The guy from the Vale Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 I'll have a drinks date on Wednesday. I'll be just as excited as you are now, kara. Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lessthanluke Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 2 hours ago, karaddin said: I'm fairly sure you do too! Hmm, my take on this conversation is that if we've met Theda and didn't think she was flirting with us, then she actually wanted to? I've got a drinks date this afternoon immediately after work, I'll be freaking out big time in a few hours but I had to get up early and I'm too tired ATM! Have fun on the date! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 3 hours ago, lessthanluke said: I'm fairly sure I flirt with just about everyone.... Don't see it as a bad thing Sian! Oh ok. I see how it is. You'll flirt with "everyone," meaning you're ruling out all root vegetables. What do you have against carrots and daikons? You know what? I don't even want to know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 57 minutes ago, TerraPrime said: Oh ok. I see how it is. You'll flirt with "everyone," meaning you're ruling out all root vegetables. What do you have against carrots and daikons? You know what? I don't even want to know. Are you telling me Luke's never flirted with you? Not once? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 I have a date with the whole city today! Happy Mardi Gras everyone! Cross your fingers that I don't wind up with strep throat tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted February 9, 2016 Share Posted February 9, 2016 5 hours ago, Mandy said: Oooh, so jealous, have fun Lily!!!! Are you? The unstrapped fella is not a beast to be approached lightly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The guy from the Vale Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 Just got a tect message. "You still up for coffee after work today?" I'm terribly terribly nervous right now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aniel Posted February 11, 2016 Share Posted February 11, 2016 SO's mom is unbelievable. She started dating again after her divorce, which would be all good if she didn't randomly send my SO out of the house so she can have people over. I mean yeah, it's no fun having people sitting in the other room while you're having a date but at one point (while I was still there) she made a huge deal over my SO going back to school to pick up all his shit on this one specific day when he had already arranged for his dad to drive us the day after which of course led to a huge argument. And then the week after, she gave him $70 to go to Chicago with me and expected it to pay for the train tickets, museum ticket for me (it was free for Illinois residents that day), and dinner for 3 people. Train tickets was $30. But this incident takes the cake. My SO is looking for a job. Technically he got one already, which starts tomorrow, but it only pays slightly over minimum wage. He's about as broke as you can imagine a recent college dropout (due to the Illinois state budget shitting itself or whatever his scholarship was cut and he did not want to add 60K in debt to finish his degree when he's moving away soon anyway) being, especially one who just got saddled with car repairs (one of a thing he didn't need or want fixed, which his mom of course is making him pay for - the joy). His mom is being super anal about him getting a job (she wanted him to work while I was visiting) which is understandable because she's only a teacher and doesn't have all that much money herself. But she's also super stingy and barely ever gives him money for gas so that he can actually go apply places and get to interviews. He's got an interview today, in fact. His gas meter is literally on the red line. His mom was supposed to give him gas money this morning. What does she do instead? She goes out on a date the night before, and she stays at her date's place. She does not go back home in the morning, she just goes to work. The job pays 4000 a month. FOUR THOUSAND. How can you be so anal about something and not fucking help out? Luckily, as I've been writing this he got his interview rescheduled so that I can send him money for gas as it'll reach him before he has to go tomorrow. Because his mom probably isn't going to give him enough anyway. She also holds stuff like that over his head forever and it does not help his anxiety or depression. On a slightly happier note, I found out sort of where we are in the process of him getting a residence permit from the migration agency. Yay. Basically we're waiting for them to decide what type of interview my SO needs to go on at an embassy/consulate and they are currently processing applications from March last year for that (we applied at the end of July). Once that's been done we'll just have to wait for his interview to happen and then for the decision to be made. I looked up how long it takes to get the decision after an interview and some people have gotten it just a couple of hours after the interview. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The guy from the Vale Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Second date went reasonably well. But the interesting part was that directly after the date, she kept texting me for another two hours or so, only asking after about a dozen messages "wait, am I annoying you?" to which the answer was an obvious "You're so annoying that I'd like to see you again soon." So, third date is finalized, too. This feels easier than it should be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arkhangel Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 16 hours ago, Aniel said: SO's mom is unbelievable. She started dating again after her divorce, which would be all good if she didn't randomly send my SO out of the house so she can have people over. I mean yeah, it's no fun having people sitting in the other room while you're having a date but at one point (while I was still there) she made a huge deal over my SO going back to school to pick up all his shit on this one specific day when he had already arranged for his dad to drive us the day after which of course led to a huge argument. And then the week after, she gave him $70 to go to Chicago with me and expected it to pay for the train tickets, museum ticket for me (it was free for Illinois residents that day), and dinner for 3 people. Train tickets was $30. But this incident takes the cake. My SO is looking for a job. Technically he got one already, which starts tomorrow, but it only pays slightly over minimum wage. He's about as broke as you can imagine a recent college dropout (due to the Illinois state budget shitting itself or whatever his scholarship was cut and he did not want to add 60K in debt to finish his degree when he's moving away soon anyway) being, especially one who just got saddled with car repairs (one of a thing he didn't need or want fixed, which his mom of course is making him pay for - the joy). His mom is being super anal about him getting a job (she wanted him to work while I was visiting) which is understandable because she's only a teacher and doesn't have all that much money herself. But she's also super stingy and barely ever gives him money for gas so that he can actually go apply places and get to interviews. He's got an interview today, in fact. His gas meter is literally on the red line. His mom was supposed to give him gas money this morning. What does she do instead? She goes out on a date the night before, and she stays at her date's place. She does not go back home in the morning, she just goes to work. The job pays 4000 a month. FOUR THOUSAND. How can you be so anal about something and not fucking help out? Luckily, as I've been writing this he got his interview rescheduled so that I can send him money for gas as it'll reach him before he has to go tomorrow. Because his mom probably isn't going to give him enough anyway. She also holds stuff like that over his head forever and it does not help his anxiety or depression. On a slightly happier note, I found out sort of where we are in the process of him getting a residence permit from the migration agency. Yay. Basically we're waiting for them to decide what type of interview my SO needs to go on at an embassy/consulate and they are currently processing applications from March last year for that (we applied at the end of July). Once that's been done we'll just have to wait for his interview to happen and then for the decision to be made. I looked up how long it takes to get the decision after an interview and some people have gotten it just a couple of hours after the interview. Why would you expect that your boyfriend's mother, who owes you nothing and who you know doesn't have much money, should pay for your museum ticket or dinner for you and some other person in addition to her adult son? Why would your boyfriend, a grown man, assume that his mother would curtail her social life because he didn't prepare for his interview by getting gas sooner? Why would you accuse her of being "super anal" for wanting him to get a job after dropping out of college, and "of course is making him pay for" his own car repairs? Who else is meant to pay for them, her? Frankly it doesn't sound like she's being unreasonable here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HexMachina Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Yes I'm not seeing anything at all unreasonable in your SO's mother's actions. TGftV, glad it's going so well for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 5 hours ago, theguyfromtheVale said: Second date went reasonably well. But the interesting part was that directly after the date, she kept texting me for another two hours or so, only asking after about a dozen messages "wait, am I annoying you?" to which the answer was an obvious "You're so annoying that I'd like to see you again soon." So, third date is finalized, too. This feels easier than it should be. Oh my god smooooth if i asked the "am i annoying you?" which ive done before and someone answered with that i would be pleased :3 sounds like its going well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aniel Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 4 hours ago, Arkhangel said: Why would you expect that your boyfriend's mother, who owes you nothing and who you know doesn't have much money, should pay for your museum ticket or dinner for you and some other person in addition to her adult son? Why would your boyfriend, a grown man, assume that his mother would curtail her social life because he didn't prepare for his interview by getting gas sooner? Why