Dating: a thing people are forced to do that no ethics committee would allow

[lessthanluke]

I wanted to have quotes but I guess not...

I'm one of those women who have, at some point, said "I get along better with guys". I don't really see why that would be a "warning flag", at least when I say it I mean "my interests generally align more with those of guys than girls". Although that's more a reflection on the people I went to school with. Practically all my life I've not had the same interests as more than 1 other girl in my class, at 16 I met 3 girls who all liked anime. Yay! We were in the same class for a year. Noes! The rest of the time I and the other girls cared about as much about each other as I don't know... rocks care about other rocks. The guys were less apathetic since we all liked games and had a general interest in fantasy. So you know, it might be more of a "different interests" thing than outright dislike of other females when women say "I get along better with guys". And possibly some generalisations about genders. Yay.

Agree with this all. Don't know why it's a warning sign at all. Most of my closest friends are female. I just "get on better with girls". I do know for a fact this has put some women off in the past mind.

[Xray the Enforcer]

What matters is the motivation behind it. Women who say that they don't like other women because they are "bitchy" or "shallow" or "vapid" are just playing into a sexist worldview that women, in general, are bitchy, shallow, and vapid. (Same as saying that all men are emotionally stunted manboys, or that they're incapable of taking care of themselves without a woman around.) In no shock whatsoever, anyone of any sex/gender can be bitchy, shallow, or vapid (or emotionally stunted and incapable of taking care of themselves). Ascribing those qualities to just one sex/gender means that the person making the statement is too stupid to waste time on.

That's why the statement is a warning flag, same as when someone claims that Rush is their favorite band. It's not a dealbreaker, but it merits looking into to see what other baggage is tied to it.

[lessthanluke]

What matters is the motivation behind it. Women who say that they don't like other women because they are "bitchy" or "shallow" or "vapid" are just playing into a sexist worldview that women, in general, are bitchy, shallow, and vapid. (Same as saying that all men are emotionally stunted manboys, or that they're incapable of taking care of themselves without a woman around.) In no shock whatsoever, anyone of any sex/gender can be bitchy, shallow, or vapid (or emotionally stunted and incapable of taking care of themselves). Ascribing those qualities to just one sex/gender means that the person making the statement is too stupid to waste time on.

That's why the statement is a warning flag, same as when someone claims that Rush is their favorite band. It's not a dealbreaker, but it merits looking into to see what other baggage is tied to it.

All well and good but no one in this thread said any of that, they just said the "get on better with guys line" itself was a red flag. Unless someone qualifies the statement with stuff like you said above being worried about it makes no sense.

[Yagathai]

That's why the statement is a warning flag, same as when someone claims that Rush is their favorite band. It's not a dealbreaker, but it merits looking into to see what other baggage is tied to it.

BURN IT ALL DOWN

[Ferrum Aeternum]

That's why the statement is a warning flag, same as when someone claims that Rush is their favorite band. It's not a dealbreaker, but it merits looking into to see what other baggage is tied to it.

If loving Rush is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

[all swedes are racist]

Having the "Rush conversation" should come somewhere between exchanging numbers and third date... or alternatively, sprung on unsuspecting hitchhikers before they buckle up. These people need to know what they are signing up for

[MinDonner]

All well and good but no one in this thread said any of that, they just said the "get on better with guys line" itself was a red flag. Unless someone qualifies the statement with stuff like you said above being worried about it makes no sense.

Not sure I agree. To be clear, this isn't about women who just happen to get on better with guys, it's about the women who state this fact as some kind of selling point. Never seen that done where it WASN'T an attempt at throwing other women under the bus in order to look like the Cool Girl.

[lessthanluke]

Not sure I agree. To be clear, this isn't about women who just happen to get on better with guys, it's about the women who state this fact as some kind of selling point. Never seen that done where it WASN'T an attempt at throwing other women under the bus in order to look like the Cool Girl.

