What is the difference between concubine, paramour and mistress?

[Jak Scaletongue]

Here are the definitions from dictionary.com (because "close enough" isn't good enough for me!)

Mistress: (from Middle English) a woman who has a continuing, extramarital sexual relationship with one man, especially a man who, in return for an exclusive and continuing liaison, provides her with financial support. [there are other uses: schoolmistress, female running the house is often the "Mistress," etc - but this was the only definition pertaining to a sexual relationship.]

Paramour:  (from Old French) 1. an illicit lover, especially of a married person.  2. any lover.

Concubine: (from Latin, Middle English and Anglo-French) 1. a woman who cohabits with a man to whom she is not legally married, especially one regarded as socially or sexually subservient; mistress.  2. (among polygamous peoples) a secondary wife, usually of inferior rank.

3. (especially formerly in Muslim societies) a woman residing in a harem and kept, as by a sultan, for sexual purposes.

The first definition of concubine equates it with mistress, which I wasn't expecting.  So, apparently it's all "same shit, different piles."

[purple-eyes]

I am wondering why lynesse did not go back home? Was she also sentenced to death or some penalty by Ned? 

[A spoon of knife and fork]

One thing I didn't see mentioned yet is that paramour is gender-neutral whereas mistress is gender-specific and there's no term for the male version.

[purple-eyes]

One thing I didn't see mentioned yet is that paramour is gender-neutral whereas mistress is gender-specific and there's no term for the male version.

oh yeah, like Darrio, a paramour. 

Maybe harwin strong too. And also joffery for laenor, a paramour to a man. 

But I guess they are more called as lovers. 

[Jak Scaletongue]

I am wondering why lynesse did not go back home? Was she also sentenced to death or some penalty by Ned? 

Didn't want Daddy choosing her new man for her would be my best guess.  She clearly wasn't impressed with the first man he chose for her!

One thing I didn't see mentioned yet is that paramour is gender-neutral whereas mistress is gender-specific and there's no term for the male version.

That's a good point!  There is no term for the man a married woman sleeps with on the side!  ETA: Except, as purple-eyes pointed out, another gender-neutral term like "lover."

[Philokles]

I'd say that they all mean generally the same thing but different cultures use different words for the role. Which culture is assigned which term probably reflects the slight nuances in the modern English words (e.g. concubine suggests a lower status than paramour), in relation to the relative acceptability of the position in the recipient culture, though.

[purple-eyes]

Didn't want Daddy choosing her new man for her would be my best guess.  She clearly wasn't impressed with the first man he chose for her!

I thought herself agreed that. it was a love-match, I remember. But her father surely approved that.  

[LiveFirstDieLater]

They are slightly different but could potentially overlap...

Paramour - is a lover you are not married to 

Mistress - is a lover other than your spouse

note: you don't have to be married to have a paramour but you do have to be married to have a mistress

Concubine - is actually a title or position given to a legitimate partner that is not your spouse (these are basically not found in western culture do to the whole, one man, one woman, monogamy moral ideal)

 

[Blind Beth the Cat Lady]

Here are the definitions from dictionary.com (because "close enough" isn't good enough for me!)

Mistress: (from Middle English) a woman who has a continuing, extramarital sexual relationship with one man, especially a man who, in return for an exclusive and continuing liaison, provides her with financial support. [there are other uses: schoolmistress, female running the house is often the "Mistress," etc - but this was the only definition pertaining to a sexual relationship.]

Paramour:  (from Old French) 1. an illicit lover, especially of a married person.  2. any lover.

Concubine: (from Latin, Middle English and Anglo-French) 1. a woman who cohabits with a man to whom she is not legally married, especially one regarded as socially or sexually subservient; mistress.  2. (among polygamous peoples) a secondary wife, usually of inferior rank.

3. (especially formerly in Muslim societies) a woman residing in a harem and kept, as by a sultan, for sexual purposes.

The first definition of concubine equates it with mistress, which I wasn't expecting.  So, apparently it's all "same shit, different piles."

Based on context, Martin is using the terms somewhat differently than their dictionary definition. We see that "paramour" is meant to be a more respectful term when someone is telling Barristan about a Kingsguard's mistress and Barri jumps in with "paramour" as a more polite/respectful word. And Dornish use that word more than mistress because in their eyes there is nothing wrong with it.

Actually...I think in Westeros context, paramour may imply there is no wife, it's used more like "life partner," i.e. primary monogamous partner but not married. Correct me if I'm wrong.

[A spoon of knife and fork]

They are slightly different but could potentially overlap...

Paramour - is a lover you are not married to 

Mistress - is a lover other than your spouse

note: you don't have to be married to have a paramour but you do have to be married to have a mistress

Concubine - is actually a title or position given to a legitimate partner that is not your spouse (these are basically not found in western culture do to the whole, one man, one woman, monogamy moral ideal)

To the last now that polyamory (having multiple partners but not multiple spouses) is becoming more popular in the west it seems people are having a hard time figuring out what words to use.  Sometimes it's spouse vs lover. Sometimes "primary and secondary partners".  but I've also heard "spouse and boyfriend/girlfriend".  People seem confused even in these modern times.

