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MinDonner

GOODKIND IX - Killer Queen

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Good morning and welcome to the Terry Goodkind Quote of the Day. If you’ll remember from last time, the brave insurrectionists in Altur’Rang are faced with annihilation as twenty thousand Imperial Order troops are prepared to take back the city. In the meantime, darling Nicci infiltrated the Order’s camp via the “look at my tits†strategy, and killed a wizard. It turned out to be the wrong wizard and now Nicci is a captive. Is Nicci doomed?!?! Let’s find out.

Kronos’s smile was as humorless and wicked as any she had ever seen, but it seemed not to matter to her.

“Quite an accomplishment – for a sorceress – killing a wizard. But then, you only accomplished such a feat by treachery, so it was no real accomplishment after all. It was nothing more than simple, underhanded deceit.â€

He didn’t know. Nicci realized that he still didn’t know who she was…or what she was. She was no mere sorceress.

But she needed a breath to be anything. <Did I mention Nicci can’t breathe?>

Her vision was narrowing to a black tunnel with the face of the wizard Kronos twisting into rage at the far end. She tried with all her might to pull a breath. It felt like her body had forgotten how to breathe.

<snip>

And then Kronos gritted his teeth and seized her breast in a vicious, viselike grip spiked with thorns of magic intended to inflict excruciating torment.

The sudden sharp shock of pain made her gasp a breath before she realized she was doing it.

The air felt hot with life as it flooded into her lungs. Without conscious thought, she instinctively struck out with her Han at the cause of the piercing pain.

Kronos cried out and staggered back, cradling the hand that had been on her and dealing out his revenge. Blood ran down his wrist and under the sleeve of his robe.

Although she had been able to get him to release her, and even to injure him, she was still too disoriented to muster the force necessary to get past the formidable defenses of a wizard in order to kill him. She panted, gulping air, even though each breath hurt. She knew, though, that it hurt far more not to be able to get a breath.

“You filthy bitch!†he yelled. “How dare you use your power against me! You cannot hope to match me with the gift. You will soon enough learn your place.â€

His face flushed red with anger. With a thin thread of her Han Nicci could sense the powerful shields the man had erected before himself. Before he had, though, she had seared the flesh off his fingers. He held the trembling hand to his breast. She knew full well that his intent was to extract prolonged and gruesome retribution.

He ranted at her, cursing and calling her names, telling her what he intended to do with her and what would become of her once he was finished with her. The grins of the men watching widened at hearing the nature of those plans. <This bit I found interesting, note that for once you don’t get every word of the speech, just the gist of it. Maybe there’s hope?>

<Snip>

Kronos shook his bloody fist at Nicci. “The people of Altur’Rang are traitors! They have defiled a holy place! In tuning away from the ways of the Order they have turned away from the Creator Himself. Through our hands, the Creator will have His revenge and smite these sinful peo;e. We will cleanse Altur’Rang not just of their flesh and bone but of their unenlightened ways! The Imperial Order will once again rule Altur’Rang and from there Jagang the Just will rule the world under the rightful ways of the Creator!†<I spoke too soon. Snip>

Kronos’s tirade had bought her time to recover. With her strength returning, Nicci couldn’t afford to wait another instant.

She straightened her arm, pointing her fist up toward him. She wanted to draw her force out the length of her arm to let it build and converge at a point just beyond her fist. While it wasn’t at all necessary, she wanted to do it that way simply because it pleased her to let Kronos see her overt threat. <And it makes you look cool, like a comic book hero.>

Confident in his ability, and the shielfds of his power, her hostile posture only served to further enrage him. “How dare you threaten--“

She released a tight bolt of Additive and Subtractive Magic laced together in a fearsome cord of destruction that arced through the wizard’s shields like lightning through paper and blew a melon-sized hole right through the center of his chest. <What kind of melon?>

Kronos’s eyes snapped wide. His mouth hang open in mute shock as his mind registered the irredeemable.

Through that hole, Nicci could see the sky. Almost instantly the internal pressure forced what remained of his surrounding organs into the void and then out the opening as Kronos’s mortally wounded body toppled back.

The man hadn’t known that his power was no match for hers. He could only conjure shields of Additive Magic. Such shields were of limited use against Subtractive Magic.

All around her weapons were already being lifted. Powerful muscles drew bowstrings to cheeks. Arms with spears cocked back, the iron tips all pointing at her along with swords, axes, and pikes.

Without pause Nicci unleashed a blast of opposing magic twined together in a shattering ignition that in ruinous fury leveled the officers’ tents and blasted through the men on the knoll. The devastating concussion radiated outward in a circle at breathtaking speed, stripping flesh from bone. The ground was mad muddy by the sudden deluge of blood. <Nice image.>

The heat that had been focused into the blast was so intense that nearby trees erupted in flame. The clothes of men in the surrounding camp who had been rushing to meet the threat also caught fire. The flesh of those a little closer ignited. Men closer yet were ripped apart by the thunderous discharge of Nicci’s power. The force of what she had unleashed dissipated with distance and men farther away were only sent sprawling.