Fair enough! I wouldn't really see it that way but each to their own. I think you can make that statement without wanting to throw a gender under a bus. 

[Angalin]

I need to know: what's the common baggage to claiming Rush as your favourite band? (Disclosure: the ex loved Rush, but other friends like them too who are not him.)

[Theda Baratheon]

Not sure I agree. To be clear, this isn't about women who just happen to get on better with guys, it's about the women who state this fact as some kind of selling point. Never seen that done where it WASN'T an attempt at throwing other women under the bus in order to look like the Cool Girl.

i agree to be honest. Just 'one of the guys' as if other women don't have the same interests as them and they are unique. I had a couple friends who used to fall in to that trap until they grew up a bit. 

[Starkess]

All well and good but no one in this thread said any of that, they just said the "get on better with guys line" itself was a red flag. Unless someone qualifies the statement with stuff like you said above being worried about it makes no sense.

To me that's the definition of a red flag. Something that indicates a high likelihood of a bigger/deeper problem. So it's not that the statement itself is so damning, but since it is far more likely to indicate what the other posters have been saying, it is enough to make one be wary.

[Arkhangel]

In fact, I'd even go so far as to suggest that's why it's called a red flag rather than, say, a red comprehensive encyclopedia entry.

[Deedles]

And in this case, a red flag doesn't mean the race is over, just that there is something that warrants further investigation. Warning flag might be more apt. Sure, you might have more friends of one gender or the other, but why are they making a point of it? If it's just shared interests and history, then gender is irrelevant. The person first bringing gender into it is the person making the statement, so, it seems reasonable to ask why they are making that statement.

[lessthanluke]

Fair enough. 

[Aniel]

The Swedish Migration Agency seriously needs more phones. I tried calling several times and only once did I get through to the queue, which I promptly fucked up by requesting callback and blablabla. I've got a question for them regarding my SO's application for a residence permit and I ended up calling the embassy in Washington D.C. where they couldn't answer the question but they had an email address for our case manager (last I heard I didn't even have one) so they told us to email him the question. Now we're waiting for an answer.

This is all because the email address my SO gave them is getting deactivated because his scholarship got cut because of issues with the Illinois state budget, and now he can't afford school... he got that info on our trip to Chicago which kind of put a damper on the whole thing. I think most of his anxiety about it has been lessened though, he's got a plan for what to do education-wise and he just got a call where he was told that he wouldn't be charged for missing a doctor's appointment (which he was told was going to happen as we returned back to the town he lives as icing on the cake/pile of shit of bad things going on), yay~

I also witnessed a genuinely sweet moment between him and his mom. Then she went and linked him an article about a 22 year old guy attempting to kill his mom for insurance money so he could afford school.... SO is 23.

[Yagathai]

It sounds to me like she's giving tacit permission in advance.

[The guy from the Vale]

... I'm just absolutely terrible at all of this. Seriously. I wish I knew when I fuck up. Or when i don't. Or how not to. Or what any social clue means, ever. Oh well, let's start that topic a bit earlier.

Business is usually slow after the holidays. Several coworkers are still on vacation. In essence, the last two days it's just been the boss, cute coworker and me. Not a good starting point for keeping my head down and just trying to get over all of my emotional turmoil.

I was supposed to handle two customer meetings today, but both of those were called off a bit in advance. So the boss told me to help cute coworker with her project (and then apply the results to tomorrow's customer meeting). Let's just say the afternoon was a mix of pleasurable work and some nice talking on the side. Which would be fine if I just wanted to hit it off, but that's precisely what I don't want right now. Not until I have another job where I don't have to deal with the drama at work if anything unfolds.

So, with 6pm rolling in and the project well underway, we decide to call it a day. We're on the way outside when suddenly, she asks me half-flirtatiously "So, don't you like working with me?" And all the bumbling fool that I am manages to produce is some stuttering about not really being satisfied with my work situation, which she already knows anyway. "Ah, yeah, I know what you want to say", she answers, and I can just about stop myself from asking her back if she's really sure about that, because I want to say quite a lot of things in actual fact, I'm just choosing to keep my mouth shut about them. 

