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GOODKIND VII, The sword of truthiness


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Even when reading from a script, he sounded like a poor speaker/robot :P But I guess we really should take what he says to heart and then go out and seek noble goats and evil chickens that aren't chickens :P

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Isn't this just the day for odds and ends? ;) Anyways, apparently the film rights have been optioned and Sam Raimi is being mentioned as a director. But if you read the fine script below, you'll see that there are grounds for disputing the 50 million books sold - it's 10 million in 20 languages. A very large number, but one that I can believe to be true (just over 1 million per book worldwide in all formats sounds about right based on the trends).

But considering that Jordan's WoT books have been optioned time and time again without any production, until it begins, I'll just shake my head and chuckle. Then again, mini-series in the vein of what's produced for the Sci-Fi channel aren't out of the question...but I only watch Sci-Fi for ECW, so who am I to care? :P

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Yeah, that was my reaction as well - Bruce Campbell as Richard. Then again, maybe he plans on turning SoT into an action comedy? It'd be fun to read of devout Yeardians complaining about the lack of jaw-shattering adventure in the film adaptation ;)

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Yeah, that was my reaction as well - Bruce Campbell as Richard. Then again, maybe he plans on turning SoT into an action comedy? It'd be fun to read of devout Yeardians complaining about the lack of jaw-shattering adventure in the film adaptation ;)

Bruce Campbell is the only actor I could think of that would make kicking a little girl to death cool.

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Bruce Campbell is the only actor I could think of that would make kicking a little girl to death cool.

Please...Sam Jackson could make it look fashionable.

"I'm the Mutha Fuckin' Seeker of Truth, Bitch!"

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Hey, it could even be good. If Spielberg can make shit like Crichton look good on screen, who knows what magic Raimi can muster?

A quick Google reveals that some time ago people were listing Raimi as a preferred director for the series (interesting) with Johnny Depp as Richard, Scarlet Johansson and Kahlen and Anthony Hopkins as Zedd. Somehow I doubt they'll get that though.

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Is it me, or do I sense a new string of parodies about to take place related to the Evil Dead movies or most anything of a Bruce Campbell sort? Then again, Pulp Fiction, Goodkind style, might be interesting to imagine as well, I suppose...

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Isn't this just the day for odds and ends? ;) Anyways, apparently the film rights have been optioned and Sam Raimi is being mentioned as a director.

BEHOLD! The End Times are upon us! War in the Middle East! Famine and Plague in Africa! Earthquakes and hurricanes! And now, a Sword of Truth movie.

1: And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.

2: And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.

3: And I saw one of his heads as it were wounded to death; and his deadly wound was healed: and all the world wondered after the beast.

4: And they worshipped the dragon which gave power unto the beast: and they worshipped the beast, saying, Who is like unto the beast? who is able to make war with him?

5: And there was given unto him a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies; and power was given unto him to continue forty and two months.

6: And he opened his mouth in blasphemy against God, to blaspheme his name, and his tabernacle, and them that dwell in heaven.

7: And it was given unto him to make war with the saints, and to overcome them: and power was given him over all kindreds, and tongues, and nations.

8: And all that dwell upon the earth shall worship him, whose names are not written in the book of life of the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.

9: If any man have an ear, let him hear.

10: He that leadeth into captivity shall go into captivity: he that killeth with the sword must be killed with the sword. Here is the patience and the faith of the saints.

11: And I beheld another beast coming up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a lamb, and he spake as a dragon.

12: And he exerciseth all the power of the first beast before him, and causeth the earth and them which dwell therein to worship the first beast, whose deadly wound was healed.

13: And he doeth great wonders, so that he maketh fire come down from heaven on the earth in the sight of men,

14: And deceiveth them that dwell on the earth by the means of those miracles which he had power to do in the sight of the beast; saying to them that dwell on the earth, that they should make an image to the beast, which had the wound by a sword, and did live.

15: And he had power to give life unto the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak, and cause that as many as would not worship the image of the beast should be killed.

16: And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:

17: And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.

18: Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.

Come on, doesn't anyone else see that this passage is talking about Terry Goodkind?

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I'm fairly certain that Thumper is the rabbit from Bambi. I didn't really understand the reference either though, I haven't seen that movie since I was a little kid.

Ah. I thought so. :D

Please...Sam Jackson could make it look fashionable.

"I'm the Mutha Fuckin' Seeker of Truth, Bitch!"

I agree, Jaxom. He'd make it cool and fashionable. :lol:

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The Wiki situation continues to evolve, with the recent decision by Brendan Moody to overhaul the Goodkind page. I've come across this guy before frequently on many fantasy-related Wiki pages (including the ASoIaF ones; is he one of the board?) and he usually does very good, very neutral-POV edits and overhauls of pages that are sprawling all over the place. I am curious as to what Mystar will make of his (thusfar, minor) alterations to the Goodkind page.

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Interesting (and fair) edits. I think his approach is a good one. Will be interesting to see what is made of the 10/50 million issue, though. In the meantime, I guess we can just enjoy the video and imagine various actors playing SoT as a comedy? :P

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The Wiki situation continues to evolve, with the recent decision by Brendan Moody to overhaul the Goodkind page. I've come across this guy before frequently on many fantasy-related Wiki pages (including the ASoIaF ones; is he one of the board?) and he usually does very good, very neutral-POV edits and overhauls of pages that are sprawling all over the place. I

Hm. I seen someone named Brendan Moody around some threads, so I do think he's in the boards.