Such an extreme effort was risky because it was so draining, but it had the desired effect. In an instant the situation had changed from arrogant brutes gloating over a captive woman to confusion and panic.

Fearing to lose the initiative, she focused intense heat into the trunks of trees along the creek back behind the men. It was a method of getting a large return for a small investment of power. Superheated sap instantly boiled into steam and the massive cottonwood trunks exploded in thunderous blasts, sending heavy sections of splintered wood spiraling through the crowds of men, cutting them down by the dozens.

Nicci swiftly conjured a liquid fire and sent the inferno spilling out across the field and into the confusion, igniting men, horses, and equipment in the terrible fury of roaring flames. The screams of man and beast melted togtether into one, long, terrible cry. The air smelled of oily smoke as well as burning hair and flesh. <I think that's quite enough for one day. Nicci gets out of the camp and back to the city with the rest of the army in hot pursuit. Maybe I'll get to the battle next week, its not that great.>

~Terry Goodkind, Chainfire

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Right, I've been through and collated all the parodies I could find on my blog - everyone's credited, but if you'd rather not be on there then let me know and I'll take it down. Also, if I've missed any of em then give me the URL and I'll rectify as soon as I can!

This great MinDonner! Now I have a single place where I can refer my friends to the Goodkind mocking madness!

Bookmarked it!

Gah! I hate it when The QOTD sneaks past me.:P

But she needed a breath to be anything. <Did I mention Nicci can’t breathe?>

Her vision was narrowing to a black tunnel with the face of the wizard Kronos twisting into rage at the far end. She tried with all her might to pull a breath. It felt like her body had forgotten how to breathe.

HWHUT?

Hm. People in TG's world seem to be perpetually forgetting how to breath.

A black tunnel? Isn't a tunnel sort of round? I thought eyes and vision narrowed into slits, but tunnels?

And its twisting with rage. How can you twist into rage? How do you contort your body so?

And lesson for Kronos: LOOK, DON'T TOUCH!

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QotD... somehow, Tairy's battles look flat and grey without Dear Richard to liven them up with his Bringer of Death action; TG just doesn't seem to revel in the glory of death quite so much when it's just Nicci and a bit of sorcery. Some quality moments though; the melon-sized hole, and the splashing blood making the ground muddy, he's still enjoying it quite a bit.

I vote for the scene with Richard grabbing arrows out of the air and splitting other arrows in midair etc for a future QotD, cos we can never hear enough about how much Richard r00lz!!!1!1

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She straightened her arm, pointing her fist up toward him. She wanted to draw her force out the length of her arm to let it build and converge at a point just beyond her fist. While it wasn’t at all necessary, she wanted to do it that way simply because it pleased her to let Kronos see her overt threat.

I see what you mean, MM.

UP, UP, and AWAAAAAAY!

And note how TG seemed to explain it all to us. How nice.

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Great quote Mad Moose. This was my favourite sentance from it:

The ground was mad muddy by the sudden deluge of blood.

Unless that was a typo and it should have said made muddy, but somehow it seems like some kind of mad genius like this. :lol:

I find it incredible that Nicci has that much power and yet felt the need to concoct this impractical and stupid plan in order to get to the enemy head honco, who thanks to a deus ex machina, escaped her first attack.

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Yeah, good point - she has that much power, but can only disguise herself by putting on a different dress and getting her boobs out...

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The old trick, the different between good guys and bad guys is that the bad guys don't know when they have to talk and when they have to kill. Richard being a good guy can afford himself hours long Fidel Castro style speeches, it's all about timing.

Bad Guy (shakes his fist): I'll kill you because you are a traitor, you are evil, you deserve nothing better than a long and painful death. I haven't killed you already because I want you to suffer a long torture and then I want to rape you and after I've raped you I'll give you to the general, once the general is done with you he will give you to his second in command....

Meanwhile the Good Girl is building a German 8,8 cm anti-air/anti-tank gun using her additive substractive magic, piece by piece.

Bad Guy (still shaking his first) and that soldier will rape you and then his friend and then his other friend, and the rest of the company B and then they will pass you to the company C....

Then the Good Girl makes the ammunition, she decides to make high explosive rounds after she has noticed that the Imperial Order has no Sherman tanks nor T-34 (more likely since they are evil communists) around. She didn't expect to find tanks here but who knows, this is not fantasy.

Bad Guy: once the last camp follower has used you we will kill you and attack the city and guess what we are going to do with all the traitors there? Well, for starters I'm going to torture each one of them, and then I'll rape...

