Dating: Matchmakers, dealbreakers and affairs, oh my!

[Liffguard]

I tried tinder once for a week. I don't think I got a single match who wasn't a bot or a camgirl.

[TerraPrime]

I'm afraid to use Tinder for several reasons, I'm not what one would call "hot", I generally don't photograph well and I'd be the guy without the bio because I don't know what to say about myself.

Writing a decent bio for dating sites is like any number of other social/life skills - you can learn how to do it, if you care enough to learn. If you honestly think that online dating apps might lead you to the right type of romantic partner, then it should be worth the time to learn how to write a good bio. If, on the other hand, that's not the type of venue you want to look at, then by all means, ignore that.

 

Re: Buckwheat

Well, if the activity is not clear (movie and a dinner is a date, going to local food pantry to volunteer together is not), then you will have to go by deliberate articulation. If that's not forthcoming from him, then I'd assume it's Not-date. But that's just me.

 

Re: solo

nobody ever friggin listens to me. you're not enhancing my marketability as a comically reckless life coach, dp.[/quote]

 

This is the primary reason that you spawned, no, to create a captive labor force to enact your marketing ideas?

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

 

Writing a decent bio for dating sites is like any number of other social/life skills - you can learn how to do it, if you care enough to learn. If you honestly think that online dating apps might lead you to the right type of romantic partner, then it should be worth the time to learn how to write a good bio. If, on the other hand, that's not the type of venue you want to look at, then by all means, ignore that.

 

 

 

 

I'm in the not interested category I think. I prefer to meet potential romantic partners the old fashioned way. I know people who have had success but I don't think it is right for me.

[Buckwheat]

that's one of those undecidables wherein the controlling signifiers are internal rather than external.  to clarify:  perform the normal husserlian bracketing off of 'what might be construed as' and read rather the involuntary phenomenological events arising out of those parcels within your anatomical control. 

Once in a while, I understand one or the other of your posts. But today is not this day. This is one of the sologdinisms I have trouble getting, I never understood phenomenology.

Why don't you decide which one you'd rather it be and act appropriately?  If you pick date, and start trying to make out with him, and he squirms uncomfortably, just whisper "shhh... just let it happen."

That sounds convenient, but also like a recipe for disaster in case the other person is not into it ...

 

Re: Buckwheat

Well, if the activity is not clear (movie and a dinner is a date, going to local food pantry to volunteer together is not), then you will have to go by deliberate articulation. If that's not forthcoming from him, then I'd assume it's Not-date. But that's just me.

It is "just getting drinks", which I suppose could be either, with a plan to go visit one or the other museum or gallery on another day. This is my default thinking too, it is just different in this case because there is a little bit of history with that particular gentleman. Also the fact that he seems very eager to meet me as soon as possible (he proposed that we meet the same day as I arrive to the city).

Thanks for all replies. I suppose I will just see what happens on the spot and what turns the conversation takes so it will be convenient to bring it up.

[Elder Sister]

 

 

I tried tinder once for a week. I don't think I got a single match who wasn't a bot or a camgirl.

 

 

I had to look up 'camgirl'.  I didn't even know what that was.  I feel old.  Very, very, old.  Now get off of my lawn.  

[Theda Baratheon]

Precisely my experience, thought I have a certain degree of curiosity as to what the Tinder of Lubumbashi looks like exactly. Fortunately, no doubt, my phone broke so no apps for me until I get back.

It was funny but I was never going to get anywhere with blank profiles and basing solely on looks...

[HexMachina]

Buck, I would suggest going into this on the vague assumption it's just a friendly meet up, but with an open mind for "maybe something more." It has been a while since you've seen him, so probably better not to go into this expecting too much...but at the same time, since this is something you probably would be interested in pursuing, you could maybe try to drop him subtle hints (or not so subtle, depending on the kind of person he is) that you are keen to start things up again. Although don't ask me what subtle signs those could be. Subtle is not something I am particularly good at...

[TerraPrime]

Well, that's the part of dating that I really suck at. I am not terribly good at hiding intentions. Say what you want, and want what you say, and if they are on board, great, let's try this dating/fucking thing. If not, oh well, you know, they know, and you can move on. And it can even be "I am not sure I want to date seriously now, but I think I will really enjoy your company and doing blahblah with you," then at least there's communication and resolution.

Oh well. I am fully aware that some folks just don't work that way. And that's cool. I'm just vicariously frustrated for my own sake

[karaddin]

It was funny but I was never going to get anywhere with blank profiles and basing solely on looks...

I found tinder basically impossible to use on the basis of having no idea how to start a conversation with zero launch points.  I matched with a ton of cute girls, but even when I tried to find something to say it just went nowhere.  OKC has been much better, even if not really any more successful, because I can at least engage with stuff from a profile in thinking of something to say.

I'm also like Terra in pretty open with my intentions.  There's a barrista/waitress at my closest cafe who makes me stumble over my words and blush every time she smiles at me, I asked her out earlier this year and it's been a "we'll do something at some point" since then, even though it hasn't happened.  She's super friendly when they aren't busy, and because I know she knows I'm interested I don't feel any further pressure, can just enjoy what interaction there is there.

[JonSnow4President]

I found tinder basically impossible to use on the basis of having no idea how to start a conversation with zero launch points.  I matched with a ton of cute girls, but even when I tried to find something to say it just went nowhere.  OKC has been much better, even if not really any more successful, because I can at least engage with stuff from a profile in thinking of something to say.

