Dating: a thing people are forced to do that no ethics committee would allow

[Arkhangel]

Not sure why having a distant relationship with you rmom is atuomatically bad, but I can see why the other 2 are problematic.

I tend to find that, unless there's something about the mother like she's abusive or has issues of her own, men who have weird relationships with their mothers can often have weird relationships with other women. That goes for guys who are too close to their Mums, and at the other end of the spectrum guys who seem to have little real attachment or appreciation for them. I'm not saying it's a 100% predictor of being a bad boyfriend, but I consider it a warning sign.

To be even-handed, I have also had male friends tell me that they try to avoid dating girls who have "daddy issues", so it's not just a men-and-mothers thing.

[Datepalm]

I realized the other day I've gone months essentially without speaking to my mother, including while living in the same apartment, including not having any contact with her at all whenever I'm abroad, and I never found it strange until I phrased it that way. But, eh, we're Russians Ukrainians. No one in my family has had a conversation since around Chernobyl anyway.

[Red Tiger]

I tend to find that, unless there's something about the mother like she's abusive or has issues of her own, men who have weird relationships with their mothers can often have weird relationships with other women. That goes for guys who are too close to their Mums, and at the other end of the spectrum guys who seem to have little real attachment or appreciation for them. I'm not saying it's a 100% predictor of being a bad boyfriend, but I consider it a warning sign.

Yeah, I fall in this camp. I dunno what it is but on dates we don't end up talking about family, unless she starts asking about it.

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I realized the other day I've gone months essentially without speaking to my mother, including while living in the same apartment, including not having any contact with her at all whenever I'm abroad, and I never found it strange until I phrased it that way. But, eh, we're Russians Ukrainians. No one in my family has had a conversation since around Chernobyl anyway.

Im the same, but for me it's just that me and my mom are basically polar opposites. It's not that I hate the woman, but it's easy to let the relationship atrophy when you have nothing in common and constantly clash on every topic. My relationship with my father is much better.

[Arkhangel]

Yeah, I fall in this camp. I dunno what it is but on dates we don't end up talking about family, unless she starts asking about it.

Like I said, we were doing that 36 Questions to Fall in Love thing. One of the questions is 'how is your relationship with your mother'.

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

Last night was a real disaster. We went out for drinks and food. After our first stop we went to another place and she stepped out to purchase some herbal refreshment. She was gone so long that I almost got another young woman's number.  And by 1am I wanted to go seeing as I'm working today but she wanted to stay until 2 and that I could spend the night with her. I declined because I had started sobering up and was able to get home. And I make a point of not going home with women who are as intoxicated as she was.  

[JarvisRodriguez]

I have a date with a Beautiful Woman tomorrow for Brunch.  I am pretty sure she is the One, we have really hit it off online and I am feeling Butteflies already.  She loves Latino Men and is a Real Fox.

 

Part of the reason I am nervous is that I haven't told her I am technically married.  I plan on telling her Right Away though.  My wife and I don't live together but aren't getting divorced right away.  I've already been divorced once and my family was very Ashamed.

My best three Homeruns are my three beautiful children.

[Xray the Enforcer]

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

You should probably tell her before the date. Things might not go over well if you wait until after.

[Starkess]

I have a distant relationship with my entire family, but most especially my mother. I guess I could see why that might be weird for some people and probably does illustrate something about my personality so it wouldn't be totally crazy for a potential mate to hold that against me. That said, I'm pretty glad my boyfriend also has a distant relationship with his family and we're happy just doing our own things!

[Raja]

Relationships with the rest of the family can be so varied though - it seems a bit harsh to use that as a 'warning sign'. My relationship with my father is about as distant as it gets - I prefer giving someone the benefit of the doubt when it comes to relationships with their families/ relatives. I just find it an odd thing to hold against someone, without at least knowing more about their family. 

 

[Arkhangel]

Okay? I'm not suggesting that anyone else needs to rely on it, just saying how I feel. YMMV

[Aniel]

Heh, my SO wants to punch his dad in the face and his mom is a very unsympathetic bitch towards him. I hit the jackpot there. There's a lot of passive-aggressiveness and yelling stuff in the house. (Like "Don't leave the fridge door open" and "I told you to empty the dishwasher" from her and "I guess we're not going to get to do the thing you wanted to do" from him). To clarify, the parents got divorced ca. 8 month's ago and my SO lives with his mom when he isn't at school. And the dad issues are financial.

 

There was actually quite a bit of drama yesterday, first my SO was upset with me for not standing up for him and so his mom and I spoke about him together and his personal issues (he's got anxiety and depression to deal with, he says he only wants the two of us to be supportive and listen to him but we're both of the opinion that he really should see a therapist and maybe get some medication, but he refuses both due to bad experiences in the past - obviously I'm doing what I can but as I said the mother is rather unsympathetic and doesn't really listen to him even though I can tell she really loves him and wants to help) and what can be done to keep the anxiety to a minimum, and then later SO and I had an argument but it all ended with generally lovey dovey stuff.

