Weeping Sore Posted May 13, 2016 Share Posted May 13, 2016 Thanks everybody. ETA: @Robin Of House Hill- I've hinted a few things to my dad as he is either bi or gay himself; I feel like he will/would be supportive. It will be interesting to see if he comes out of the closet during his remaining years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weeping Sore Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 I had a dilemma yesterday; a lovely trans woman came up to the site that I manage, and I wanted to convey that this is a welcoming or safe space for her but then decided to say nothing as she might feel insulted if I acknowledged that she wasn't cis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 Yeah, in the rare cases I get clocked I really prefer not to be directly informed of it. Its hard because it's really a lose-lose in some cases, you ask pronouns for someone binary and in doing so make it clear that they aren't being read as cis and that can upset them, even though they know you are trying to be respectful (this was me a couple of months ago as the binary trans woman), but make assumptions about someone non binary thinking that you are being polite and that's not good either. I accepted that my reaction was entirely on me, and problematic so I think I'm the one that needs to adjust there, but I still don't think directly addressing it would be the right play either. I guess the best is if you can manage to just have it clear at all times that it would be a safe space, so people don't feel that message is coming specifically to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weeping Sore Posted August 3, 2016 Share Posted August 3, 2016 10 hours ago, karaddin said: I guess the best is if you can manage to just have it clear at all times that it would be a safe space, so people don't feel that message is coming specifically to them. I'd love to put up a sign but we're strictly corporate with no self-generated signage allowed. I suppose I should just engage in conversation human-to-human and be generally welcoming. There's nothing I can do to convey that I am/would be/will be trans* myself and we should just drop our guard and give each other a supportive hug. *Sigh* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted August 3, 2016 Author Share Posted August 3, 2016 7 hours ago, Weeping Sore said: I'd love to put up a sign but we're strictly corporate with no self-generated signage allowed. I suppose I should just engage in conversation human-to-human and be generally welcoming. There's nothing I can do to convey that I am/would be/will be trans* myself and we should just drop our guard and give each other a supportive hug. *Sigh* Sadly in many cases that is just not possible. And you're right, too, that acknowledging her trans status might upset her more than it comforts her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 I'll assume everyone knows my answer. The only time I ever broke the rule of never letting another trans woman know I'd read her is a couple of years ago. She was walking toward me and we both read each other. She smiled as we approached each other, and since it seemed genuine, I smiled back. When I lived in Hollywood, I was only a couple of blocks form the LA LGBT Center, so it wasn't uncommon to see others in the area. I always made certain that I didn't indicate I'd read anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weeping Sore Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 Advice accepted. It's only natural that my sensors might "ping" a bit more easily than the average person, but I'll continue to be discreet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted August 4, 2016 Share Posted August 4, 2016 Sad, that it has to be that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maltaran Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 A couple of interesting articles this week A trans woman has become the first female soldier to serve on the front line in the British Army - the first female recruits were supposed to join later this year, but she had already joined as a man and the authorities have agreed to let her continue in the infantry after transitioning. "I'm a non-binary 10-year-old". There seem to be more and younger trans kids becoming visible recently, and this kid has some good thoughts Quote I don't need people to understand. I just need people not to be rude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 I like the quote. I've always been good with the idea that if someone knew what I was and had problems with it, simply ignoring me would be an acceptable solution. I don't require acceptance or approval. I just require that people don't interfere with my going about my business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weeping Sore Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 I'm to the point where I'm ready for this. The great thing is two people had the opposite results, one definitively choosing transition and the other (in the comments) definitively choosing not to. Besides, yay drugs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted September 29, 2016 Share Posted September 29, 2016 im not ashamed of being bisexual /pansexual / not straight but like i don’t feel comfortable enough to just make casual ‘’im gay’’ jokes and i wish i could like i wanted to post a video of annie lennox with ‘’im gay’’ but then realised all the people on my facebook and my mum and my nan and everyone and like i feel like that’s acting like im ashamed and i feel guilty about that but i don’t feel ashamed but i cant be so casual like that around some people ya know like it feels so dramatic saying ‘’i’m not out’’ but like…i’m not…really, not to everyone eta: so ive never felt very comfortable in LGBTQ communities even though individually i get along best with people who are at least a little bit gay lmao i just don't feel part of it, feel distant to it, which i think sometimes makes me like..i don't want to say repress but definitely not actively try and flirt/attract anyone other than men but tbh i don't even try and do that much either sorry just confused and feeling weird eta again: like i feel a bit bothered that there are probably a lot of people that assume im straight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TerraPrime Posted September 29, 2016 Author Share Posted September 29, 2016 15 minutes ago, Theda Baratheon said: im not ashamed of being bisexual /pansexual / not