Mental Health Support Group

[Tower of Almond Joy]

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[princess_snow]

..THIS is why I don't open up to them about my feelings and why I have always been conviced they dont believe in depression or believe I suffer from it and that im some sort of dramatic liar who loves to be sad and a victim when really im just a girl who LOVES to laugh and be creative and instead im trapped in my depression and i hate it. 

Big hugs to everyone here 

I totally understand where youre coming from. One of my sisters told my daughter that there was no such thing as depression and it was an excuse for people who feel sorry for themselves. Sometimes family are not the ones who we should turn to for support. It took me along time to realise this. I now have a good support network via friends who have become more like family to me than my own. 

 

Hope everybody has a lovely New Year. Looking forward to a better year next year.     

[HexMachina]

I think a lot of this comes back to poor understanding/education about mental health, which allows a lot of misconceptions to persist. There is, in general, a very poor education in schools when it comes to mental health, unless you go out of your way to find it. I know some mental health charities have been making steps to raise awareness and break down the stigma surrounding mental illness, but I fear there is still a long way to go. Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive, but I often hear mental health issues mentioned in such a dismissive way: "ugh I'm so depressed" (when something minor happens, or we have a lot of work to do or something) "Oh I'm so OCD) (No, you're tidy/clean. Big difference) and so on.

[The King in Black]

Well, another year comes to an end. 2015 was tough, a lot of downs and no real ups. I was dangerously close to another breakdown and had three real rough periods. I still feel my core problem of feeling of purposelessness has not quite successfully been addressed , but I'm making progress on that front. One big improvement seems to be I'm beginning to let go of the past. Being impotently angry at nobody in particular and everybody in general about what happened and what could have happened was a big reason I got screwed in the present.

 

So yeah, I'm going on as I am. Hope you all too are doing fine.

[Lany Freelove Cassandra]

I have had a very rough month, but am finally sleeping a bit better...been getting 5-6 hours a night for almost a week now

My sister's cancer took a turn for the worse and she was in and out of the hospital several times.  The call I got from my brother said she was in the hospital dying, and it was a few weeks before we knew it wasn't likely to be this month. (she is looking into this new treatment now that may help, hopefully, it is pancreatic cancer and she had a stint put in a few years ago, but now it is really bad)

Having this underlying issue has made all my other problems so much worse. Work and financial issues were coming to a head, and with all the stress and anxiety I was only sleeping 3-4 hours a night.

I spent a full day crying at work, something I never do, but the damn just burst.

My husband kept saying I should take something to help me sleep, but every time I thought of it I wondered how many it would take to go to sleep for good.  I'm not suicidal, it was just the association I put with the sleeping pills and honestly, that scared me.

Everything is now on hold until after the New Year, and I am doing better, but I suspect it will all start back up again in a week or two.  Sometimes it seems like a never ending cycle.

 

 

 

[Wise Fool]

I've been really weird lately. It's been a weird season. Been a weird year. I've been a weird person.

I hope I am not getting into this kind of situation where people think I have a mental disorder. Just because I trip ballz and am pretty fucking weird and creative and shit doesn't, I maintain, mean I have a problem. I'm functioning just fine and dandy, really! All things considered! Work is going okay, I mean I throw myself into it, it's high stress, I have been under a lot of stress lately and it shows. But I am not having a nervous breakdown (whatever that is) or crisis or anything else like that either. I don't really have a problem, no more than anybody. I'm not suffering, nor am I causing harm to anyone, that I know of. At least I hope I'm not! Still, being a weird trippy ass motherfucker does come with the cost of people being inclined to think I'm unhinged, lol.

Anyway I hope you all have a good new year, and me as well, because, well, 2015 was kind of okay, but not really. 2016 will probably be way more awesome!

[Sis Who Swears]

Big 's to Lany and Mandy and everyone else that can use one.

[Spring Bass]

Jesus, Mandy, I am so sorry. That fucking sucks so much. Fuck cancer. 

