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Moosicus

GOODKIND X: Lemmings of Discord

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Read the review of Phantom and mystar's comment on it..

Indeed, a book about a drug dealer murdering to obtain drugs cannot in any way forward a valuable message to the reader. A book about magic sword vielding wizards in black tight fitting outfits batteling dragons and evil overlords on the other hand..

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Back onto the subject: from the Book of Truth, the Ten Yeardmandments, from Goateronomy 5:6-21

I am the LORD thy Rahl, which have brought thee out of the minds of Ignorance, out of the house of Death-loving.

I. Thou shalt have no other fantasy books before Sword of Truth, which as you know, doth count as speculative fiction portrayed ineth a fantasy setting.

II. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: unless it inspires freedom, and causes thou "thing" to rise up. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them[non-freedom inspiring statuaries] , nor serve them: for I the LORD thy Rahl am a jealous LORD, visiting the iniquity on the jaws of the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that obey me, and keep my commandments.

III. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy Rahl in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain, and shall cause him to be smoten in the stomach region in such a way that the LORD thy Rahl shall remove his spine.

IV. Remember Lord Rahl Day, to keep it as a reminder that all those who are against him must needs die horribly. But thou shouldst probably remember this every waking instant, lest thou be against Lord Rahl

V. Honour thy father and thy mother: kill thy parents if they do not follow LORD Rahl, or if thou suspecteth them of Evil

VI. Thou shalt not kill, unless:

a. Thou believe'st thou art right and art accepting Life

b. The act of killing is as one the LORD Rahl would have wanted thou to commit

c. The LORD Rahl commands it

VII. Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless thou art under some sort of bewitchment, or find thyself in a gang-rape situation.

VIII. Thou shalt not steal, unless it be the lives of thine enemy and his family.

IX. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour: the LORD Rahl will judge him accordingly, and bear false witness for thee.

X. Thou shalt not covet thy LORD's palace, thou shalt not covet thy LORDS's wife, nor his Yeard, nor his outfit, nor his Mord Sith, nor his goat, nor any thing that is one of thy neighbour's. The Imperial Order is not thy neighbor.

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URGENT APPEAL FOR AID

BY THE PEOPLE'S REPRESENTATIVE COUNCIL OF D'HARA

We, the duly elected representatives of the people of D'Hara, are sending this message out to our neighbours in the hope that aid can be given to our oppressed brothers and sisters.

Ten years ago, our country was under the oppressive rule of Darken Rahl, a totalitarian lunatic dictator who was responsible for the murder of hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians and outlawed fire. We now look back on these days with a certain nostalgic fondness. Our lands were liberated by a man named Richard Cypher (he later turned out to be Darken Rahl's son, which should have set alarm bells ringing, especially when he said he was 'unaware' of this fact) and his wife, the Mother Confessor Kahlan.

We were expecting, under Richard's leadership, that D'Hara would be led to enlightened self-governance and the introduction of a movement towards possible democracy. Instead, the last ten years have seen our land constantly at war with the neighbouring and more powerful Old World which has sapped our country's resources, economy and population. We have lost track of the number of times our nation's safety has been foolhardly endangered by Richard running off to save his wife from her latest kidnapping, or indeed them setting up a love nest in the mountains whilst our brave soldiers are getting their arses handed to them on the front lines. When Richard is actually bothered to turn up and lead our country, he spends most of his time giving extremely lengthy speeches about nothing at all, really. We have learned to cheer these speeches since Richard had several dissenters kicked in the face when they tried protesting.

As Lord Richard's rule has progressed, we have noted a continuous deterioation in both his mental state and ability to rule the country effectively. The Seeker's decision to have all chickens in the country registered and checked regularly in case they have been 'replaced' has been a severe blow to our poultry industry. Lord Rahl's order that goats be elevated to exalted status throughout the country has been ruinous to the goat's milk business. Given that the economy of D'Hara revolves nearly exclusively around goat's milk and cheese, and chicken exports, this has not been a profitable move for the country.

