GOODKIND VIII: It's Not Terrorism If We Do It!

[The Wolf Maid]

So, when Goodkind characters grow up, they become Erikson characters?

I thin we would be doing Erikson a disservice saying that. Erikson characters, from what I've heard, are far superior than GK (BBNC)

"Yes! Yes! Harder! Harder! I want your barbed cock to come all over me!"

Excuse me while I go vomit :sick:

:sick: :sick:

Sounds like a very badly written hentai.

Thank you, Dylanfanatic. I've been traumatized for life. To forget, it seems that I, non-drinker that I am, must now drink lots and lots of beer for the first time in my life. The hangover I will have next morning will give me enough pain to distract me from the mental image.

No slasher fiction is worse than TG's illustrations of how the world should be...there is moral clarity in gang rape! ETA: My fiancee tells me that my drunkeness is quite obnoxious, even though I strive to keep my spelling pristine.

Your spelling is quite good, even drunk. Way to go, Vigo.

[Werthead]

Erikson, man. Steven Erickson is actually a completely different fantasy author. Confusing, yes?

[The Wolf Maid]

Erikson, man. Steven Erickson is actually a completely different fantasy author. Confusing, yes?

Yes, very. And I'm not even drunk yet. :/

Off-topic: So which is which?

[Werthead]

Erikson is the author of the Malazan Book of the Fallen.

Erickson is the author of tons of books I've never heard of but did an introduction to one of Neil Gaiman's Sandman collections.

[The Wolf Maid]

Erikson is the author of the Malazan Book of the Fallen.

Erickson is the author of tons of books I've never heard of but did an introduction to one of Neil Gaiman's Sandman collections.

Ah. Thank you. Well, I got the Erikson bit right....I think...

[The Iceman of the North]

Rachel couldn’t make it work in her head. Queen. It all seemed impossible. Mostly, though, it was dumbfounding that Violet could again speak after having lost her tongue.

What a novel idea, a queen dies, and the queen's daughter - the princess - becomes queen? Surely Terry has outclassed himself again.

[Agulla]

It's a common mistake. Authors with similar names have this problem, just thing about the soon to be the famous Terry Godking.

Godking will be the mutation of certain Fantasy Objectivist author once he has become president of the USA.

[BranTheBuilder]

Ok, had a day off owrk, so I'm playing catch up here...

G--dK-nd (BBHN) has NEVER used a sword, nor seen anyone fighting - its is official:

Richard swung, taking off an arm wielding an axe. The cry, the spray of blood, made the men nearby flinch. In that sliver of an instant, Richard made his move. He brought his sword up through another man lifting his sword. The man died before he even had his arm fully cocked back.

1) how bloody sharp is this sword??? anyone who has cut up raw meat will be able to tell Tairy how hard it is to cleanly cut through flesh - and if you add in bones... Wow, Richard is using a "war razor" or possibly som monomolecular doohicky he pinched from his cyberpunk guard (well, its not fantasy is it?)

2) how do you cock an arm? the hammer on a gun, yes - an arm though??? maybe Tairy has decided to swap genres, since fantasy is dead, hes now doing cyberpunk with cyberweapon arms that can be cocked.

Richard spun out of the way of weapons coming for him.

Despite the sudden cacophony of metal clanging, of men yelling, Richard was already in a silent world of purpose. He was in control. These men might have thought that they had an army against him, but in a way that was his advantage. He didn’t fight an army. He fought individuals. They thought like a collective mass, a collective element, allowing one another to move, as if the soldiers were trying to be one big fighting centipede. <who wouldn't be scared of a big fighting centipede?>

That was a mistake. Richard used it to cut into them. While they hesitated waiting for others to act, waiting for an opening, Richard was already moving through their lines, cutting them down. He let them swing and lunge, using strength and effort, while he floated through the onslaught of steel. Every time he thrust, he made contact. Every time he swung his weapon, he cut. It was like going through thick brush, slashing aside the branches that reached out at him. He let the momentum of the sword power the next strike, keeping it in continuous motion rather than using effort, and precious time, to draw it back. If he brought the blade down, slicing through the side of a man’s neck, he continued the movement, bringing the weapon up behind to run a man through as he rushed in, and then, as he pulled the blade out, he spun away as swords, axes, and flails came down where he had been only a moment before. It was a fluid dance, moving through the grunting, diving, jumping men. Slice, slice, slice, letting the screams fill the morning air, letting the alarm of not being able to stop him cause others to hesitate in fear of what could be happening.

