Theda Baratheon Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Hiking photo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Inigima Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Face for main one, but also put up hiking photo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I think I'll probably go with that option, the background in my hiking photos is always beautiful but I'm usually a bit too sweaty and dirty to be called the same. On reflection it's probably better to start by showing what I look like when I haven't just dragged a heavy pack up a mountain :P Plus I don't want to put off non-hikers, it's not something I will demand every date does with me! Edit: The spam pile is still growing, I assume this is just a burst because my profile is new and then it will die down, but I have no idea how some of these guys are even finding me. There's a 10% match from Algeria whose standard 'hey how r u' is imbued with extra levels of desperation by the addition of no less than three multiple exclamation and question marks each (!!!???), for example. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 The spam will die down a bit shortly. It's really overwhelming the first couple of weeks your profile goes up. I'd definitely do a face photo for the profile and add the hiking photo too. Don't be afraid to browse and send out messages of your own. Most men don't get a lot of unsolicited messages and are delighted when they get them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 Most men don't get a lot of unsolicited messages that are not from scamming websites and are delighted when they get messages from true human females. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 I've been trying OkCupid for a few months or so, and the spam has definitely died down (thought it's been a while since i've gotten any amusing gems like the "how do you feel about friends with benefits" text from Saudi Arabia, which even if I was totally into it, how much benefits are you going to get from me while you're in Saudi Arabia?) but so has my initial can-do spirit about the whole thing. When it was just loads of weirdness I felt quite cheery texting about with the slightly-less-totally-offputting, but now it's a handful of awkward, maybe earnest conversation that are still awkward and blah (the average 30ish Jerusalem guy apparently can't wait to bloody have kids and settle down and find something real who's done playing games and looking for someone to be a best friend and build something real and good grief. I live in hope that they're all actually lying jerks, but, terrifyingly, I don't think so.) I'm just continuing out of a sense of obligation (to myself and whatever the fuck it is i'm going through that's prompting this, not to them.) I just don't have the faintest desire to go meet any of these people or take whatever the next steps are. Only one guy so far has suggested going on past texts, and I was actually slightly annoyed when he suggested a phone call rather than a meeting. Can we just get it over with? It's like i'm steeling myself up for an unpleasant medical exam. It's very important, for long term health. We'll know so much more afterwards. This, I'll venture, isn't the spirit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 In this awkward scenario where I keep getting invited on double-date-ish events with my buddy, his girlfriend, and her friend who I used to date and told me she just wanted to be friends after a couple months. Everyone involved knows the history, as well as the fact that I'm still pretty into her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Kilmore Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 That is kind of a dick move by your friend. It deserves a "what are you thinking?" kind of conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fuseprime Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Hey Thread, You've usually had some great advice/insight, so here's a story, and let me know what you think: I was in the hunt for a new place a month and a half ago, and decided to look on Craigslist. I met up with two people, a guy and girl, at a Starbucks, in the neighborhood I was looking into, to be potential roommates. We had a good time, they seemed like normal people, but we did not end up looking together due to differences in preference of apartments (I think). About a month later she texted me out of the blue, saying she wanted to know if I would grab drinks with her. I said yeah, and we went on a date. The date went great, IMO. We laughed, joked, got to know each other, and when we left we decided to have another date. I was unavailable to do anything for the next week since I'd be out of town, but that I would text her when I got back (she's a texter btw). I let her know the next day I had a great time, and reiterated that I would let her know when I was back, and we could set something up. She responded that she too had a great time, she told me to have a great trip, and added two little smileys in the text I texted her on Monday, letting her know I was back, and if she would want to go to a restaurant we were talking about during our date, and we're both interested in going to (they served breakfast for dinner...it's not an IHOP, it's gourmet) on Thursday. She hasn't responded, so I'm not sure if she's not interested, or nervous (she's quiet), or if she just didn't SEE the text (it's happened to me before). How should I follow up on this? I thought we really clicked, but I'm not sure. I'm typically good at reading people, and can tell when a woman just isn't interested, so I don't know. I don't want to seem clingy, but I don't want to just....give up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Hey Thread, You've usually had some great advice/insight, so here's a story, and let me know what you think: I was in the hunt for a new place a month and a half ago, and decided to look on Craigslist. I met up with two people, a guy and girl, at a Starbucks, in the neighborhood I was looking into, to be potential roommates. We had a good time, they seemed like normal people, but we did not end up looking together due to differences in preference of apartments (I think). About a month later she