Dating, race, and you.

[Yagathai]

I find the implication that racial preferences for dating is racist troubling since it is saying who people should be attracted to and how much.

You really should read a thread before posting in it, man.

[Hans Gruber]

I've personally never felt particularly attracted to a non white woman yet, if I was though then why would I let something as trivial as their race get in the way, hair colour though, that's different.

[Eyron]

I find the implication that racial preferences for dating is racist troubling since it is saying who people should be attracted to and how much.

Sure, just like it's saying you shouldn't judge people by their race in general. How judgmental of people to say such! 

Really, it's just saying that you shouldn't exclude whole races of people from your dating pool (I don't like that expression btw), even if you find yourself attracted to some more than others.

 

I think people know nothing of love, when I read stuff like this, and other statements about who they are willing to date etc. It's a luxury problem to me. Finding a partner (or more if that's what you do) in life beats everything. Life is short, don't limit your chances of finding great partners from your having prejudices. If you have prejudices, examine them, work on them. It's the least you can do.

[TerraPrime]

 from your having prejudices. If you have prejudices, examine them, work on them. It's the least you can do.

 

 

The key is that most people who have that kind of restrictions do not see that as a form of prejudice to begin with. They think saying "I don't date Asians" is the same as saying "I don't date brunettes." 

[Littlefingers In The Air]

I've actually been getting pressured a lot over the past year by people in the Right wing of the pan-African movement to not date outside of my race. Their rationale is that black people need to practice self-love and love of each other and that dating other people is outside of that. I can't take them seriously because these are the same people who say homosexuality isn't natural because it doesn't "meet the biological endgame of sex".

But it does make me consider ultimately settling down with a black woman more seriously, whenever I decide to be strictly monogamous

[Eyron]

 

 

The key is that most people who have that kind of restrictions do not see that as a form of prejudice to begin with. They think saying "I don't date Asians" is the same as saying "I don't date brunettes." 

That's probably their idea.

 

But, I'm of the don't discriminate between hair colours as well persuasion lol. It's a fucking hair colour! People can go be pretentious or fantasize somewhere far from me thanks.

 

 

I've actually been getting pressured a lot over the past year by people in the Right wing of the pan-African movement to not date outside of my race. Their rationale is that black people need to practice self-love and love of each other and that dating other people is outside of that. I can't take them seriously because these are the same people who say homosexuality isn't natural because it doesn't "meet the biological endgame of sex".

But it does make me consider ultimately settling down with a black woman more seriously, whenever I decide to be strictly monogamous

Yeah, I'm aware. Well, you do what's right for you. This goes for everyone of course.

 

Still makes me think you are bad at prioritizing what's important in life. White people are not all the same, it's not like 'white culture' is the same all over the world, or even in the US. And I sincerely hope what makes people think you would be a traitor or whatever will change eventually. If your friends, family or community can't respect your choice of partner, just based on what race/gender they are, then I wouldn't respect their opinion one bit.

 

Thought experiments: The adorable mixed race twin girls of different colour (imagine them many years older). Would you not date the one with the white traits but only the twin sister who is coloured?

If you had kids with a woman of colour and your kids come out one in most aspects white among the bunch, would their colour make them different to you or your community? Would you accept them being treated like a white person? Genes can be funny.

[Lily Valley]

I've actually been getting pressured a lot over the past year by people in the Right wing of the pan-African movement to not date outside of my race. Their rationale is that black people need to practice self-love and love of each other and that dating other people is outside of that. I can't take them seriously because these are the same people who say homosexuality isn't natural because it doesn't "meet the biological endgame of sex".

But it does make me consider ultimately settling down with a black woman more seriously, whenever I decide to be strictly monogamous

LiTA,

 

Are you finding disapproval in general?  Down here there's enormous disapproval of black men dating outside their race.  Rationale being the lack of availability of young black men due to high incarceration / murder rates along with the disadvantages black women already have in dating make it a double whammy.  In addition, the communities are very close and very closed here  Dating outside of the local neighborhoods is frowned upon, period.  Also, the exoticism that goes both directions is pretty gross in the south.  The combination makes it a tough situation for both people involved.

 

 I've only heard the miscegenation argument used against black women who have married outside their race.   It smacked of sexism, so it is interesting that you're getting flack from that quarter as well.  That's probably an observer's error on my part.  I'm quite sure that I'm the last person on earth most married men are going to tell stories like that too.  So if women are hearing that shit, I assume men are as well.

 

Terra,

 

HE'S MUCH TOO YOUNG FOR YOU!  (have fun kids, LiTA will be an old furball in no time  xoxo).

[Gasp of Many Reeds]

I've actually been getting pressured a lot over the past year by people in the Right wing of the pan-African movement to not date outside of my race. Their rationale is that black people need to practice self-love and love of each other and that dating other people is outside of that.

Thanks to the 'one-drop' rule, almost every black American whose roots go back more than a couple of generations has a whole load of white ancestry, so another reason that rationale is stupid. 

[Ser Arthur Hightower]

You really should read a thread before posting in it, man.

 

I did.

 

 

Sure, just like it's saying you shouldn't judge people by their race in general. How judgmental of people to say such! 

Really, it's just saying that you shouldn't exclude whole races of people from your dating pool (I don't like that expression btw), even if you find yourself attracted to some more than others.