It's been a rougher couple of days with the intrusive thoughts and the anxiety, mostly the anxiety interestingly enough. What I'm trying to do is avoid the recursive thought pattern of 1)feel the anxiety because of some trigger 2)get more anxious, start fearing that the intrusive thoughts are coming back 3)get the intrusive thoughts back because of that, and 4)then worry if maybe I'm wrong, maybe I actually have something worse, etc. Breathing right helps, and I've been trying to relax and let it just flow through me and out. 

It also comforts me to know that the focal point of the intrusive thoughts has never been the same thing for more than a few months to a year for me - sooner or later, I can win over this at least until it shifts to something different. I remember reading a piece in the Guardian about a guy with OCD whose intrusive thoughts and fears centered around a fear that he would get AIDS, and that just went on for years - and he still had it. I shuddered. 

Mid-January to early February. If it's still flaring up too much by then, time to see a psychiatrist or therapist. 

 

[Lany Freelove Cassandra]

Mandy, I am so sorry.  I have no words, but I hope the procedure helps :grouphug;

 

And I spoke too soon about sleeping better.  had less than 4 hours last night *sigh*  I know it is the underlying anxiety.  And all the issues are out of my control, which I am sure makes things worse.

[Raja]

Christ, good luck to Mandy, EB and Lany. 

So, I think I probably need to go talk to a therapist - I'm thinking of maybe going through my university, they will pay for three sessions with a therapist, but I don't know. It seems like it's a better idea to go find one myself - partly because the person at the university has to refer you over to a therapist but I don't particularly want to talk to the university representative . Finding one myself means that it's going to be a lot more expensive though. Sigh. 

[Theda Baratheon]

Big hugs to everyone  Especially Lany and Mandy 

 

[King Tyrion I]

Sorry to hear you've had such a crap time, Lany.  I had no idea - I think I haven't been on the board in over 6 months, and there are things you just can't post on Facebook.

That's kind of why I am here.  We found out 2 days after my youngest turned 10 that he has an inoperable brain tumor and severe hydrocephalus.  We got an MRI because he had complained on and off about headaches, and I'm glad we did.  He had an ETV (a surgical procedure for treatment of hydrocephalus) and we are hoping it works and keeps working.  We have another MRI scheduled in a week with dye so we can find out more about how bad it is and what we can expect.  I'm staying away from Googling for information right now because I did that once and lost my shit and I'm honestly already struggling daily to keep depression at bay, so I really don't know how I'm going to handle this.  My family has never been a great support resource for me, so I guess I'll be typing on the internet complaining for lack of alternative outlet.

My kids are everything to me.  I mean, I guess that's normal for a parent, but I'm a single, unattached mom of three. I don't have many friends I spend time with.  In fact, right now I'm not answering the phone when people call because I can't handle simple conversations about Alex after exhausting myself keeping my shit together at work all day long so I don't just sit at my desk and cry.  

I'm also trying to kind of stay away from people IRL because I've noticed my patience level is not what it normally is and I have been SUPER bitchy.  Not good.  For example, I sincerely appreciate it when people say they are praying for Alex (I appreciate the sentiment, I really do), but it's incredibly rude for someone who knows I'm not religious to tell me that "faith is the key".  No, asshole. Science is the key.  Medicine is the key. If the almighty sky daddy has the ability to give or take brain tumors to children, he's a dick and I want to throat punch him.  

Needless to say, I've been staying away from people not only because it's exhausting, but because I'm in a nasty mood a lot of the time.  

So this sucks pretty hard.  Still hoping for positive information next week about his prognosis, though.

Cancer is a terrible beast. My thoughts are with you.

Mandy, I am so sorry.  I have no words, but I hope the procedure helps :grouphug;

 

And I spoke too soon about sleeping better.  had less than 4 hours last night *sigh*  I know it is the underlying anxiety.  And all the issues are out of my control, which I am sure makes things worse.

Lany.

You guys know you can always hit me up. No matter what. Don't hesitate.

Really.

[deleted01]

I'm slowly coming off my medication. It not only costs me money every month, but since I moved out of my house and have eliminated most of the stressors in my life, I feel I can deal with the rest of life without pills. I tapered down from 50mg to 25mg every day, now I'm on 25mg every other day. Not sure if I should take the whole packet or leave some, just in case. Probably the latter. 

