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Mellow drama, unleash insane megalomaniac, v. 2


Count Balerion

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CB:

So they looked around and saw a dishevelled lunatic being stabbed in the back by demons who'd gotten themselves up to look like all his earthly "enemies", while rains of wildfire fell onto his head.

Cersei (in singsong voice): "Aerys, dear! How would you like to get revenge AND have fun? We like burning things down too!"

Maegor: "I'm your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great uncle (or something like that), and I command you to join us. For VENGEANCE!!!!!!"

Aerys: "I ... OW!! ,,, bet you're another plot against me!"
*&&^%%^&*((((

The Count was commanding his army from the rear, towering several feet above the hordes and waving his tentacles high, so that his shadow blocked out the sun. But suddenly there was a flash of lightning, and a sight appeared in the sky that frightened even him! For it was the ghost of the murthered real Count Balerion (whose son, you may recall, although the Narrator never does and the Showrunners think he's boring, is currently the true Count Balerion; Count Balerion so-called is actually a loathsome abomination hatched from a test-tube by vile arts)!

Ghost: "TREMBLE, ABOMINATION!!!!! I, THE SHADE OF THY MURTHERED VICTIM, WARN THEE!! IF THOU CONTINUEST THIS ILL-STARRED EXPEDITION, THY TYRANNY SHALL CRUMBLE IN DUST!!!!!!!!!!!"

Count: "Horrors!" But then the Ghost disappeared and the Count recovered his courage. (None of the demon-sea monsters heard what the Ghost had said anyway.)

Count: "Doddering old dead fool! Do you think you can overawe the Drowned God? I SHALL CONQUER THE WORLD AND MAKE IT MY PIGPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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  • 2 weeks later...

Cersei and Maegor finally convinced Aerys to join them, and that after all he was so clever that, if they did try to betray him, he could easily kill them. Well, they're already dead, but re-kill. Whatever.

Cersei: "Who else here likes burning things? Apart from the torture-demons, of course."

Aerys: "Melisandre does, and she has a grudge against TJ for killing her and against the Church of R'hllor for excommunicating her and against the Faith and other religions for not worshipping (her version of) R'hllor."
##$%%$##

Ramsay: "I will kill the dog. I WILL FLAY THE DOG AND KILL IT!!!"

Count: "Don't be stupid. The first thing is to kill our enemies, especially the abhominable TJ. Frankly, I don't know why you have it in for that dog, anyway; but if you must kill it then at least wait until our real enemies have been destrroyed."

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So Cersei, Maegor, and Aerys made their way out of the back-stabbery chamber, seeking a way to escape from their imprisonment and return to Earthos.

Aerys: "We're awesome people! Why do all the filthy upstart lowborn fellows hate us?"

Cersei: "It's because they're jealous. I find a good way of dealing with it is to murder them in various ways."

Aerys: "Hey, me too! I wonder what else we have in common ..."

Cersei: "Well, I like to burn things and people."

Aerys: "Really??? So do I"

Cersei: "Once I burned down a tower that my brother lived in."

Aerys: "Hah! You know, you're all right. My ancestor Maegor found a good one."

Cersei smiled at this news, as it was the first time she got anything like parental approval. Her mother never forgave her for screwing her brother, and her father was impossible to please.

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Tywin didn't even approve of himself very much. "You're sparing too many slaves," he grumbled to himself, as he had Essosi peasants put to death.
$%%%$$$#$$$$%%$$$

As they approached the outer limits of Herll, they met an amazon who wore practically nothing.

Amazon: "I'm Septa Badassa. I made it into Hell despite being alive cuz I'm bad@$$."

Audience: "Not her again! She's worse than the Sand Snakes!"

Males: "Even we don't like her much."

Showrunners: "Shut up."

Septa Badassa: "Let's have an orgy cuz I'm emancipated. My dialogue was written by the Showrunners cuz they're the only ones who can write good for me cuz the Narrator is a lamer. I'm empowered."

"Are you really?" said Cersei sweetly. "Why, so am I!"
###$$$##

The Count's army marched onwards. Billions upon billions of demons were streaming towards TJ and Mya, the Count laughing maniacally in their midst!!! Closer and closer and closer he came, getting ever larger as he approached, a shadow of dread and terror that filled any decent soul that beheld him witrh an abysm of utter despair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Roose: "Omnipotence? We have obtained GRRM's books!"

