Mental Health Support Group

[Wise Fool]

I did get PM and I got help and I'm okay. Thank you.

It's been rough, I will admit. But every rough moment seems to herald the coming of a new dawn in my life. Things are progressively getting better. There is hope.

[peterbound]

So, a little frustrated today.  

I think I posted in here that I got wellbutrin about a year and half ago.  I got on it because of some bullshit that happened at work (saw a couple of bad pediatric trauma/deaths, and I ran a call where I watched a dude my age die right in front of his son, bummed out a little.  I spoke with a  dude I trust, a mentor, who got on the wellbutrin after similar situations happened to him), and was 'diagnosed' with adjustment disorder/PTSD.  That shit coupled with my time in Iraq made sense.  So I got on it.  It really helped.  Seriously helped.  It was able to identify some issues that I thought were 'normal' pre meds that were actually me being a complete and absolute asshole due to some depression (acting out in anger when i was bummed).  Now, this hasn't effected my job in any way.  None whatsoever.  If anything it's made me a better Fire Fighter/Medic.  More patient, empathetic, and understanding.  

 

All that shit is great, but last month I got an opportunity to cross train into a different job in the Air Force (i'm still a reservist here in Colorado), that has a pretty cool flying mission.  I already had a flight physical from my job I'm already in, and it seemed like an easy move. During the process I self disclosed that I was on the anti depressant, not thinking it was that big of a deal.  It's a low dose, and well below the threshold for 'waiverable' dosage for the military.  I was also told by my primary care physician that 'it's not a problem'.  This was a lie.  I've been having to go though bullshit personality tests, medical evals, and had to disclose to my future fucking commander that I'm on this benign drug (lucky she is a nurse, so she got it).  The military preaches all this mental health bullshit, but they create institutionalized stigmas for seeking help, so people don't.  It's been a frustrating process, and one that /I/ feel is unnecessary. I'm asymptomatic (not that any symptom I had before was interfering with my work), and the drug is easily transported for deployment.  No issue.  I just don't get what the big deal, or why they are so afraid of people being on anti depressants, hell, I'm a better guy on them than when i'm not, and when I wasn't (active duty) I had some jobs that were way more sensitive than what i'm trying to go into, and had no issue.  Like I said, just frustrated, pissed, and ironically enough, stressed out for seeking treatment.  

 

Lame. 

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

I'm still out of work and it is really start to weigh heavily on me. I've applied for dozens of jobs and have gotten exactly one interview.  To make matters worse my father thinks I'm not looking for work but he won't come to me as an adult and ask me about it.  People do this thing where they go out of their way to avoid hurting my feelings but they don't seem to understand they in doing so they are hurting my feelings.  

[KingintheNorth4]

Next month, It'll be one year since I've began therapy for treatment of my Social Anxiety. I'm happy to say that I've made some progress sine taking the medication Sertraline. I feel less anxious to the point that I took a speech class in college this past semester. 

Then there's my mother.

She, and other family members suffer from Persecutory delusional Disorder. She has non bizarre and bizarre delusions where she believes that she is being harrassed, followed and poisoned (In her case, she believes she's being constantly "gassed"). I first became aware of her mental issues back in the summer of 2007, where we lived in Connecticut at the time. She had just started working from home, and soon after, she began to claim that her name was being dragged through the mud thoughout the town and neighboring communities. Eventually, that delusion evolved into a state wide conspiracy against her. She believes that she's being stalked and followed everywhere she goes, hell, she used to write down in a notepad the license numbers of cars that she thought was following her (she had written down over 230 numbers before she stopped), that someone was coming into our townhouse and moving items around, even when we we're home. Almost a year later, she began making bizarre claims about being gassed. It makes me wonder if she's having hallucinations. Sadly, moving back home to Illinois hasn't made things better. How can you help someone when they believe that they don't need any?

[Sis Who Swears]

I'm sorry but you can't help someone that doesn't want help. Unless you have the power to commit them.

This thread is not very mentally, healthfully supportive. It should not even be called the Mental Health Support Group. I think the board is not prepared for that. I hope that the people posting here that sound so desperate are able to get the help they need elsewhere. This thread would make a person think that no one cares and that's not true. There IS help out there. People DO care and I have found it. I don't mean to sound harsh but really, so many people post heart-breaking shit here and if they're not part of the clique, no one answers them and that's not cool.

Please people, look elsewhere.

[Theda Baratheon]

Just want to offer hugs and love and support to everyone posting here. I went through some very dark times with my depression and it is horrible and so frustrating.

On 5/6/2016 at 0:44 AM, KingintheNorth4 said:

Next month, It'll be one year since I've began therapy for treatment of my Social Anxiety. I'm happy to say that I've made some progress sine taking the medication Sertraline. I feel less anxious to the point that I took a speech class in college this past semester. 

Then there's my mother.