So did I fuck up? Didn't I? Is she serious? What does she know? Let's just say I hate my social incompetence.

[Lily Valley]

Fascinating, with all the board fuck ups, it remembered a multi-quote I grabbed 3 weeks ago.  WOW.  

Guy, that was just an awkward after work conversation.  You didn't fuck things up.  Just be friendly next time you see her.  It's fine.  I've been approached by people right after a long day that I normally would give my TEETH to have a minute to talk to and I'm a bumbling WRECK.  They have never ever held it against me the next time I saw them and managed to behave like a normal people.

So don't sweat it man.  That said, I would never ever date anyone I worked with, so there's that too.

Luck to you.

[Wise Fool]

Ever just Wake up one day, look in the mirror, smile, laugh, and realize, "Hey, I'm one sexy motherfucker!"?

I think I need to start dating again. It's been a while. By a while I mean a long while. I mean years. Look, I've never been much of a dating kind of guy. But now my biological clock is ticking, I realize I have energy and drive and confidence and no sex hangups. Me want mate with female.

Bars? Ugh. I don't like drinking too much, and they're unfortunately, usually too loud. Otherwise perfect.

Work? Well, I'm at work. I can't be too forward with the customers, that's just unprofessional. And I've already scoped out the coworker situation. No luck there.

I don't know, how do people meet people, generally speaking? Just... around. Hmm. I just got to start wandering around and hope I eventually end up in someone's pants. Like a message in a bottle, only it's not a bottle, it's a penis, and the world is the ocean. Is that how that works?

I could do the dating website thing. That sounds like it would be a better idea in a city. In fact all of this would be a lot easier in a city where you can go to the same place two nights and it's entirely different people and here, well, probably not. I mean it's big....ish. There's a lot of college going on though. A university of california right in town. I never went, but I could go wander around there, just a 35 year old creeper enjoying a day off work looking at college girls. Pretend to be a student? Lie. DECEIVE THEM.

No, wait, that's not a good idea. Truth and honesty, as much as they can take, as much as is tactful, yes, that's the ticket, laddie. Yes.

I mean, the best way is a friend of a friend. Let the friends do all the work of hooking us up, and let me just do the work of actually getting to know the young lady, whomever she hypothetically may be.

But that hasn't worked for me lately, or like ever. And why would it? Shit, I can barely be assed to find someone I'm a good match for, let alone have time to pluck relationships out of thin air for my friends. When was the last time I was responsible for a friend having a relationship? Years. And did it turn out well? No, I don't think it did, so let's quit relying on other people for what is essentially a solo act.

It's me I have to sell. Me I have to convince some poor gullible gal that I'm worthy, that I'm good, that I'm good for her. I'm not. I'm just using her, using everyone, using everything, to feed my monstrous ego. But she doesn't have to know that. She just has to be attracted to my charm and wit and good looks. That's all. That's the hard part. Well, not really. Statistically there will be attraction. I already know it, you see. What I need is an opportunity to cultivate this attraction from a flame to a hot fire. 

Tomorrow.

[The guy from the Vale]

Fascinating, with all the board fuck ups, it remembered a multi-quote I grabbed 3 weeks ago.  WOW.  

Guy, that was just an awkward after work conversation.  You didn't fuck things up.  Just be friendly next time you see her.  It's fine.  I've been approached by people right after a long day that I normally would give my TEETH to have a minute to talk to and I'm a bumbling WRECK.  They have never ever held it against me the next time I saw them and managed to behave like a normal people.

So don't sweat it man.  That said, I would never ever date anyone I worked with, so there's that too.

Luck to you.

Thanks for the heads up.

Well, I am looking for another job anyway and my intention is to not let her know abut how I feel until I'm out of my current employment. Nevertheless, yesterday just made me doubt if I had given away too much already. Oh well, no use crying after spilt milk I guess.