 

I think people know nothing of love, when I read stuff like this, and other statements about who they are willing to date etc. It's a luxury problem to me. Finding a partner (or more if that's what you do) in life beats everything. Life is short, don't limit your chances of finding great partners from your having prejudices. If you have prejudices, examine them, work on them. It's the least you can do.

 

 

If you grow up in a modern civilised society then not treating people unfairly because of their skin colour shouldn't be difficult. However that doesn't change the fact that most people find themselves more attracted to people of some races than others.

 

I personally wouldn't exclude anyone from my "dating pool" based on skin colour however I would generally be more interested in relationships with people of my own race. I accept that I am in the middle, some people are equally (though I doubt anyone is completely equal in this regard) attracted to all races/more attracted to other races, others would have almost no attraction to people of different races. Either extreme or anywhere in the middle is fine.

 

Obviously it isn't nice to have less chance of finding a good relationship because of your race, but as free northman said this could apply for any physical attribute, women don't exactly drool over short spotty guys with glasses but it isn't anyone's right to be found attractive.

[Yagathai]

I did.

I mean, evidence points to the contrary. At the very least the arguments you make have been made about a dozen times already, and addressed fairly thoroughly.

[Eyron]

 
If you grow up in a modern civilised society then not treating people unfairly because of their skin colour shouldn't be difficult. However that doesn't change the fact that most people find themselves more attracted to people of some races than others.
 
I personally wouldn't exclude anyone from my "dating pool" based on skin colour however I would generally be more interested in relationships with people of my own race. I accept that I am in the middle, some people are equally (though I doubt anyone is completely equal in this regard) attracted to all races/more attracted to other races, others would have almost no attraction to people of different races. Either extreme or anywhere in the middle is fine.
 
Obviously it isn't nice to have less chance of finding a good relationship because of your race, but as free northman said this could apply for any physical attribute, women don't exactly drool over short spotty guys with glasses but it isn't anyone's right to be found attractive.

I don't think it is fine when someone is in the extreme, as you say. It's a fact that some people are extreme, but no one is obligated to think that it's fine. That's your own choice.

And no, race is not the same as attributes that apply to all races. It will not become true no matter how you twist it.

No one has said it's a right to be found attractive. That's a pretty poor strawman there.

[Ser Lepus]

Not being attracted to a certain race is not racism.

^This.

You are attracted to whoever you are attracted to, and nobody has the right to complain (well, unless your preference are minors, dead people or something similarly creepy :ack: ).

If I'm not attracted to people of my gender and refuse to date them, does that make me homophobic? I don't think so.

If you aren't sexually/romantically attracted to people of a certain gender, age, race, weight or whatever, anybody who criticize you for that is so bad as those who want to "cure" homosexuals.

[Eyron]

Criticism is not the same as trying to change someone's preferences or sexuality. That's a very weird comparison.

If we were born with preferences of race, biologically hardwired, then it would be similar to being homosexual (still not saying criticism is the same as "curing"). I do absolutely not believe we are hardwired like that when it comes to race.

[Littlefingers In The Air]

False equivalences make my brain hurt!

[Arkhangel]

It seems pretty hard to argue that making explicit blanket statements about not dating any given race is not racist. That's the definition of racism.

 

What I think is more complex is when people's conscious beliefs and values may not necessarily line up with their practices. Let's take me as an example. If you ask me about dating guys from other races, I will unhesitatingly say yes, sure, there are gorgeous men in every race who I'd happily date - but if you looked at my actual dating history, you'd see that despite knowing and getting on well with many guys from different ethnic and cultural backgrounds, I've only dated white guys from Anglophone countries. Is this an indication that I am, on some subconscious level, racist when it comes to dating? And if so, what should I do about it?

[HexMachina]

^This.

You are attracted to whoever you are attracted to, and nobody has the right to complain (well, unless your preference are minors, dead people or something similarly creepy :ack: ).

If I'm not attracted to people of my gender and refuse to date them, does that make me homophobic? I don't think so.

If you aren't sexually/romantically attracted to people of a certain gender, age, race, weight or whatever, anybody who criticize you for that is so bad as those who want to "cure" homosexuals.

As has already been said repeatedly, no racial group is identical to each other, there will be varying appearances and personality and so on within each race. Which is why excluding an entire race is so peculiar and likely has racist implications.

[Tyrellius]

Jesus fuck. Are people really this thick?

[Theda Baratheon]

Jesus fuck. Are people really this thick?

Yes.

[Littlefingers In The Air]

Yup.

[Castel]

It seems pretty hard to argue that making explicit blanket statements about not dating any given race is not racist. That's the definition of racism.

 

What I think is more complex is when people's conscious beliefs and values may not necessarily line up with their practices. Let's take me as an example. If you ask me about dating guys from other races, I will unhesitatingly say yes, sure, there are gorgeous men in every race who I'd happily date - but if you looked at my actual dating history, you'd see that despite knowing and getting on well with many guys from different ethnic and cultural backgrounds, I've only dated white guys from Anglophone countries. Is this an indication that I am, on some subconscious level, racist when it comes to dating? And if so, what should I do about it?

 

You are, and you aren't, until someone opens the box. 

 

It's awkward, which is why people don't fixate on that as much or use softer language like "culturally determined tastes" and so on.