She, and other family members suffer from Persecutory delusional Disorder. She has non bizarre and bizarre delusions where she believes that she is being harrassed, followed and poisoned (In her case, she believes she's being constantly "gassed"). I first became aware of her mental issues back in the summer of 2007, where we lived in Connecticut at the time. She had just started working from home, and soon after, she began to claim that her name was being dragged through the mud thoughout the town and neighboring communities. Eventually, that delusion evolved into a state wide conspiracy against her. She believes that she's being stalked and followed everywhere she goes, hell, she used to write down in a notepad the license numbers of cars that she thought was following her (she had written down over 230 numbers before she stopped), that someone was coming into our townhouse and moving items around, even when we we're home. Almost a year later, she began making bizarre claims about being gassed. It makes me wonder if she's having hallucinations. Sadly, moving back home to Illinois hasn't made things better. How can you help someone when they believe that they don't need any?

That is great about the speech class and I hope you continue to take strides tackling your anxiety. As for your Mam...that is much more tricky and like Sis said...you can't force help on someone that doesn't want it and sometimes a selfish as this may sound you have to take care of yourself first and foremost when it comes to mental health. 

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

6 minutes ago, Mandy said:

So here's a weird confession for you.  I realized recently that I probably have hypochondria and my fear of death might be something I should talk to a doctor (other than my family doctor hehe) about.  You know, instead of claiming that I have cancer and asking for x-rays and weird stuff... thinking back, I guess now I know why the doctors looked at me weird. LOL  I really don't know why this never seemed abnormal before.  And I guess I've never discussed it.  I happened to read a book called the Disillusionists a month ago and found myself laughing when I realized the main character was a hypochondriac, and yet I ABSOLUTELY had the same kind of thought processes... and realized, "Oh.. hey... I guess that's not NORMAL."  I mean, it's kind of a huge revelation here.  I literally go to sleep every night believing that  probably won't wake up, and when I do, there's this HUGE relief.  So... people don't usually feel this way every day, huh?  Holy crap.

My older sister was a huge hypochondriac at one point, Becoming a nurse seemed to cure of that but she was bad to the point of embarrassing the rest of the family. 

[Raja]

Do you find it interfering with your daily life? It probably is a good idea to speak to a healthcare professional about it if you've had thoughts like that for a long time, I imagine your family doctor would be the first one to reach out to. 

Edit: Just wanted to say, per sagewich's comment below, I meant a doctor about those thoughts as opposed to getting a blood test or something. There isn't any 'simple blood test' that will tell you anything. 

[sagewich]

Hullo. Regards - I fell off here when I had a hip replacement. It was painful, but I am glad it is done and I can walk without pain.

Unfortunately, I still get down and anxious.  Wish there were an operation for that. Lobotomy. nah.

Sis who Swears - so do I, like a sailor. However, I think this has been a good place, overall. Sometimes all one needs to read is that someone else has gone through it, and one can make through until the doc is available.  Chocolate helps

Peterbound - going to pass your tip on Wellbutrin to a dear person who is struggling with PTSD. And yes, the military speaks out of both sides of their collective mouth.

Mandy - I agree with Raja. Get a simple blood test, that will tell your doc if there is a problem.  I do the well-woman thing faithfully, but fret about ovarian cancer sometimes. My spouse asked his doc about a prostrate cancer test, and was told not to worry about it.  In a family of lighthaired or red headed folks all with blue eyes, skin cancer is the one cancer we all have had and see the doc for regular checks. AND maybe you simply need to chat with psychologist - fear of death is pretty common. I'm sort of Peter Pannish about death - to die will be an awfully big adventure. I see you live in Austin.  My daughter will be living there next year.

It's 4:30 a.m. and I need to sleep. 

[sagewich]

16 hours ago, Mandy said:

I've had it done  I know logically I'm probably fine and also that I'll one day get sick and I just tell myself daily, probably multiple times per day, just not to think about it.  The idea of something happening to me or one of the kids is the leading cause of my depression issues, so I work hard to distract my thoughts in different ways and try to calm myself and be happy in the moment  I'm pretty sure NOBODY around me has any idea any of this is going on.  I've never spoken about this anywhere but here.

Congrats on your daughter's move to Austin - it's grown ENTIRELY too big for me in the past few decades, but my kids are here, so I'm not planning to go anywhere for a while.  I just live in the northwest suburbs and commute downtown to work.  It's still a decent place to live

Also, glad the hip replacement worked out! I hear you on the lobotomy  At one time I was looking into EST, but the reports of memory loss scare the crap out of me. I'm not going to risk losing memories of my kids or something horrible like that.

That is great. I believe that facing our fears is vital. One of my son's friends gave me a little dragon figurine, because I an a fighter. Sometimes I have to gird up my lions to do that.

I take my meds and stay well, most of the time. But there are things that set me off. Unfairness, mostly. Which is ridiculous, I know there is no fairness in the world.

We live close to the University of Missouri - the one that got all the publicity last year - and it is huge compared to when I attended in the 1970s. Makes me a little sad. My daughter liked Mizzou, but there were too many things going on for her to succeed there. Austin will be a clean slate.I have peeked around at apartments there, and found several I would like to live in. Have you lived in Austin long?

