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GOODKIND VIII: It's Not Terrorism If We Do It!


Werthead

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I think no Richard/Gratch slash would be complete without a scene with Richard dressed up in his queen "outfit". God, now all I can think about is Richard standing nobly, giving endless speeches in a dress.

And I shudder to think of TG trying to explain Richard ballroom dancing in his queen outfit.

His lithe form weaved like a panther across the dance floor. The flowing dress part of his queen outfit flowed and snapped with his movements. All of the other dancers danced like a collective of retarded communists, but Queen Richard danced the dance of the individual.

His tiara glittering above his noble brow, Richard used his legs to carry himself into the next step, each step in harmony with itself, to conserve his energy and not fall. His dancing prowess was unmatched: all of the previous dancing experience of the Seekers of Truth had infused into his feet. Luckily, not all of the previous Seekers were as tight-assed as Richard, and had some awesome dancing skills.

"I liked the way you danced around my men, Queen. You danced like you had a goal in mind, like you really were dancing and the other dancers did not dance as hard as you. Would you join my bowling league?" asked the captain of the guards.

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All of a sudden a war broke out.
That is one of the single greatest lines that Terry has ever written. All of a sudden a war broke out......masterful. Isn't it funny how wars do that? Break out all of a sudden. I mean its not as if the pieces have to be moved into position over the weeks and months preceding the commencement of hostilities is it? They just break out. Like a flowering of pimples or a ray of sunshine. As sudden as that.

Stellar work Terry.

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In this case, the war that "suddenly" broke out was all against Richard. A bunch of IO troops are sitting around doing nothing when Richard "suddenly" grabs one of their swords and "instantly" cuts them all to ribbons. If you'll recall, the word "instantly" is used about fifty times to describe what Richard is doing.

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In this case, the war that "suddenly" broke out was all against Richard. A bunch of IO troops are sitting around doing nothing when Richard "suddenly" grabs one of their swords and "instantly" cuts them all to ribbons. If you'll recall, the word "instantly" is used about fifty times to describe what Richard is doing.

...so....Richard now has the ability to teleport? I think he no longer walks the earth, as the earth is lacking in moral celery. Unless its a garden, then there might be enough moral celery for him to soil his feet in the...soil (sorry, channeled TG [bBHN] for a moment with that pun). Usually, I believe Lord Rahl floats three inches above the ground to ensure ease of movement and gliding steps without faltering.

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Well, he can't actually teleport, he just moves so fast you can't see him.

Instantly a hundred severed limbs flew up in the air as Richard suddenly ripped out a dozen spines through the soldiers stomachs. In an instant Richard had disemboweled all the officers after suddenly making them eat their own shit. Instantly the Imperial Order troops realized that they were totally outclassed, but in that instant they were all consumed in a mighty blast of flatulence from Richards Rectum of Truth, and instantly the flesh of all the Imperial soldiers melted off their bodies, which Richard suddenly turned into instant oatmeal. Suddenly Richard realized he was out of brown sugar, and in an instant, Richard instantly tore Six and Violet apart trying to suddenly find some.

ETA: I think its time for my nap.

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I know I may umm get in trouble for the one liner, but Mad Moose...

That last bit was pure gold I tell ya! I think you need to get an editor and publisher and produce "The Collected Works of Gairy Toodhind" Or "The plagiarism that is not a plagiarism". MinDonner and others can submit "short stories" for you to add to the collection as well. I am sure there is enough material in all the Goodkind threads for a book of something (hey, if Tairy can make a buck for his crap, why can't we?).

OK, well that was not a one liner, but I was truly laughing out loud at work. Good thing I have an office with a closed door :).

Hasta!

Stark Out!

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on an unrelated topic has anyone else had the thought of what a dumass name Richard is for a main character in an epic fantasy. I mean come on! Its like seeker of truth Bob!