would you accuse her of being "super anal" for wanting him to get a job after dropping out of college, and "of course is making him pay for" his own car repairs? Who else is meant to pay for them, her? Frankly it doesn't sound like she's being unreasonable here. I did not expect her to pay for me. She was the one who literally said "I'll give you this money, and you will go to the city where you will go to a museum and take your sister out for dinner". We knew it wasn't going to be enough so I volunteered to withdraw money (since I have an actual income) and his sister, also with an income, paid for her part of dinner. In fact, I frequently paid for any groceries my boyfriend I needed during my visit. This was an example of the many times she'll give him less money than he needs for whatever things she often asks him to do. And then she goes and holds it over his head every time they have the slightest disagreement and constantly reminds him of all the things she's done for him without acknowledging that she says some of the meanest things and has also done things like not visit him in the hospital when he was a kid. As for the gas issue, my boyfriend had no way of getting gas sooner for his interview since he is dead broke. What little money he gets is spent all on gas, and those repairs he did not need, or authorize. Essentially, in addition to the actual repairs the car needed, she went and gave the mechanic permission to fix the other thing without consulting with the person who was actually supposed to pay for the stuff. She was supposed to give him gas money, she was the one who promised to do so, but for some reason she didn't do it the night before the interview, or at any other point prior to that. Until he gets his first paycheck, she is the only person who could possibly help him financially who might actually have that responsibility. He's her son, his dad has even less money, and he himself feels he cannot rightly ask anyone else, like his grandparents or me, for help. Maybe you and I live in different cultures, before I had a job my parents fed me, clothed me, paid for my bus fare etc. despite the fact that I was legally an adult. Now that I do have a job, I do my part and buy everything I need myself and I pay rent and I give them money for groceries as well. So I expect parents to help their children until their children can provide for themselves. I agree with her on many points, even some of the ones my boyfriend feels unjust. I agree he needs a job, and so does he. I agree he can't be picky about what job he gets. I agree that he should pay for his own stuff at home when he gets an actual income. However, I do not agree with her tactics of yelling things like "You're a financial liability" instead of just saying he needs a job. I do not accept "You need to be locked in a mental asylum" as an appropriate response when my boyfriend tries to reach out to her and talk to her about his depression and anxiety and how he wishes she would stop screaming at him about things that he can't possibly control. And then there's comments like "You can't be depressed, you're a boy. Suck it up." Likewise I do not accept "You're just going to throw it up" as an appropriate response when he literally has to beg her to get groceries (the vomiting is triggered by anxiety, btw, which she is a major cause of - not anorexia (which does not include vomiting, that's bulimia, and that's self-induced) as she believes despite the fact that we've talked about it), or give him money so he can go get them, nor do I consider "It's too expensive" and "You're not following the diet anyway, so what's the point?" as good enough reasons not to buy him glutenfree items the few times she actually goes out to buy food because he has Celiacs disease and if he eats too much gluten it'll cause malabsorption and thereby malnutrition and permanent damage to his intestines, possibly even cancer. He had to eat gluten almost all the time he was at school because she didn't believe it was more expensive than the other food, and accused him of being greedy. And he couldn't get a job while he was at school because every place there expects you to have a car and she didn't believe him about that either. His scholarship that he had also excluded him from many jobs in the school's facilities. She did not believe that either. She hasn't cooked dinner once this whole week, she's been out every night. He doesn't care that she's dating, he's fine with it. He just wants to eat. And he wants her to actually do the things that she promised. She gave him money to go out and buy groceries the other day however. Then she promptly accused him of stealing from her. Maybe the incidents in the rant I went on previously do not sound so unreasonable, but in combination with the fact that she's emotionally abusive and lacks empathy and refuses to feed her child while she buys another one cigarettes I just cannot call her behaviour acceptable. And I realize that she likely has her own problems, like depression. But I also know that her attitude about mental illness ensures that she would never seek help about it. People who aren't "normal" mentally are all crazy people to her. All her children suffer from depression and anxiety, but she would never admit that there might be something "wrong" with her as well. I do try to feel sympathetic towards her, with regards to this and her financial situation, but she makes it extremely hard when she seemingly goes out of her way to make my boyfriend's life a living hell just because he exists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polishgenius Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 3 hours ago, Aniel said: She hasn't cooked dinner once this whole week, she's been out every night. He doesn't care that she's dating, he's fine with it. He just wants to eat. See, the SO's mum sounds like an utter nightmare and he needs to get away ASAP but then you say things like this and it's like... he's a grown man. What's he going to do when he does move away? Also, can he not get on unemployment benefits of some kind? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aniel Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 31 minutes ago, polishgenius said: See, the SO's mum sounds like an utter nightmare and he needs to get away ASAP but then you say things like this and it's like... he's a grown man. What's he going to do when he does move away? Also, can he not get on unemployment benefits of some kind? Oh no, he can cook. He cooks really well in fact (if a bit too spicy for my taste). The thing is that there is nothing to cook. Nothing of substance that won't ruin his intestines at least. And everytime he cooks she says he's using up all the food etc. I think the only domestic thing he can't do is empty the cat's litterbox. I have no idea if he could get unemployment, he actually did get hired but he's not going to see his paycheck for like two weeks anyway. Luckily that job is close enough that he can walk there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The guy from the Vale Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 4 hours ago, Theda Baratheon said: Oh my god smooooth if i asked the "am i annoying you?" which ive done before and someone answered with that i would be pleased :3 sounds like its going well! Glad you like it. I just hope she did, too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aceluby Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Haven't posted here in a while, but I just celebrated 6 months w/ my gf and we're going to my mom's for dinner tonight after our yoga class. Never been happier or healthier than these last few months. It's been pretty great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli Fury Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 On February 12, 2016 at 8:02 AM, Aniel said: I did not expect her to pay for me. She was the one who literally said "I'll give you this money, and you will go to the city where you will go to a museum and take your sister out for dinner". We knew it wasn't going to be enough so I volunteered to withdraw money (since I have an actual income) and his sister, also with an income, paid for her part of dinner. In fact, I frequently paid for any groceries my boyfriend I needed during my visit. This was an example of the many times she'll give him less money than he needs for whatever things she often asks him to do. And then she goes and holds it over his head every time they have the slightest disagreement and constantly reminds him of all the things she's done for him without acknowledging that she says some of the meanest things and has also done things like not visit him in the hospital when he was a kid. As for the gas issue, my boyfriend had no way of getting gas sooner for his interview since he is dead broke. What little money he gets is spent all on gas, and those repairs he did not need, or authorize. Essentially, in addition to the actual repairs the car needed, she went and gave the mechanic permission to fix the other thing without consulting with the person who was actually supposed to pay for the stuff. She was supposed to give him gas money, she was the one who promised to do so, but for some reason she didn't do it the night before the interview, or at any other point prior to that. Until he gets his first paycheck, she is the only person who could possibly help him financially who might actually have that responsibility. He's her son, his dad has even less money, and he himself feels he cannot rightly ask anyone else, like his grandparents or me, for help. Maybe you and I live in different cultures, before I had a job my parents fed me, clothed me, paid for my bus fare etc. despite the fact that I was legally an adult. Now that I do have a job, I do my part and buy everything I need myself and I pay rent and I give them money for groceries as well. So I expect parents to help their children until their children can provide for themselves. I agree with her on many points, even some of the ones my boyfriend feels unjust. I agree he needs a job, and so does he. I agree he can't be picky about what job he gets. I agree that he should pay for his own stuff at home when he gets an actual income. However, I do not agree with her tactics of yelling things like "You're a financial liability" instead of just saying he needs a job. I do not accept "You need to be locked in a mental asylum" as an appropriate response when my boyfriend tries to reach out to her and talk to her about his depression and anxiety and how he wishes she would stop screaming at him about things that he can't possibly control. And then there's comments