During our most recent war with the Order, Richard ordered tens of thousands of our soldiers to carry out brutal murders and repression of unarmed, innocent citizens and the burning of their cities.There have been reports of our soldiers suffering severe trauma at butchering women and children to death when they try to defend their homes. Soldiers who refuse to carry out these instructions are condemned for treason and immediately executed. One of our battle commanders apparently allowed the populace of one enemy city to leave unolested as long as they didn't take up arms against our army. He then destroyed all the nearby farmlands, salted the earth and burned down the towns and cities, condemning these people to slow starvation and death on the plains of the south.

We beg the international community and the outside world to intervene and save our kingdom from any more ruin!

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From the far balcony, where Richard couldn’t see its source, a mocking voice drifted out over the crowd. “All by yourself?â€

“Doubt me at your peril. I am a prisoner; I have nothing to live for. I am the flesh of prophecy. I am the bringer of death.â€

~Terry Goodkind, Stone of Tears

OH HELL YEAH! FEAR THE POWER OF THE THIIIIIII~NG!

*dies with laughter*

Vigo, with all that altered quotes from the Bible, I'm pretty sure Satan himself is preparing a special place for you in hell. :D

Great work.

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Damn it, now I have two issues I am going to write my representatives and to President GW Bush. I suggest you all do the same, so we can make our country a better place! USA ! USA! USA! Down with Terr! 9/11! 9/11!

1. Write your officials, stressing the importance of having the Ten Yeardmandments posted in our courts of law and in our schools. There are no better place for religious beliefs than in public places, damn it!

2. Write to our officials and tell them that the filthy lies of the liberal media are making it look like D'Hara is a bad place, run by a dictator. No, D'Hara is defending itself against Imperiofascists, who want to see the world overrun and force us to worship their Creator. We must allow D'Hara to continue to attack the Imperial Order in order to establish a lasting peace. We won't deal with terrorists unless they are on our side!

United We Stand! Support Our Troops! Rahl is All Right with Me!

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During our most recent war with the Order, Richard ordered tens of thousands of our soldiers to carry out brutal murders and repression of unarmed, innocent citizens and the burning of their cities.There have been reports of our soldiers suffering severe trauma at butchering women and children to death when they try to defend their homes. Soldiers who refuse to carry out these instructions are condemned for treason and immediately executed. One of our battle commanders apparently allowed the populace of one enemy city to leave unolested as long as they didn't take up arms against our army. He then destroyed all the nearby farmlands, salted the earth and burned down the towns and cities, condemning these people to slow starvation and death on the plains of the south.

This paragraph :owned:

And oh, is Kahlan a Seeker? Isn't she the Mother Confessor?

You've forgotten the 'obscene' tactics pulled by the woman, Nicci, who bares her naked tits (but only if she was wearing her red dress!), thus corrupting the morals of those who see them.

1. Write your officials, stressing the importance of having the Ten Yeardmandments posted in our courts of law and in our schools. There are no better place for religious beliefs than in public places, damn it!

Wait, isn't that illegal in the US?

:rofl:

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This paragraph :owned:

And oh, is Kahlan a Seeker? Isn't she the Mother Confessor?

Sorry, I spoiled a major plot twist in the final novel. Terry Goodkind told me about it personally, whilst he was baptising me and others in the River Jordan.*

You've forgotten the 'obscene' tactics pulled by the woman, Nicci, who bares her naked tits (but only if she was wearing her red dress!), thus corrupting the morals of those who see them.

Actually, the PRC is broadly in favour of this continuing, but female members of the PRC have tabled it for discussion at their forthcoming annual convention.

*May be bullshit.

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Xray The Enforcer's request to take a peek at "Debt of Bones" intrigued me, and as it happens, I own a copy. I read it today at work (it was a short story originally in Legends I, I believe), and I bought as a book by itself.

After reading it, I honestly cannot find a whole lot to make fun of: sure, there is one point where this occurs:

" 'Kill them all!' Abby sccreamed up at the wizard. She threw her arm out, pointing at Mariska and the hateful wizard Anargo. 'Kill the bastards! Kill them all!' "

But overall, it was a fairly decent short story. And the reason I don't hate it is that it does not contain Richard, his mannerisms, his speeches, any child abuse by a protagonist, or any gang-rape. So, it now qualifies as probably my favorite creation of Terry Gookind. So, instead of quoting from Debt of Bones, I give you selections from the back of the book, along with some quotes from TG's introduction

Back of the Book

"Beautifully illustrated by renowned cover artist Keith Parkinson, Debt of Bones is destined to be a classic cherished for generations to come."