Maybe we should bring back paramour for these people.  Somehow, I don't think concubine with fly...  :)

of course I'm a boring old monogamist so I suppose I don't get a say in the matter.

[purple-eyes]

Based on context, Martin is using the terms somewhat differently than their dictionary definition. We see that "paramour" is meant to be a more respectful term when someone is telling Barristan about a Kingsguard's mistress and Barri jumps in with "paramour" as a more polite/respectful word. And Dornish use that word more than mistress because in their eyes there is nothing wrong with it.

Actually...I think in Westeros context, paramour may imply there is no wife, it's used more like "life partner," i.e. primary monogamous partner but not married. Correct me if I'm wrong.

agree. We have Ellaria with an unmarried oberyn. 

And also Sheira Seastar with an unmarried Bloodraven.

But we do see sometimes they call a lover of married man as paramour too, like Joanna.

another thing is, you are supposed to be faithful to your spouse. But for paramour, you do not need to do that. it is more like an open marriage. 

such as oberyn and sheira seastar.

[Ferocious Veldt Roarer]

Based on context, Martin is using the terms somewhat differently than their dictionary definition. We see that "paramour" is meant to be a more respectful term when someone is telling Barristan about a Kingsguard's mistress and Barri jumps in with "paramour" as a more polite/respectful word.

As I said: Dornish and sounds nicer ("That is what you call them down in Dorne, is it not?", is what Barry said). In the novels proper, the term is used exclusively by Dornishmen, or when talking to Dornishmen, or about Dornishmen, and once by Samwell Tarly.

I wonder if it could be a variation of "everything sounds fancier in French".

[A spoon of knife and fork]

I am wondering why lynesse did not go back home? Was she also sentenced to death or some penalty by Ned? 

I feel really bad for her.  Whatever else was going on she became tied up in Jorahs entirely horrible crime.  My guess is he didn't even tell her why they were leaving until they were halfway to Essos - Jorah is not exactly the type to own up when he's done something wrong.  Once there what's she supposed to do?  Getting home is not going to be easy given they are basically homeless and penny less.  If she somehow gets home, she's still married and can't remarry, plus she's definitely going to look complacent in the slavery thing, even if she tells her family she had nothing to do with it.  She probably feared they'd disown her anyway.

[Jak Scaletongue]

I thought herself agreed that. it was a love-match, I remember. But her father surely approved that.  

I can't remember, to be honest.  Jorah won a tourney and asked her father for her hand......I can't remember if it was even mentioned whether *she* approved or not.

Based on context, Martin is using the terms somewhat differently than their dictionary definition. We see that "paramour" is meant to be a more respectful term when someone is telling Barristan about a Kingsguard's mistress and Barri jumps in with "paramour" as a more polite/respectful word. And Dornish use that word more than mistress because in their eyes there is nothing wrong with it.

Actually...I think in Westeros context, paramour may imply there is no wife, it's used more like "life partner," i.e. primary monogamous partner but not married. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Oh, I know - I just figured it would be handy to have the RL definitions handy for reference!

[Jak Scaletongue]

Never mind, I'm an idiot!

[Winds of Winter blow cold]

Concubine=slave.

Mistress=kept woman

Paramour=lover

[Jak Scaletongue]

Concubine=slave.

Mistress=kept woman

Paramour=lover

Concubines aren't (always) slaves - they are a secondary wife.  Not as powerful as the First Wife, but their children are legitimate and able to inherit.  Some concubines may be slaves, but others, like Lynesse Hightower, are not.  In her case, it sounds like she has a fair bit of power and status in the political spheres of Lys - one of her brother's is in Lys, hoping his sister can get him some sellsails to help defend Oldtown.  If she was nothing but a slave, he probably wouldn't have such high hopes.  She (and others like her) probably has more in common with the Sailor's Wife and other well-known whores/courtesans in Braavos than she does with a simple sex slave.

[Guest]

What is the difference?  How much you make and how much she costs!

[Jon's Queen Consort]

I am wondering why lynesse did not go back home? Was she also sentenced to death or some penalty by Ned? 

Maybe she had a good life in Essos when she had nothing to come back for?

[LiveFirstDieLater]

agree. We have Ellaria with an unmarried oberyn. 

And also Sheira Seastar with an unmarried Bloodraven.

But we do see sometimes they call a lover of married man as paramour too, like Joanna.

another thing is, you are supposed to be faithful to your spouse. But for paramour, you do not need to do that. it is more like an open marriage. 

such as oberyn and sheira seastar.

wait what?

Joanna Lannister? Wtf

oberyn and Sheira seastar? 

Dude, purp, you are just straight making things up now?