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GOODKIND VII, The sword of truthiness


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The combination of The Mad Moose's QotD and MinDonner's fanfics of Terry Goodkind writing other books will be the doom of Goodkindian Objectivism.

It's just a historical necessity.

I'm wondering now how a Richard Morgan's Takeshi Kovacs novel writen by MinDonner while she is channeling Goodkind would look like.

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Oh, maybe I'll feel like leaving a comment on Jordan's blog someday to see if he'll react to the '50 million' comment made by Goodkind's agent, considering that WoT gets 2-3 times the first-run prints and less returns than SoT apparently.

I could be wrong but I think Mystar's 'figures' were reached by personally contacting every single one of TG's foreign publishers and extracting the figures from them, rather than just going by the US sales figures and extrapolating. I'm certain if someone could be bothered to do the same for Jordan, they'd rapidly find his sales figures growing to levels to dwarf those of Goodkind (whether 11 or 50 million) by some margin. Interestingly, Pratchett's sales were at 40+ million a good decade ago without going to such an effort, indicating these come from solely his US, European and Commonwealth sales without venturing further afield (China, Japan etc).

Jordan has not commented on Goodkind beyond his aforementioned quote, but in a recent blog did lay into Objectivism as something 'the young might like' but of little interest to anyone more mature.

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You know when you want to reach for something in the dark, and you grab a thing (sorry, couldn't resist) that's insect-infested instead?

:o no I don't know that sensation. does that kind of thing happen often in Holland?

Wert: I just killed a solid hour at work reading through the discussion page on al-Yeardi (WLHHTU) at Wiki. that thing gets downright ugly by the end, and 'Ugly' is Mystar's middle name, it seems. the more of his stuff I read, the more al-Yeardi's (BBHN) entourage reminds me of Hubbard's goons over at the church of scientology. OTOH, Mystar's performance over there did give me my slammin' new signature.

Stone of Tears continues to suck testicle. it sucks testicle so hard, I'm actually looking forward to Richard's appearance in the novel. so far Zedd is battling demon-monkeys and talking about "auras throwing out anger like thunderbolts."

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I'm afraid that this will put DF off Duncan for all time...but what the hell. I can't think of a writer more at odds with Goodkind (BBHN) than Hal Duncan (Eurocommie; gay-friendly; loves post-modernism; is talented).

OPERATION: Enhance psychic substructure. Trace Core Identity

NARRATIVE DETECTED:

"I fucking hate this place," says Richard.

"Tell me about it," Kahlan says.

Richard looks around at the Buildings of Midlands--identikit matchbox blocks built by Mudpeople with a hard-on for thatch. An extermination camp for Free Will. But it's good enough for the overspill proles, Richard supposes. No fucking wonder the people of Midlands succumbed to a power-hungry commie pederast.

Zedd plays with his cloak, weaving it between the fingers of one hand. Richard watches him. Zedd's the girl-magnet, smooth as a shark through water. Richard's the badass, black-clad bastard, stroking his sword with sullen hostility. Gratch? Gratch is the tagalong weird kid with the big ideas.

"That's what we all are, you know?" says Kahlan as she eyes a chicken with obvious suspicion. "Just another fucking number. They'll be tagging us like fucking animals next. Nipple magic. Fucking chickens, bred to be vicious, bred for the fucking army or as fodder for the Mord-Sith."

"Soldiers of the Empire," says Richard.

INFORMATION UPLOAD: Location--Schemes; Period--Book One? Two? Doesn't Matter, They're All The Same.

INTERJECT THOUGHTSTREAM.

OPERATION: Reroute digression. Specify locale.

Richard has the weirdest feeling that he's been here before, a long time ago (at least two books ago), when he was younger. He looks around at the remorseful goat, the gore-drenched gar, the chicken that is evil manifest, and---

"Check this out."

Some kind of giant statue.

Richard feels his thing rising. Reaching out, he scratches the words onto the statue's chest with his Sword of Truthiness, hears the hiss and sees his hand moving.

GIVE PEACE A CHANCE

"What the fuck does that mean?" asks Kahlan.

"I don't know. Fuck, I don't know."

Then Richard laughed. Gratch laughed. Zedd laughed. Kahlan laughed. They all laughed while Betty the Goat butted her head into Richard's stomach, looking ashamed.

ANALYSIS: Compensatory fantasies; narcissistic fixation.

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I could be wrong but I think Mystar's 'figures' were reached by personally contacting every single one of TG's foreign publishers and extracting the figures from them, rather than just going by the US sales figures and extrapolating. I'm certain if someone could be bothered to do the same for Jordan, they'd rapidly find his sales figures growing to levels to dwarf those of Goodkind (whether 11 or 50 million) by some margin. Interestingly, Pratchett's sales were at 40+ million a good decade ago without going to such an effort, indicating these come from solely his US, European and Commonwealth sales without venturing further afield (China, Japan etc).

