G--DK-ND(BBHN)XI

[Seventh Pup]

If you read WFR while you are still relativly new to Fantasy it is an okay book. I read it when I was 13, and actually liked it. (I think this more because it actually had sex in it then anything else )

But the second and third book ruined it for me, I can remember thinking "is he joking?" what the hell is he doing with his story? I am NOT going to read another one of those fucking speeches! I gave up on the third book about 50 pages in. And stopped reading fantasy for a bit.

[DrownedCrow]

But the second and third book ruined it for me, I can remember thinking "is he joking?"

Of course he is. You didn't really think he was being serious, did you? Soon after the series is finished, TG will release a press statement to this effect: "Ha, you guys should have seen the looks on your faces. When I put in the evil chicken? Classic. Yeah, you guys were...What? Wait...you weren't actually taking me seriously, were you? It was a fucking chicken, and evil chicken...I thought it was obvious. I mean...they were fighting a evil chicken and you didn't know I was joking? Come on guys...Jesus, where is your sense of humor? You've never heard of satire before? I can't have a little fun once in a while? Christ. Clearly it went right over your heads. Well hey, whatever. I mean, it's not as if I spent years setting up this great joke or anything. You know what...fuck this. Fine. You want serious? My next book's gonna be a detailed analysis Objectivism with an extensive examination of its historical roots. Yeah, and don't come complaining to me that you want another funny story about Richard and his zany antics. Get a sense of humor, motherfuckers."

[Knight of the Wineskin]

If I were a praying man, I would pray that were true.

If I were a praying mantis, I would find a way to enlarge myself and decapitate the publishers who keep putting this drivel out.

Why are you looking at me like that?

[Zadok]

Vegtables(including celery) are NOT good. Think of it this way, all vegtables are inatimate objects devoid of the power to reason and contain no inherent nobility. Not to mention that pretty much their only purpose is to grow and be eaten by us. Remind anyone of any commie, self sacrificing scum? Vegtables definately break the Wizards Rule of rising up and living your own life. They should not be spared a thought other then how declicious they taste when they take their rightful place in our stomachs.

[Be'lal]

I know I'm a horrible person for asking this, but To Know The Light, One Must First See The Darkness. Does anyone know the way to Goodkind is our God?

[whelp]

I know I'm a horrible person for asking this, but To Know The Light, One Must First See The Darkness. Does anyone know the way to Goodkind is our God?

Though you are an evil Forsaken, you may follow this path, and find what you are looking for.

[Humble Asskicker]

For those of you wondering if Goodkind is appropriate for children, honestly, I don't think it's appropriate for anyone else. I read WFR when I was twelve, and it blew my mind. Kinky sex, tons of awesome violence, a superhero who owned everyone - it was like the ultimate comic book, only without the comic parts. A guy was force-fed his own testicles, for Chrissake.

I alerted every kid in my school about this book, and it was checked out for the rest of the year.

Boy, I was a fucking moron back then. Thank God I was led onto T.H. White soon afterward.

[MinDonner]

Vegetables are definitely evil; didn't Richard initially think that he could only eat veg because of his War Wizard powers, but later realised that he was denying his moral clarity and that Meat was the Only True Food? So veg definitely out. Except french fries, probably, which I'm sure Kahlan will eat while wearing her travelling pants.

FWIW, I have a psychology degree and TG's Mord-Sith Training is just so laughable it's not even worth commenting on. You don't need any knowledge of psychology to work that out.

Something else I would like to mention - the fact that an entire book is called "Stone of Tears" leads you to believe that the Stone of Tears is an important part of the book, no? Actually, the stone makes a brief appearance at the beginning, then disappears until near the end, when Richard finds it again (Rachel and Chase have it) and finds out that it's some great source of evil, only it's not, because Zedd stopped it from being evil in the first chapter, so Richard carries on with the rest of the plot which has nothing to do with the stone at all. Er...

[The Wolf Maid]

If I were a praying mantis, I would find a way to enlarge myself and decapitate the publishers who keep putting this drivel out.

Your in luck. I pray. Maybe I could include in my prayers your request.

I know I'm a horrible person for asking this, but To Know The Light, One Must First See The Darkness. Does anyone know the way to Goodkind is our God?

...Are you prepared to follow his way?

Boy, I was a fucking moron back then. Thank God I was led onto T.H. White soon afterward.

It's okay. I liked it once, too, until I saw the light that is GRRM.

[MinDonner]

Time for another song?