Count: "Excellent! Just wait and see TJ's face when I destroy first his beloved 'classics', and then him!"
 

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A secret meeting of the actors in a Somali refugee camp:

Emilia Clarke: "Have you guys seen the scripts for next season???!!

Actors: "No; what are they doing to us now?"

Emilia Clarke: *deep breath* "They're giving this 'Septa Badassa' 3/4 of the dialogue!!!!!!!!!!!"

Actors: "BLEKHKH!!!!!!!! VOMIT!!!!!!!! GOD, NO!!!!!!!!!!!"

stephen Dillane: "*Groan* How many times does she say she's empowered?"

Emilia Clarke: "13,674."

Peter Dinklage: "What can we do to get rid of this incubus?"
 

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On 11/30/2016 at 10:32 AM, Count Balerion said:

As they approached the outer limits of Herll, they met an amazon who wore practically nothing.

Amazon: "I'm Septa Badassa. I made it into Hell despite being alive cuz I'm bad@$$."

Audience: "Not her again! She's worse than the Sand Snakes!"

Males: "Even we don't like her much."

Showrunners: "Shut up."

Septa Badassa: "Let's have an orgy cuz I'm emancipated. My dialogue was written by the Showrunners cuz they're the only ones who can write good for me cuz the Narrator is a lamer. I'm empowered."

"Are you really?" said Cersei sweetly. "Why, so am I!"
 

Maegor snarled angrily. 

Maegor: "I hate Septas!!! Your kind is always trying to run my life for me; telling me I can't kill people who annoy me, telling me I can't have seven wives, telling me I shouldn't sleep with my siblings! Well my girlfriend turned a Sept into a barbecue pit, and I turned another sept into a place where dragons shit! So don't you try to tell me who I can and can't sleep with."

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 12/10/2016 at 3:54 PM, Count Balerion said:

Septa Badassa: "I don't do bourgeois morality, either. I'm liberated and emancipated and I've had relations with 20 people down here already. So let's have an orgy cuz I'm emancipated and liberated ema... ema... ema..."

Showrunners: "She must be stuck. Wind her up!"

While the Showrunners were winding it up again, Maegor Cersei and Aerys continued to travel through The Seven Hells.

Aerys: "They should be up ahead! This way, this way!"

Maegor and Cersei followed Aerys until they reached the old Hells-To-Earthos portal. Now the portal was utterly blocked by rubble, the result of TimJames and Rhaegar sabotaging the place. 

All around there were White Walkers and Others protesting to re-open it.

Protesters: "We want more jobs! Move aside the Hell Rocks! We want more jobs! Move aside the Hell Rocks!"

Maegor: "What are you protesting over?"

White Walker Protestor: "We are sick and tired of Count Balerion outsourcing his evil minion jobs to the ocean! Stop taking bad dishonest jobs away from hard working White Walkers!"

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[back from holiday]

Cersei: 'How convenient! We could use evil minions."

Some WW: "Awesome!"

Other WW: "You're not evil enough. We're not taking second-rate jobs!"

Septa B: "I want to have sex with white walkers cuz I'm liberated. We should be allowed to have rape scenes cuz their [sic] empowering. The showrunners don't get paid enough."

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Meanwhile, Tyene had been impregnated (in a manner of speaking) by the Count, and had given birth to a daughter. Contrary to what you might think, this daughter wasn't evil, nor did she say "BAD %^**((*&^%$^*!!!!!" But she was very weird. Tyene, perhaps fortunately, wasn't into motherhood, so she handed her daughter off to Maester Fouqawlt, who named her Derridina and gave her a rather ... unusual education. Her first words were: "And A LIKE SONG OF LIK DIEGETICS LOL AND MASCARA WHICH IS AWESOME CUZ THE WAY YOU PUT IT ON YOUR EYEBROW AND THE COLOURING AND STUFF TOTALLY TROPES HOW WESTEROS SOCIETY IS KINDA SUCKY

The GAM3 THE0RY OF THRON3Z    

The p3ople who write the blurbz on Martin's b00ks s000000000 don't have a clu3 and are just r3inforcin genr3 stere0types that's seriously lam3. Theyre like HES THA AM3RICAN TOLKINE n Martins lik3 THAT’S A L0TTA F**IN BS cuz he g0t Tourette Martins liek IM S0000000000 N0T T0LKINE CUZ I G0T LOTS 0F SEX N CUSSIN N P3OPLE GETTIN TORTUR3D N STUF. N RANDOM CHARACT3RZ MIGHT BE IMP0RTANT LAT3R. GARGA 0NLY APPEARZ ON PAG3 103 OF FIRST B00K BUT TH3N R3TURNZ ON LAST PAGE OF LAST VOL AND TAKES OV3R W0RLD.  ROFL. "

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On 12/28/2016 at 0:11 PM, Count Balerion said:

[back from holiday]

Cersei: 'How convenient! We could use evil minions."