I'm also like Terra in pretty open with my intentions.  There's a barrista/waitress at my closest cafe who makes me stumble over my words and blush every time she smiles at me, I asked her out earlier this year and it's been a "we'll do something at some point" since then, even though it hasn't happened.  She's super friendly when they aren't busy, and because I know she knows I'm interested I don't feel any further pressure, can just enjoy what interaction there is there.

That's kind of how I feel about my love interest.  I know she knows, and I know she's working through some things in her life right now and doesn't want a relationship, so we talk about Aggie football or Star Wars or the latest Disney movies or pumpkin cheesecake (if I ever do get to go forward with her, she's a keeper).  Knowing I don't have to try and hide anything, and just sitting back and enjoying friendship makes it so much easier.  If it's meant to be, it'll happen.  If it's not, at least I'll have a great friend (who seriously cooks the best damn Strawberry cupcakes I've ever had.  Thank God I know enough to help her change a battery on her car). 

[Kelli Fury]

Instead of dating I've decided to stick to disastrously flirting with people who are unavailable, drawing, and listening to Tom Waits. It's not doing anything at all for my love life but it is working wonders for me if my goal is to be a character in the next quirky indie movie sensation.

[Ordos]

I take it you've resumed posting here because your incredibly fraught and legally-complicated divorce is all finalised to everyone's satisfaction?

There will be a very big development regarding that happening on January 1st. 

[Buckwheat]

Buck, I would suggest going into this on the vague assumption it's just a friendly meet up, but with an open mind for "maybe something more." It has been a while since you've seen him, so probably better not to go into this expecting too much...but at the same time, since this is something you probably would be interested in pursuing, you could maybe try to drop him subtle hints (or not so subtle, depending on the kind of person he is) that you are keen to start things up again. Although don't ask me what subtle signs those could be. Subtle is not something I am particularly good at...

Yes. That is good. Now tell this to my silly brain which keeps turning the "unreasonably high expectations" function on.

Terra, I think your way is very practical, I am just too shy and very good at keeping quiet and not bringing up some topics.

[Melphis Amekia]

I find flirting being basically the same talking, only it's the way it's done that's different. You can be coy, you can only barely appear to be flirting(so it wouldn't be too annoying if the other person isn't interested), you can flat-out be flirting, etc. I never had that problem that I didn't know when it's flirting and when it's not, even with my admittedly limited experience. I am also quite forward about it, but I back off from it the moment I see it's not working.

I only wish it's not December 2015 but October 2016 because I'm on my off year, the relationship I was in didn't actually work out(it took me an unfortunate amount of time to determine if I was interested in her romantically or not, and it turned out I wasn't, while she was completely in love with me... but the moment I knew it I went to her and broke it off), my mother has turned out to be an even worse person than before so I basically have no money because she stole it(well, she doesn't want to give me my freaking money, though I will try to sort it out... if she doesn't agree, I'll tell her, in a nice way, to shove it and never contact me again... and even if she does agree to this, I'll tell her that but later, how much later it depends on her) and I'll have to somehow find a way to even pay to go to my University, and on top off all that, since apparently my feelings for anyone who I had feelings for ever don't go away, being around my best friend can simply be painful even if I really don't want to think of her romantically at all, but it's there.

Basically, I have no money, no dating opportunities till I start going to university again, a crush on my best friend which I don't want to have and it's getting in way of me enjoying spending time with her(only a little for now, thankfully) and a ton of time I spend half-productively. Okay, these are the bad things, it's not like I don't generally enjoy spending all day like I am, but it will last for almost a year more, provided I don't get lucky and land a summer job.

[TerraPrime]

Instead of dating I've decided to stick to disastrously flirting with people who are unavailable, drawing, and listening to Tom Waits. It's not doing anything at all for my love life but it is working wonders for me if my goal is to be a character in the next quirky indie movie sensation.

Oh Kay (get it? OK? ), you undersell yourself. I think your life experience before this point is more than enough for a trilogy: A fiercely independent woman who takes no bullshit on her love life, taking men as her wives, and who's equally deft at a tattoo gun and wrangling horses? Yeah, best-seller, right there. ;-)

[Kelli Fury]

Just don't cast me as Zooey Deschanel, that's all I ask

[TerraPrime]

Just don't cast me as Zooey Deschanel, that's all I ask

I've always thought of you as more a Angelina Joli type of woman.

[Kelli Fury]

Have Louis CK play me in all film adaptations of my life

[Yagathai]

Instead of dating I've decided to stick to disastrously flirting with people who are unavailable, drawing, and listening to Tom Waits. It's not doing anything at all for my love life but it is working wonders for me if my goal is to be a character in the next quirky indie movie sensation.

Awesome. I've had The Piano Has Been Drinking on loop for the last half hour. Replace "Drawing" with "Writing" and throw in a fifth of bourbon and we're twinsies.

[Arkhangel]

Went on a date a couple of weekends ago which I thought went really well, I liked him a lot. He contacted me first a couple of days afterwards, but it was to get the contact details for something else I'd mentioned to him. I suggested doing something last weekend, apparently he was busy for the whole weekend, I suggested maybe this Sunday and he was like 'I might be free, I'll see how I go!' which... I don't know, not sure whether he's genuinely that busy two weekends in a row or he's just not that keen on seeing me again? I thought the first date went well, but who knows.

And then I went out with another guy on Wednesday and it's the inverse, he seems very keen to meet up again and I'm really not so interested. To be perfectly, brutally, shallow-ly (??) honest - his voice is really annoying. I feel bad saying it, because he seems like a nice guy if maybe a bit too straight-laced for me, but there it is. And I've just given him the 'oh, next weekend? Yeah, maybe, I'll let you know' in a moment of weakness. I know I should just tell him straight up, but I chickened out at the last minute...

Why is this shit so complicated?