Lily Valley Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Oof. Came home to a wall of guilt-trips. Let it be known, my mother is better at that than all y'all. I had to get rid of the new girl. It was ugly. I was an ass. Any hurt feelings were entirely my fault. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagathai Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Hung out with ex-coworker last night. She told me she's proposing to her high school girlfriend next weekend, but that doesn't preclude us continuing to do... whatever it is we're doing. So, OK? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagathai Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Polyamory just seems to attract you, Yags. Don't fight it, lol.Don't think I haven't noticed the trend. It's really frustrating as all get out. I guess it's because I'm in this weird in-between area of quasi-monogamy, where I'm not interested in full-blown multi-partner poly but I also don't give a crap about sexual fidelity, and that tends to attract the freaks more than the straightlaced white picket fence types. If I were a decade younger I might decide to roll with it, but I feel like at this point in my life I know more or less what I want, and also if I'm going to settle down I can't keep dicking around with things I know won't work, no matter how tall or hot or pierced in fun places she might be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Don't think I haven't noticed the trend. It's really frustrating as all get out. I guess it's because I'm in this weird in-between area of quasi-monogamy, where I'm not interested in full-blown multi-partner poly but I also don't give a crap about sexual fidelity, and that tends to attract the freaks more than the straightlaced white picket fence types. If I were a decade younger I might decide to roll with it, but I feel like at this point in my life I know more or less what I want, and also if I'm going to settle down I can't keep dicking around with things I know won't work, no matter how tall or hot or pierced in fun places she might be. Well, I have to say that it is indeed a sort of limbo place you're occupying in that regard. The closest I can think of is a couple who swings either together or separately. So, you're still a couple, and the emotional center is one-on-one. But sexually, you two can swing together or separately. Finding the female partner who wants this and who also fits other criteria you have can be a challenge. They exist out there, for sure, but in my experience it's usually that they are monogamous, and then with time, the couple decides to swing or have an open marriage for sex. Good luck. Re: Lily Whut? Your mom made you dump new girl? I am confooozed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted September 1, 2015 Share Posted September 1, 2015 Re: Lily Whut? Your mom made you dump new girl? I am confooozed. ARGH Board ate my tirade. Terra, Sorry, that was a little cryptic. I started getting messages from her to come over straight from the airport. My son was home and I was Post-con exhausted. I also had not been home in nearly 8 weeks. No way in hell. I was more polite than that, of course. The texts ramped up into full blown guilt trip. She travels a lot and had come home based on my return date. She didn't ask me if this was a good idea. I would have said no because son, house, work, WorldCon. I told her it would be a few days. She ignored it. I posted a photo of having a much needed drink after work Friday and got one of those, "Oh you have time for THAT." messages. Got worse. Short story long, my mother wins the guilt trip Olympics every year by guilting the judges into sending her the gold medal in the mail. F*** that noise. So yes, my mother made me do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
all swedes are racist Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Sorry to hear that, Lily. Major bummer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagathai Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Well, I have to say that it is indeed a sort of limbo place you're occupying in that regard. The closest I can think of is a couple who swings either together or separately. So, you're still a couple, and the emotional center is one-on-one. But sexually, you two can swing together or separately. Finding the female partner who wants this and who also fits other criteria you have can be a challenge. They exist out there, for sure, but in my experience it's usually that they are monogamous, and then with time, the couple decides to swing or have an open marriage for sex.I definitely don't swing. Bunch of my friends do, but that scene ain't for me. It's exceptionally white, for one thing. No, it comes from working within and therefore dating within the sex industry. If you're still hung up on monogamy and you're dating a sex worker, either you adjust PDQ or you get eaten alive with jealousy and things get very ugly, very quickly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glaurung Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Indeed, the dating crap sucketh. Mr. Marine has likely gone back to his wife. Without saying anything to me. Last I heard from him, he was going to be in town on 8/21. Nothing since. I still love him, but he's got a huge character flaw - frankly, it's cowardice. He's too much a coward to leave his wife. Who carried on a long-term affair with his best friend. He won't get the kid genetically tested to determine if it's his or not (mathematically, likely not his). He stated that it is important to him if the kid is genetically his or not. And, if this really is a breakup and not him just being busy...it's a crap way to break it off with someone you've been seeing for a year, silence. Until the situation proves differently, those are my thoughts. He probably puts off the genetic testing because he's afraid of the answer. The reason he won't leave his wife is probably because he doesn't want to lose his kid. Not that this makes it justifiable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Why would he need to justify not leaving his wife? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glaurung Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 ES, that's pretty typical, unfortunately. It's almost like we send out a repellant to those we're attracted to. Used to happen to me all the time. And the ones I never paid any attention to would flock to my side. I've tried to analyze this phenomenon and have never come up with a satisfactory answer. There is a saying about it. We want what we can't have. The more we can't have it, the more we want it. It affects most of us from time to time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tears of Lys Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 There is a saying about it. We want what we can't have. The more we can't have it, the more we want it. It affects most of us from time to time.And of course that makes sense, but in my situation at least, I've been attracted to people I didn't even **know** I couldn't have yet! :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glaurung Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Why would he need to justify not leaving his wife? My personal opinion is that he either needs to leave her, or tell her what has been going on and patch things up to get their relationship back on track. Justify might not be the right word. I was just explaining an opinion of what I think his thought process is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tears of Lys Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I personally believe that my magical powers are somehow reversing and doing the opposite of what I intend. I'm not sure how to correct this. Perhaps I'll ask mr. Vice Chancellor what he recommends. Maybe he knows a shaman or something. P.S. I know I sound a bit snarky when discussing the university guy...it's just that he keeps approaching me like I'm some high-powered executive woman. It's almost like he wants me to hire him rather than go out on a date. I can't even describe it other than to say it kinda pisses me off.This wasn't the guy who said you looked "distinguished" with your greying hair, was it?You have my permission to punch him on the nose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Sorry to hear that, Lily. Major bummer. No biggie. I've been chasing crazy since I was 14. I'm not going to get mad when I catch it once in a while. On a happier note - Mr. Jaguar brought me coffee in bed, today. He traveled a whole hour from his house, stopped by Starbucks, and appeared at my bedside with my favorite beverage (he was invited, of course). And then he went to work. I think he might be a keeper. I approve. Did he vacuum? Yags, I am totally with you on the swinging scene. It's completely underwhelming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Well, university dude is talking to me like a human being and not a job interview, so I'm still talking to him. This whole dating thing is so hard. I seriously would rather deal with a wasp's nest or a rabid raccoon. Meanwhile, the dude in Seattle is the funniest guy ever, and keeps me in stitches. But he's so far away! Logistics/Availability/Quality. I feel like I'm at work. :bawl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Kilmore Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Well, university dude is talking to me like a human being and not a job interview, so I'm still talking to him. This whole dating thing is so hard. I seriously would rather deal with a wasp's nest or a rabid raccoon. Meanwhile, the dude in Seattle is the funniest guy ever, and keeps me in stitches. But he's so far away! Logistics/Availability/Quality. I feel like I'm at work. :bawl: That's good to hear. Sometimes, when people are nervous, they default to a comfortable communication style, University Dude's could have been that formal professional style, but now that he feels more comfortable he is relaxing into it more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Welp. Communication styles are learned, but a sense of humor is God-given and sorely missed when someone doesn't have one. University dude does not have one. Meanwhile, one of my employees asked me out. That was awkward. One of the 70 year old bachelor vets at church is eyeing me constantly, and even tries to sit by me. And another guy who is not yet aware that he is not straight is asking me out. But the guy I like is nowhere. Nowhere. I'm taking a page from Amy Sedaris' book. I now have an imaginary boyfriend. His name is Hal, and he's awesome 90% of the time. Also, am wearing my man-repellant oxford shoes and they're making me absurdly happy. Hal doesn't like them, but I don't give a crap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlefingers In The Air Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Thank The Lord for my amazing sense of humor, then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RaceBannon42 Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Welp. Communication styles are learned, but a sense of humor is God-given and sorely missed when someone doesn't have one. University dude does not have one. Meanwhile, one of my employees asked me out. That was awkward. One of the 70 year old bachelor vets at church is eyeing me constantly, and even tries to sit by me. And another guy who is not yet aware that he is not straight is asking me out. But the guy I like is nowhere. Nowhere. I'm taking a page from Amy Sedaris' book. I now have an imaginary boyfriend. His name is Hal, and he's awesome 90% of the time. Also, am wearing my man-repellant oxford shoes and they're making me absurdly happy. Hal doesn't like them, but I don't give a crap. Forget Hal! He's not the boss of you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elder Sister Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 Forget Hal! He's not the boss of you! You're right, dammit. I'm talking to him about this. He is not the boss of me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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