EST was huge when I was in the 9th grade.  I was living in California then. There was always something a little sinister about it. The memory loss thing is something I don't need. Although at 62, I have not noticed any slipping.

[KingintheNorth4]

Good news, I passed my speech class! I hope to take take everything I learned there along with my therapy, build upon those, then I can participate in life a little bit more.

And yeah, I know only my mother can choose to seek help, but knowing that she won't, it's sad and frustrating.

[Raja]

On 5/11/2016 at 7:45 PM, Mandy said:

Also, glad the hip replacement worked out! I hear you on the lobotomy  At one time I was looking into EST, but the reports of memory loss scare the crap out of me. I'm not going to risk losing memories of my kids or something horrible like that.

Re: EST - As far as I'm aware, it's generally reserved for *severe* states of depression ( sucidality, psychosis) - I'm no expert, but apparently the memory loss is most often regarding world events as opposed to personal memory loss. Either ways, it sounds fairly harrowing, though I imagine that is why it's reserved for severe cases. 

[HexMachina]

If you are interested in anecdotal evidence, I do know someone who was treated by ECT. I knew her before and after, and the change in her was remarkable, she is a totally different person now. It wasn't a solution on its own (in addition to depression she was also suffering from anorexia), but it did help her get into a frame of mind where she was willing and able to take an active role in her own recovery. I don't remember (not intended as a pun) her ever mentioning havin suffered memory loss, but I know it is a possible (and I think likely?) side effect.

I can understand the reluctance though Mandy, I don't think I could ever put myself through it. It sounds rather distressing 

[sagewich]

On 5/12/2016 at 9:24 AM, Mandy said:

I can understand the unfairness thing.  I don't watch the news and I have to force myself to get off Facebook often because I get riled up and it's bad for my mental state.  

I've lived in the Austin area for over 30 years.  If you have any questions about the area, please feel free to PM me!  I'll do my best to answer any you have

Meds haven't helped me... at ALL, so I had a doctor ask if I'd consider EST once. Apparently they've had lots of "success" with it treating depression, but frankly, I've been faking it until I make it for a LONG time now and that's working for me, more or less.  I feel like EST is kind of the equivalent of this: 

 

Minus IQ that's wonderful.

Not having a med to give you a boost is a bummer. I think I read there is a diet that can help. But I will have to go search that out.

AH. ECT not EST.  No, I would not submit myself to that unless I could not function,

[sagewich]

On 5/13/2016 at 1:45 PM, KingintheNorth4 said:

Good news, I passed my speech class! I hope to take take everything I learned there along with my therapy, build upon those, then I can participate in life a little bit more.

And yeah, I know only my mother can choose to seek help, but knowing that she won't, it's sad and frustrating.

That is super.  I simply hated speech.  And then I went on to be a trial lawyer, of all things.  Now I am comfortable talking in front of groups. But it did not happen overnight. Everything is baby steps and learning what works.  Putting yourself out there is courageous thing to do.

My mother thought I was the thing ruining her life. Getting help meant going in to tell the doc what was wrong with me, then shoving me through the door.  Borderlines are like that.  I just learned to blow her off and refused to take her nasty comments to heart. We were at odds to the day she died, and that is not hyperbole.  She groused at me in the morning, and was dead 8 hours later.  There were things that happened in her childhood that I can see were triggers, yet I had the same sort of things happen and shook them off.  Not without some damage, but saying hurtful things and making dire predictions for family members is not in my arsenal. It is sad and frustrating, but if your mother, like mine, cannot own the problem there is nothing left for us to do.

 

 

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

I'm in a really bad place right now and I think it's time for me to find a professional to talk to again. I was hanging out with my oldest friend today and my job search came up.  I joked about sticking my head in the oven with the gas on and he wasn't sure if I was actually joking.  To be clear I have never harmed myself and don't think I ever would or even could. I've seen what it did to my father and grandmother and know I couldn't put them through that. But that fact that I even mentioned it concerns me. I'm starting to lose hope of ever resembling the person I used to be and know that I can be again. 

[Vastet]

You aren't alone. I haven't had work in quite awhile.

[Theda Baratheon]

job searches are fucking awful and best of luck to everyone going through them  im desperately trying to claw my way ouyt of a 15 hour shitty contract to full time work 

[Stark Loyal]

4 minutes ago, Theda Baratheon said:

job searches are fucking awful and best of luck to everyone going through them  im desperately trying to claw my way ouyt of a 15 hour shitty contract to full time work 

Good luck to you, Theda.  I've been helping someone get a job so I know the struggle in these modern millennial times.  Its now two-pronged as you have to engage both online and in-person.  Keep at it.  You will ultimately succeed.

[Theda Baratheon]

29 minutes ago, Stark Loyal said:

Good luck to you, Theda.  I've been helping someone get a job so I know the struggle in these modern millennial times.  Its now two-pronged as you have to engage both online and in-person.  Keep at it.  You will ultimately succeed.

thanks mate, i'm volunteering in my free time which is building my CV up nicely