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Fairy Toothkind, bestselling novelist, presents:

1) Gizzard's first rule

2) Tongue of tears

3) Gum of the Old

4) Tonsil of the gastric winds

5) Cold of the sore

6) Teeth that have fallen

7) The papillae of recreation

8) Naked dentin

9) Cankersore

10) Wisdom

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I think no Richard/Gratch slash would be complete without a scene with Richard dressed up in his queen "outfit". God, now all I can think about is Richard standing nobly, giving endless speeches in a dress.

You're thinking too small! I can't get an image of Tim Curry as Frankenfurter out of my head now that Richard the Queen has been brought up! :lol:

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Yeah, I can't help but laugh when I picture Yearded Richard wearing a black queen "outfit", in the style of say, Queen Victoria. Just the dialogue that comes out of Richard's mouth coupled with him cross-dressing makes for a chuckle.

I think if he had just gone through the proper form (i.e., *SMACK* "I'm the queen now, ha ha!"), become the queen, and then went about the rest of his adventures, things would have turned out differently.

1. The male in FotF statue would have probably be wearing a dress.

2. Richard might have been able to infiltrate the Sisters of the Dark himself (use subtractive magic on his Adam's apple, body hair, groin area. Of course, additive to his hips and chest) and kill Jagang.

Any other examples we can think of?

BTW: This is kind of a random thought, but I'd almost be willing to bet that TG calls his penis either Richard Rahl, Lord Rahl, Panis Rahl, or the Sword of Truth.

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Suddenly Richard realized he was out of brown sugar, and in an instant, Richard instantly tore Six and Violet apart trying to suddenly find some.

That is one severe case of sugar rush. :lol:

Hm, Richard in a dress. If Richard were in a dress when Six and Imperial Orders caught him, he would have been asked to join the Miss IO pagent instead of the ball game.

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At one point, we had all agreed to read the Fountainhead just to more fully appreciate the horror that is Lord Rahl. But in the end we couldn't bring outselves to do it. I couldn't, anyway. It's bad enough trying to get through Gardens of the Moon.

Ayn Rand QOTD (from Ayn Rand's introduction to Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead, 25th anniversary edition):

It is not in the nature of man--nor any living entity--to start out by giving up, by spitting in one's own face and damning existence; that requires a process of corruption whose rapidity differs from man to man. Some give up at the first touch of pressure; some sell out; some run down by impercitible degrees and lose their fire, never knowing when or how they lost it. Then all of these vanish in the vast swamp of their elders who tell them persistently that maturity consists of abandoning one's mind; security, of losing one's values; practicality, of losing self-esteem. Yet a few hold on and move on, knowing that the fire is not to be betrayed, learning how to give it shape, purpose and reality. But whatever their future, at the dawn of their lives, men seek a noble vision of man's nature and of life's potential.

There are very few guideposts to find.The Fountainhead is one of them.

This is one of the cardinal reasons of The Fountainhead's appeal: it is a confirmation of the spirit of youth, proclaiming man's glory, showing how much is possible.

It does not matter that only a few in each generation will grasp and achieve the full reality of man's proper stature--and that the rest will betray it. It is those few who move the world and give life its meaning--and it is those few that I have always thought to address. The rest are no concern of mine; it is not me or The Fountainhead they will betray: it is their own souls.

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on an unrelated topic has anyone else had the thought of what a dumass name Richard is for a main character in an epic fantasy. I mean come on! Its like seeker of truth Bob!

Didn't you know!?! Goodkind doesn't write fantasy.

Patrick

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My (limited) knowledge of Objectivism indicates that Objectivists regard mathematics as a Big Deal. Naturally, they regard Ayn Rand's own work on the topic as revolutionary and groundbreaking.

I have to thank you for pointing this out - I'd never known it. I did a little googling and came upon a message board devoted to Objectivism in math and physics. Pretty hilarious/scary. The math threads seemed to mostly be about trying to reconcile math with an apparent disbelief in "infinity". The question "Why is .999.... = 1?" seemed to be a particular stumper. :rofl:

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You know, the idea of Queen Richard reminded me suddenly on Life of Brian - who knows, maybe Richard has the right to be a queen, and his being a man is just a minor setback (a queen that is not a queen-kind of thing).

@MinDonner:

Thou art teh Master :cheers:

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