Things you've seen on an airplane

[Little Miss Sunshine]

A byproduct of the "Reclining in Coach" thread, this one seeks to encourage you to share your weird experiences whilst onboard an airplane. Since DebL66 and I are former flight attendants, you can expect some majorly weird stories!

I'll start with one that was already shared on the RiC thread:

- flight to Paris, little girl going through the aisle with a piece of bread in her hands and keeping herself entertained by throwing bits of the said bread at other passengers. We (the cabin crew members) were the ones who had to bring her back to her seat and ask the parents to make sure she behaved and didn't bother the other passengers, because they sure couldn't care less on their own initiative...

Feel free to share your stories :)

[Larry of the Lawn]

When I was 18 I randomly sat with my congressman Don Larson on a flight from BWI to Bradley. I used my fake I'D to buy us both cans of Heineken. This was thanksgiving weekend 2001 so we talked about Sept 11 while I did my French homework.

[drawkcabi]

One stormy night I was on a flight and I could have sworn I saw something out the window on the wing of the plane!

[Tears of Lys]

One stormy night I was on a flight and I could have sworn I saw something out the window on the wing of the plane!

Did it look like a short person in a bad ape costume??

[Mlle. Zabzie]

I was on a flight back from vacation (it was spring break week for college students) and we had to turn around and go back to the gate. This was to remove two young inebriated gentlemen. One was drunk and belligerent and had started groping the poor woman who was sitting next to him (seriously - it was awful). The other was just passed out cold. One left in cuffs, the other was carried.

[Hutch]

Right after 9/11 I was flying out of LAX when they had extreme security measures. I must look like a terrorist or something since I had to have been searched at least six times before getting on the plane. Every time I was pulled aside to be searched, there was an elderly British man also being searched. By about the third time this old chap was threatening to beat security with his camera and such. It escalated to the point that I was sure he was going to be detained. Lo and behold he is let on the plane, and ended up seated right next to me. When he got on, others around us were noticeably worried about him making another scene. Instead he ordered a beer, looked at me and smiled, and said "well, that was fun." The rest of the plane breathed a collective sigh of relief, and I had one of my best flights, bullshitting the whole way with what turned out to be one of the coolest dudes I'd ever met.

[Sci-2]

I experienced something from a Kanye West song:

"They go all through my bags and tell me that it's random."

[Cuellar]

After 9/11 I got searched 18 out of 18 times before boarding a plane. One time in Indy, I was the ONLY person searched (no exageration), and was sent back to the back of the line to get on the plane. When I got back to the front, they told me to step aside to get searched AGAIN. The TSA agent who searched me ran over and told the gate agent I'd already been searched.

[Howdyphillip]

Mile high club here... I don't really need to describe in detail the things I saw Do I?

[all swedes are racist]

Lets see... If I remember correctly, I've seen:

Jurassic Park

Shrek (en Español)

Unbreakable

And some generic romantic comedy, I don't remember much about. I think Cameron Diaz was in it?

I think that's it...

[Little Miss Sunshine]

Flight from Germany to Italy, this guy needs to use the toilet and after several attempts to locate it (and that included trying to open both the L1 and flight deck doors), he finally finds the correct door. For some reason that he couldn't understand, the door wouldn't open... he then lifts up the "toilet" sign where the emergency latch is hidden and pulls the door wide open, to the horror of the passenger who was in the toilet at that precise moment and who got exposed to quite a few people before managing to shut it again. True story, I can guarantee you that...

[DanteGabriel]

My direct JetBlue flight from Boston to San Francisco was diverted to Salt Lake City for, uh, maintenance because the lavatories had filled up. Which tells me they probably hadn't emptied the lavs in a while before the plane even got to Boston. Now I call them JetBrown.

[Filippa Eilhart]

he then lifts up the "toilet" sign where the emergency latch is hidden and pulls the door wide open

at least it was just the toilet, and not the exit...

[Raja]

.. he then lifts up the "toilet" sign where the emergency latch is h

I have unfortunately done this very thing. Though in different circumstances. I was sitting right by the lavatory, one of those seats first few seats of the plane. The plane was about to land, and as I made my way to the toilet, the stewardess told me to go after it landed. I thought fair enough, and went back to my seat. As I sat down, I saw her lift up the toilet sign and shut the toilet from the outside ( I didn't even know that the emergency latch existed until that moment).

