Yagathai Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Asked a girl out on a second date via txt. She's normally responsive within five minutes. 48 hours later, radio silence. So, just to poke the bear a bit, I sent: "If you agree, continue to not respond." She was like "haha, agree to what?" and then "I've been so out of it". Me: "To go out again?" Her: nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Tiger Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I asked that old friend out twice, she's been busy with school, so it's understandable, now she's saying she's too busy with work. Eh, I think im just gonna go for someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alguien Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I've had some fun days (and nights :cool4: ) with people I've met on OKCupid and Tinder... but so far there's been no real spark. Like everyone I've been out with has been perfectly pleasant, and I've had a decent time, which is lucky in some ways I guess, but I've just had no real romantic connection--just physical attraction. I'm starting to believe that, for me, it's pretty much impossible for a romantic connection to grow out of something set up like that. Almost everyone I've ever dated before, I met in an organic fashion, through friends, in class, at a party, etc. Though my last real, serious girlfriend and I met on OKC, we stopped dating shortly after, and only started dating again "for real" after we'd hung out a bunch of times as friends and fell in love in a way that felt more real. So, for a while, I'm not going to actively pursue any e-dating. Don't get me wrong, if an extremely cute woman who's a Game of Thrones fan messages me, I will definitely respond, but my new approach will be to only ask people out that I meet in real life through things like classes, groups of friends, parties, etc. We shall see how that goes. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Dude, good luck. I would be sooooo screwed if that were my route. Gosh, me, too. Everyone that's available here is either over 60, living with their mother, rabid Fox News watchers, or all three of the above. Thank God for Match.com. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Fury Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Online dating is really great in that you can weed out basic demographics you don't want. Like people of opposing political views or people who like Nickelback. When I was doing it, it was great knowing I could gatekeep that and still be getting out there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Online dating is really great in that you can weed out basic demographics you don't want. Like people of opposing political views or people who like Nickelback. When I was doing it, it was great knowing I could gatekeep that and still be getting out there I'll admit to probably being way too harsh with using the 'music / what are you reading' section on OKC as a litmus test. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Same here. If any Kenny Chesney, bro' country, or Nickelback are listed, they are immediately axed. Same with books written by Bill O'Reilly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ordos Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 OK I'm not asking for advice, but opinion. So I recently became Facebook friends with a girl I went to school with 20 years ago. We had conversations via Facebook and she invited me to come meet her and even said I could stay at her place. I accepted. I looked at her Facebook page and see that she is very attractive. But nowhere can I see that she is in a relationship. There are no hints to it. We talked about several things but not about our current relationship status. I don't want to ask her directly because I don't want her to suspect my interest in her YET. My Facebook profile makes it clear that I am married. I don't tell anyone that it's a loveless marriage that will end before the end of the year. When I am finally divorced, I will make it public. Anyway I intend to meet this girl when my schedule allows it and when my marriage is over. I just wish she would make public her relationship status so men like me would know if I may or may not 'chase' her so to speak. I do not believe in deceiving and lying. I just believe certain truths should be revealed at the right time so as not to drive people away. Neither do I believe in telling certain truths too late that it would harm others. What I'm concerned about though is when I do travel to go see this girl, I hope she does not come greet me with another man beside her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smegma Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 OK I'm not asking for advice, but opinion. So I recently became Facebook friends with a girl I went to school with 20 years ago. We had conversations via Facebook and she invited me to come meet her and even said I could stay at her place. I accepted. I looked at her Facebook page and see that she is very attractive. But nowhere can I see that she is in a relationship. There are no hints to it. We talked about several things but not about our current relationship status. I don't want to ask her directly because I don't want her to suspect my interest in her YET. My Facebook profile makes it clear that I am married. I don't tell anyone that it's a loveless marriage that will end before the end of the year. When I am finally divorced, I will make it public. Anyway I intend to meet this girl when my schedule allows it and when my marriage is over. I just wish she would make public her relationship status so men like me would know if I may or may not 'chase' her so to speak. I do not believe in deceiving and lying. I just believe certain truths should be revealed at the right time so as not to drive people away. Neither do I believe in telling certain truths too late that it would harm others. What I'm concerned about though is when I do travel to go see this girl, I hope she does not come greet me with another man beside her. Since you're asking for opinion, here goes: You're being hypocritical. Your relationship status, while technically correct, is a lie in that it misrepresents your intentions, yet you expect her to disclose her relationship status to the public so that "men like you" don't have to waste their time? No woman "owes you" that information. It's not a dating site. I've been in a relationship for three years, but not once have I changed my status or felt the need to do so; of course it's pretty obvious to any that I'm friends with that I'm committed to someone. Shit, even that doesn't stop the occasional guy from trying (ask Mandy, or really any woman on Facebook). Maybe she's single but isn't interested in men bothering her on Facebook about it. Maybe she's in a relationship and it's great - or it's complicated. Because you are planning on meeting up with her and you seem to only want to do so if there's potential for sex or a relationship, you have expectations so you should clarify the situation before you waste her time or yours - hers if she just wants to hang with an old school buddy - yours if she's not seeking that type of meetup. If she thinks you're married, maybe she's only in it for that type of meeting anyway - even if she was single. You got a lot of shit going on with your house, kid, and impending divorce to be adding to this clusterfuck. Not that you aren't entitled to seek happiness, but maybe the timing of it all isn't ideal for anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Ordos, are you sure she does not just want to build contacts with an old school friend again?And I disagree that one should disclose any relationship status on social media just for the sake of people who might want to date them. It is a private information. And if you want to learn about it, you would just have to ask her. You can simply mention how your relationship is doing and ask about her after. