Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

BranTheBuilder

G--DK-ND(BBHN)XI

403 posts in this topic

What makes PoC so freakin' special then...? :P

And what is Death brought in exactly? Black limo seems to obvious. Unless maybe it's a stretch job, possibly an Excursion. Or a Hummer. What kind of vehicle/vessel does Death like to be brought in I guess is the question.

PoC is special because Richard isn't in it until the very end (shit, now I gotta check to see if "bringer of death" is used or not).

Personally, I always expected death to show up taking the bus.

Well, I borrowed Phantom from someone and attempted to read it. I got to about page 10 before my head started hurting. I did some rough calculations and decided that my brain would explode by page 50. So I haven't read the rest. Can someone who has made it through the entire book and lived satisfy my curiousity on a few points?

- Has Richard taken some time out of his busy schedule and actually learned some fucking magic?

- Is the series still about Richard, or has that goat finally superseded him as the main protagonist?

- Has Jagang been revealed to be merely a puppet of the evil chicken yet?

- How many times did Kahlan narrowly avoided being raped? And has she finally admitted that she secretly likes all the attention?

Stopping reading it is the first step on the road to recovery. As per your inquiries:

1. Nope.

2. Not yet, but soon.

3. That's still just a theory, albeit a good one.

4. Impossible to say, I'm of the belief that Kahlan is narrowly avoiding being raped every second of her life, regardless of which book it is.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Moose did you ever finish Phatom? Isn't that supposed to be the last book? How does the series end?

ETA

It is known that Death rides a massive white horse named Binky.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Stopping reading it is the first step on the road to recovery

I wish I could believe you. But I think the damage is done. I have tasted the moral celery and life will never be the same.

By the way- "Big Barbed Namble Cock"....that's awesome.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Moose did you ever finish Phatom? Isn't that supposed to be the last book? How does the series end?

ETA

It is known that Death rides a massive white horse named Binky.

Yeah I finished it, seconds before it finished me. There is one more book after Phantom, it should by awesome, really, I mean that. Phantom ends with Kahlan still having no memory of who she is, and Richard has lost his powers and now finds himself on an Imperial sports team, while his army ravages the Old World, burning cities to the ground, salting fields, and killing everybody. Bringer of death. :P

I wish I could believe you. But I think the damage is done. I have tasted the moral celery and life will never be the same.

By the way- "Big Barbed Namble Cock"....that's awesome.

It's hard to get the taste of moral celery out of your mouth, I recommend you start drinking heavily/heavier.

It's good to know you like my Big Barbed Namble Cock.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Yeah I finished it, seconds before it finished me. There is one more book after Phantom, it should by awesome, really, I mean that. Phantom ends with Kahlan still having no memory of who she is, and Richard has lost his powers and now finds himself on an Imperial sports team, while his army ravages the Old World, burning cities to the ground, salting fields, and killing everybody. Bringer of death. :P

It's almost the kind of scripted cliffhanger ending you'd get from the writers of Xena:Warrior Princess.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

PErsonally, I wanted a scene like this in WFR...

Zedd: Taste his ashes

Richard: *Tastes* It's...sweet?

Zedd: He died to save another! Meaning his Wizards Life Fire tastes sweet...come Richard, we must....Richard?

Richard: *On his knees, licking the floor* Give a minute! This shit is good!

Y'know what's really just unfair? Demmin Nass. The man is an evil villain in his own right, and what evidence do we have he's threatening? We have Darken Rahl threatening and belittling him, making him tremble...oh, and Kahlan mocking him about being raped by his father...was there really no way to demonstrate him as evil but hearsay? There's GOT to be better ways to introduce the Evil Henchmen like Demmin aside from being bullied into complacency by their bosses!

Demmin'll always be the man in our eyes...a victim of Terry Goodkind's manipulation and Kahlan's bloodthirstiness.

Now bring on the yaoi fanfiction with him and Darken!

"Demmin's hands gently stroked the scars that marred Darken's perfect skin. "My poor love..."