I'm pretty darn happy that any children of ours won't really have to deal with either of my SO's parents a lot since we'll be on opposite sides of the Atlantic ocean. Even though the mom isn't a bad person per se, she's just bad at being mother. SO's grandmother is the best though. We played Cards Against Humanity with her earlier. It was awesome.

[WillWork4NinjaPowers]

My "red flags" for my son when he gets older are women who are obsessed with Marilyn Monroe, and women who who don't have any close female relationships, the women who make a pint to say "I get along better with guys."

For men, well, I have so many now that I am at about a 90% success rate at predicting what the guys my friends meet will end up being.

[Datepalm]

I'm curious how Jarvis's brunch date went, personally. 

In other news I semi-accidentally unfriended Economist Guy on facebook (long story) and regretted it and re-sent a friend request. (also called to explain and, weirdly enough, he actually answered, but I was derailed by a fourty minute debate on Central African politics.) No response in a few days to the re-request, but now I have a Linkedin connection request from him instead. Unfair - that's opening a new front. "Let's not be friends, you obsessed weirdo, but still maintain a veneer of polite collegiate acquaintance" ?, "I too, can do weird social networking stuff, my girl, and Linkedin is my territory, mwahah" ?, "Welcome to my very zeitgeisty experiment in developing a new form of totally wordless communication" ?

[Arkhangel]

Speaking of how other relationships reflect on how a person will be in a romantic relationship, do you know what he's like with his other friends, Datepalm? Is he capable of communicating in a less weird fashion with them?

If there weren't so many wonderful examples out there already, I would be tempted to start a blog of 'weird shit on OKCupid'. This is the gem of the day - my favourite thing about it is that wee lonely little $10 note on the top, like "oh boy, this will really get the women going." http://oi67.tinypic.com/mlr0x.jpg

Can't tell if he's offering to pay me just to have coffee with him, but if he thinks he'd be getting more than that for $50 I think I'm insulted

[Datepalm]

That's a properly good one. The chain of logic that led to that profile and message seems so tortured I desperately want to know what it is...no chance of persuading you to go get that coffee and those fifty dollars and come back with a story?

My Basketcase - no idea. I think he's pretty odd with everyone, from what I recall (and what our few mutual acquaintances confirm,) but I also think I'm kind of nuts about the whole thing and a lot of the way I'm behaving probably looks really weird from his end. (I think a lot of theway  i'm behaving looks really odd from this end, I've just recently decided that my year-long experiment in "acting, like, really normal" is idiotic and dismissive of both me and everyone else, so I'm back to trying to act like myself and not overthinking it, barring hurting anyone.)

[Raja]

Is his profile picture just notes of Australian currency? That is very strange. I agree with Datepalm, you should take him up on it! 

The oddest stuff I see on OKC is people saying that they want a "god fearing" date. I don't even know what that means. And this is not just one person! 

the women who make a pint to say "I get along better with guys."

I didn't realize it until you said it, but I've heard quite a few women say that. 

[sologdin]

have a Linkedin connection request from him instead. Unfair - that's opening a new front. "Let's not be friends, you obsessed weirdo, but still maintain a veneer of polite collegiate acquaintance" ?, "I too, can do weird social networking stuff, my girl, and Linkedin is my territory, mwahah" ?, "Welcome to my very zeitgeisty experiment in developing a new form of totally wordless communication" ?

linkedin can get coarse and unsavory very quickly.  add "extreme trampling" as a skill on your profile and see what shakes out, say.

[Datepalm]

And this is a person who endlessly repeats how everyone must come out and say what they mean and how he simply can't and won't look for subtext, hints, meaning to gestures, etc, etc. Why can't he just actually keep silent if he's not going to say anything?

 

[Aniel]

I wanted to have quotes but I guess not...

I'm one of those women who have, at some point, said "I get along better with guys". I don't really see why that would be a "warning flag", at least when I say it I mean "my interests generally align more with those of guys than girls". Although that's more a reflection on the people I went to school with. Practically all my life I've not had the same interests as more than 1 other girl in my class, at 16 I met 3 girls who all liked anime. Yay! We were in the same class for a year. Noes! The rest of the time I and the other girls cared about as much about each other as I don't know... rocks care about other rocks. The guys were less apathetic since we all liked games and had a general interest in fantasy. So you know, it might be more of a "different interests" thing than outright dislike of other females when women say "I get along better with guys". And possibly some generalisations about genders. Yay.