I'm generally good, now. My OCD is pretty much unaffected by the pills, and is still pretty bad, and I've developed a tendency to want to stay inside and not go out. But I'm forcing myself back to work tomorrow, remnants of a chest infection or no. 

[Spring Bass]

Sorry to hear that about the OCD, but glad you're free of some major stressors.

I suppose it's a good sign that my anxiety and intrusive thoughts haven't flared up in force despite the past two days at work being literally the most extremely stressful and busy work days I can remember in the years I've worked here. Just mild bits here and there, which pass on.

[drawkcabi]

Woke up this morning just like every morning since the first day of the year and before that, with my mom screaming hysterically at my dad and my dad trying to poison my dogs.

My dad is constantly sneaking food to the dogs, it's a game to him. Today it was chestnuts and strawberries and parts of an egg bacon and cheese breakfast sandwich. Both dogs are overweight, both have liver issues, one has heart issues, the other gets bladder stones and is on a strict, strict diet.

My mom is breaking down coming unglued becasue of him on top of other severe stressors.

I got the dogs because I was lonely and miserable as shit without them and they helped but he's destroying this.

All my life so much of what we did we had to take into account his preferences. If we went out to eat it had to be somewhere he'd want to go, when we went on vacation it had to be somewhere he'd have something to do, if we went to a movie it had to be something interesting to him.

I hear about dad's taking their kids to cartoon movies and stuff for their kids, and when I was a kid my mom and grandmother did that for me, but if it was my dad we always had to make sure we went to see something that would be interesting for him.

He gambled away just about my entire inheritance.

I guess I'm lucky, I had him in my life, he left his first wife and five kids (the fifth one not even born yet), went and took off to another country leaving them behind and he's bitter about how ungrateful and selfish his kids are.

Now it's my mother and I who take care of him. Fix him his meals, take him to doctors, make sure he has whatever he needs, try to give him what he wants. We give him his medicine every day and every night and constantly remind him to take it. He lets them sit there for hours on the table in front of him or sits in a chair and holds the cup with the pills in it until he falls asleep and all the pills fall over the floor.

And he complains that all his life he's done everything for everybody and nobody has ever done anything for him.

 

I'm deeply depressed and fed up with my life.

[Spring Bass]

Focusing on my senses during heightened anxiety, mentally describing them - it seems to be working to calm me down. Same with the intrusive thoughts. It's been good since I last posted here. Now to work on ameliorating stuff that triggers the thoughts again . . . 

Glad to hear that news, Mandy. 

[HexMachina]

Dropping by because I am feeling very good. Lately, for the first time in, well, years, I feel I can see what a life is like without the daily battles of an eating disorder and depression. By no means do I think I am "over" my troubles - I doubt it will ever be so easy, I suspect some part of me will always be affected by this to some extent - but the struggle is much less frequent these days. Whereas previously every day was a minefield when it came to eating/body image, now there are days where the thoughts barely register. When they do crop up, I feel much more able to cope with them. As for my depression, it ebbs and flows, as I am sure many of you will have experienced. I still get days where the idea of social interaction drains me and I don't want to get out of bed. And yes, from time to time I do let my thoughts drag me down. But, again, it is much less frequent than it once was. And I find myself able to push through, even when I do have these thoughts - or more often than not I can anyway. 

I honestly believe this is down to me finally opening up a little and forming close friendships/relationships with my new flatmates. I think this has helped me greatly, living day in day out with people who I feel able to confide in, whose company I enjoy, who are able to read my moods almost as well as I can myself. Any time I spend with them seems to drag me up when I'm in a rut. I've had a fear of making these kinds of close friendships/relationships for a long time now, and I believe this has only held me back.

 

anyway, I've rambled my inane nonesense long enough, but I had to share somewhere. Thinking of you all  

[Wise Fool]

Well. A few weeks ago, I tried to help a friend. Got somehow into the middle of a fight between her and her roommate. Ended with the roommate moving out and me suggesting my friend might want to stop drinking so much, but violence or police involvement was abated and I take credit for that. Doesn't matter, though. I was asked to leave and haven't been asked back, or heard from her. Lost a friend, or two. Good ones. About a week ago, I took certain substances and lost control and, well, bottom line is my roommates no longer seem like friends, and I don't blame them, on account of how utterly insane and dangerous things got. No one got harmed, ultimately. But it seems I've destroyed friendships here too. I don't have many friends. Which is to say I don't really have any at all. I could use one. I am feeling seriously, seriously depressed. I sleep twelve hours a day now. I cry about every day. I'm utterly alone and lonely and scared and I do get thoughts of self-harm because fuck, what else is there?