"Style. Grace. Substance. A story of the nobility of spirit. Find out why millions of readers the world over have elevated Terry Goodkind to the ranks of legend."

"Teeming with violence, treachery, and intrigue. -- Publishers Weekly" (does not say if this is a review of Debt of Bones, or the SoT series, or a Tom Clancy novel)

Quotes from Yeardi

"Many times, while writing about the human themes that are important to me, there is more to the story than I can include in the book - stories about past events, or how something came to be."

"Above all the characters must come alive for me as I write. They must ring true. In this world, as in ours, an individual, no matter how helpless they believe they are, can sometimes make a choice that will change their world, and not always for the better."

"I want readers to ask themselves what they would do if faced with the same choices as Abby [a supplicant who asks Zedd for help] and Zedd [everyone should know who this is]. How would they choose?"

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"Beautifully illustrated by renowned cover artist Keith Parkinson, Debt of Bones is destined to be a classic cherished for generations to come."

Complimenting the coverart... well, that's really grasping at straws, isn't it?

Although I'll give him that, the coverart of SOT is quite beautiful.

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"Beautifully illustrated by renowned cover artist Keith Parkinson, Debt of Bones is destined to be a classic cherished for generations to come."

Complimenting the coverart... well, that's really grasping at straws, isn't it?

Although I'll give him that, the coverart of SOT is quite beautiful.

If memory serves....doesn't TG (BBNC) hate it? Because it makes his books look like fantasy.

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Actually, yes...the original SoT art is being replaced by a different artist. The new Chainfire and Phantom books show vague outlines of a woman, instead of cover art, and the paperback versions of other recent books show a huge landscape with very tiny people figures.

The "Debt of Bones" book that I have shows a dude [Zedd} in an intricate robe, examining a skull, next to an attractive lady. As I recall, WFR (in the original) showed Richard on the back of a dragon. In Stone of Tears, it was a dude with a Yeard and a hot chick outside of a castle. In Blood of the Fold, it displayed a red dragon, with a dude (sans Yeard) and a hot chick. In Temple of the Winds, it was a dude (also sans Yeard) and a hot chick walking up some steps.

Recently, the covers try to get away from the "fantasy" element, and show some vague scene in the book set against a background, a la Lord of the Rings movie.

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You're right, the Temple of the Winds was the last book of his to show the traditional fantasy style art. But you'd think if TG (BBNC) really wanted to get away from the fantasy lable, he would write stories that were'nt about a wizard with a magic sword fighting evil and flying around on the back of a dragon. But that's just my take on things. I lack moral clarity, and, as you can see from my title, I'm a Big Barbed Namble Cock.

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You're right, the Temple of the Winds was the last book of his to show the traditional fantasy style art. But you'd think if TG (BBNC) really wanted to get away from the fantasy lable, he would write stories that were'nt about a wizard with a magic sword fighting evil and flying around on the back of a dragon. But that's just my take on things. I lack moral clarity, and, as you can see from my title, I'm a Big Barbed Namble Cock.

In all seriousness:

This is something that has bugged me about this whole scenario since GOODKIND I (Whatever the subtitle was). How can an author, any author, make such wide, grand claims and get away with it? TG doesn't write "fantasy", yet his publisher's call it fantasy. It's in the fantasy section of the bookstores. It's about frikken magic and swords and big brambled cocks for cryin' out loud!

Where's TG's agent? Where are the rabid fans? Where's TG himself to get on the publisher and get them to change how they market his noble works! I'm serious. I can't abide this contradiction. This, above all else, the bad writing, the rapine ways, the personal philosophy hitting the readers over the head like a sack full of oranges, drive me batty.

Sorry.

Mostly incoherent rant over. It's been bothering me for a bit. I feel better for having let it out. Even if I'm too stupid to know what he's doing.

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Posh. Just wait 'till he's wrapped up the SoT series. He'll laugh and tell us that he really was aiming to write a pretentious and trashy fantasy cash cow, and that it was all a giant fucking joke.