Some WW: "Awesome!"

Other WW: "You're not evil enough. We're not taking second-rate jobs!"

Septa B: "I want to have sex with white walkers cuz I'm liberated. We should be allowed to have rape scenes cuz their [sic] empowering. The showrunners don't get paid enough."

While Septa B was bedding only the most desperate and lonely of the White Walker Workers, the others banded behind Maegor and Cersei. 

Ice Spider: "I'm glad that Domestic Evil is still evilconomically viable."

Weights: "We can be just as Evil as the Sea Slugs! In fact, we're more evil because we actually care about our demented work!"

Others: "Tear Down The Rock Wall!!! Tear Down The Rock Wall!!!"

Eventually The Stranger had to come down to check on the disturbance.

The Stranger: "Sorry, The Great Other/Count Balerion specifically ordered that these rocks not be moved. Doesn't want the Sea Slugs to learn how to unionize from you all. In any case, these rocks are making everybody in The Hells miserable so they stay up!"

************************************

Meanwhile, the new Child Protective Services (headed by Old Nan), decided that the Maestor was a bad influence and took  Derridina out of that home. Instead they put her in a Foster Home with Donal Noye. 

Noye: "Hi there kiddo! I'll be your Foster Dad for awhile. Meet my other Foster Child, Tommen Waters."

Tommen: "The CPS lady said Archmaester Qyburn is too old to raise a kid by himself."

Noye: "There's a smelting instructional video on the television, there are toys on the shelf, and there are educational books on the other shelf. It's dinner at 6, bed time at 7."

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"Impeach the Stranger!" yelled the WWs.

"I want to have sex with the Stranger cuz I'm liberated, and then I'll take over hell cuz I'm empowered," said SB.

"I wonder ... maybe that would work ... But we'll still have to get out somehow," murmured Cersei. "Still, worth a shot. Why don't you try seducing the Stranger, and see what happens?"

SB: OK. Strangy, let`s do it cuz I`m empowered and liberated and emancipated and blah blah blah this dialogue is too rubbish even for me.
??&&*&??%%%??&&?%$%%&?

The Free Westeros CPS were active clandestinely in Count-controlled territory. They had already rescued Wylla and Little Walder; getting Derridina was a major coup, although no one knew her parentage. You wouldn`t want to fall into the tentacles of the Count`s Child Protective Services.

Derridina: OK thats c00l par3nth00d iz a s0cial c0nstruct anyways but u r s000000 chr0nocentric d00d ROFLMAO.

She wasn`t rebellious as such (and had no problem smelting, although the results tended to look like Modern Art), but she only followed orders when she felt like it, and was always being a wiseacre, and a weird one at that. For example, in her Stark history lessons, she would say things like:

"The Snarks R s000000000 not Gam3 The0ry Experts. And the Snarks like all g0t werewolf 2 trope that they g0t multiple identiti3z which is t0dally the mataphoric poll like in like Jacobsen d00dz and Jon g0t a whiet wolf that was differant then the otherz 2 trope he's margarinalized.

So anyway this d00d desserts the Nights Watch which guarded the N0rth border Ned's like YO BRAN YOU KN0W HOW COME I KILT HIM PERSONAL.

Bran's lik WILDLINGZ R BAD CUZ THAYRE CULTURAL 0THERZ N THA Z0MBIEZ GIT CALL3D OTH3RZ 2 TR0PE THAT WILDLINZ R 0THERZ N SUX N THAY TALK C0CKNEY THATS CLASSIST.

