aceluby Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Well I haven't posted in a long time, but I totally didn't die when I took my sexcation to Wisconsin in March. I did learn that lactation during sex is a huge turn-off though. Been dating a girl for about two months now. She's in a horrible mood today and I want to surprise her with something nice tonight. Any ideas? Flowers, chocolate, and either a night out or a night in depending on what's causing the horrible mood and her personality. Idea being that you'll take care of all the planning regardless. Also... lactation WHAT? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glaurung Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Since I have repeatedly explained most of your other points and you still present a prime example Glaurung, of the "but IIIIII don't do that! I don't see it happening!" mentality I am talking about, I'm going to give you up as a lost cause. But, teaching men that rape is bad is not the same thing at all as teaching men how not to rape. I'm not exactly sure where I'm saying "not all men". I fully acknowledge that bad shit happens. I never said "I don't see it happening". The only part that may be similar would be where I don't see where men are being taught that rape is good. It's not something I can wrap my head around it. "Teaching men that rape is bad isn't the same thing as teaching men how not to rape". Well of course not. And that isn't how it is done. You learn that if a woman says no, you don't have sex with her. You learn that if a woman wants to stop during intercourse, that you are supposed to stop. They teach you that stuff in sex ed. It is basic common sense. That is the very definition of teaching somebody to not rape. And nowhere is it taught that men SHOULD rape. At least not in the US. It still happens though. But I would bet that most rapists know that they are raping, and know how to not rape. They just choose to do it anyway. What I do agree on is that we need better education on all of the gray areas of consent. EVERYBODY knows "no means no", unless they grew up under a rock. We do need more education about what consent is and when yes might not mean yes. " I don't know a single guy who was told rape is ok. Men know it is wrong." #NOTALLMEN So this is what equates to #NOTALLMEN now? Kind of a reach isn't it? Nowhere in this country are men told that rape is ok. If you think they are, please provide an example. I would love to be proven wrong...well I would hate it as well, because it would be truly sad if somebody was systematically telling them this. Society knows that rape is wrong. Men know rape is wrong. It is viewed as one of the most despicable crimes in existence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted01 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Uh, what? Society itself teaches men that it is okay to rape. The whole bullshit about if it is a "legitimate rape", a woman's body will shut down and prevent a pregnancy. Or how about the various cases of young men raping women on university campuses, and getting little more than a slap on the wrist? Or how about being told, as a woman, that you were "asking for it" because of what you were wearing? Or how about marital rape not being a thing? All of these things tell men that, actually, despite what the law and sex ed and your parents say, rape isn't so bad, and it's not your fault, you couldn't help it, them pesky wimminz deserved it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalbear Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Nowhere in this country are men told that rape is ok. Trump just literally said that you can't rape your wife. Like, yesterday. So this is factually untrue. Society knows that rape is wrong. Men know rape is wrong. It is viewed as one of the most despicable crimes in existence. Society also knows that women shouldn't dress provocatively, shouldn't lead a man on, and it's totally okay for a man to fuck a woman if she was asking for it in some nebulous way. You're just flat-out wrong here, Glaurung. But maybe the easiest thing to do is read my sig. In it, they did a study where they found that if they asked men not if they raped women, but if they, say, drugged women, had sex with women against their will, threatened women with violence if they didn't have sex - that there were plenty of men that were totally cool with all of those things. As long as you didn't call it rape, those men would not only say they did those things - they'd actively brag about it. It is not enough to teach men 'don't rape'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aceluby Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Hey, maybe you guys should start up a new thread where you can talk past each other there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I got asked on a date today by someone I knew a few years ago (knew in passing because we were in the same year at school, but we weren't close to each other or friends or anything). We've been talking for the past few weeks because we both walk our dogs the same route, and today he asked me out for drinks next Friday (he originally asked me about tomorrow but I'm away for the weekend). I'm interested, he's really easy to talk to (big thing for me because I'm not very good with social situations), we have a lot of shared interests, and his personality fits with mine. My only reservation is that I don't actually live around here anymore. I only spend summer/Christmas at my parents' house and the rest of the year I'm at university in London so it's not really convenient for popping home on a weekend either. Would you say I should make this clear when we are out next week? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NestorMakhnosLovechild Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Uh, what? Society itself teaches men that it is okay to rape. The whole bullshit about if it is a "legitimate rape", a woman's body will shut down and prevent a pregnancy. Or how about the various cases of young men raping women on university campuses, and getting little more than a slap on the wrist? Or how about being told, as a woman, that you were "asking for it" because of what you were wearing? Or how about marital rape not being a thing? All of these things tell men that, actually, despite what the law and sex ed and your parents say, rape isn't so bad, and it's not your fault, you couldn't help it, them pesky wimminz deserved it. To be clear, Todd Aiken's "legitimate rape" comment earned him widespread condemnation from senior Democrats AND Republicans, including calls from some senior Republicans to withdraw from the Senate race, and was basically directly responsible for his losing an election he was strongly favored to win. As of yet, Aiken has yet to make any kind of meaningful return to politics. It's difficult for me to see the whole episode as "teaching men that it is okay to rape" when his political career was basically destroyed for the comment. In addition, marital rape is absolutely illegal in every single state in the United States. Your claim that there have been "various cases of young men raping women on university campuses and getting little more than a slap on the wrist" is also incredibly problematic. You can't just assume for yourself the role of fact-finder in disputed cases that you know virtually nothing about, declare a bunch of people rapists, and then opine that they're being under punished. The issue of campus adjudications of alleged sexual assaults is incredibly fraught. I'll be the first to admit that the system is fundamentally broken, both for alleged victims and alleged perpetrators, and I have just about zero confidence that the revisions being made to campus sexual assault policies at the behest of the federal government are going to result in a system that is more fair for both parties. I do absolutely think rape is a huge societal problem that is, in some ways, not being properly addressed, but we also shouldn't forget that a number of explosive rape campus rape allegations - Duke Lacrosse and the recent Rolling Stone story - have been seriously discredited. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aceluby Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I got asked on a date today by someone I knew a few years ago (knew in passing because we were in the same year at school, but we weren't close to each other or friends or anything). We've been talking for the past few weeks because we both walk our dogs the same route, and today he asked me out for drinks next Friday (he originally asked me about tomorrow but I'm away for the weekend). I'm interested, he's really easy to talk to (big thing for me because I'm not very good with social situations), we have a lot of shared interests, and his personality fits with mine. My only reservation is that I don't actually live around here anymore. I only spend summer/Christmas at my parents' house and the rest of the year I'm at university in London so it's not really convenient for popping home on a weekend either. Would you say I should make this clear when we are out next week? It'll come out naturally as you start talking. Personally, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just have fun for now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 It'll come out naturally as you start talking. Personally, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just have fun for now! Well he knows I'm at uni away from home but I though maybe it didn't quite click (because personally stuff like that just goes right over my head unless someone explicitly states it to me :lol: ). I just don't want to give him misleading ideas. But thanks for the advice, I'll just see how next Friday goes. If it goes well and we click I'll give more thought to this I suppose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Have fun Helena :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Awesome, Helena. Enjoy yourself! Nothing much happening for me this week since I didn't respond to the devil fighter. I'm starting to regret that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I've got date number four with a guy tomorrow, and I'm still kind of... underwhelmed is far too harsh a word, he's a nice guy and very smart, very interesting. I'm just not really feeling it for some reason, although he's made it clear he's pretty keen. Not sure what I want to do about it either. I'm just a big ball of 'not sure' on guys in general this week, it seems >.< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aceluby Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Welp. Date was cancelled :( Not feeling well so she asked for a raincheck. Not worried about it, but still a little bit disappointed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Tiger Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Hey, maybe you guys should start up a new thread where you can talk past each other there? Well it's sorta related to dating, I guess. :dunno: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Yay for Helena! Fingers crossed that you have a good time. :) About you being away most of the time, you say you already told him you study in London, so I would guess he probably already realised that you are away most of the time. But just in case he has not figured it out, yes, you should probably make it clear for him. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 ES, go out with the devil fighter. How else are we going to write our memoir later? Awesome, Helena. Enjoy yourself! Nothing much happening for me this week since I didn't respond to the devil fighter. I'm starting to regret that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brook Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Glaurung - the others are right this is making the thread incredibly boring so I'm dropping it other than to once again point out that I said nothing whatsoever about straight men. Also being uninterested in dating men does not = gay. You'll have to try again with your analysis... or don't. So.......er...anyone have a date planned? Maybe? I have something planned and I'd like it to be but it may just be a friend date. I know I should ask but I think I'll just see how things pan out. Either as a date or friend I really this one and it seems to be somewhat mutual so cue nervous butterflies. She's very cute and very much my type and we've been talking sooo much... you'd hate it ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 I think this is pretty important stuff for people in the dating scene to understand, personally, and I don't think they will be inclined to seek it out elsewhere. Re: Glaurung et al, yes, people know in a vacuum that "rape is bad." There is wide disagreement on what constitutes rape, and many people will opine that xyz isn't rape even when xyz is statutorily defined as rape. They will sometimes argue that something shouldn't be classified as rape. I recall a dustup in Congress about whether it was "really" rape if physical force wasn't involved (for example, if someone was too drunk to consent, or their drink was drugged. I agree that not raping people is the job of people who might otherwise be inclined to commit rape, but telling them not to does not appear to be generally adequate. Moreover, the point that Kay and others are making is that while we may be telling men not to rape people out of one side of our cultural mouths, the other side is busy telling women it's their fault if they get raped. Oh, she shouldn't have dressed like that. Oh, she shouldn't have been down in that neighborhood alone. Oh, she shouldn't have ordered the fancy salad. It's a disgusting form of victim-blaming. It says "it's your fault this happened." The actual fault is the person who stuck their dick where they weren't supposed to, but it's a way to pass the blame from that person to the victim. People don't always realize that that's what they're doing, but it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 So.......er...anyone have a date planned? I met a girl at a local pub and asked her if she wanted to go catch a drink while I was in town. Most of my friends are still raising little kids. I got back to her last night and she replied immediately with her schedule offering me four different options. Is this a date? She's definitely queer. I had a really nice dinner with a lady on Tuesday night. We went for a walk on the Boardwalk when we were done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Lily, that is definitely a date. AMPhilip, that's awesome! So I messaged devil fighter and we're going bowling tonight. Hahahaha. Nah. Just funnin' y'all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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