Jordan has not commented on Goodkind beyond his aforementioned quote, but in a recent blog did lay into Objectivism as something 'the young might like' but of little interest to anyone more mature.

Yes, but books appear to be like movies in terms of overall sales - most American-based sales account for around 50-60 percent of a bestselling author's total sales, with smaller amounts as you get into translated items. Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code only sold 60 million copies and look at how pervasive it's been. I just don't see Goodkind having the market penetration of that or even Robert Jordan (whose books I have seen at a lot of chain stores like Wal-Mart, where I haven't seen anything like that for Goodkind there). And Tor lists Jordan as selling over 12 million books with a 1 million print run for KoD, while Goodkind only gets 500K for Phantom. And when those Publishers Weekly numbers indicate 500-600K hardcover sales for Jordan compared to 150-220K for Goodkind, it's hard to see where Goodkind would be selling 4-5 times the amount of Jordan elsewhere to make up that difference. I would imagine there would be a more 'international' presence on Goodkind's sites if that were the case, but it seems to be more American than either Jordan or Martin.

Not 'hard' numbers, true, but just enough ancilliary evidence to make me doubt quite highly that Goodkind has sold more than 15-20 million worldwide. That in and of itself is a huge number, so why 50 million was proclaimed when that's in the neighborhood of the all-time best sellers is beyond me, seeing how relatively small of a market Spec Fic is compared to certain non-fiction segments of the industry.

Gah, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (in Luke Skywalker voice from ESB) Not that!

And I still refuse to think of Duncan being G--dk-ndized like that! :sick:

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I'm afraid that this will put DF off Duncan for all time...but what the hell. I can't think of a writer more at odds with Goodkind (BBHN) than Hal Duncan (Eurocommie; gay-friendly; loves post-modernism; is talented).

<snip>

:rofl: Oh, that's great! I salute you, madam, and think Duncan should be informed forthwith!

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Awesome! The bit where 'Kutelyn' tries to get this guy to kidnap her to automatically make him Richard's enemy, but he's just trying to avoid her is quite funny.

Oh, fricking sweet!

"We are inspired by the writings of the Good Guy's mother, the Lady Aisa. Hers is a philosophy of believing in yourself and doing what is right, no matter the cost. It is a rejection of mysticism and a celebration of rational self-interest which proudly opposes the alturism and self-sacrifice so many would force us to practice! It reduces complex situations to clear black and white choices! And it heaps well-deserved contempt upon those who cannot or will not see the truth of our ways!"

"What's so bad about having a mullet anyway?"

"Our IQs are dropping! We now have an urge to live in trailer parks and watch pro-wrestling on TV!"

(the latter quote has nothing to do with GK, it's just funny)

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Mindonner, write me at [email protected] and give me your preferred mailing address and any name you like, because I'm going to sign a book to you in the rudest fashion possible. ;)

I can't believe you just parody cross-fanficc'd a character from two books in my future with Goodkind's stuff. My brain now demands ethyl alcohol and lots of it.

Cheers!

SL

Jeebus, if Mindonner gets a signed book from Scott Lynch, I think it's time for me to do a cross-fanfic of Goodkind (BBHN)/Richard K. Morgan. I'm thinking Takeshi Kovacs with his thing hidden in his cortical stack. :D

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I can't believe you just parody cross-fanficc'd a character from two books in my future with Goodkind's stuff. My brain now demands ethyl alcohol and lots of it.

Wow. Scott Lynch himself. MinDonner, you truly rock. :thumbsup:

It's amusing to think that in the 8 months or so that the Goodkind threads have been up that we've had no less than four authors (Martin, Erikson, Bakker, and now Lynch) react in various ways in interviews, blogs, websites, book signings, and within this page to things that have been said in these 7 threads. Simply amazing.

Awww. It's nice to think the GK threads bring those authors and their readers closer. ;)

(and if we hear from GK (BBHN) himself, that would be whoa to the infinity)

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:rofl: Oh, that's great! I salute you, madam, and think Duncan should be informed forthwith!

;) The 15 people on this board who've read Vellum will surely appreciate. Glad you enjoyed. This is addictive, though. I'm already thinking what other books will succumb to the terrible fate. The Iliad? Thousandfold Thought? Jane Eyre? "Reader, I married him kicked him in the jaw." :lol:

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;) The 15 people on this board who've read Vellum will surely appreciate. Glad you enjoyed. This is addictive, though. I'm already thinking what other books will succumb to the terrible fate. The Iliad? Thousandfold Thought? Jane Eyre? "Reader, I married him kicked him in the jaw." :lol:

...I'd love it to be Eddings. :lol:

Garion: "Riva's buring sword, be true this day! Torak, you witless half-burnt God, I reject you and your Commie ways!"