A soft hand touched his cheek and Darken rahl's gentle eyes seemed to beam with the smile across perfect lips, hair gleaming in the moonlight. "Only you may touch my scars, Demmin."

Few realize WFR is in truth, a story about the forbidden love between Demmin and Darken..."Pedophile rapists and the Dictators that love them."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Have you guys seen this?

Hate to rain on everybody's parade, but do you know that Martin is reknowned for bashing other fantasy authors? Including TG?

He does so quite often on his site, at interviews, and during speeches. That was enough for me. I don't even want to give the guy a chance.

http://terrygoodkind.net/forums/showpost.p...mp;postcount=10

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I found the response to that statement even more entertaining than the statement itself:

Well for one thing, Martin FANS certainly love to bash TG.

But you know what, TG has said that he never reads other fantasy because he always wants to correct the other books. TG thinks his books offer something better than other fantasy authors. Personally I agree with him, but that's besides the point.

So I think all authors have their tendencies and like what they are doing more than other authors. I have never, however, heard Terry disrespect another author specifically. Terry certainly is a man of respect. I don't know the nature of Martin's comments, but I consider outright bashing disrespectful.

It's not so much that Martin made a little jab at Goodkind (if I remember correctly), but more that most authors mock Goodkind for the hack he is. The only reason Martin's getting singled out is because he's an author so far beyond Goodkind's level that his fans are actually jealous of it (fanatical loyalty at its best) and because this is the only site I've ever seen with so much accumulated bashing of Goodkind. Not that I mind the bashing; I shouldn't, considering I joined the site for this very reason and then went on to read Martin as a result. I really had wondered if there was any decent fantasy left to read and I'd been putting off reading Martin because I was scared my expectations wouldn't be met, but now I'm very, very glad that these threads exist since I caved in and found Martin to actually exceed the expectations I'd set.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Daralys, awesome! Who knew what was being started when the TG threads began.

I am late to the party but Mountain Goat you broke me with the RHCP, :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Anybody want to help me out on a song parody?

Based on "San Francisco" by Scott MCKenzie

If you're going to D'Hara ( sing it with a very long D)

Be sure to wear no flowers in your hair

If you're going to D'Hara

Ain't gonna meet no gentle people there...

Original text from here:

http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/forrestgump/

sanfranciscobesuretowearsomeflowersinyourhair.htm

If you're going to San Francisco

Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair

If you're going to San Francisco

You're gonna meet some gentle people there

For those who come to San Francisco

Summertime will be a love-in there

In the streets of San Francisco

Gentle people with flowers in their hair

All across the nation such a strange vibration

People in motion

There's a whole generation with a new explanation

People in motion people in motion

For those who come to San Francisco

Be sure to wear some flowers in your hair

If you come to San Francisco

Summertime will be a love-in there

If you come to San Francisco

Summertime will be a love-in there

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For those who come to D'Hara

All the time they worship Richard Rahl

In the streets of D'Hara

You'll see the truth or we'll destroy you all

All across the Midlands such a strange dissonance

Richard is ranting

There's a whole army going slowly barmy

Richard is ranting, Richard's still ranting

For those who come to D'Hara

Be sure to wear some earplugs in your ears

If you come to D'Hara

Richard's speeches go on for years

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:rofl:

Now we just have to find a rhyme for sound or barmy in the third stanza...

Not that easy with that strange rhyme scheme in there...

You could put dissonance instead of noise, so it rhymes a bit with Midlands.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Good thinking, Batman. Edit made.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I really had wondered if there was any decent fantasy left to read and I'd been putting off reading Martin because I was scared my expectations wouldn't be met, but now I'm very, very glad that these threads exist since I caved in and found Martin to actually exceed the expectations I'd set.

I'm glad for you. Me, I had to go through Eddings before I discovered Martin. After that, I became much more careful about picking books. I can't wait for my pay day so I can finally get my hands on a decent book.

Saw a girl reading Chainfire on the train. wanted to sit beide her and tell her how crappy the books are, and that reading it can be hazardous to health.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Another day, another parody. Another childrens classic for your enjoyment :D

THREE NOBLE GOATS GRUFF

Once upon a time there were three noble goats, who were to go up to the hillside to make themselves fat, and the name of all three was "Gruff."