Fast forward to after the plane lands, I go over to the same lavatory stall and see that it's still 'occupied' and I think that since I didn't see anyone going in, it's probably just empty but locked due to the stewardess locking it as the plane was landing.I lift up the flap and unlock the door. Unbeknownst to me, a women had indeed gone inside without me noticing, and as I opened the door, she ended up shouting rather loudly whilst all the rest of the passengers were standing in the aisle.

Got some very strange looks until I left the plane.

[Littlefingers In The Air]

On my layover flight from Charlotte to New Orleans back in April, I saw one guy fapping another guy off in their seat. I'll let y'all decide if that constitutes those two guys being in the mile high club.

[NoneofYourBiz]

I have so many. I'll start with my regional carrier days on a BAe 146. Both f/a's were all in the back of the cabin and the pilot called on the aircraft interphone to tell me that he had an indicator light showing the front passenger door was ajar. So I march up to the front of the cabin expecting to have to jiggle the handle slightly to get the indicator light to go off. As I round the bulkhead I am treated to the sight of a woman trying to open the door in flight. I say "ma'am what are you doing?" And she says, "trying to get into the bathroom". I shit you not. Now let's review: you are in a tube. You are not facing forward or aft, but sideways. Facing the door that you, in fact, entered in. The door you are trying to open has a large, red and white rotating handle, with the words "emergency exit" on it. There is a small window, through which you can see clouds passing by. All this, yet somehow you have confused this for the BATHROOM.

I said "ma'am, that is not the bathroom, that is the door to the outside". Which made her jump back in horror and scream. Sigh. Passengers.

I used to also love when people would pull the ashtrays off the bathroom doors when they would grab it thinking it was the door handle. Or the guy who took the fire extinguisher out of the overhead safety bin, set it on a seat, and put his carry on in the bin in its place.

[NoneofYourBiz]

Older model 146s had shallow, drop down bins that were pretty useless for carry on. We hated these, particularly during the holiday season when passengers have presents and the flights are full. As people are boarding I see a woman coming down the jetway with a huge covered roasting pan. I silently curse the gate agent for letting this monstrosity pass (this was late 80's, my f/a years were all pre-9/11) and mentally start thinking of where I can stash this thing, because once they come down the jetway oversized carry ons are a bitch to get checked. I tell myself that maybe I can fit the lid in one bin, and the bottom in another. I suggest this to the passenger, who takes the lid off to reveal a large cooked turkey and vegetables in the pan. $&@#¥$@!!!!!! How she got this past security and the gate agent I will never know, but things were a lot more lax in those days and gate agents especially tended to wave through stuff they didn't want to argue with the passengers about.

I also enjoyed the passenger who shelled a huge bag of peanuts from Chicago to Aspen, leaving the shells on the floor.

[drawkcabi]

Did it look like a short person in a bad ape costume??

First time, yeah! But then there was a second time...this time it looked more like it was made of clay or rubber or something.

[Tears of Lys]

Older model 146s had shallow, drop down bins that were pretty useless for carry on. We hated these, particularly during the holiday season when passengers have presents and the flights are full. As people are boarding I see a woman coming down the jetway with a huge covered roasting pan. I silently curse the gate agent for letting this monstrosity pass (this was late 80's, my f/a years were all pre-9/11) and mentally start thinking of where I can stash this thing, because once they come down the jetway oversized carry ons are a bitch to get checked. I tell myself that maybe I can fit the lid in one bin, and the bottom in another. I suggest this to the passenger, who takes the lid off to reveal a large cooked turkey and vegetables in the pan. $&@#¥$@!!!!!! How she got this past security and the gate agent I will never know, but things were a lot more lax in those days and gate agents especially tended to wave through stuff they didn't want to argue with the passengers about.

I also enjoyed the passenger who shelled a huge bag of peanuts from Chicago to Aspen, leaving the shells on the floor.

I hate to laugh at your past pain, but that's funny! (the roast turkey and fixins. What, she couldn't have waited to cook it once she arrived, or did she anticipate enjoying Thanksgiving dinner with her fellow passengers?)

As for the peanut sheller, what nerve! I'd like to recline my seat into his lap. :P Seriously, though, what made him think he was in a bar and not a metal tube hurtling through the air? I swear, some people's children...

As for Chats, have you ever thought of writing a memoir? Never mind - I'm sure you have. :P Sign me up for a copy, okay? Thx.

[Tears of Lys]

First time, yeah! But then there was a second time...this time it looked more like it was made of clay or rubber or something.

Did they take you off the plane in a straitjacket? Tell me they did!