Rant and Rave Without Repercussion 2 (Book Spoilers)

[The Prince of Porne]

Rant (for the season) as now the season is over and so are our hopes that the plotlines had some point to them. The only one I liked was Arya's training, and I won't even talk about Stannis... I was wondering if my book bias was coloring my assessment too much and I also asked my unsullied boyfriend and he thought the season was pretty unmemorable...

Sansa/Theon/LF

There's no doubt that Sansa fans like yours truly are upset with her arc. A lot of people have explained that due to the budget restrictions, they decided to merge Sansa and Jeyne Poole's arc, instead of introducing a new location and new sets of actors to have Sansa in the Vale. However, I feel like Sansa in WF could have been handled better, or I wouldn't mind if they put her on the backburner like they did with Bran and Rickon and had her return in season 6 and introduce the Vale, which should come into the fold at some point in ASOIAF. Instead, in shoving Sansa in WF, they had so many characters bend over backwards in stupidity

• Sansa agrees to leave the comforts of the Vale, where she was respected for being a Stark, and trade it for the plan of entering the belly of the beast with no plans, and once there, continues to make no plans but instead openly offends her captors
• LF hands the "key to the North" to supposedly justify gathering the troops of the Vale against the left over troops of the Stannis x Bolton conflict, when (1) a rumor of a Bolton x Sansa marriage would have been enough to obtain Cersei's support, (2) the troops of the Vale have no reason to fight for him
• Roose somehow forgets he's rebelling against his Lannister supporters by marrying his son to Cersei's second most wanted, and doesn't seem to stand to gain anything from the marriage as Ramsay is doing just fine flaying dissenters and the show didn't bother with Stark loyalists

They also removed the aura of political intrigue of ASOIAF, not only by removing all the material in WF, but also by having Sansa traveling around, being recognized by Brienne and not having any of the political espionage of the earlier seasons. And I am still baffled by what they liked so much about Jeyne's storyline when they removed all of the politicking, rebellion, even the meaningful scenes with Theon's redemption. Was it really just the rape? Where will they go with post-rape Sansa? Or is she going to be like Gilly, where the consequences of rape/near-rape are forgotten in the next scene?

Jaime/Martells

I wasn't a big fan of Dorne in the books, but the arc in showDorne was so laughable. Again, the characters suffer from a big case of the dumbies. First with Jaime thinking that he can just sneak in Dorne and take the prince Trystane's betrothed so easily... and who knew? It almost works because Trystane has no guards! Why didn't Robb think of that? Just sneak in KL and take his sister back and hope no Xena warriors with questionable fighting skills are there to stop him. Then comes Doran, who decides to hand off Trystane, his apparent only heir, to the Lannisters with no guarantee of his safety and Ellaria, who also gives no fucks about Trystane and decides she will poison Myrcella while her nephew is within enemy clutches. Trystane is very much a teenager who thinks that the appropriate way to deal with Bronn threatening his life is to punch him in the face for the LULz and Doran thinks is a good idea to send him to sit on the small council? Also, Myrcella suddenly knows Jaime is her father and is cool with it because their scene needed to be more "touching." That was supposed to be the big payoff of the Dorne plotline; they strip the cultural differences that make Dorne unique and remove the motivations behind the Martell characters, unless their motivations are revenge and handing off only heirs to become political prisoners. Also, they don't hurt little girls in Dorne...

Cersei/HS/Tyrells

Again they cut off characters without thinking of the consequences. Without Willas and Garlan, Loras is the heir to Highgarden and Olenna is a-okay with he staying in King's Landing, fucking around and having awkward conversations with Cersei, because who needs to groom their only heir for ruling, amirite? Marg adopted season 5 Sansa's strategy to throw all the sass around because of reasons and that comes to bite her back because Loras' having a birthmark that is questionably resembling of Dorne is enough proof to imprison the Queen under the premise that she did walk in Loras and Olyvar. Meanwhile Olenna's secret weapon to deal with this is terribly shortsighted, as accusations of the legitimacy of Cersei's children would ultimately undermine Marg's queenhood

Tyrion/Dany

Once again we get to sing praises to St Tyrion and deprive him of any moral grayness; his rock bottom is not raping a sex slave knowing full well it is wrong, but refusing free sex when it is offered by aforementioned. He doesn't just get to be clever, discussing all these abstract ideas about cultural relativism with his boys Hizzy and Daario, while Dany looks on with her deadpan, he also gets to beat up slavers and rescue Missandei from the SotH while Dany's incompetent Unsullied guards are murdered left and right. Barry dies an undignified death so that Tyrion can come in and rescue the Meerenese mess that Dany has made. Hizdhar is offed to give way to Tyrion's rule. Also, do the producers not like Dany any more? Is it because Emilia Clarke won't show her tits? She's had so many badass moments that the writers love to film, but her most BAMF moment, in Daznak's pit is stripped off its coolness and devolves into Drogon protects his mommy. The SotH aren't explained, and next are seen killing slaves and nobles alike. It's okay because I am sure St Tyrion will dream up a lovely scheme that was just beyond Dany and all her advisors' intellect to deal with problems in Meereen, and the Meereenese will listen because for some reason they respect Grey Worm? Where's Dany's badassery? Where's her conflict in finding home? Oh, and of course Good Guy Jorah gets to save Dany, maybe he will get a pity lay next season...