Bang! The Good Girl shots the bad guy in the chest with her 8,8 cm gun and kills him by punching a melon sized hole in his chest. Luckily the Bad Guy was aligned with the general's tent and the round explodes there killing the general and all his staff. The Good girl then turns the gun and starts shelling the Imperial Order camp killing a few thousands well trained rapists before she spikes the gun and escapes to the city berating herself for not using her magic to make a Tiger tank or a Panther, this last one being faster. "But in this last case it would have had to be a 7,5 cm gun and its not as cool as the old good 8,8 cm". She reminds herself.

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Yeah, good point - she has that much power, but can only disguise herself by putting on a different dress and getting her boobs out...

And note how easily she dispatches her enemies. If she has so much power, and she was going to destroy the camp anyway, why didn't she just kill them all from the start?

Or maybe she just really like showing off her boobs...and her red dress.

Agulla, I think the reason Richard can make a speech without being interrupted or attacked is because people are so entranced with his moral clarity, all thoughts have fled their mind.

Or maybe they go to the 'happy place' deep within their conciousness to protect their minds against Richard's teachings, thus rendering them incapable of action.

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I'm sure this has been said many times before, but it's like reading bad fan fiction. It's very depressing when the red commentary is better written than the professional author's work.

She released a tight bolt of Additive and Subtractive Magic

Doesn't it cancel itself out? :lol:

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Personally, I believe they are all enthralled by his Yeard and his different "outfits"...

True, Nicci could have killed every single one of the IO, including the wizards, with her Additive and Subtractive magic Lightsaber/Flamethrower/Handcannon ("Cuts through shields like lightning through paper! Three easy payments of having sex with a demon with a cock like a porcupine!"), but then she wouldn't get to try out that red dress. Death's Mistress gets sooooo bored of meeting all the expectations and living up to the hype of wearing black all the time.

Plus, she wouldn't have showed off her boobies, and in SoT, to be a female friend/follower of Richard, you have to have enough love of moral clarity to take the twins out for the cause.

ETA: Additive and Subtractive magic do not cancel each other out, once you add magical parentheses to distinguish order of operation.

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Plus, she wouldn't have showed off her boobies, and in SoT, to be a female friend/follower of Richard, you have to have enough love of moral clarity to take the twins out for the cause.

:rofl:

I think that would make a great title for Goodkind X: Taking the Twins Out for The Cause

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What didn't make it into the QotD is that she doesn't get her dress back on until she gets back to the city. The whole time she's tossing her magic around and making everything mad muddy with blood (yeah, it was a typo, but a good one) she's still naked to the waist. Perhaps still distracting the soldiers. "Dear spirits, death everywhere, fire and blood all over the place, my comrades are being cut to pieces. Must kill the sorceress, but...but....look at those great tits!" Suddenly a bolt of subtractive magic instantly tears open the soldiers stomach, in an instant his intestines are suddenly spilled all over his feet.

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"Dear spirits, death everywhere, fire and blood all over the place, my comrades are being cut to pieces. Must kill the sorceress, but...but....look at those great tits!" Suddenly a bolt of subtractive magic instantly tears open the soldiers stomach, in an instant his intestines are suddenly spilled all over his feet.

That is some pair of tits. :rofl:

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I'm guessing she's twice as devasting when she's topless...perhaps she can focus and draw her force directly out of her nipples, as well as her hands. If this could be possible, she probably has ruined several dresses by not baring her breasts...kind of like a werewolf or the Incredible Hulk ripping the crap out of their clothes when they use their powers.

So, it could be a practical decision, as well.

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Doesn't it cancel itself out? :lol:

Not according to the ninth rule...I think it's the ninth rule. These rules suck. It's easier to keep track of the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition... :P

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Finally I caught up with you guys. A random thought. Why, instead of reminding the reader again and again that the IO is evil, why doesn't he call it the 'Ever Victorious Imperial Legion' or short ... EVIL. It'd have saved many a tree. The Dharan's could then be ... I leave that up to your imagination.

And someone give MinDonnar a custom title already. Maybe the quantity of posts isn't there but she makes it more than up by quality.

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Do we know what the Wizard's Rule from Phantom is yet? Always stretch before excercise?

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Do we know what the Wizard's Rule from Phantom is yet? Always stretch before excercise?

"Show us your tits."

edit. Damn, thats the rule from Chainfire.

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"Show us your tits."

Is that a rule or a moral imperitive?

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You could also call it 'Jagang's Unmerciful Seriously Threatening Pro-communist Untruthful Raping Eunich-making Ever Victorious Imperial Legion', or JUST PURE EVIL.

'Show us your tits' is a moral imperative to all Truth-loving women.

The Wizard's Rule would be along the lines of: "People love tits. They will believe anything they want to be true or fear to be true, especially while staring at tits."

or

"There is magic in sincere boob display- the magic to heal! In the view that you grant, and more so in the view you receive."

or

"Willfully turning aside from some titties is treason to one's self."

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