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Werthead

GOODKIND VIII: It's Not Terrorism If We Do It!

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I'm trying to gather the strength to do a QotD, there's a whole bunch of crap where Richard proves how bloody smart he is about things he probably wouldn't have had any way of knowing about. I just feel so weak, my hangover is killing me. I need my hot wings.

Here's a sample from what I'm working on:

"Look at this divergance, right here. Such a thing is lethal even without this added breach over here. I know a lot about representational designs involving lethality."

God help me.

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I think TG has stopped paying attention. The thing is a vehicle for his "message", and like many deluded people before him, he thinks that whatever he pens is fantastic, because, well ...because ...it's not fantasy?

(to Jax)

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"Look at this divergance, right here. Such a thing is lethal even without this added breach over here. I know a lot about representational designs involving lethality."

Ok, that hurts without a hangover - MM, don't do it. Save your strength, recuperate and try again tomorrow.... we can't risk losing you in that pit of horrors.

or, drink loads of Irn Bru and eat loads of fried food - it'll kill or cure.

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or, drink loads of Irn Bru and eat loads of fried food - it'll kill or cure.

*firm nod*

Iru Bru (followed up by a beer) is one of the greatest hangover cures known to man. Thank god I live in a nabe that has a chip shop that sells Irn Bru (it's very hard to find in the States).

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Moose, hang in there- we need Goodkind's comedic genius to brighten our day! If you perish in the attempt, well, acceptable loss. We'll find some other scapegoat willing to shovel through this crap to find this gems.

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Moose, hang in there- we need Goodkind's comedic genius to brighten our day! If you perish in the attempt, well, acceptable loss. We'll find some other scapegoat willing to shovel through this crap to find this gems.

and thus you show your true colours as the enemy of The Order of the Moose!

Leave the poor sod alone in his alcohol induces misery, there is enough on the thread already to laugh at.... or look at the GRRM thread on TG.net... its pretty funny too!

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and thus you show your true colours as the enemy of The Order of the Moose!

Leave the poor sod alone in his alcohol induces misery, there is enough on the thread already to laugh at.... or look at the GRRM thread on TG.net... its pretty funny too!

Fine.

Moose, send me the books, I'll do it if I have to!

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Richard proves how bloody smart he is about things he probably wouldn't have had any way of knowing about

Ah, like in Soul of the Fire, where Richard reveals that you can make yourself immune to those killer bell things by blocking your ears, because "if it wasn't hearing the sound that killed you, what would the point be in building them as bells?"

Gee, I don't know, Richard. Why do spells have to be drawn in sand? Why are Mord Siths female? Why do Confessors have to touch people? Maybe because, I don't know, your author pulls these completely arbitrary rules out of his ass? What, now all of a sudden things need reasons?

By all means, maybe magic in Richard's world does follow some kind of rules - but it's repeatedly stated that Richard is completely clueless about those rules. Knowing them would impair his artistic War Wizard integrity, after all.

In the same book, it's revealed that even a fairly stupid character (Fitch) can, if he uses his head for a second, realise that while bells that disintegrate anyone who hears them (wait, correction; anyone who hears them and is standing on one side of them - apparently the sound is quite harmless when you're standing on the other side) are perfectly plausible, it's of course ridicolous to imagine that there is some kind of magic means of moving those bells around.

I think Goodkind is employing his "intentions matters, not results" philosophy to his own writing, too. I can see what he's trying to achieve, and I'm actually all for it, but he never puts any effort into doing it right.

(edited for clarity)

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We'll find some other scapegoat willing to shovel through this crap to find this gems.

But will said scapegoat be noble?

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:rofl: jaxom. And

Richard proves how bloody smart he is about things he probably wouldn't have had any way of knowing about

like when he figures out the ingrediënts of an antidote by memory of how it tasted? In exactly the right quantities?

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(edited for clarity)

To edit for clarity implies that clarity and logic somehow apply to SoT and Goodkind (BBHN). This is a fallacy and you, ser, are a fabulist.

And in other realms of complete unbelievability: Killer bells? Killer bells?! Holy fuck, somebody contact Maltaran.

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All scapegoats are noble. They share an essential nobility. If they weren't noble they wouldn't be scapegoats, they would be scapechickens.

