Mental Health Support Group

[deleted01]

I used to be the same, and can go through stages of being really nasty to myself, but when I moved away, I really got my shit together, and started to realise that it's my family's influence that makes me feel that way. I know this seems easier to deal with, but when I was growing up, I'd hear things like "you're the devil child/I should have gotten rid of you/you're fat, evil, whatever, you don't have any friends, why would anyone like you/you're the cause of every problem" and so on. And now I hear that stuff again, almost every day, and it's hard to not believe it. It's a constant battle to ignore it and not succumb to those old feelings of worthlessness. So I do get it, in a way.

Theda, I agree with Lummel. Maybe look at spending the day in bed as a treat. Force yourself to get up. Only you can do it, and you have people who believe in you. Try to be stubborn. I know the old "don't let it get you down" is easier said than done, but sometimes, being stubborn and fighting back can help in the long term. I'm sorry if I'm not being helpful, I just want you to be happy, or happier at least. Hugs.

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

If I can force myself out of bed and into the shower on mornings when I'm down and out I know I'll be able to deal with the world.

[Lummel]

i really appreciate the sentiment but it's just so hard to genuinely be nice to oneself when you're depressed i constantly go through about 100 nasty things i say to myself a day but if it was easy and i could just click a switch to not do that then i totally would. i don't want to come across as a miserable cow just feeling sorry for herself but this is the one thread where i feel like i can just put down the nasty things im thinking or feeling and not feel like im intruding on peoples time....

 

I know, I know :)

 

it is one of those things which are simple but not easy.

 

Being critical is a natural reaction in depression, which works very effectively in a vicious cycle.  Nobody ever got better by beating themselves up, the more judgemental we are about where we are the more we are simply declaring war on ourselves, our characters, our nature.  Its quite clear who the loser will be - beware the satisfaction in proving to ourselves just how bad we are.

 

Another person might luxuriate over a day spent in bed, but where you are it is symptomatic that you blame yourself.  I don't blame you for doing it, in one way or another it was what you needed to do.

 

No, there is no switch to flick for you or anyone else.  Whatever route you find does work for you, whether chemical, talking therapy, exercise, sleeping on the floor of the temple of asclepius etc, it will take time.  :thumbsup:

[Theda Baratheon]

Thank you :)

 

I am feeling excited today I applied for one job and I also bought a decent little microphone because I'm going to set up a little website where I read audiobooks, so i read the classics and ancient literature for university students who are too tired/lazy/depressed to read it themselves and also some people like listening to audiobooks, i used to love reading things aloud and some people say i have a nice voice so :) very excited about this, just something to do in my free time that i will enjoy and others might find helpful! 

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

That's a great project. Please provide a link when it is up and running.

[deleted01]

Thank you :)
 
I am feeling excited today I applied for one job and I also bought a decent little microphone because I'm going to set up a little website where I read audiobooks, so i read the classics and ancient literature for university students who are too tired/lazy/depressed to read it themselves and also some people like listening to audiobooks, i used to love reading things aloud and some people say i have a nice voice so :) very excited about this, just something to do in my free time that i will enjoy and others might find helpful! 

Yeah let me know when it's ready and I'll do a piece on my blog if you want. :)

[lessthanluke]

Thank you :)

 

I am feeling excited today I applied for one job and I also bought a decent little microphone because I'm going to set up a little website where I read audiobooks, so i read the classics and ancient literature for university students who are too tired/lazy/depressed to read it themselves and also some people like listening to audiobooks, i used to love reading things aloud and some people say i have a nice voice so :) very excited about this, just something to do in my free time that i will enjoy and others might find helpful! 

Plus also we get to introduce our dogs to each other next week. If that doesn't make you smile then shame on you :P

[Theda Baratheon]

That's a great project. Please provide a link when it is up and running.

 Will do. ^_^

 

 

Yeah let me know when it's ready and I'll do a piece on my blog if you want. :)

Aw, thanks mate! :D 

Microphone will arrive in the next few weeks and I think I shall start with something nice and easy...like...The Illiad :P

 

 

Plus also we get to introduce our dogs to each other next week. If that doesn't make you smile then shame on you :P

That does make me smile! :D Dogs are the best. 

[deleted01]

Well I'm going back on antidepressants this week. This doesn't please me at all, but I'm trying to look at it as a short term coping method.

[Jacques the Japer]

Im in a weird scenario myself, I see quite a few people here got involved in the church in their teenage years to help them get out of their shelland give them some direction in life.

 

For me it was the same, for a while was pretty fulfilled, and I can frankly say that my involvement with the church stayed off what could have developed into a n apocalyptic level of depression in high school. I became quite the little zealot, even dreaming of becoming a pastor or a social worker or an aid worker for Christians in dangerous areas like Iraq and Syria.

 

That was, atleast until I came to university.

My faith had been waning for quite some time, but my intellectual experience in college finally killed it for me, I discovered Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins and was amazed to find that the contradictions and questions I wrestled with weren't unique to me and that it was actually quite easy to pick them apart.