N3d sez THAT WHY W3 NEED THA NIGHTS WATCH CUZ THE WILDLINZ G0TTA GIT KILT EXC3PT A F3W W3 ASSIMILAET N F0RCE 2 HAVE 0UR CULTUER CUZ W3 G0T MISSI0N CIVILISATRIC3 POSTC0L0NIAL BLAH BLAH BLAH sez N3d.  THAT'S Y DESERTERS ARE BAD AND ALSO CUZ TREASON BADS THEIR ID3NTITY BUT I M3ANT Y I HAD TO KILL HIM PERSONAL IT'S CUZ OUR SOCIAL MORES SEZ A P0WER STRUCTUER G0TTA DO IT DIRECT OR IT DOESN'T COUNT BECUZ IT MEANS HE'S A WIMP THAT DISSES OUR MASCULINITY PARADIGM."

[SB can be written for, indeed she's easy; Derridina's dialogue is copyrighted. Although I wonder if I should put her in a separate thread bec. she talks so much.]

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Dany: "Stan, can you go rescue TJ and the septons and other holy people and help defeat Count Whatsit while I devise a universal minimum income law?"
Stannis: "Sure thing, baybuh!"
^&&^%^&**(

Others trying to get out of Hell: "Impeach the Stranger!"

Stranger, in martyred tone: "Hell hath no fury like a demon scorned."
%^&%$$

Count, randomly: "DESTROY BEING ANNIHILIATE EVERYTHING FOR EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Roose: "Omnipotence, can we wait until we've conquered the world?"

Count: "Oh, of course. No rush for universal obliteration."

 

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On 1/8/2017 at 5:15 PM, Count Balerion said:

Derridina: OK thats c00l par3nth00d iz a s0cial c0nstruct anyways but u r s000000 chr0nocentric d00d ROFLMAO.

She wasn`t rebellious as such (and had no problem smelting, although the results tended to look like Modern Art), but she only followed orders when she felt like it, and was always being a wiseacre, and a weird one at that. For example, in her Stark history lessons, she would say things like:

"The Snarks R s000000000 not Gam3 The0ry Experts. And the Snarks like all g0t werewolf 2 trope that they g0t multiple identiti3z which is t0dally the mataphoric poll like in like Jacobsen d00dz and Jon g0t a whiet wolf that was differant then the otherz 2 trope he's margarinalized.

So anyway this d00d desserts the Nights Watch which guarded the N0rth border Ned's like YO BRAN YOU KN0W HOW COME I KILT HIM PERSONAL.

Bran's lik WILDLINGZ R BAD CUZ THAYRE CULTURAL 0THERZ N THA Z0MBIEZ GIT CALL3D OTH3RZ 2 TR0PE THAT WILDLINZ R 0THERZ N SUX N THAY TALK C0CKNEY THATS CLASSIST.

N3d sez THAT WHY W3 NEED THA NIGHTS WATCH CUZ THE WILDLINZ G0TTA GIT KILT EXC3PT A F3W W3 ASSIMILAET N F0RCE 2 HAVE 0UR CULTUER CUZ W3 G0T MISSI0N CIVILISATRIC3 POSTC0L0NIAL BLAH BLAH BLAH sez N3d.  THAT'S Y DESERTERS ARE BAD AND ALSO CUZ TREASON BADS THEIR ID3NTITY BUT I M3ANT Y I HAD TO KILL HIM PERSONAL IT'S CUZ OUR SOCIAL MORES SEZ A P0WER STRUCTUER G0TTA DO IT DIRECT OR IT DOESN'T COUNT BECUZ IT MEANS HE'S A WIMP THAT DISSES OUR MASCULINITY PARADIGM."

[SB can be written for, indeed she's easy; Derridina's dialogue is copyrighted. Although I wonder if I should put her in a separate thread bec. she talks so much.]

Noye sighed; he had been told by the agency that Derridina had inherited Bad Dialogue Genes from one of her parents (they didn't know her lineage, other than what blood tests would tell them). Taking a dusty book off the shelf, he brushed some dust off of it and began to read.

Noye: "Interesting Dialogue Primer: a Guide to speaking very well. Written by Tyrion Lannaster, Bronn Blackwater, Sandor Clegane, Barristan Semly, Doran Martell, Stannis Baratheon, Margaery Tyrell, Olenna Redwyne, and others. Volume 1." He turned the first page. "Chapter 1, The Art of Grammar ..."

The doctor told him to read Derrindia at least a page a day, and that it would help. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Clergy of the Selhorys Conclave were now taking shelter in one corner of the palace, having been driven from their positions and were now making a last stand. Many had met with Sacred Martyrdom on the field of battle, and those who were still alive were grievously wounded. The brave Prophet-Knight, TimJames, had run out of berserker steam and was now sitting at the last line of defense with both of his legs broken and a Maxim Machine Gun in front of him. Mya Stone was with him, trying to keep him from going unconscious.

