Dating: Not just for mating

[SpaceChampion]

Most MBTI tests online are not really MBTI.  The Myers-Briggs institute is suppose to have the only valid test, but I haven't taken it.  What most people understand about MBTI is probably wrong.  The letter coding J/P dichotomy is nonsense.  Thinking/feeling is a little iffy too.  But the gist of it is we all have the same 8 cognitive functions, just in different orders and different strengths, with half conscious, and half unconscious.  You can google Beebe if you're interested.  If you learn what the functions are, you can understand what type you are.  The MBTI seems to be an attempt to get there by shortcut.  I don't think it's wrong, just that its not quite right either.  It's like looking at a 3D structure on a 2D piece of paper.

[karaddin]

According to that 2D representation of a 3D structure I'm also INFP, but I put zero stock in it especially for dating. I'm pretty positive I could only be with other introverts though, but I suspect that's more my sensory processing disorder than any personality type.

[smegma]

 

wrt group meetings, I'm thinking that one of my biggest problems is that it's hard to imagine many scenarios where I'd share private contact info with someone the first time I meet them.  So with the meetup groups where every get together had new people, making meaningful connections based on my issues of sharing private info with random people is so unlikely to happen.

 

 

 

I'm not really clear on why you would need to share private contact information with people in a group so soon, unless you are speaking exclusively to one-off meetings. My suggestion was to join recurring groups that meet for regularly scheduled activities, which would give you time to get to know people that fit your idea of a good potential companion/friend. For example, in Chicago there's leagues that you can join as an independent player - volleyball, kickball, softball, etc., and you'll join a team that has a spot and play together for the duration of the season - usually at least six weeks. Or go to your local independent bookstores to join book clubs - most will host them, or at least know where you can find one, and chances are there will be regular attendees to those type of clubs. There's also schools for everything from regular dance classes, cooking, music, singing, or crafting. Or go to your local shelter and commit to volunteering twice a month or whatever works with your schedule.

 

At worst, you might have to initially arrange the meetings via email with the group leader/coordinator, but for more formal settings like classes, even that might not be required. Making regular appearances will not only improve your skill, learn, exercise, or whatever - it will give you time to get a feel and comfort level with people that you'll see regularly and become familiar with them. 

 

Speaking of which, once softball season ends in the fall I'll be taking classes at Second City for comedy writing - not just to work on projects and improve the skill itself, but to meet other people with similar interests and aspirations. Same goes for the knitting class I'll be taking - the latter of which is the one that is most intimidating to me! :)

[aceluby]

I've met lots of people through softball, volleyball, and bowling.  Team sports are a great way to meet new people.

 

@smegma

 

Don't be intimidated by your knitting class.  I joined one a few years ago that met weekly for 3 months.  It was super fun, I made some cool things (like homemade slippers), and got to know a bunch of coworkers a lot better.

[Dr. Pepper]

Awwww....that's the nicest compliment I've had in a long time. We should fight the devil together, for sure.

ETA: I will talk to Lily nonstop about Willie Nelson and Merle Haggard songs and she'll be ready to share me.

 

Yup, your taste in music definitely causes big smile on my face.  

 

Hehe, I was just about to write out a resume of why I developed an internet crush but it started to seem a bit creepy.  I'll just sum up with "never change".  

Anyway,

 

 

I feel you Dr. Pepper, although I put very little stock into the MBTI, I am an INTP according to that test as well - you're actually the first person I've encountered with whom I share type. While I don't have privacy issues/paranoia, I have social anxiety, in large group settings and in one-on-one interpersonal interactions with people who I don't know at all. It is generally hard for me to develop close bonds with new people. While we have different roots for why it is hard for us to develop those bonds - yours seems to stem from a dislike of sharing what you consider to be private information, mine comes from internalized anxiety about how to interact with people - my advice is trying to actively do exactly that, sharing private information with other people. I've been trying to make an effort to talk to people I don't know more often, despite that it causes me anxiety, in order to slowly get over that anxiety. So far it's a slow and painful process, but I am getting results. So I think it might work for you, even if it is very uncomfortable at first to do so.

 

I'm gonna try this.  Tomorrow when I get dressed and made up, I'll take a nice selfie and then post it on my OKC account, then throw up, then check out the messages I get, then laugh, and hopefully things will be ok.  

Sidenote, sort of wish I had a selfie stick for the flattering selfie.  