Then he'll go on to write the greatest masterpiece of fantasy literature the world has ever seen.

...

What are those pigs doing flying around outside my window?

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This parody will sadly be completely lost on most people here, but those that do are going to have warm fuzzy feelings of childhood reminiscence. For those unfortunate souls who have never seen the BBC childrens classic cartoon Mr Benn, check this link for Wikipedia reference Mr Benn on Wikipedia

MR BENN'S WAR WIZARD ADVENTURE

Mr Benn lives at 52 Festive Road in the city of London. Today he is dressed in his sharp pinstriped suit and bowler hat and leaves for work promptly as he always does. Some children are playing in the street.

'Good morning Mr Benn.' Says a little girl. 'Would you like to play our game with us, Timmy is a mass murdering rapist and I am the Mother Confessor. We need someone to play the great War Wizard Richard Rahl to come and save me, oh go on please!'

Mr Benn laughs and replies,

'Another time children, I have to go to work today. Enjoy your game, goodbye.' The children are sad but run off to find someone else to play the part in their brutal gang rape rescue fantasy.

Mr Benn walks along Festive Road, turns left at the end but instead of going to work he finds that his feet have lead him to the little costume shop on the high street. Mr Benn is surprised but nevertheless walks into the shop and immediately sees what he wants, a black war wizards outfit being modelled by a shop dummy. Mr Benn is admiring the outfit when, as if by magic, *ping* the shopkeeper appeared.

'Would you like to try that outfit on sir?' asked the moustachioed, fez-wearing shopkeeper.

'Yes, I think I will.' Said Mr Benn with a smile. He gathers up the costume and walks over to the changing room. In an instant Mr Benn takes off his suit and bowler hat and puts on the black robes and false-yeardi which comprise the outfit. Mr Benn admires the costume in the mirror and thinks about going back into the shop to ask the shopkeeper what he thinks. But then he spots another door on the opposite side of the changing room, a door through which Mr Benn could have a surprising and wonderful adventure. Filled with excitement Mr Benn walks through the door.

Suddenly Mr Benn is no longer in the costume shop but some strange dark dungeon. A strong and powerful looking man is stood over a captive woman, just about to gut her with his knife. Nearby another woman is tied up, all dressed in white and with long, long dark hair. In fact Mr Benn thinks she might just be the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

'I want you like your whore of a mother wanted your father.' She says to the mass murdering psychopath.

'I knew it, you little slut!' he says turning away from his helpless captive victim, 'I'm going to give you exactly what you want, exactly what you deserve.'

'Oh yes, please do it now, I can't wait any longer, do it! Do it!' The woman in white squeels.

'No you don't!' Says Mr Benn loudly and angrily stepping into view.

'Richard!' Says the man shocked into sudden silence which rings through the dungeon.

'My hero.' The woman in white says adoringly.

Mr Benn starts running at full speed towards the man who braces for the combat with his knife held ready. As Mr Benn nears, the man lunges wildly at him, Mr Benn ducks under the thrust onto one knee and driving forward with both hands launches himself into the soft middle of the rapist. His hands plunge through his stomach, punching a hole out the other side and then Mr Benn grabs hold of his spine with both hands and pulls it hard back out the frontside. The maniac then drops his knife and staggers back holding his now ruined stomach.

'Aaaah, fatality. Nooooo!' He screams. Mr Benn laughs holding his enemies spinal cord up as a bloody trophy of his victory. The blood dripping on the floor makes it slippery and the man with no spinal cord and half his stomach missing slips up and falls on his own dagger which goes straight up his anus and propelled by the force of it out the other side of his body cutting off his nackersack in the process. His two testicles bounce on to the floor and roll together like a pair of discarded marbles.

'I'm gonna get you for that!' Says the man with no spinal cord, half his stomach missing, a dagger sized hole in his arse and no testicles.

'Oh Richard, quick finish him off,' Says the woman in white, 'use your magic, fireball his evil ass.' In an instantaneous instant Mr Benn bathes the bad guy in fire and flame, charring his bones to charcoal. Mr Benn unties the woman who gives him a kiss as thank you, with tongues and everything, the slut!