Scapechickens are not just scapechickens but evil incarnate because they lack moral clarity and cannot fly. Scapegoats cannot fly either but as we have just seen in Terry Goodkind's world things not always make sense.

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And in other realms of complete unbelievability: Killer bells? Killer bells?! Holy fuck, somebody contact Maltaran.

Nah...I kinda remember the concept of the bell weapon to be kinda intriguing...for a medieval fantasy world setting...even if it was absurd in some other respects. A real comic book feel to it. :P

Scapechickens are not just scapechickens but evil incarnate because they lack moral clarity and cannot fly. Scapegoats cannot fly either but as we have just seen in Terry Goodkind's world things not always make sense.

You know, my query the other day was totally ignored...I'll bring it up again.

I was supping on a lunch of cold, leftover fired chicken and I was struck with the thought while eating: Does Chicken that is not a Chicken, but Evil Incarnate still taste like Chicken? :P

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which reminds me -

Yesterday I was sat watching crappy daytime tv when I came across a comedy/crime/chef show from the 90's called "Pie in the Sky" (starring "Unlce Monty" from Withnail and I).

The better half was pottering in and out of the room as I was watching this and got very disturbed by my gales of mad laughter...

within the first 3 minutes of the show (I sh*t you not) there was a Rooster (a chicken that is not a chicken) who was described as "a monster - evil incarnate". surprisingly I cracked up...

things got worse as Andy Serkis turned up looking very young and playing a petty thief who was terrified of chickens - constantly going on about their evil sharp beaks and horrid toe nails...

the episode was entirelly predictable and ended with Serkis trapped in the chicken coop with the Rooster of evil.

Ok, maybe not that funny, but after spendin far too much time on this thread I cracked.

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I'm guessing that Evil chickens-that-are-not-chickens probably taste sort of like chicken, but with an evil aftertaste. It's like a terrible chicken substitute: I Can't Believe It's Not-A-Chicken!

Either that, or it might just be like another type of chicken: instead of Extra Tasty Crispy (KFC) or New Orleans Spicy(Popeyes), it's Extra Evil Cackling, or D'Haran Wickedness Incarnate

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I'm guessing that Evil chickens-that-are-not-chickens probably taste sort of like chicken, but with an evil aftertaste. It's like a terrible chicken substitute: I Can't Believe It's Not-A-Chicken!

I don't know. Does "evil incarnate" have a distinctive taste to it? I wonder what it tastes like.

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This is too painful, I can't reproduce enough of this for a QotD, so just a little bit for ya.

Zedd: "And the design...tells you somehting, Richard?"

Richard: "Yes. Such a design is like a translation from another language. In a way, it's what you're trying to understand by doing this verification web. This form characterizes a concept in much the same way that a math equation expresses physical attributes, such as an equation expressing the ratio of the circumference of a circle to the diameter. Emblematic forms can be a kind of language, too, the way mathermatics is a form of language. They both are able to reveal something about the nature of things."

blah blah blah, later:

Richard: "You can't have these kind of variables tainting what's supposed to be a constant. It would be like a math equation in which any of the numbers could spontaneously change their value. Such a thing would render math invalid and unworkable. Algebraic symbols can vary - but even then they are specific relational variables. The numbers, though, are constants. Same with this structure; emblems have to be constructed of inert constants - you might say like simple addition or subtraction. An internal variable corrupts the constant of an emblematic form."

This goes on for about 12 pages. Of course.

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just out of curiosity, does anyone remember what the Order's military is equipped with?

I've got a horrible suspision that Tairy will have described their outfits in infinite detail more than once, yet they have not appeared in any QOTD.

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My personal guess is that evil tastes like cheap tequila with a cigarette butt in it, strained through an unwashed Yeard, and served in a stadium toilet bowl. And I have a much longer explanation, but I gotta go shopping with the fiancee.

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just out of curiosity, does anyone remember what the Order's military is equipped with?

I've got a horrible suspision that Tairy will have described their outfits in infinite detail more than once, yet they have not appeared in any QOTD.

Descriptions of the Order troops are usually about how greasy they look, and how many nasty weapons they're carrying. There doesn't seem to be any real uniform or emblems (like a circle with an 'O' in it). Most descriptions go on at some length about the lack of humanity in their faces. Dumb shit like that. If I come across a good one I'll post it.

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