I've never seen you look so raptor-like as you did today

Never seen your yeard so gay

I've never seen so many people ask you if you wanted to fight

Looking for some death tonight, you killed them alright

I have never seen that outfit you're wearing

Or the bloodstains on your sword that catch your eyes, I have been blind.

The lady in red

Is torturing me, agiel to agiel...

(I couldn't get the rest of the song to work, but if anyone else feels up to in then be my guest!)

[Perin Stone]

Something else I would like to mention - the fact that an entire book is called "Stone of Tears" leads you to believe that the Stone of Tears is an important part of the book, no? Actually, the stone makes a brief appearance at the beginning, then disappears until near the end, when Richard finds it again (Rachel and Chase have it) and finds out that it's some great source of evil, only it's not, because Zedd stopped it from being evil in the first chapter, so Richard carries on with the rest of the plot which has nothing to do with the stone at all. Er...

This was really a brilliant idea on TG's part. Name his 2nd book after an insignificant object that coincidently has the same name as something in the most popular current fantasy series. The all the RJ fans might see it and pick it up and get hooked when they see its a cheap ripoff of the WOT...

[Moosicus]

Richard never ceases to amaze. Those of you who have been paying attention will recall that in Naked Empire Richard was poisoned by a filthy Bandakarran hippie douchebag. The purpose was to force Richard to help the hippies be free from the Order. Sadly, during the titanic struggle for freedom (killing hippies) one of the three doses of the antidote to the poison was destroyed by Nicholas the Slide. So Richard has had two doses of it already, but not enough to save his life. Near the end of the book, after Nicholas has been killed and the only hippies left alive are those who have trained to kill mercilessly, Richard collapses on the verge of death and asks to be taken to the house of the man who made both the poison and the antidote (this person is dead, but ole Dick has a plan). With very little time left to live, Richard instructs everyone on how to make the antidote, apparently based only on his memory of how it tasted. I will now pause a moment while you all gasp in awe at Richard’s never-ending super amazing talents. Finished gasping in awe? Good. Let’s continue with the Terry Goodkind Quote of the Day.

Kahlan hurriedly pulled the tin off the shelf and opened the lid. The tin contained a yellowish powder. It was the right color. She leaned down and shoed it to Richard as he lay in the litter. He reached in and took a pinch.

He smelled it. He put his tongue to it and then nodded.

“Just a little,†he whispered, lifting it out to her. Kahlan held out her palm while he dribbled some of the crushed powder in her hand. He threw the rest on the floor, too weak to bother retuning it to the tin. Kahlan added the small portion on her palm to one of the pots of boiling water.

Cloth bags of herbs steeped in other pots of hot water. Alkaloids from dried mushrooms were soaking in oil. Richard had other people grating stalks of plants.

“Lobella,†Richard said. His eyes were closed.

Owen bent down. “Lobella?â€

Richard nodded. “It will be a dried herb.â€

Owen turned to the shelves and started looking. There were hundreds of little square cubby holes in the wall of the place where the man who had made Richard’s poison, and the antidote, used to work. It was a small, simple, single-room building with little light. It was not nearly as well equipped as the herbalist places Kahlan had seen before, but the man had an extensive collection of things. More than that, he had once made the antidote, presumably from what was there.

“Here!†Owen said, holding a bag down for Richard to see. “It says lobella on the tag.â€

“Grind a little pile half the size of your thumbnail, sift out the fibers and discard them, then add what’s left to the bowl with the darker oil."

Richard knew about herbs, but he didn’t know anywhere near enough about herbs to concoct the cure for the poison he had been given.

His gift seemed to be guiding him. <I’m really tempted to just stop here. It’s just another dumb example of how Richard can do anything cuz, well, he’s a wizard.>

Richard was in a near trance, or nearly unconscious; Kahlan wasn’t exactly sure which. He was having difficulty breathing. She didn’t know what else to do to help him. If they didn’t do something, he was going to die, and soon. <We could hope. Snip>

“I found the feverfew,†Jennsen said as she hopped down from the stool.

“Make a tincture,†Richard told her.

Kahlan replaced the stopper in the bottle and squatted down beside Richard. “What next?â€

“Make an infusion of mullein.â€

“Mullein, mullein,†Kahlan mumbled as she tuned to the task.

As Richard gave them instructions, half a dozen people worked at boiling, blending, crushing, grating, filtering, and steeping. They added some of the preparations together as they were completed, and kept others separate as they worked on them.

<Pretty bossy for a guy on death's door. Snip.>

Richard pointed to various stations where people labored. “Pour those bowls of preparations and powders into the boiling water in the kettle, there. Then take it to the stream. Hold the kettle down in the water to cool it.†Richard held up a finger in caution. “Don’t put it in too deep and let the water from the stream run in over the top, or it will be ruined.’