Mya: "Stay awake! Don't die on me!"

Just at this moment, Stannis Baratheon and his massive army arrived to the rescue. 

Stannis: "All the demons are gonna die!!"

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Derridina: "Grammers just linguistic expr3ssion of heg3mony d00d. And th3 Wall is todally anthrop0cen3."

She did seem taken with Tyrion Lannister; but Noye wasn't sure it helped:

"Then Tyri0n or Tyridina cuz he could change sex cuz essentialism sux and was half dwarf half dir3wolf half drag0n half cactus half Tang3rine cuz Tang3rines r00led bef0re tha Bathr00ns chang3d th3 paradigm anyways Tyri0n is liek IM CARNAVALESQU3 ITS IN BAKHTIN D00ODZ.
 YO BASTARD D00D EMBRACE YOUR BASTARD ID3NTITY LIK I DO MY DWARF ID3NTITY CUZ SOCIETY DISSES BOTH OF US SO LET'S SAY SCREW YOU S0CIETY CUZ YOUR NORMS ARE TOTAL CRAP.

And Jon like YOU GO D00D.

Meanwhile John goes north and Tyrion, ZOMG moron comes along and is lik YO KID YOU GOT THIS LIK TOTALLY OUTDATED PARADIGM THAT SAYS NIGHTS WATCH IS S0000000 AWESOME AND ALL THAT N BADASS N PROTECTING THE REALM FROM TRAWLS AND ROMANS AND GREMLINS N STUF BUT THEY'VE BEEN GOING TO SEED FOR MILLENNIA AND NOW THEY'RE MOSTLY THIEVES N RAPISTS N LOW LEVEL LOL GANGSTERS N SOCIALLY MARGINALISED SO U TOTALLY
NEED TO GIT OVER IT D00D.

SO BARKING STUPID NO THEY'RE NOT YOUR R A JERK says John and Ghost that's Jons racially other white werewolf jumps on Tyri0n and knocks him over and Tyri is like DUDE CALL OFF YOUR DIRE WOLF THIS S00000000 ISN'T HOW U DO PRAGMATICS."

Noye: "Shut up."

She did shut up; but mainly because the Narrator told her to say something sarcastic, and she didn't feel like being bossed about by a patriarchal authorial voice cuz Barthes already already proved the death of the author anyways d00d.

However, she came in useful when badguys turned up; a minute of amount dialogue was enough to make them run away screaming.
#$%^&*%$$

Even after runnig out of steam, TJ managed to kill 10,000 demons.

Stan: "Hey bro! Ya need a hand?"

Meanwhile, a can of 7-up (get it? Seven?) fell on TJ's head, with the message attached: "The Lord of Light is with you."

The Count pushed Stan out of the way, albeit not before S had slain 500,000 demon sea monsters. "Out of the way, minion! I will gloat over mine enemy, my fallen foe!!!!!!"

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On 1/19/2017 at 2:57 PM, Count Balerion said:

Even after runnig out of steam, TJ managed to kill 10,000 demons.

Stan: "Hey bro! Ya need a hand?"

Meanwhile, a can of 7-up (get it? Seven?) fell on TJ's head, with the message attached: "The Lord of Light is with you."

The Count pushed Stan out of the way, albeit not before S had slain 500,000 demon sea monsters. "Out of the way, minion! I will gloat over mine enemy, my fallen foe!!!!!!"

As Stannis entered the battlefield, a rockin' guitar solo played to herald him. It is because, on rare occasion, The One God will declare someone to be totally badass! 

This, combined with the refreshing taste of 7-up, cured TimJames of his severe lacerations. 

TimJames: "Not so fast evildoer! With Just Maid I shall smite you!!!"

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Weyrde: "Buy 7-Up! The Uncola! It's from the Seven Heavens! Who writes this dialogue?"

Yep, the showrunners have introduced product placements. When Just Maid lights up, the General Electric logo appears in the sky! Stannis's incredibly cool duds were all designed by Calvin Klein, probably including the dark glasses, although what would I know. And the Count's underwater minions are brought to you by Red Lobster!

Stan (to Count): "Hey you!"

Ramsay: "Buzz off, bozo! I challenge you to single combat with my Rachael Ray-approved flaying knife!"

