Elder Sister Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 I'm in the middle of getting a divorce from my husband of 22 years for reasons that many of you already know about. In short, he has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and refuses to get help for it. I have spent the last year and a half in a very crazy, screwed up environment at home. As a consequence, I withdrew more and more into myself, I suppose. So after 2 months of separation, and tons of drama, I made the decision to divorce him. My parents have been involved in this from the start, and are very kind, supportive people. This morning, while on an hour-long walk in the woods, my mother asked if she could ask me a question. She was a little nervous, I could tell. I said that, sure, she could ask me anything. So she asked, "Are you straight? Because if you're not, I will love you, regardless." I thought she meant 'straight' as in, drug/alcohol free. I've been sober over 25 years now. That's not what she meant. It took me a minute to realize that she was asking if I was gay. I told her, that no, I wasn't gay. Again, she reiterated that she didn't care, that it didn't matter. I asked her why she would think I was gay, and she just mentioned that I had been really lax in my appearance the last year; I told her I figured that was probably because I was depressed, not gay. and that I'm so 'liberal' (her words - I'm just an advocate for equal rights for all. That's not radical, to me.) I started thinking about what she said, and was actually really touched by it. I could tell she meant it when she said it made no difference to her. As crappy as the last 2 months have been, it was nice to hear that. Merry Christmas, y'all. For those of you going through a crappy time, here's to 2015. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 I was just thinking about you, ES. :love: I'm gonna have to take exception to your mom's idea that lesbians are slovenly, though. She should come up here and see some of the drop-dead gorgeous ladies-who-love-other-ladies we have here in NYC. :P Nah, fuck it. You should come up here in her stead. Take photos and text 'em to her from the NARS shop.Also, I totally remember having that talk with my mom. I was 14 or so. She asked "do you like boys?" Me: "no, they smell weird." Her: "Oh, OK." :lol:(I have a lesbian godmother, so there really was never any doubt in my mind that my parents are accepting of non-het people.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eponine Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 I am so sorry that he wouldn't get help for his bipolar (and PTSD too, right?) I'm really glad that you have your mom and other people who love you to support you. I mean, you know that we all support you, but it's important to have people nearby who are there for you too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 I was just thinking about you, ES. :love: I'm gonna have to take exception to your mom's idea that lesbians are slovenly, though. She should come up here and see some of the drop-dead gorgeous ladies-who-love-other-ladies we have here in NYC. :P Nah, fuck it. You should come up here in her stead. Take photos and text 'em to her from the NARS shop. Ahahaha - I know. I got really tickled by her concept of lesbians and personal grooming habits. It was actually totally surreal, but I appreciated her sentiment - it was a big step for her. Unfortunately, I have just been in a slump this year, not gay. But I'm doing better on the personal grooming front. :D But, man. I've got to make more of an effort, for sure. I must have been looking like five miles of bad road for her to ask me that. And I could tell she'd really been thinking hard about it. So bizarre. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinDonner Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 You want to take a bubble bath at 1 am? Go for it! You don't want to make Christmas cookies? No need to do so!! You want to play whatever music suits your mood? It's time!! You want to clean or not clean the house? Totally up to you!!All of this! This is the time to be really good to yourself. You've been through an emotional roller coaster and it's gonna feel weird, even while knowing you've done exactly the right thing. Cut yourself as much slack as you can; get a killer haircut or a tattoo or some amazing boots, eat your favourite food, watch boxsets in your pyjamas until 3am. You can do this and it will be awesome and we're all here for you :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lady narcissa Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 ES, You and your mom are adorable. I love the relationship you have with her. And I'm glad you have your parents so near you to support you no matter what and help you through all of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lany Freelove Cassandra Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 That was pretty sweet (and rather funny) of your mom. I assume she'd be close to my mom's age and let me tell you, there is no way my mom would be so cool about anything (she didn't even approve of inter-racial dating and refused to meet one of the best boyfriends I ever had because he was black) I am certainly in the "Next year will be better" crowd and we will all make it so! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 Thanks for the support, everyone. This is a very sucky time in my life right now. I'm looking forward to things getting better. As bad as it is, though, it was a lot worse about 3 months ago, so there is that.ES, You and your mom are adorable. I love the relationship you have with her. And I'm glad you have your parents so near you to support you no matter what and help you through all of this. Thank you so much! She really is adorable - and she is crazy about you as well. :) That was pretty sweet (and rather funny) of your mom. I assume she'd be close to my mom's age and let me tell you, there is no way my mom would be so cool about anything (she didn't even approve of inter-racial dating and refused to meet one of the best boyfriends I ever had because he was black) I am certainly in the "Next year will be better" crowd and we will all make it so!She's close to 70, so yeah. And here's to next year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdawnb Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 That's so sweet. Love and support can take some surprising turns sometimes. And I agree, here's to a new and better year ES. You deserve it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 ES, I am glad you have all the support from your family you could wish for, however misunderstood the situation might be. ;) Have a very happy, stress-free Christmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 That's rather progressive of your mama. Y'all enjoy your holiday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Fury Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Hang in there, ES, divorce is hard, but I think it's great you're doing what's best for you. I have never regretted doing the same. Also, my dad did basically the same thing once, stating how he wished I'd find a nice girlfriend. Your mom sounds just darling :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramsay Gimp Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 My mom also asked if I was gay when she noticed I never brought home any girls from High School or College. I didn't have the heart to tell her this was because I was worried and embarrassed by her bi-polar disorder (and other issues) :frown5: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the maid of woodlynne Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 ESis - wishing you the best as you find your way through this. I'm glad you have support close by, and such a loving mom. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Best wishes to you ES, I hope you see a way through this terrible time. My thoughts are with you. And your mum sounds absolutely brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercenaryChef Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 wow. mom really nailed the holiday spirit there. i am sorry. as a teen my parents were certain i was gay. my father was not too supportive. oh well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gillio Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 ES, Merry Christmas and here's to a better New Year :cheers: I know you'll like this, my "baby" got me a card Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fragile Bird Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 My mom would have said the same thing to me. :) I wish the very best for you, Sis, and while I think the roller coaster ride isn't over yet, I hope and pray 2015 will be a better year. <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyron Posted December 25, 2014 Share Posted December 25, 2014 :grouphug: and :love: to you and your mom, ES. A Merry Christmas to you and your family. You'll get through this, you are lovely, brilliant and just pure awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted December 25, 2014 Author Share Posted December 25, 2014 Thanks, everyone. I'm okay. Plus, I went for another walk in the woods and came upon a pair of Hooded Merganser ducks on the water that were just gorgeous. ❤️❤️❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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