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Dating: Matchmakers, dealbreakers and affairs, oh my!


MinDonner

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It's hard to get a good read on these things at the beginning stages of dating in the best of times, Datepalm. Throw into the mixture someone who might not be the best in social engagement (him) and someone who has a tendency to critically analyze every interaction (you) and you end with something that's even more perplexing than normal.

My advice is always to seek clarification. I am not one to think that asking for clarification is a sign of weakness or that it's bothersome. It's a communication rapport that is important and if the communication so far is leaving you hanging, then you need to speak up, one way or another.

So, I will definitely text him and give him 2 options for a meet up. If his work is just too busy, then well, you will have to decide if you want to seriously date someone who's work is really so unforgiving that he can't find 3 hours a week to date. And really, if he's that busy, why is he even following up on OKC profiles?

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That's a really great way to take it. I'm sorry that it didn't really work out as a date kind of a thing, but it sounds like you guys had a great time anyway.

She just ended a relationship that lasted damn close to two years, so I can see her not wanting to rush anything. I've been the rebound guy more times than I'd like to admit so I appreciate it. If she decides she wants to take our relationship to that place I'd be thrilled but she's a remarkable person and if we can only ever be friends I'm ok with that.

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Mr Oilrigger should be back onshore soon. Been a week or so since we last spoke, so I fear he may have lost interest; gonna give it one last shout of "so, you still up for that drink?" early next week; if I get more agreement-in-principle accompanied by vague noises about prior commitments of unspecified timescales and no further effort to pick a date, I'll be dropping it, cos I just don't have the energy or patience to chase after this shit.

Hot Work Dude, meanwhile, has been upping his game; he's Whatsapped me nearly every evening for the last 3 weeks, and was really nice and supportive when I had to say goodbye to my dog (the ex, who has primary custody, had her rehomed :(:( ). So that's all got a bit confusing again, quite apart from the semi-topless selfie he sent me *swoon*. Of course, now he's off on holiday with his girlfriend (booo!) so probably it's not that confusing after all. Damnit.

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Sounds like Hot Work Dude is just milking it for the attention. And, honestly, unless he's quite up front with his current gf about chatting you up every night, he also comes across as the type who operates on a loose definition of commitment. Which is not a bad thing, by any means, but something to keep in mind in case matters do take a different turn.

 

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Plus he's been an asshole to you a number of times and you are still hung up on him. He's in the way of you finding something great, he doesn't appear to respect his girlfriend, he doesn't appear to respect you. This seems from your post to be so alluring for all the reasons pick up artists prey on. I don't think he's doing it on purpose, but your crush on him seems to persist on him giving a mixed bag of encouragement and blowing off, just like they do. It's a really effective way to prey upon people's insecurities 

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What Kay said. But also, it would be a bad idea for any scenario, but it being a colleague - it's a terrible idea. Regardless of whether your employers have any kind of policy about dating in the workplace. Avoid that kind of mess at all costs. 

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Well, anyway. Had a nice little FB chat with Mr Oilrigger just now (yeah, he's the guy I met on holiday); apparently he's heading offshore AGAIN this week, for possibly 2 weeks, but did seem keen on the idea of meeting up sometime before Christmas. So... maybe I'll actually have a date before the year is out?

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So, had a morning coffee date earlier today. First impression was "holy hell she's pretty." The pictures online were cute but in real life she was just really beautiful. I thought we hit it off pretty well. Lots of conversation, no awkward lulls. Wandered about the town centre for a little while after coffee and spent some time at the library. Had a nice time.

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Well, anyway. Had a nice little FB chat with Mr Oilrigger just now (yeah, he's the guy I met on holiday); apparently he's heading offshore AGAIN this week, for possibly 2 weeks, but did seem keen on the idea of meeting up sometime before Christmas. So... maybe I'll actually have a date before the year is out?

It will be  worth  the  wait when  it happens. 

 

So, had a morning coffee date earlier today. First impression was "holy hell she's pretty." The pictures online were cute but in real life she was just really beautiful. I thought we hit it off pretty well. Lots of conversation, no awkward lulls. Wandered about the town centre for a little while after coffee and spent some time at the library. Had a nice time.

Have you  made plans to  see her again? 

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Mr Oilrigger should be back onshore soon. Been a week or so since we last spoke, so I fear he may have lost interest; gonna give it one last shout of "so, you still up for that drink?" early next week; if I get more agreement-in-principle accompanied by vague noises about prior commitments of unspecified timescales and no further effort to pick a date, I'll be dropping it, cos I just don't have the energy or patience to chase after this shit.

Hot Work Dude, meanwhile, has been upping his game; he's Whatsapped me nearly every evening for the last 3 weeks, and was really nice and supportive when I had to say goodbye to my dog (the ex, who has primary custody, had her rehomed :(:( ). So that's all got a bit confusing again, quite apart from the semi-topless selfie he sent me *swoon*. Of course, now he's off on holiday with his girlfriend (booo!) so probably it's not that confusing after all. Damnit.

Does he work on the rigs and travel between them?  I dated someone who worked offshore and communications were often disrupted because of connectivity issues.  Sometimes I couldn't get through for 2 weeks.   

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Well, second date with Chemist Guy ended up at Chemist Guy's with, um, the making out and the removal of (some) garments and the spending of the night. (if not clear yet, that's rather a first for me.) Um. Don't quite know where that's going. It was nice, I guess. Cup-of-tea comfort sort of way, human contact and such. I'm kind of amazed at how un-selfconscious I was about it, physically speaking, (and stone sober, at that,) but also freaking out irrationally a bit. I don't know that we haven't exhausted all topics of conversation or that i'm terribly interested in this guy, as such.

*sigh* yesterday someone who's known me for a while, when I told him my evening plans were a date, smiled warmly, called me Pinocchio and said it was really nice watching me develop feelings, and I might be a real boy (girl) eventually yet. And two different people (who know me from Burundi), uncoordinatedly, told me it's very brave of me to try dating. Yup.

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Definitely growing, I'm just not sure if it's more rounded or just more jagged. :huh:

Anywho...with perfect timing, I finally got my visa yesterday and am leaving Monday for like two months. Chemist guy hasn't called. I kind of want to...I don't know, invite myself over with a bottle of wine and see what happens. Also kind of want to do nothing at all and let this vanish. I'm compromising (ie, doing nothing) by letting him decide - if he calls, I think I'll go with it. If he doesn't - well, I won't. However, I'm running out of time for him to make his mind up and leaving without letting him know at all also seems amiss. I'm thinking of giving him until Friday afternoon?

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