 

And now, im an atheist. Which wouldn't be a problem if I was living in Europe or some cosmopolitan metro area in the Australia or the US. but I don't, I live in South Africa, where pretty much 80% of the population is conservative Christian. Even our chief justice minister got away with a statement in public where he said he felt our LGBT rights laws where immoral and against Christian teachings

 

. My parents and friends can see something's troubling me but I cant admit it to them for fear of them totally ostracizing me, Even this counsellor ive occasionally seen has a huge crucifix on her wall and inspirational Christian decorations everywhere proclaiming how much Jesus loves me, so I cant really drop that bomb on her either can I?

 

Anyone else in a situation like this?

[Spring Bass]

Damn, relapsed a bit over the past few days. Trying to get things back into a more comfortable place. It doesn't help that the past two days have been pretty stressful and busy at work - I just feel exhausted, and want nothing more than to lay down in a quiet place and close my eyes (except I then can't seem to nap very well). That's on top of anxiety in the background just being exhausting to bear. I'm going to try and get at least six hours of sleep tonight. 

 

On top of that, I think I might have caught something (or even something wrong). I feel a little chilled, and a bit nauseous. And I must have sprained something in my lower back - time for aspirin. 

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

Today is really down day for me. I'm feeling particularly hopeless and am currently doing my best to keep from crying.

[Raja]

Hang in there, AMP  :grouphug:  

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

Hang in there, AMP  :grouphug:  

I'm doing a bit better. I watched an episode of Archer while eating lunch and it sort of helped. Thank you.

[deleted01]

:grouphug:

First day back on medication. Let's see how this goes.

[Datepalm]

Ugh, having a really bad day, for some reason. It's a holiday on top of a weekend so it's about six days with nothing much to do, which is driving me crazy. I got some reading done today but my concentration is still pretty ropey if I don't feel some kind of pressure, like an office environment. So there's a convenient void for feeling like nothing matters, like everything i'm doing - work, school, whatever - is just killing time, somehow, unreal and devoid of connection to me. I'm both nervous about and looking forward to a long work trip next month, but also asking myself why on earth I'm expecting that to fix things. (it's back to Africa, where this can of worms got opened, but a completely different place, different work, different situation. No rational reason to think there's any closure to be found there.) My totally unrequieted wierdo of a crush, whom I haven't even seen in six months, is back to taking up a lot of headspace as well, after I thought I had done such a good job closing that off, sending off an honest sort of goodbye email and everything. I really, really need that to stop. It feels like a proper obsessive disorder at this point. I did a bit of texting with my best friend, who I haven't talked to in about two months, and everything is fine but she doesn't sound particularly enthusiastic about, you know, being friends again. I'm tired of feeling like an awkward obligation in every single relationship I have. I know it's just the enforced boredom talking, but damn if it doesn't feel very real right now, and no matter how much I tell myself it's a momentary mood, I know the only time I feel fine is either at work or in hours closely bracketed by work, which doesn't seem very sensible either. 

[The King in Black]

I got up at 4 in the morning today, and do you want to know what I've done since then ? Nothing. Just absolutely nothing. Feel like doing nothing, don't think I would've been able to do anything even if I wanted to. I'm absolutely, totally blank. I feel like mentally and emotionally I'm dead. I've been in a new enviornment for a long time, where I should have adjusted by now but haven't, don't think I will either, which is bad because with each passing day it feels like I'll be here for a long, long time.  My already small circle of friends seems to have become non-existent now, I wouldn't be surprised if they've forgotten me altogether, frankly. I don't seem to care much either. I have been feeling for a long time now that I'm slowly turning invisible to the world ; it's going on around just fine, but  I'm right there just existing, not caring that much at all. These episodes usually follow periods of intense agitation and misanthropy, where I can't help but feel the urge to kill everything around me until something eventually kills me. I'm doing nothing, want to do nothing, and the world is moving on just fine, which depresses me more.

 

I've lost something. I used to be outgoing, social, could make people laugh, used to be an enjoyable person to interact with, could easily make a good impression on all sorts of people I met with, enjoyed going out for movies and dinners, I lived , actually lived,  not just exist like I do now. This realisation hit me really hard. I played guitar and piano, and now I've forgotten how to do both. It crushes you , you know, when the full realisation of what you've become washes over you.

[Spring Bass]

Christ that sucks, King in Black. Please keep holding on, you're not alone. 

 

I feel bad in the wake of that in saying that I felt a lot better today. The particular set of intrusive thoughts that have been on and off for the past two months seem to have faded away again, and the anxiety has been gone for several days. 

[Zoë Sumra]

:grouphug: to KoB. Have you tried picking up your guitar again? It might help...

I woke about two hours ago and am only just doing something now. Got cross with myself at one point because I realised I could have filled the time by going to church just too late to get there on time (I'm normally an evening service person). It's been a very up and down week: worst on Thursday, but Friday and yesterday weren't bad. I feel like I'm dodging logs in a stream.

[Fire Walk With Me]

I'm not too good at guitar, but It is a nice output to keep me busy whenever my brain is fried from everything. Decided to quit smoking cigarettes and weed, going to see now how long I last. Think I'll last fine without cigarettes, unsure about the weed since I've been smoking that regularly for ages.