 

I'm not really clear on why you would need to share private contact information with people in a group so soon, unless you are speaking exclusively to one-off meetings. My suggestion was to join recurring groups that meet for regularly scheduled activities, which would give you time to get to know people that fit your idea of a good potential companion/friend. 

I have just been unlucky enough that nearly all of the groups that have interested me enough to attend multiple times have never had the same set of people.  So each time, it's new people.  I've met some interesting folks for sure, but the only way to get to know them would have been to share contact info that first meeting.  

[Theda Baratheon]

Am I the only INFP on this board? Probably :leaving:
 
This is why I have only ever had 2 relationships.. because I am far, faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar too idealistic and mushy about everything, and spend far too much time on INFP groups on fb  :blushing: and maybe really obsessive and crazy in general, and idk XD
 
Then again, MBTI says that me and my fiance, who is an ISTJ, are shit for each other and well... he's my fiance :P so I wouldn't put *too* much stock in MBTI in terms of relationships. I think someone once said to me, MBTI is the map but not the terrain. Something like that. 
 
I hope that didn't sound weird  :blushing:

I'm INFP :) Think it describes me well, I'm always away with the fairies. I'm fine in social situations and get along well with lots of people but I need my own space to wind down after socializing because it TIRES me out.

[JonSnow4President]

So, I'm not sure if this would be the correct place for this, or if it justifies its own topic, but does anyone have any experience with the major dating sites?  I'm trying to move to a different major city, but I'm ice cold anyway (last date was Sophomore year in high school.  I'm 24).  I figured now would be as good a time as any to try one out.  Most of the people I know met their s/o's the "old fashioned" way, so I don't really have anywhere to go to outside of this for any general experiences.

[JonSnow4President]

We all have experience with the major dating sites. Trust me.

So if you were going to be a young guy 24 in the public accounting space (IIRC, we have that in common) and not a whole lot of time to look for a sincere, long-term potential relationship, which would be your site of choice?

[Guy Kilmore]

Tinder

[JonSnow4President]

It depends on where you are in the world, but in my city, you'd be on Tinder or OK Cupid and be upfront about what you want. Bonus: both are free.

 

Match would be a maybe (some areas of the US are more into Match, some OKC), and e-harmony would be a "no go" as that is for serious relationships.

Thanks.  LIke I said, I'm not necessarily opposed to "serious relationships," as long as someone would work with me on the whole "haven't been on a date since Sophomore year" thing.

[IamMe90]

Thanks.  LIke I said, I'm not necessarily opposed to "serious relationships," as long as someone would work with me on the whole "haven't been on a date since Sophomore year" thing.

 

I'd use both tinder and okcupid. they both pretty much what you're looking for to a tee, and using both will double potential prospects. 

[deleted01]

Another INTJ here. So is my SO.

[Red Tiger]

Another INTJ here. So is my SO.

Same here.

[The guy from the Vale]

Apparently, I'm an INTP. Looks a bit like reading the tea leaves to me, though.

[Inigima]

I don't put any stock in the mbti at all and have no idea what it would call me

 

Same. I saw a fair number of people who put their Myers-Briggs type in their OKC profile, and maybe this is unfair of me but it put me off messaging them, just like it would if they'd expressed a belief in astrology.

[Theda Baratheon]

I have never thought about it in terms of dating haha, only the introvert bit really makes sense to me. i don't really put any stock in it either, just another way for people to try to label and understand themselves better, i get that. 

[KiDisaster]

I don't even know which of the 4-letter personality type thingamajigs I am. I did the test once a long time ago but can't remember the result. 

 

In other news the date on Saturday went well enough. Not looking for a second one but it felt good to be back in the saddle.

[The Marquis de Leech]

I'm INTP (bearing in mind that there is a much deeper functional analysis at work here; INTPs have more in common with INFPs than INTJs).

 

I find Myers-Briggs a useful starting point. It doesn't factor in age and life experience, but I think it works as an approximation. It's also worth remembering that on a fantasy internet forum, you're going to have a disproportionate number of INTs, just because of the self-selection.

[Red Tiger]

 

Same. I saw a fair number of people who put their Myers-Briggs type in their OKC profile, and maybe this is unfair of me but it put me off messaging them, just like it would if they'd expressed a belief in astrology.

I look at it the same way, but it's a fun test to do. : :P

[aceluby]

I'm an ENFP, which seems to be a kind of odd one out on the forum.  It's weird because I never see myself as an extrovert, and yet pretty much everyone I know says that I am.  I don't put much (or any) stock in it though.  I just find it hard to believe that compatibility between people can truly be determined by some 4 letter breakdown.