue.

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If we are going to rate the disturbing TG scenes then surely the Namble bestiality is the pinnacle of ewww and deserves the highest rating of :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: and all other scenes would have varying degrees of less ewww - since they could not possibly have more ewww. That last TG QotD I give :sick: x4 (stupid emoticon limits, grrrr) - Tairy has done far worse folks.

Love the while loop Maid Sansa, hahaha!

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Some more ASOIAF scenes rewrittne into Goodkind,

While on his journey in the Frostfangs Jon befriends a baby snark, snarch. Jon wonders why snarks seem to have obsidian claws. Later during the Other attack, snarch arrives with an army of snarks that with thier special obsidian claws defeat the threat.

During Dany's conquests of Meereen, instead of sending them in through the sewers, she simply would have lead the charge with everyone naked, thus winning the battle easily.

Catelyn instead of trying to hide her looks on the road north, she would simply gone bare chested thus no-one would ever look at her face.

Lord Tywin would make feltio a requirment for surrender.

Aemon and QoT would eventually have slept together.

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Some more ASOIAF scenes rewrittne into Goodkind,

While on his journey in the Frostfangs Jon befriends a baby snark, snarch. Jon wonders why snarks seem to have obsidian claws. Later during the Other attack, snarch arrives with an army of snarks that with thier special obsidian claws defeat the threat.

:rofl:

Snarch..... luuuuuuug.... Jaaaaa..... Snoooooo.....

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Well folks, Phantoms is out and let games begin. I am trying to figure out where Goodkind changed from storytelling to speeches that went on for 40 pages, maybe it was in the 7th book or so.

Please, let this be the last one... :/

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I wondered where Mad Moose is today, obviously he has slept outside his local book store so he could get in there first thing this morning to buy Phantom. I eagerly anticipate the first QotD from Phantom :D

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I wondered where Mad Moose is today, obviously he has slept outside his local book store so he could get in there first thing this morning to buy Phantom. I eagerly anticipate the first QotD from Phantom :D

Be patient, I preordered it from Amazon, so I'll let you know when I have something for ya.

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Terry Goodkind Quote of the Day time. I think I’ll make this the last of the “Kahlan is really a whore†series, cuz,, well…ick. Unless there’s some good stuff in Phantom. In this episode, Drefan, who you’ll recall is married to Kahlan (and likes to disembowel hookers in his spare time), knows that Richard has returned from the Temple of the Winds. Drefan wants to find Richard and kill him, so he’s torturing Cara to find out where Richard is. Kahlan tries to stop him the only way she knows how.

“Drefan!â€

His head twisted around. “Are you ready to tell me where Richard is?â€

Kahlan remembered something Nathan had told her. You must offer Richard’s brother what he truly wants, if you are to save Richard. Maybe it would save Cara.

“Richard? What would I want with Richard? You know that it’s you I want.â€

He smiled a knowing, satisfied smile. “Soon, my dear. In a little while. You can wait.â€

He turned back to Cara.

“No, Drefan! I can’t wait. I need you now. I want you now. I can’t resist any longer. I can’t pretend any longer. I need you.â€

“I said—“

“Just like your mother.†He froze at her words. “I need you like your whore of a mother needed your father.†<That line always works on me>

His expression darkened. Like a provoked bull, he turned toward her, his piercing eyes riveted on her. “What do you mean?â€

“You know exactly what I mean. I need to be taken, like your father took your mother. I want you to take me like that. Only you can satisfy me. Do it. Do it now. Please.â€

He rose up, huge and imposing. His muscles rippled and knotted. His brow drew down in the grim Rahl glare.

“I knew it,†he breathed. “I knew it. I knew you would finally give in to your filthy perversion.â€

He hesitated, looking back at Cara.

“Yes. You’re right. You’re always right, Drefan. You’re smarter than me. You were right all along. I can’t fool you any longer. Give me what I want. Give me what I need. Please, Drefan, I’m begging you. I need you.â€

<Kahlan then throws some spicy powder in his face, saves Cara, then Richard shows up and kills Drefan by driving his hand right through Drefan’s stomach and yanking out his spinal chord. Seriously.>

~Terry Goodkind, Temple of the Winds

I really need a shower now.

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You rock Mad Moose! Thanks for throwing yourself on the grenade and saving the rest of us.

You get

:D:D:D:D:D

out of 5 for this

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