Jon/Sam/Night's Watch

Sam is now a bro, maybe he will be next Pod because there's no why a Good Guy like Sam can be a good guy for so long without reaping some benefits... Sam and Gilly's relationship was developing just fine, but instead we get near-rape to precipitate her getting into bed with Sam. Didn't the Tysha story teach D&D that that's not how it happens? Jon comes back from Hardhome with members of NW to vouch for him, and instead of warning his brothers about the urgency of the war to come, he mopes around until ogly-Olly trolls him (and D&D trolls book readers) with the Benjen trap.

Great post.

[Lord Bronn Stokeworth]

Yeah, I agree with your take. He was dismissive of her. For Renly, Brienne was nothing more than another exotic trinket. The Sea Lord of Braavos has a velociraptor? Well, then Renly has a noble woman (the heir to a pretty significant lordship even) dressed in armour and play pretend knight. In the end he was all about the flash and having a good laugh and Brienne's loyalty to him provided him with both.

But that was Book!Renly. Show!Renly, was the rightful king was was fair and kind to everyone!

[Red Helm]

Greetings all.

[kissdbyfire]

That's a tough call. But, yeah, I think Show Doran edges out his book counterpart, allowing his ONLY HEIR to get on a ship and go to KL where he will be a de facto Lannister prisoner, cause I didn't see an army on that boat, is really stupid, stupider than Book Doran's stupid my plan was to sit on my ass for 15 years plan. Also, zero punishment for whack jobs busting into your sancturary and attempting what amounts to a coup? Say you are sorry and it's all okay?

Maybe they'll reveal next year that Trys did an internship with Ramsay and is now a full black belt ninja too.

[Red Helm]

Lord that interview is painful!

[Le Cygne]

:lol: I really don't like many of their costumes on the show, and I'm glad you mentioned it. They are well-made, for the most part, in a technical sense, but they are usually either ugly or impractical or both.

Stiff dull drapery, space age synthetics, and in real life those rags Arya was wearing would have gotten up and walked off on their own after so long.

[Red Helm]

Show Doran > Book Doran?

This does not compute. It does not. It does not!

[Cas Stark]

Maybe they'll reveal next year that Trys did an internship with Ramsay and is now a full black belt ninja too.

LOL, what is that lightweight going to do in KL next year? Or, maybe that won't happen, they will turn the boat around or some shit?

[Ciri Riannon]

You are free to bring up Craster's Keep as much as you want if you continue to awesomely explain why it sucks - and that goes for anyone else too and the Asha/dog scene :P

Wait, what if it's foreshadowing?! And Asha is going to be killed by Hound? I have a feeling that there is some deeper meaning...

Nah, just kidding

[AlpenglowMemories]

Oh man, what sort of madness will Ramsay the Supervillain get up to next season? Will he kill Euron with six good men in a row boat? Will he track Sansa and Theon down to the Wall?

[Joe Pesci]

LOL, what is that lightweight going to do in KL next year? Or, maybe that won't happen, they will turn the boat around or some shit?

He's going to kiss Myrcella goodbye, and then die...

[The Tower of Almond Joy]

Why do you call Jaime and Cercei Larry and Carol?

[Cas Stark]

Oh man, what sort of madness will Ramsay the Supervillain get up to next season? Will he kill Euron with six good men in a row boat? Will he track Sansa and Theon down to the Wall?

First he will need a new girlfriend, won't he?

[Chebyshov]

Why do you call Jaime and Cercei Larry and Carol?

This might help: theculturalvacuum.tumblr.com/post/116816249708/the-book-snob-glossary

They're just...they're not Cersei and Jaime.

[Red Helm]

Why do you call Jaime and Cercei Larry and Carol?

Because they are so badly out of character. They hardly resemble their book counterparts thus they have been given new, more fitting names. And it is funny too. Started because of that duo on these threads.

[AlpenglowMemories]

First he will need a new girlfriend, won't he?

Ooooh, Ramsay and Tyene sitting in a tree!

First comes flaying, then comes slaying, and then comes the rape of a another poor character!

:ack:

[A_Cornered_Wolf]

Oh man, what sort of madness will Ramsay the Supervillain get up to next season? Will he kill Euron with six good men in a row boat? Will he track Sansa and Theon down to the Wall?

The better question is where will Sansa and Theon go period? Can't go to the Wall (as Evil!Thorne will just turn them over to Ramsey). No Stannis Army to help. Are they going to head back to Littlefinger and the Vale (with Brienne and Pod in tow)? Hoof it all the way to Last Hearth because reasons and Rickon?

My bet is they will be stuck traveling the requisite episodes to get to Castle Black after Jon's resurrection, despite Mel making it there in an episodes worth of time.

[Lord Freypie]

First he will need a new girlfriend, won't he?

Brienne is around but will he succeed to beat Pod at his own game ?

[Lady Blackmont]

Creatively it made sense for them to be named Larry and Carol, because we wanted it to happen.

BURN

[Stone Cold Bastard]

Hopefully this hasn't already been posted yet. This is an absolutely brilliant review of S05E10:

"You want a good girl, but you need a bad pussy." - D.B. Weiss, Dan Benioff

"So, why did they hand Jaime Tristane? This seems like a stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid plan. And Ellaria tries to throw her handkerchief in the water, but it blows back and doesn't fall in. A perfect metaphor to the whole Loras' birthmark storyline: an absolute fucking failure."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ks9VeB5vI70