like "You can't be depressed, you're a boy. Suck it up." Likewise I do not accept "You're just going to throw it up" as an appropriate response when he literally has to beg her to get groceries (the vomiting is triggered by anxiety, btw, which she is a major cause of - not anorexia (which does not include vomiting, that's bulimia, and that's self-induced) as she believes despite the fact that we've talked about it), or give him money so he can go get them, nor do I consider "It's too expensive" and "You're not following the diet anyway, so what's the point?" as good enough reasons not to buy him glutenfree items the few times she actually goes out to buy food because he has Celiacs disease and if he eats too much gluten it'll cause malabsorption and thereby malnutrition and permanent damage to his intestines, possibly even cancer. He had to eat gluten almost all the time he was at school because she didn't believe it was more expensive than the other food, and accused him of being greedy. And he couldn't get a job while he was at school because every place there expects you to have a car and she didn't believe him about that either. His scholarship that he had also excluded him from many jobs in the school's facilities. She did not believe that either. She hasn't cooked dinner once this whole week, she's been out every night. He doesn't care that she's dating, he's fine with it. He just wants to eat. And he wants her to actually do the things that she promised. She gave him money to go out and buy groceries the other day however. Then she promptly accused him of stealing from her. Maybe the incidents in the rant I went on previously do not sound so unreasonable, but in combination with the fact that she's emotionally abusive and lacks empathy and refuses to feed her child while she buys another one cigarettes I just cannot call her behaviour acceptable. And I realize that she likely has her own problems, like depression. But I also know that her attitude about mental illness ensures that she would never seek help about it. People who aren't "normal" mentally are all crazy people to her. All her children suffer from depression and anxiety, but she would never admit that there might be something "wrong" with her as well. I do try to feel sympathetic towards her, with regards to this and her financial situation, but she makes it extremely hard when she seemingly goes out of her way to make my boyfriend's life a living hell just because he exists. Aniel- your boyfriend is an adult. His mother is allowing him to live with her, I assume for free. She sometimes pays for his food and his gas despite having financial difficulty of her own. She has every right to go on all the dates she wants and spend every cent of her money however she wants. She owes your boyfriend nothing and is doing way more already than she needs to. Your boyfriend is an adult and if he doesn't have everything he needs it is NOBODY'S responsibility but his own to make sure he gets it. I have no idea why the two of you feel he is so entitled to handouts from his mother. He is not. He is the one who dropped out of school because he didn't want more debt without first having a job. That was his choice (and possibly not a great one), all consequences of it are his, nobody else's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lessthanluke Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 17 minutes ago, Kay Fury said: Aniel- your boyfriend is an adult. His mother is allowing him to live with her, I assume for free. She sometimes pays for his food and his gas despite having financial difficulty of her own. She has every right to go on all the dates she wants and spend every cent of her money however she wants. She owes your boyfriend nothing and is doing way more already than she needs to. Your boyfriend is an adult and if he doesn't have everything he needs it is NOBODY'S responsibility but his own to make sure he gets it. I have no idea why the two of you feel he is so entitled to handouts from his mother. He is not. He is the one who dropped out of school because he didn't want more debt without first having a job. That was his choice (and possibly not a great one), all consequences of it are his, nobody else's. My thoughts exactly. The entitlement is baffling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Tiger Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 1 hour ago, Kay Fury said: Aniel- your boyfriend is an adult. His mother is allowing him to live with her, I assume for free. She sometimes pays for his food and his gas despite having financial difficulty of her own. She has every right to go on all the dates she wants and spend every cent of her money however she wants. She owes your boyfriend nothing and is doing way more already than she needs to. Your boyfriend is an adult and if he doesn't have everything he needs it is NOBODY'S responsibility but his own to make sure he gets it. I have no idea why the two of you feel he is so entitled to handouts from his mother. He is not. He is the one who dropped out of school because he didn't want more debt without first having a job. That was his choice (and possibly not a great one), all consequences of it are his, nobody else's. PREACH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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