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And for the objective(ist) take on this:

I think the timing is actually quite amazing.

I have always been dead-set against the idea of moving the book to the big screen... but now, no longer constrained by the limitations of time, I'm getting more and more excited.

We are in WWIII (some actually call it WWIV). We need more than ever to steel our patriotism, our sense of pride in the American system of capitalism and freedom. What better way, than the juggernaut of an Atlas Shrugged movie and a Sword of Truth mini series to bring the message to the masses, and avow in no uncertain terms that liberty is worth fighting for.

Damn, I could have sworn we were ready for Episode 5, with the Empire Striking Back, but are we in the Revenge of the Mord-Sith or a New Hope era instead? :P Promise me something, people - if word of a Martin movie/mini-series comes out, that you won't mention patriotism, juggernaut, liberty, or message to the masses, okay? Thanks in advance!

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A quick Google reveals that some time ago people were listing Raimi as a preferred director for the series (interesting) with Johnny Depp as Richard, Scarlet Johansson and Kahlen and Anthony Hopkins as Zedd. Somehow I doubt they'll get that though.

I think I would just kill if Johnny Depp accepts the role. (though I doubt he would. I can't see Depp as manfully heaving his chest as he kicks a little girl's face in)

Off topic: Just as I went out to lunch, I saw a man looking almost exactly like TG, yeard and all, wearing tight denim shorts.

Needless to say, I lost my appetite.

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I for one think that if Sam Raimi chose to rock the SoT as a fantasy-parody (a la Evil Dead), I would probably shit my pants from happiness. My cast picks would be:

Richard Rahl - Steve Buscemi: He would play him as a typical creepy Buscemi character, and his Yeard would be sinister. You could totally see him kicking a little girl in the face. Either that, or Chuck Norris (who would have better kicking skills, but isn't creepy enough).

If neither of these actors are available, they should bring Hayden Christiansen out of acting retirement for this role. His painful acting and creepiness would bring Goodkind's words to life.

Kahlan - Scarlett Johansen: After seeing The Island, I'd have to agree with true Goodkind fans on this pick. I believe ScarJo's blank stare would display Kahlan's range of emotion in the books.

Zedd - Christopher Walken: He's getting older, but if anyone can sit naked on a rock and make me understand that there is magic, it is Walken.

Emperor Jagang - Hitler: They need to either clone Hitler for this role, or just not make this movie.

Verna - Judy Dench: If anyone can be condescending, it is Dame Judy Dench. Plus they should have an old person sex scene (hilariously done, of course) with her and Warren.

Warren - A cardboard cutout of Boba Fett.

Nicci - Jessica Simpson: After her stints in crappy TV shows and movies, I think she also has the brainwashed look of any of the non-lesbian female characters in SoT.

Jensen - Steve Buscemi or Chuck Norris in drag: Preferably with red yeard (for realism). They're half-siblings , right?

Gratch - Vin Diesel: I want to see his hairy body covered in blood-flies. And him screaming "GRACCHHH LUGGG RACHHH ARRGG"

Shoda - Terri Hatcher (or Demi Moore): Creepy skeletal old lady who doesn't know she's past her sexual prime.

Samuel - Gollum, from Lord of the Rings: "My precious...Sword..."

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Hm. I seen someone named Brendan Moody around some threads, so I do think he's in the boards.

He is indeed; I even posted a couple times in an earlier incarnation of this thread.

I think it's clear that we must all support any SoT mini-series, if only so they can adapt all the way up to Naked Empire. Seeing film of Richard slaughtering anti-war activists would just make my life complete.

I do hope Terry will get to play Richard himself, though. If only Ayn Rand were still around to play Kahlan...

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Re: Xray

The whole bit of the gay pedophile was so cliched that it's a mockery of itself as soon as ink landed on paper on that one. It was the fashionable thing to do, back in the 50s. I don't even have the energy to get upset at such a stupid piece of literary clutch. It might have gone something like this:

I want to make this villain really evil... what can I do..... what can I do...

drums fingers and tugs at his own yeard

light bulbs

Oh I get it! I can make him a communist!!

light bulbs again

Oh wait, it'll be better if he's gay!!

light bulbs x 3

Oh my, I'm so smart, I am going to make him a pedophile!! Then every ready will know immediately that this character is evil incarnate! I know, the chicken that is not a chicken is better as evil incarnate, but I want to save that for a later book, so for now, a gay communist pedophile will have to do.

--------

I think it's clear that we must all support any SoT mini-series, if only so they can adapt all the way up to Naked Empire. Seeing film of Richard slaughtering anti-war activists would just make my life complete.

Excellent call. Who better to portray Richard other than its alter-ego in real life? I hear that Goodkind, Blessed be His Name, was trained as a classical Shakespearian actor, right after he was trained as a Formula-1 driver and a NAVY SEAL. I want to see The Holy Yeard's thing rise on the big screen.

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