'I must untie Cara.' She says remembering her friend and rushes over to help. Then, as if by magic, *ping* the shopkeeper appeared beside Mr Benn.

'Had enough adventures for one day sir?' He asks.

'Yes, I think so.' Said Mr Benn and he walks back through the door out of the dungeon.

Mr Benn finds himself back in the changing room and changes back into his suit and bowler hat. He goes back out into the shop and gives the outfit back to the shopkeeper.

'Would you like me to dispose of that for you sir?' Only then does Mr Benn realise he is still holding the bloody spine of the evil rapist psychopath.

'No, I think I will keep it as a souvenir of my adventure.'

'Very well sir, goodbye.'

'Goodbye.' Says Mr Benn happily as he leaves the costume shop and walks home. The children are still playing in the street as Mr Benn walks back along Festive Road. They ask him to play again but Mr Benn now has superior moral clarity and proceeds to kick them both in the jaw instantly to teach them the error of their ways.

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Sounds like my kinda show MG :lol:

Taking requests for QotD.

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I'll reiterate my request for the bit where Richard suddenly discovers he can grab arrows out of the air, from Stone of Tears...

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Sounds like my kinda show MG :lol:

Taking requests for QotD.

This might be really hard to find: I'd like to read a scene where Richard acts like a likeable person.

Just an everyday scene where he is normal/nice/kind/friendly.... or at least one where he doesn't come across as a complete jerk.

Are there any such scenes?

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I'll reiterate my request for the bit where Richard suddenly discovers he can grab arrows out of the air, from Stone of Tears...

Okeedokee.

Good morning and welcome to the Terry Goodkind Quote of the Day. This one is going out to MinDonner, by her own request. The quick rundown is this: Richard and Kahlan are hanging out with the Mud People, Richard goes off to shoot arrows with some of them, and when they return it seems that Richard just had to go and kill somebody. Savidlin (of the Mud people) explains what happened:

“We were shooting. Chandalen was angry, because of the shots Richard was making. He said Richard was a demon and went off and stood in the tall grass by himself. The rest of us were standing off to the other side, watching Richard shoot. The things he was doing did not seem possible. He nocked and arrow. Suddenly, he spun around toward Chandalen. Before we could even shout, Richard shot an arrow at Chandalen as he stood there with his arms folded. He had no weapon in his hand. None of us could believe Richard would do this.

“As the arrow was still flying toward Chandalen, two of his men, who had arrows nocked, drew their bows. The first one shot a ten-step arrow <this is an arrow treated with ten-step poison. It kills you before you can take ten steps. Get it?> at Richard before his own arrow even reached Chandalen.â€

Kahlan was incredulous. “He shot at Richard, and missed? Chandalen’s men don’t miss.â€

Savidlin’s voice was low, and trembled slightly. “He would not have missed. But Richard spun, pulling his last arrow from his quiver, a bladed arrow, and shot. I have never seen anyone do such a thing so fast.†He hesitated, as if he didn’t think whew old believe him. “Richard’s bladed arrow met the other in the air and split it in half. Each half went to one side of Richard.†<Oh. Kay.>

Kahlan halted Savidlin with a hand on his arm. “Richard hit the other arrow while it was in the air?â€

He nodded slowly. “And then the other man shot. Richard had no more arrows. He stood, his bow in one hand, and waited. It too was a ten-step arrow. I could hear it ripping the air.â€

Savidlin looked around, as if not wanting anyone else to hear. “Richard snatched it right out of the air with his hand. He had his fist around its middle. He put the man’s arrow in his own bow and drew it on Chandalen’s men. He was yelling at them. We couldn’t understand his words, but they dropped their bows on the ground and put their arms out to the sides, to show him their empty hands. We all thought Richard With The Temper had become crazy. We thought he might kill us all. We were all very afraid.

“Then Prindin called out. He had found the man behind Chandalen. We all saw then, that Richard had killed a trespasser who was armed with a spear. We realized Richard had been trying to kill the invader, not Chandalen.â€

~Terry Goodkind, Stone of Tears

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And had Chandalen realised he was to become Kahlan's bitch for the rest of the book, he would have preferred death by invader....

My skim reading must have been upped when I read these things. Cheddar at its finest :D

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