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seventh Pup Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Smegma said everything I was trying to type so much better then I could have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quorra Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 OK I'm not asking for advice, but opinion. So I recently became Facebook friends with a girl I went to school with 20 years ago. We had conversations via Facebook and she invited me to come meet her and even said I could stay at her place. I accepted. I looked at her Facebook page and see that she is very attractive. But nowhere can I see that she is in a relationship. There are no hints to it. We talked about several things but not about our current relationship status. I don't want to ask her directly because I don't want her to suspect my interest in her YET. My Facebook profile makes it clear that I am married. I don't tell anyone that it's a loveless marriage that will end before the end of the year. When I am finally divorced, I will make it public. Anyway I intend to meet this girl when my schedule allows it and when my marriage is over. I just wish she would make public her relationship status so men like me would know if I may or may not 'chase' her so to speak. I do not believe in deceiving and lying. I just believe certain truths should be revealed at the right time so as not to drive people away. Neither do I believe in telling certain truths too late that it would harm others. What I'm concerned about though is when I do travel to go see this girl, I hope she does not come greet me with another man beside her. That's a lot of hopes and wishes. Good luck. Keep in mind she might be having some specific hopes and wishes of her own. In the past, when I thought that certain truths should only be revealed at the right time so as not to drive people away, it never worked out well. The people I wished not to drive away were upset with me for not being given the chance to be driven away and make their own choices with all the facts. They felt deceived by lies of omission. I know it's tough to know how much information to divulge. Personally I think it's kind of crazy that she invited you to stay with her when she doesn't know you well enough to even know what's going on in your life. And, who the hell invites a married man to stay at your house when you're not close enough to know what's going on in his life? Kind of risky behavior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Frankly there's a lot of things about this story which are weird. This is the woman who you added on Facebook and who took a year to accept your request, right? The one who then immediately invited you to come and stay with her at her home in a different area, even though your only real contact with each other was over 20 years ago? Super sketchy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quorra Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 How is it risky? OMG, is it like wearing a short skirt or staying out too late? Is it "asking for" rape?Jeez. It's the 21st century. Adults can make nice gestures such as saying, "oh! Please feel free to stay at my place."Who knows, maybe she figures that since he's married, she would be safe from flirtation or unwanted advances. Maybe she thinks he would really hit it off with her boyfriend and they could all be great friends. Who knows.But smegma said everything that I would have said. Staying out too late is pretty risky, you might oversleep the next morning. Not risky as in safe physically but as in, risky with regard to respect for his marriage. Risky with regard to sending signals and making a risky assumption like "since he's married, she would be safe from flirtation or unwanted advances." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quorra Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Frankly there's a lot of things about this story which are weird. This is the woman who you added on Facebook and who took a year to accept your request, right? The one who then immediately invited you to come and stay with her at her home in a different area, even though your only real contact with each other was over 20 years ago? Super sketchy. Sketchy how? Like sketching in a sketchbook sketchy? This is the 21st century we have CGI, for chrissakes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Staying out too late is pretty risky, you might oversleep the next morning. Not risky as in safe physically but as in, risky with regard to respect for his marriage. Risky with regard to sending signals and making a risky assumption like "since he's married, she would be safe from flirtation or unwanted advances." As I said when Ordos asked about what she meant by asking him if he wanted to stay at her ppace before, there is nothing unusual about this. He is the one who will be out of pocket by travelling to meet her, she is likely.just being polite and.saving.him the cost of.a hotel. My friends do that all the time, and while I'm not married, i dont see that it matters all that much. It doesnt seem.like she is sending signals at all, beyond "Oh, I'm.sorry you'll need to pay your travel costs to come here, I feel a bit bad about this, how about i put you up in the spare room to save you money?" This isnt the 1920's, that a man and woman who are friends spend the night in the same.house when they are not married isnt something to caude a scandal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Sketchy how? Like sketching in a sketchbook sketchy? This is the 21st century we have CGI, for chrissakes! Yes, Quorra, that's precisely it. Like sketching in a sketchbook sketchy. I was worried she wanted to paint him like one of her French girls, so I'm delighted to hear it can all be done via CGI. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quorra Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 As I said when Ordos asked about what she meant by asking him if he wanted to stay at her ppace before, there is nothing unusual about this. He is the one who will be out of pocket by travelling to meet her, she is likely.just being polite and.saving.him the cost of.a hotel. My friends do that all the time, and while I'm not married, i dont see that it matters all that much. It doesnt seem.like she is sending signals at all, beyond "Oh, I'm.sorry you'll need to pay your travel costs to come here, I feel a bit bad about this, how about i put you up in the spare room to save you money?" This isnt the 1920's, that a man and woman who are friends spend the night in the same.house when they are not married isnt something to caude a scandal. IDK, I think in a lot of marriages or monogamous relationships it might seem a little, strange. I know foundations of trust and everything but, well, maybe I'm just extra careful about situations that might get awkward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quorra Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Yes, Quorra, that's precisely it. Like sketching in a sketchbook sketchy. I was worried she wanted to paint him like one of her French girls, so I'm delighted to hear it can all be done via CGI. He was a one-legged prostitute. But you see, he had beautiful hands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I got back on OKC and was immediately depressed. What's up with the messages from out of town people? I mean like seriously out of town...states away. I live on the east coast but was getting all these messages from this woman in hawaii. I couldn't help but think it was some kind of scam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.