On the way up was a bridge over a cascading stream they had to cross; and under the bridge lived a great ugly Troll that-is-not-a Troll , but evil incarnate, with eyes as big as saucers, and a nose as long as a poker. Clearly he does not get to the shops often and is very hungry.

So first of all came the youngest Noble Goat Gruff to cross the bridge.

"Trip, trap, trip, trap! " went the bridge.

"Who's that tripping over my bridge?" roared the Troll that-is-not-a Troll .

"Oh, it is only I, the tiniest Noble Goat Gruff , and I'm going up to the hillside to make myself fat," said the Noble goat, with such a small voice. Small to suit the Noble Goat's small stature which was smaller than the other Noble Goats.

"Now, I'm coming to gobble you up," said the Troll that-is-not-a Troll. The Noble Goat made an instant choice.

"No! I may be little and undersized," said the Noble goat. " but I am an objectivist and will not obligingly choose death. When you are vastly outsized and outmatched by a superior opponent. You have no choice, you must attack! Never mind the fact that my bigger brother, the second Noble Goat Gruff, who has more meat on his bones, is following behind me and I could trick you into thinking that you could eat him instead. I choose life and will choose to defend it against any who would take it from me. I am the bringer of death. Don't make me do this, back out now before somebody gets hurt, I beg you."

"Aaaargh, your objectivist philosophy is making my head hurt," said the Troll that-is-not-a Troll. "Well, be off with you." The tiniest Noble Goat Gruff continued on his journey up the hill while the Troll that-is-not-a Troll soothed his aching head in the cool stream.

A little while after came the second Noble Goat Gruff to cross the bridge.

Trip, trap, trip, trap, trip, trap, went the bridge.

"Who's that tripping over my bridge?" roared the Troll that-is-not-a Troll.

"Oh, it's the second Noble Goat Gruff , and I'm going up to the hillside to make myself fat," said the Noble goat, who hadn't such a small voice. He was bigger than the first Noble Goat which was small and had a larger voice because he is bigger.

"Now I'm coming to gobble you up," said the Troll that-is-not-a Troll.

"I am a Noble Goat Gruff, remember?"

"Oh right," said the Troll that-is-not-a Troll puzzled. "Very well! Be off with you,"

But just then up came the big Noble Goat Gruff.

Trip, trap, trip, trap, trip, trap! went the bridge, for the Noble goat was so heavy that the bridge creaked and groaned under him.

"Who's that tramping over my bridge?" roared the Troll that-is-not-a Troll.

"It's I! The big Noble Goat Gruff ," said the Noble goat, who had a strong and commanding voice of his own. Being a very large Noble Goat he had a big large voice, not like the smaller Noble Goats before who had proportionally smaller voices.

"Now I 'm coming to gobble you up," roared the Troll that-is-not-a Troll.

"Well, come along! I've got two spears, And I'll poke your eyeballs out at your ears, I've got besides two curling-stones, And I'll crush you to bits, body and bones. I will cut off your testicles and make you eat them. Then I will hunt down every Troll I can find, even females and children, cut off their heads and stick them on stakes, burn down your bridges, salt your streams, make long speaches to my fellow Noble Goats who will agree with me and if they do not I will sentance them to gang rapes and a slow agonising death through torture just so they can learn this true and noble lesson. Because it is not evil if we do it."

That was what the big Noble goat said. And then he flew at the Troll that-is-not-a Troll, and poked his eyes out with his horns, and crushed him to bits, body and bones, and tossed him out into the cascade, and after that he went up to the hillside. There the Noble goats got so fat they were unable to walk home again. Before too long the Noble Goats realised that be being such gluttons they had invited death rather than choosing life and waddled over to the cliff top to hurl themselves off immediately in shame at their objectivist failure; and so,

Snip, snap, snout. This tale's told out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No doubt by now many of you are wondering, “Golly gee Moose, how does one become a Mord-Sith?†It’s a good question, one we all ask at some point. So whether you’re just curious or looking for a career change all the answers will be found here, in the Terry Goodkind Quote of the Day. After being captured by Denna and tortured for about 35 pages until he’s finally broken, Richard is now both pet and mate to her. Darken Rahl however is not pleased with Denna’s progress, whatever he does to punish her leaves her feeling in need of a bath and unable to sit down. Hmm. Richard, being the good sport that he is, makes Denna feel better. It’s very touching.