*sword is thrust into Torak, and because of Garion's moral clarity and rejection of Torak's ways, the sword's passes through him like sword through butter*

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...I'd love it to be Eddings. :lol:

Garion: "Riva's buring sword, be true this day! Torak, you witless half-burnt God, I reject you and your Commie ways!"

*sword is thrust into Torak, and because of Garion's moral clarity and rejection of Torak's ways, the sword's passes through him like sword through butter*

Please tell me that you meant to say "a knife through butter."

Though I could picture Goodkind writing "sword through butter" quite easily.

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Please tell me that you meant to say "a knife through butter."

Though I could picture Goodkind writing "sword through butter" quite easily.

Well, I was trying to write Eddings GK-fashion, so I felt 'sword through butter' would be more appropriate. ;)

(but yes, I did mean knife through butter :D)

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If anyone deserves to be "G--dk-ind'ed!", it's Ashton Kutcher. Think about it...it'd be as surreal as OJ Simpson's pilot for "Juiced"! :P

But the Chicago Style Manual would be another one that might make for a difficult, but yet potentially rewarding target...

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Ladies and Germs, hold onto your heats for the blasphemous thrill-ride that is:

The Lord of The Things

The Black Gate opened, beyond which stood one million gleaming-blue eyed orcs of D'Hara, dressed in identical red uniforms, shoulderplates embossed with the red hammer and sickle Eye of Sauron. At their front rode a dark rider, and his robe was dark. His fell horse cast a shadow of the underworld darker than darkness can generate simply with the absence of light, which is dark.

Gandalf, Aragorn and the hobbits, who Gandalf thought were the bravest little dwarfs he'd ever met, rode to the gate to meet with this emissary. Gandalf felt the dark power of the Nazgul emanating from the sky above them, and he swore to himself, "Bags!" He knew the Nazgul and this emissary would be masters of subtractive magic, while he himself could only master the additive powers of sorcery. fortunately, the battle wizard and seeker King Aragorn son of Darkenthorn stood next to him, armed with the sword of truth.

The emissary looked at them haughtily from beneath his black helm, which was carved into the shape of a hideous monster too hideous to actually describe. He spoke in a deep and booming voice, "Retreat now before the hordes of Sauron, leave your objectivism and individuality right here at my feet, and I will let you all live. Also, my Master won't be forced to deprive the bearers of these," he held up Frodo's enchanted dwarf-mail, "of their freedom of choice by torturing them for any longer, which I assure has felt like an hour for every minute they've been tortured, because they have no freedom to choose to be tortured. Also, he's been raping them."

Gandalf stood up in his saddle. he knew it was important for a commander to instill his men with confidence, so he also spoke in a booming voice. "It is not right for any man, or sorcerer, or Emperor, or demi-god, or any other intelligent creature to deprive another intelligent creature of his right to choose, which is exactly what your master does. He will not prevail, because his ideology of collectivism, of a single eye will never succeed in forcing free men to abandon their powers of reason and ability to dictate the course of their own lives."

The emissary laughed, filling all in the dread plain of Dagorlad with a profound sense of unquiet. "You crave objectivism, and free will! Sauron gives none! Give me the keys to Orthanc, and tell me what your spies were doing, or Sauron the Great is going to make them both feel like they've been fucked by a Gar in heat!"

Aragorn felt his Thing rising....

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In a way, because of who Richard was and what he stood for, it was actually a devotion to life itself rather than some otherworldly goal.

:ack: Richard is life itself?

Are we all agreed that Richard is Goodkind's avatar within his books? I wonder if mystar feels the same way as Verna...

Edit: And you guys do this fast. I'm gone for a day and you add three pages to the old thread and mostly finish a third in this. Congratulations.

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That was just...masterful, Teh Stranger. Tolkien's bones must be stirring in his grave right now.

Ladies and Germs, hold onto your heats for the blasphemous thrill-ride that is:

The Lord of The Things

The Black Gate opened, beyond which stood one million gleaming-blue eyed orcs of D'Hara, dressed in identical red uniforms, shoulderplates embossed with the red hammer and sickle Eye of Sauron. At their front rode a dark rider, and his robe was dark. His fell horse cast a shadow of the underworld darker than darkness can generate simply with the absence of light, which is dark.

For a moment, I thought I was reading the Bible, with the Four Horseman and all. The black rider certainly fits one of the descriptions for the swordsmen. :rolleyes:

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