texted me out of the blue, saying she wanted to know if I would grab drinks with her. I said yeah, and we went on a date. The date went great, IMO. We laughed, joked, got to know each other, and when we left we decided to have another date. I was unavailable to do anything for the next week since I'd be out of town, but that I would text her when I got back (she's a texter btw). I let her know the next day I had a great time, and reiterated that I would let her know when I was back, and we could set something up. She responded that she too had a great time, she told me to have a great trip, and added two little smileys in the text I texted her on Monday, letting her know I was back, and if she would want to go to a restaurant we were talking about during our date, and we're both interested in going to (they served breakfast for dinner...it's not an IHOP, it's gourmet) on Thursday. She hasn't responded, so I'm not sure if she's not interested, or nervous (she's quiet), or if she just didn't SEE the text (it's happened to me before). How should I follow up on this? I thought we really clicked, but I'm not sure. I'm typically good at reading people, and can tell when a woman just isn't interested, so I don't know. I don't want to seem clingy, but I don't want to just....give up? Text her back and ask if she can make it Thursday or if another day would work better. That leaves three possible outcomes. One, she says yes, or says Thursday doesn't work let's do day xyz. Everyone's happy. Two, she says I can't make it Thursday and doesn't give you a replacement date. If she does that, you text her back another time with a different date idea and see what's up. Third, she ghosts you and whatever. So, you lose nothing by texting. If she really likes you, she's not going to think it's weird or offputting or clingy that you're following up on a date request. Because it's not. This isn't a cold call, and you have a right to expect a response. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 So tonight is the night. Josie and I are meeting up a little later than planned. Her and her partner (she's a detective ) interviewing someone tonight so instead of meeting up right after work she is getting a ride from her sargeant to this place within walking distance of my house that has great food. She's always wanted to try it so it works in my favor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Have a fun date AMP :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Have a fun date AMP :-)Thank you. I have a damn good rapport with her already and she naturally puts me at ease that I have no worries about that. She is so easygoing and charming that for once nerves aren't an issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Have a fun date AMP :-)Thank you. I have a damn good rapport with her already and she naturally puts me at ease that I have no worries about that. She is so easygoing and charming that for once nerves aren't an issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 How did the date go??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 We had a really great time. The place we went to was a neighborhood bar that has amazing food. We spent most of it talking about the book she recommended, how her job is going, my impending change of jobs. She got me to try anchovies which I never thought I'd do. She texted me when I was on my way home to thank me for a great dinner and that she hopes to do it again soon. She also called me such a good friend which I guess I am. I'm honored that she feels that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 I'm glad you had such a good time mate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch-MaesterPhilip Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Thank you kindly Theda. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Should I read anything into chemist guy vanishing on me for a week? He texted about getting a coffee Tuesday, we made plans for an hour later (we live fairly close,) he cancelled ten minutes after that citing being swamped at work and that we should take it up next week. Short exchange of texts yesterday - still really busy - and that's it. I keep thinking I should try to be a bit (a lot) flirtier or at least more personal here, but not quite sure how to do that via text messages that consist of mostly witticisms about work stress. Or that I was being too domineering since I was the one who ended up defining the when and where of both dates (one cancelled)?(Also ended up having a couple of conversations with the old workaholic Indian Phd student crush - because who doesn't need two of those? - the first of which made me want to kill him and the second of which was a bit rawer but ended on friendlier, and thus less distracting, footing but is still unsettling, particularly with something that might be read as an invitation to talk more frequently. Which is probably a bad idea but one I don't know if I can resist following up on. He'll definitely fail to live up to it and i'll be more frustrated than ever. Trying to think of it as a kind of project.)I don't know whether to consider it progress or regression, all in all - I have this much relationship-related stuff going on in my head, which is a new thing, but none of it seems to be going anywhere at all, so maybe zero is better than negative? I mean, I've never managed to connect to this stuff before. Why should it now work? Not trying at least limits failure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 We had a really great time. The place we went to was a neighborhood bar that has amazing food. We spent most of it talking about the book she recommended, how her job is going, my impending change of jobs. She got me to try anchovies which I never thought I'd do. She texted me when I was on my way home to thank me for a great dinner and that she hopes to do it again soon. She also called me such a good friend which I guess I am. I'm honored that she feels that way. That's a really great way to take it. I'm sorry that it didn't really work out as a date kind of a thing, but it sounds like you guys had a great time anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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