And I really resent that the answer to all of this is "psychiatry." Drugs. Medicine. THat's not the fucking solution. I need friends and love and comfort and I refuse to make that a "medical issue," act like I just have some biological fuckup in my brain that needs the right drug to treat. I can't afford that shit anyway. I can't afford anything.

I am not in a good place.

Could use someone to talk to. What I could really use is a friend to hold me while I probably cried like a little baby. I don't have one though. So, you know... nothing. There's nothing. Just endure this shit until one day I can't. And while I get those self harm thoughts, I never would. I do have family. THey'd be devastated. ANd my roommates, well, I'm not going to leave them my mess to have to deal with. And I'm too resentful, to angry and bitter, for me to NOT turn suicide into a big fuck-you to the world, a mean-spirited way of lashing out at people who once cared about me before I became a weird monster. I'm not like that.

What I'd like to do is just disappear. Drive off and hope everyone forgot about me and didn't ever find a body or anything. But that's not possible either. All I can do is just... get up and go to work, to my job that I hate, my job that is killing me. And keep doing that. And hope that maybe, in five, ten, twenty years, I'll meet someone. A friend or lover. Maybe I can have a nice few years at the end of my life, be one of those people. I don't think so though.

[Spring Bass]

My anxiety and intrusive thoughts shifted over to something else for a while, although I'm worried they'll shift back because I'll start thinking about how I'm not experiencing a particularly variety of them anymore, and argh.

In any case, I've been doing really good for the past week or two. It's nice.

[deleted01]

On 05/02/2016 at 3:58 AM, Wise Fool said:

Well. A few weeks ago, I tried to help a friend. Got somehow into the middle of a fight between her and her roommate. Ended with the roommate moving out and me suggesting my friend might want to stop drinking so much, but violence or police involvement was abated and I take credit for that. Doesn't matter, though. I was asked to leave and haven't been asked back, or heard from her. Lost a friend, or two. Good ones. About a week ago, I took certain substances and lost control and, well, bottom line is my roommates no longer seem like friends, and I don't blame them, on account of how utterly insane and dangerous things got. No one got harmed, ultimately. But it seems I've destroyed friendships here too. I don't have many friends. Which is to say I don't really have any at all. I could use one. I am feeling seriously, seriously depressed. I sleep twelve hours a day now. I cry about every day. I'm utterly alone and lonely and scared and I do get thoughts of self-harm because fuck, what else is there?

And I really resent that the answer to all of this is "psychiatry." Drugs. Medicine. THat's not the fucking solution. I need friends and love and comfort and I refuse to make that a "medical issue," act like I just have some biological fuckup in my brain that needs the right drug to treat. I can't afford that shit anyway. I can't afford anything.

I am not in a good place.

Could use someone to talk to. What I could really use is a friend to hold me while I probably cried like a little baby. I don't have one though. So, you know... nothing. There's nothing. Just endure this shit until one day I can't. And while I get those self harm thoughts, I never would. I do have family. THey'd be devastated. ANd my roommates, well, I'm not going to leave them my mess to have to deal with. And I'm too resentful, to angry and bitter, for me to NOT turn suicide into a big fuck-you to the world, a mean-spirited way of lashing out at people who once cared about me before I became a weird monster. I'm not like that.

What I'd like to do is just disappear. Drive off and hope everyone forgot about me and didn't ever find a body or anything. But that's not possible either. All I can do is just... get up and go to work, to my job that I hate, my job that is killing me. And keep doing that. And hope that maybe, in five, ten, twenty years, I'll meet someone. A friend or lover. Maybe I can have a nice few years at the end of my life, be one of those people. I don't think so though.

I'm sorry nobody responded to you. I hope somebody reached out on PM, and that you're doing better. My phone really doesn't like this new layout, so I'm not on here much, but PM if you still need to talk.