Ok, this could take some time....

1) No bloody way - I'm sure we a ll know just how effective a Roman Legion was through the use of large numbers of huighly trained, close packed soldiers....

2) No bloody way - I'm pretty good with a sword, and when I use a sword and a shield I'm capable of taking on 2 or 3 opponents... I can take out 2, but a third will always cut me down. Any more than 3 and you have no chance - no matter how good you are they will surround you and turn you in to a pin cussion.

Also, if they are using spears you are toast, no matter how insanely great you are, they have reach, speed and numbers,you are going down.

3) It takes time to cut at an opponent - in that time massed foes will slaughter you - you may hurt one of them, but 3 others will be doing unpleasant things to you with their weapons.... I think that Tairy has seen too many bad Samurai movies, all this twirling etc is utterly rediculous, you cannpt do ballet and actually hit anyone....

4) sounds like he's using a Light Saber - no real weapon responds like that - impacting into a person's flesh will slow it down, not increase its momentum - I think he's actually done a little research - when using certain sword styles you do keep the blade moving in circular and arcing patterns - but these tend to stop as you plough your blade into someone and it gets stuck/slowed/put off course...

5) don't these soldiers have armour or shields? How is richard doing this to them through their armour - again proof that its not fantasy, but Sci Fi, his is a hight tech laser sword which ignores solid objects like flesh and armour. If the troops are using shields, why don't they pack in closer so that they can't be hit and skewer Richard - its REALLY hard to get around shields - particularly when a bunch of folk are fighting alongside each other and you only have a sword... o9r why not just shield barge him, and pin him amongst your shields?

6) Richard does appear to be surrounded - how is he not dead? Ok, so he's pulling off impossibly twirls and pirroettes, but with his lack of parrying these numbers and foes all around he is going to get hit in the back very soon...

7) If Tairy wants to learn more he can come round to my house and use his single sword and no armour style and I'll happily show him that an armoured man with a large shield and 15 friends will easily beat him into a bloody pulp...

Yes NUMBERS count in combat (DUH!) especially if they are trained from a young age, together, with no morals and an insane bloodlust.... or is the order not everything that Richard claims?

I would rant some more, but I feel that it would be a waste of time.

NB if this gets to Tairy, you are more than welcome to come and try your insane theory of combat - I'll happily get a bunch of armed and armoured warriors together for you to fight... and I'll happily bet any amout of money that you will LOSE in less than 15 seconds.

[The Wolf Maid]

It's a common mistake. Authors with similar names have this problem, just thing about the soon to be the famous Terry Godking.

Godking will be the mutation of certain Fantasy Objectivist author once he has become president of the USA.

I fervently hope that by the time that happens, I am no longer around this earth to suffer through it.

[Sad King Billy]

Bran, where do you practice swordfighting? Is it Re-enactment? (or similar...)

[Agulla]

Bran the Builder,

I think we have a challenge here. You should choose your second (and ten more friends) and send Terry a glove by FedEx and ask him to slap himself with it to formalize things.

I have the feeling that even ten completely untrained men armed with swords and protected by shields and armour could kill any lone warrior easily. In fact the idea of the phalanx was this, one on one the Greeks were far worse warriors than their oponents, they trained far less than professionals of the Persian army (the Spartans were the exception, of course) because they were farmers and had more pressing things to do.

Wolf Maid,

According to my calculations based on the 50 million books that Terry Goodkind has sold, considering a rate of success of 10% Terry has already converted 5 million people to his cause. Granted that some of them are not American but it's still a formidable powerbase. Phantom and the following book that closes this story arc will increase these numbers.

[niamh]

Bran, the Sword of Truth cuts through anything. It IS a light saber

If it's that quote where he has a borrowed sword (and no, I'm not checking), then this doesn't apply. Unless he is Roland at Roncevaux, epic where guys cleave their ennemies down to the crotch cutting through mail

[The Wolf Maid]

Wolf Maid,

According to my calculations based on the 50 million books that Terry Goodkind has sold, considering a rate of success of 10% Terry has already converted 5 million people to his cause. Granted that some of them are not American but it's still a formidable powerbase. Phantom and the following book that closes this story arc will increase these numbers.