Stan: "I'm so bad@ss, I don't need no stinkin' weapons!"

Stan's followers: "STAN THE MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Showrunners: "BUY STAN THE MAN ACTION FIGURES!!!!!! BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED!!!"

Count's lobster demons: "RED LOBSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Random chap: "PICKY PEOPLE PICK PETER PAN PEANUT BUTTER!!!!!!!!!!!"

Other random chap: "BIG RED LASTS LONGER!!!!!!!!!!"

[do those even exist anymore?]

Count: "STOP IT! THIS ISN'T SOME STUPID PARODY! THIS IS A BATTTLE TO THE DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And he immediately transformed into a showrunner-seaworm demon undead hybrid that was 147 metres high, and brandished an enormous flaming torture-stick (sponsored by Matel(R)).

Showrunners: "BUY COUNT BALERION ACTION FIGURES!!!!!! BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED!!!"

And the Count held up copies of GRRM's books, and cried out: 'TAKE ONE STEP NEARER, VILE WORM [oh, the irony!], AND THESE BOOKS SHALL BE DESTROYED!!!!!!!!!!!!! DESTROYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then the TV screen exploded from the force of all the exclamation marks.

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13 hours ago, Count Balerion said:

Weyrde: "Buy 7-Up! The Uncola! It's from the Seven Heavens! Who writes this dialogue?"

Yep, the showrunners have introduced product placements. When Just Maid lights up, the General Electric logo appears in the sky! Stannis's incredibly cool duds were all designed by Calvin Klein, probably including the dark glasses, although what would I know. And the Count's underwater minions are brought to you by Red Lobster!

Stan (to Count): "Hey you!"

Ramsay: "Buzz off, bozo! I challenge you to single combat with my Rachael Ray-approved flaying knife!"

Stan: "I'm so bad@ss, I don't need no stinkin' weapons!"

Stan's followers: "STAN THE MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Showrunners: "BUY STAN THE MAN ACTION FIGURES!!!!!! BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED!!!"

Count's lobster demons: "RED LOBSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Random chap: "PICKY PEOPLE PICK PETER PAN PEANUT BUTTER!!!!!!!!!!!"

Other random chap: "BIG RED LASTS LONGER!!!!!!!!!!"

[do those even exist anymore?]

Count: "STOP IT! THIS ISN'T SOME STUPID PARODY! THIS IS A BATTTLE TO THE DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And he immediately transformed into a showrunner-seaworm demon undead hybrid that was 147 metres high, and brandished an enormous flaming torture-stick (sponsored by Matel(R)).

Showrunners: "BUY COUNT BALERION ACTION FIGURES!!!!!! BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED!!!"

And the Count held up copies of GRRM's books, and cried out: 'TAKE ONE STEP NEARER, VILE WORM [oh, the irony!], AND THESE BOOKS SHALL BE DESTROYED!!!!!!!!!!!!! DESTROYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then the TV screen exploded from the force of all the exclamation marks.

At the HBO building there was a Shareholders Meeting. All the shareholders and investors arrived in their three-piece suits and their top hats. 

Shareholder: "Why is Game Of Mellodrama so far over its budget? The dividends are shrinking and there are too many product placements. The whole point is that you need a subscription so you don't have to see product placements."

Showrunners: "Its not entirely our fault! I know we say that a lot, but this time it's true!"

Shareholder: "The other times weren't true?"

Showrunner: "We had to supplement our budget with sponsors because The Actors Guild and the Unions kept ham-stringing us."

Emilia Clarke: "That's because you don't know how to run a show!"

Showrunner: "What are you doing here?"

Shareholder: "She's also a shareholder."

Showrunner: "Well we need more money!"

After much arguing, a solution was met. The copyright laws were altered to combat piracy, so anyone who illegally streams or torrents a television episode has the cost of the subscription taken from their bank accounts (or from their social security if they lack a bank account). 

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The showrunners held another secret meeting:

Showrunner 1: "How did SHE get to be a shareholder??? This is a disaster!!!!"

Showrunner 2: "All we wanted was a little extra dough for our palaces in Monaco!!!"

Showrunner 3: "All right; We need to pull ourselves together and figure out what to do!"

Showrunner 1: "MURDER!!!!!!"

Showrunner 2: "SHE MUST DIE!!!!!!"

Showrunner 3: "I have a plan .... This will REALLY shock the audience!!! Ever heard of snuff TV?"

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