Owen shook his head. “I won’t.â€

He stood impatiently as Kahlan poured the contents of shallow bowls into the boiling pot of water. She didn’t know if any of this made sense, but she knew that Richard had the gift, and he certainly had figured out and eliminated the problem he had been having with it. If his gift could guide him in making the antidote, it might save his life.

<Snip. They finish the antidote and Richard drinks it. Just in the nick of time.>

Richard worked at recovering his breath after the effort of drinking. They gently laid him back down. His hands were trembling. He looked miserable.

“Just let me rest, now,†he murmured.

Betty, still standing in the doorway, watching intently, bleated her wish to come in.

“He will be all right,†Jennsen said to her friend. “You just stay out there and let him rest."

Betty pulled softly and then lay down in the doorway to wait along with the rest of them. It was going to be a long night.

~Terry Goodkind, Naked Empire

[Alytha]

More Lady in Red:

Theres nobody here

Its just you and me

Not really where I wanna be

But I can hardly leave this beauty by my side

Ill never forget the way it hurts tonight.

Ive never seen you looking so deadly as you did tonight

Ive never seen your red leather armour shine so bright

Ive never seen so many people want to be there by your side

And when you gave me your agiel, it took my breath away

And I have never had such a feeling such a feeling

Of complete submission and defeat, as I do tonight

The lady in red is toruring me

Agiel to agiel

Theres nobody here

Its just you and me

Not really where I wanna be

But I can hardly leave this beauty by my side

Ill never forget the way it hurts tonight

I never will forget the way it hurts tonight

The lady in red

My lady in red

I am your pet.

[BranTheBuilder]

QOTD :sick: :sick: :sick:

Ok TG once again did no research on the use/preperation of herbs... won't bother going into the detalis - suffice to say that one cheap book on the subject would set him straight...

and I thought that all his friends were supposed to be full of moral Celery and Right and Reason and Objectivism... 'cos them helping him really seems to go against the tennents of their madness!

they Should have just left him to heal himself - if he really wanted to get better he would have been able to make the cure himself, unaided...

[Alytha]

He's a wizard after all.

Remember?

[MinDonner]

Did you notice that the dead herbalist apparently had "an extensive collection of things"? No wonder Richard wanted to be there.

ETA: The full thing is worth quoting actually, as an example of TG's masterful prose:

"It was not nearly as well equipped as the herbalist places Kahlan had seen before, but the man had an extensive collection of things. More than that, he had once made the antidote, presumably from what was there."

[Agulla]

This explains why the people from Coca Cola are so scared of Richard and try to make sure that he never drinks a Coke. Some strange events in the history of this soft drink start to make sense.

That infamous change in the formula that made Coke taste like Pepsi was a cunning way to hide the real think from Richard when Jagang ordered several hundred thousands bottles for a rape party. They feared that Richard could get hold of one of the bottles and discover the secret. Only when Jagang decided to cancel further orders because "this coke tastes like Pepsi", and promised to level Atlanta to the ground in revenge, they turned back to the old formula.

[Elrostar]

This really is very silly.

So TG constructs the need for Richard to have to come up with this antidote because the guy who made the other doses of it for him is already dead. But he doesn't actually know how to make it and is telling people what to put in it based on how he remembers it tasting? And this lets him tell people how to cool the water and all that stuff as well as everything else? Wow... This guy has some pretty mad skillz.

Are we ever actually concerned that Richard might not be able to overcome any obstacle? It doesn't seem very likely, but I was just sort of wondering whether he ever actually faced any actual danger ever. I mean, he seems to be in perpetual danger, but somehow it doesn't actual seem very... believable?

[MinDonner]

Take your doubts elsewhere, ser. This is a beautiful tale of human nobility, using those three famous hallmarks of Literature: Theme, Plot and Characterisation. Nowhere does it say that it has to be believable! I'm beginning to think you are too young to be reading these books, and in fact you probably hate all that is good and true in the world.

[DeliriousEdd]

I am shocked. Not about Richard being able to mix a bunch of things together to make just the thing he needs to save his life and enable his thing to rise again. No, that's just par for the course.

I'm shocked that there were no goat things required for the antidote. I felt sure that such a vile potion had some chicken thing in it so I was expecting the antidote to need something from Betty - hair, blood, eye, etc. I'm sure goat testicle is the most potent curative but I doubt Betty has one to offer. MM, you didn't snip out the part where a goat thing was added did you?