Damn. Will nothing stop the man?

I think we have a challenge here. You should choose your second (and ten more friends) and send Terry a glove by FedEx and ask him to slap himself with it to formalize things.

...I think it would be better with a gauntlet. The glove might have little impact on TG (BBNC)

[BranTheBuilder]

Bran, where do you practice swordfighting? Is it Re-enactment? (or similar...)

Regia Anglorum - a (largely) UK based Living History and Re-enactment group focusing on the century ir so leading up to 1066 (but we can do shows focused on earlier or later periods of needed.

Nice idea Agulla - I'm sure we could get hold of a nicely pointed Maxamillian style gauntlet for him to wrap round his chops! Sadly though i don't think he would be interested. We might have more success by inviting him to a training session as a way of helping him to experience the use of weapons and thus to be able to incorporate his new knowledge in to his writing... but really, thats not too likley either, as that's the sort of thing a Fantasy Author would do and the time spent doing research would get in the way of his ranting writing.

Bran, the Sword of Truth cuts through anything. It IS a light saber

Wow, and George Lucas hasn't sued him yet?

[Agulla]

George Lucas hasn't sued him because George Lucas is scared of him.

George Lucas lacks the moral clarity to stand against Terry Goodkind, just remember that in Episode III it was the bad guy the one that killed the children. If George Locas would have had moral clarity:

1. The Jedi Order of Seekers would have disbanded the Senate.

2. Yoda would use the words "Bags" all the time.

3. Obi would have killed the children himself.

4. The Jedis would have massacred some unarmed crowd in Naboo, just for the hell of it.

5. Amidala would have narrowly escaped rape at least once each movie.

6. Darth Vader would be Luke Skywalker's father. Oh, wait.

[The Wolf Maid]

1. The Jedi Order of Seekers would have disbanded the Senate.

Disbanded and decapitated most of the Senate, most likely.

Amidala would be wearing super skin-tight bikinis instead of those gown of hers.

Anakin would lose a hand...but will soon grow a new one...with magic.

[BranTheBuilder]

I have the feeling that even ten completely untrained men armed with swords and protected by shields and armour could kill any lone warrior easily.

I'd be more confident of the ten untrained men with shields were using spears - they are easier for a beginner and hav the advantage of range.... Oh and they are nigh on unbeatable when used en-mass

edit:

here is a link with some pictures of groups of warriors working together... and one man armed with a sword could cut through them, how?

this link show spears being used en-mass - you don't want to be on the pointy end... especially if you only have a sword... and no friends...

this shows how many troops will get in each others way... of course they can't fight properly... one man with a sword will cut through them in seconds...

and none of these warriors have room to fight...

I would go on, but I'm sure you got the point a wee while ago.

[Maid Sansa]

I would go on, but I'm sure you got the point a wee while ago.

This just shows you don't have the moral clarity to emulate TG and beat the message over and over and OVER on 20 pages into our unenlightened heads. If the right way to do it was do research, provide proof and use logic, TG would have done it. Duh.

(Awesome pics, BTW. )

[Jaxom 1974]

Bran, the Sword of Truth cuts through anything. It IS a light saber

If it's that quote where he has a borrowed sword (and no, I'm not checking), then this doesn't apply. Unless he is Roland at Roncevaux, epic where guys cleave their ennemies down to the crotch cutting through mail

I'm pretty certain he stole the sword from a guard using the old "Stretch and pay no attention to what I'm doing" method before INSTANTLY getting the sword in his hand in an INSTANT.

Makes him way cooler that way.

[Moosicus]

I'm trying to gather the strength to do a QotD, there's a whole bunch of crap where Richard proves how bloody smart he is about things he probably wouldn't have had any way of knowing about. I just feel so weak, my hangover is killing me. I need my hot wings.

Here's a sample from what I'm working on:

"Look at this divergance, right here. Such a thing is lethal even without this added breach over here. I know a lot about representational designs involving lethality."

God help me.