straight but like i don’t feel comfortable enough to just make casual ‘’im gay’’ jokes and i wish i could like i wanted to post a video of annie lennox with ‘’im gay’’ but then realised all the people on my facebook and my mum and my nan and everyone and like i feel like that’s acting like im ashamed and i feel guilty about that but i don’t feel ashamed but i cant be so casual like that around some people ya know like it feels so dramatic saying ‘’i’m not out’’ but like…i’m not…really, not to everyone eta: so ive never felt very comfortable in LGBTQ communities even though individually i get along best with people who are at least a little bit gay lmao i just don't feel part of it, feel distant to it, which i think sometimes makes me like..i don't want to say repress but definitely not actively try and flirt/attract anyone other than men but tbh i don't even try and do that much either sorry just confused and feeling weird eta again: like i feel a bit bothered that there are probably a lot of people that assume im straight If you're not an exceptionally butch woman, people will just assume you're straight, anyway, even if you're a lesbian. As for the degree of outness, it's such a personal thing. It's also okay to have different levels of outness to various social groups. At least on FB you can use specific filters. Regarding the community, it's more a social and political thing. Some locales are more social and others are more political. Finding the right mix and niche to fit in may not be for everyone. If there's a local LBGQT resource center, you might want to check it out. They often have social groups like bowling leagues or hiking clubs where you can go socialize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weeping Sore Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 @Theda Baratheon Being bi (or pan, but that makes me think of the rutting Roman satyr-god, so I avoid) means not having the same kind of (what I imagine to be) cathartic coming-out experience. You're saying "Your default hetero assumptions about me are only partially true!" I don't know if queer erasure and the feeling of exclusion from gay culture is why bi people have exceptionally high rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicide, but it can't help. Terra's post is probably much more helpful. Next time I'll just type "Hugs and listen to Terra." Hang in there, honey. hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 31 minutes ago, Weeping Sore said: @Theda Baratheon Being bi (or pan, but that makes me think of the rutting Roman satyr-god, so I avoid) means not having the same kind of (what I imagine to be) cathartic coming-out experience. You're saying "Your default hetero assumptions about me are only partially true!" I don't know if queer erasure and the feeling of exclusion from gay culture is why bi people have exceptionally high rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicide, but it can't help. Terra's post is probably much more helpful. Next time I'll just type "Hugs and listen to Terra." Hang in there, honey. hugs No thank you for your post (both of yours) you get it...I think that's how I'm feeling...just excluded and frustrated and cofused with it all. Not cofused because I'm actually straight but confused about everything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Underfoot Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Theda, I feel very much the same way, and it's totally frustrating It doesn't help that I didn't come to terms with or even start thinking about my sexual orientation until a couple of years ago. Now I'm 24, still struggling with identity (bi? pan? gay?) and the whole "coming out" process seems so strange, like I've missed the opportunity. I went through all of my high school years and almost all of my college years thinking I was straight (or not thinking about it at all), and everyone I know from those years also thinks that. I came out to my mom as bi/uncertain-but-definitely-attracted-to-women about a year ago, and while she was supportive, it was sort of awkward and we've never spoken about it since. No one else in my family knows. At my new job where I'm far away, I'm pretty much out and I think most people know it and assume I'm gay, but talking about it openly and participating in LGBTQ spaces and events feels so strange and awkward and makes me very self conscious. The split between my new life and old is sooo weird and sometimes hard to keep track of, like what I post on Facebook vs what I post on Twitter. It's a pretty tough place to be in, and I'm really sorry that you're kinda stuck in the same boat Hang in there!!! I think it will get better, and I'm looking forward to finding out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 @Theda Baratheon just about to go to sleep now but just wanted to reply on seeing this. You don't have to prove your bi/pan/queerness in any way to anyone, but the feelings of exclusion, of opportunity (or lack thereof rather), of different hurdles to "coming out" and of being invisible are all very real. I've got a fair few thoughts about how all of this contributes to the burden on polysexuals (to just use a single term), but I don't want to be the predominantly gay queer girl talking over the top of bisexuals on it. Feeling outside the community can be so hard, in my case I feel like I missed the entry age for it and now even if a space is trans inclusive its just so hard to introduce yourself cold and join in as a huge introvert when social groups are already formed and not really looking for new people. I'm slowly getting there mostly from online spaces only, but the friendships I build are real. I'll message tomorrow <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 Thanks for the posts. Love and hugs to you both x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weeping Sore Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 On 9/29/2016 at 1:43 PM, Theda Baratheon said: eta again: like i feel a bit bothered that there are probably a lot of people that assume im straight Have you considered cutting your hair short? That seems to do a lot of signaling if you think you'd like the look. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 22 minutes ago, Weeping Sore said: Have you considered cutting your hair short? That seems to do a lot of signaling if you think you'd like the look. LOL!! A few hours ago I had all my hair shaved off!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.