“You don’t understand about the Mord-Sith, my love. We are carefully selected, as young girls. Those chosen to be Mord-Sith are the most gentle, the most kind-hearted, that can be found. It is said that the deepest cruelty comes from the deepest caring. All of D’Hara is searched, and each year only about a half dozen are chosen. A Mord-Sith is broken three times.â€

His eyes were wide. “Three times?†he whispered.

Denna nodded. “The first is the way in which I broke you, to break the spirit. The second is to break our empathy. To do it, we must watch our trainer break our mother, and make her his pet, and watch him hurt her until she dies. The third is to break us of our fear of hurting another, to make us enjoy giving pain. To do it, we must break our fathers, under the guidance of our trainer, and make him our pet, and keep hurting him until we kill him.â€

Tears trickled down Richard’s cheeks. “They did all this to you?â€

“What I did to you, to break you, is nothing compared to what must be done to us to break us the second and third time. The more kindhearted a girl is, the better Mord-Sith she makes, but it makes it harder to break her the second and third time. Master Rahl thinks me special because they had a very difficult time with the second breaking of me. My mother lived a long time, to try to keep me from giving up hope, but that only made it harder. On both of us. They failed at the third breaking, had given up, and were going to kill me, but Master Rahl said that if I could be broken, I would be someone special, and so took over my training himself. He is the one who broke me the third time. On the day I killed my father, he took me to his bed, as a reward. His reward left me barren.â€

Richard could hardly speak past the lump in his throat. With shaking fingers, he brushed some of her hair back off her face. “I don’t want anyone hurting you. Not ever again, Mistress Denna.†<At least not until Richard kills her.>

“It is an honor,†Denna whispered through tears, “that Master Rahl would spare the time to punish one as low as me with my own Agiel.â€

Richard sat numb. “I hope he kills me tomorrow, so I don’t have to learn anything else that gives me this much pain, Mistress Denna.â€

Her wet eyes shone in the lamplight. “I have done things to hurt you that I have done to no other, yet you are the first person since I was chosen who has done anything to stop my pain.†She sat up, picked up the tin bowl. “There is some left. Let me put it on you where Constance <another Mord-Sith> did what I told her not to.â€

Denna spread the aum cream on the welts on his shoulders, then on his stomach and chest, working up to his neck. Her eyes met his. He hand stopped. The room was dead quiet. Denna leaned forward and gently kissed him. She put her hand with the cream on the back of his neck and kissed him again.

She lay back on the bed, holding his hand against her belly with both of hers. “Come to me, my love. I want you very badly right now.’

He nodded and started to reach for the Agiel on the side table. Denna touched his wrist.

“Tonight, I want you without the Agiel. Please? Teach me what it’s like without the pain?†<Normally when they fuck, there is a lot of pain and screaming.>

She put a hand behind his neck and gently pulled him on top of her.

~Terry Goodkind, Wizard’s First Rule

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Er...

[too confused]

They only take the nice girls to make into dominatrixes? Ooh, the bastards! And then Richard falls in love with his tormentor, how sweet. And he doesn't want to hurt her ever again. And yet, just a few paragraphs later, he's all up for using the Agiel on her (ribbed for her pleasure). And she's supposedly been broken and made into this callous, heartless super-torturess and yet doesn't want Richard to be too hurt by the other Mord-Sith. And, and, and.... *brain explodes*

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Stockholm syndrome?

er, what exactly was the point in all that??

once again I ask for a psychoanalyst to take a look at this writing....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Er..that is just sick.

Writers like that give fantasy a bad name. Oh wait, he doesn't write fantasy, does he? Ok. Writers like that give Literature a bad name.

This should be classed as weapon of mass destruction.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites