LBGTQ - 4 out of 5 cats prefer lesbians

[lessthanluke]

On 13/12/2016 at 2:52 AM, Xray the Enforcer said:

I also wanted to acknowledge this post. Thank you for being cool with just sitting back and letting people talk, and learn from our experiences. I am sure if you have specific questions we'd be happy to answer them, but I think that just watching a group go about its business is one of the best ways to learn about the issues facing that group -- and is frequently the most respectful. Anyhoo, welcome.

This is what I do. Just read and learn. 

[Sivin]

In a fit of Christmas spirit, I have decided to start my makeup collection and I am thinking about buying this kit from Amazon. Anyone have any comment as to whether this would be the right or wrong way to go? I will probably submit this order tomorrow.

[Dr. Pepper]

30 minutes ago, WinterFox said:

In a fit of Christmas spirit, I have decided to start my makeup collection and I am thinking about buying this kit from Amazon. Anyone have any comment as to whether this would be the right or wrong way to go? I will probably submit this order tomorrow.

My girlfriend got a kit similar to that when she started learning how to do her make up and figuring out what she liked.  In the long run it was really helpful because it was fairly inexpensive and provided a lot of options for her to figure out what she liked and to experiment with many different looks. She eventually tossed it out because once she found her style she started to discover certain brands that she preferred.

 She adds that you should definitely get some mascara.  Everyone will have opinions about the best mascaras.  My girlfriend suggests starting with drugstore brands.  I say start with the best because a good mascara can often be all the makeup you need.  Go to Sephora and pick out some brands.  I love Too Faced Better Than Sex.

[Xray the Enforcer]

Here's another one that might be worthwhile -- it has the basics but doesn't fuck around with concealers and things that are REALLY hard to use and color match to your skin. It's currently on sale, so you could stump for a couple of brushes (those foam applicators in the set you linked are just useless and awful). But the kit you linked is also a good way to start.

Re: mascara. For drugstore brands, I'm partial to Maybelline Define-a-Lash. For high-end, Lancome Definicils. Avoid waterproof mascara at first, because it's really hard to remove and it's pretty drying for your lashes. 

[Robin Of House Hill]

4 hours ago, WinterFox said:

In a fit of Christmas spirit, I have decided to start my makeup collection and I am thinking about buying this kit from Amazon. Anyone have any comment as to whether this would be the right or wrong way to go? I will probably submit this order tomorrow.

I'm tempted to say that kits like this tend to wind up with only part of them being used, as you usually settle on those things that work best for you.  However, there seems to be enough in that kit that would fit into most people's needs.  You might also want to take a look at the offerings here.

[Lily Valley]

On 12/17/2016 at 9:14 AM, Xray the Enforcer said:

Also, really sorry to hear about the need to go to the Title IX office.

I had meant to go talk to her anyway.  The meeting went really well and was as dignified as possible under the circumstances.   She's great at her job.  As an added plus, she is a CRUSADER for implementing Barak Obama's extended Title IX protections for LGBT people.  We have a wonderful ally there.

Oh, you had mentioned being involved in your college group in an earlier iteration of this thread.  No guesswork there. 

Thanks for the input.  Happy Holidays!

[Sivin]

Well I just told my mother I'm transgendered, not really planned but it's outta the bag now. Initial reactions are... positive?

[Sivin]

Uh-oh. Now she's praying, this might take a wrong turn.

[Dr. Pepper]

1 minute ago, WinterFox said:

Uh-oh. Now she's praying, this might take a wrong turn.

Maybe she'll dial into the good god tonight and not the genocidal maniac.

That must have been a really hard step for you.  Hoping it goes well.

[Robin Of House Hill]

18 hours ago, WinterFox said:

Well I just told my mother I'm transgendered, not really planned but it's outta the bag now. Initial reactions are... positive?

 

18 hours ago, WinterFox said:

Uh-oh. Now she's praying, this might take a wrong turn.

That's always a tough conversation.  I hope all goes well for you.

[Sivin]

Thanks for the thoughts, she was bashing Caitlin Jenner and I just kinda blurted it out. I don't have any opinion at all on Jenner, but I'm sure you guys know how frustrating it is to hear that kind of stuff. 

She isn't ready to accept that I might not be in some kind of 'phase' or 'confused' which is insulting but I do not care to press the issue and a functioning misunderstanding is better than rejection for the moment.

She's even agreed to keep this information to herself for the time being.

[all swedes are racist]

best of luck, yo

[TrackerNeil]

On 12/17/2016 at 9:58 AM, Xray the Enforcer said:

he one thing I've learned over all of these years is Don't Reinvent The Wheel. That is, don't try to set up an advocacy group when you could pair with another group fighting similar battles.

This is IMO so important. I did a ton of volunteer/advocacy-type work back in the 90s, and I saw all manner of schisms that occurred over minor and even trifling disagreements. The next few years are going to be possibly even worse for us than the 90s were, and we can't afford the luxury of squabbling over tiny degrees of difference. You'd better believe our enemies aren't making fine distinctions--they hate us all equally.

[Lily Valley]

17 hours ago, WinterFox said:

Thanks for the thoughts, she was bashing Caitlin Jenner and I just kinda blurted it out. I don't have any opinion at all on Jenner, but I'm sure you guys know how frustrating it is to hear that kind of stuff. 

She isn't ready to accept that I might not be in some kind of 'phase' or 'confused' which is insulting but I do not care to press the issue and a functioning misunderstanding is better than rejection for the moment.

She's even agreed to keep this information to herself for the time being.

I really hope this went better than it sounded like it did.   You are so brave for coming out.  Xoxoxoxoxox

1 hour ago, TrackerNeil said:

This is IMO so important. I did a ton of volunteer/advocacy-type work back in the 90s, and I saw all manner of schisms that occurred over minor and even trifling disagreements. The next few years are going to be possibly even worse for us than the 90s were, and we can't afford the luxury of squabbling over tiny degrees of difference. You'd better believe our enemies aren't making fine distinctions--they hate us all equally.

There is policy in place at my college that is being heavily enforced, but very little on the ground for my students. As far as how it is being implemented :eyerroll:   I'm hoping the students will tell me what they need in terms of support.  Thank you for the input.  I have some time, so I'm going to make sure I have all my ducks in a row.  This means I will be back with a LOT more questions.

As to looking forward, it's already not great here.  New Orleans isn't Seattle.  The city is one thing, but our college is a lot more difficult to navigate for queers. We can do better.  I'm in a position to speak up and act.  It feels very dangerous for me, but I know my job is safe.  I know that I am safe at work.  It feels more shameful to do nothing for my students than to sit tidy where I am.  I have already made a couple of lost-temper speeches.  I'd rather channel this motivation into something positive.

Oh, and on a totally funny note, I didn't put my glasses on before I clicked this thread and wound up in US Politics by mistake.  I was in there for 15 minutes going, "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS BS??  WE HAD TWO DAYS OF GURU MEDITATION???" before I figured out where I went wrong.  Context IS IMPORTANT!

[Xray the Enforcer]

On 12/25/2016 at 5:47 PM, WinterFox said:

She isn't ready to accept that I might not be in some kind of 'phase' or 'confused' which is insulting but I do not care to press the issue and a functioning misunderstanding is better than rejection for the moment.

xoxoxoxoxo sending good thoughts your way. 

[Sivin]

Well, the floor has fallen out. My mother decided to tell everyone in my family, and after a few days of quiet on the front things are heating up. Step-dad says he can't accept a transition, and he+mother would "rather you take testosterone and be gay". In addition, my sister told me that my mother believes my business partner has "made you like this".

Yikes! I knew I should have kept my mouth shut, but I cannot say I am surprised. Now I am left to hope they do not intrude upon my home and upset my co-residents.

[Xray the Enforcer]

Oh god, that's awful. I'm so sorry. Sorry that they're not taking this well, sorry that they don't understand the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation, sorry that your mom can't keep a secret.  

[Xray the Enforcer]

I've had a series of weird conversations re: my gender identity and sexual orientation lately, and about parental response in particular. I haven't told my parents about the gender identity because very little will outwardly change and there's no point in confusing them (they've known since I was like 11 that I'm queer AF). I ended up chatting with a gay male friend who is just a couple of years older than I am, and explaining the whole identity thing has been helpful in that he's confused as hell but also very open-minded and it's helped me wrap my own head around things. But we also talked about his experience coming out to his parents in the 80s (we were talking about living through the first wave of AIDS and seeing friends of friends die) and how they threw him into therapy with an extremely conservative psychologist to "fix" him. It made me inexpressibly sad to hear that story. They eventually accepted him being gay, but goddamn.

Anyway, I ended up explaining that I am sticking with feminine pronouns for a number of reasons: 1) I'm not going to being doing any physical transition and I'm very obviously female, which means that 2) people are going to misgender me all the time and I don't feel like borrowing more anger than I already have. And 3) there's a political component to it as well re: the general devaluing of obviously feminine characteristics. That was something that my friend hadn't actually considered and he is now going to read Whipping Girl. so, yeah?

[Sivin]

5 hours ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

Oh god, that's awful. I'm so sorry. Sorry that they're not taking this well, sorry that they don't understand the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation, sorry that your mom can't keep a secret.  

Eh, what can you do? I will admit, however, to being quite annoyed at myself for allowing events to spiral so far out of control. In my greed, I almost thought they would accept me. And am now left disappointed that it is now highly unlikely that my parents will be assisting me in purchasing a new (used) car before I go back to school. I was, again quite selfishly, looking forward to getting something for once.

Oh well, ever onward. If I can keep them from ruining my current living situation then this entire situation will have cost me only a bit of anxiety.

In any event, I am very curious about your own situation. I am afraid I don't quite follow, would you be willing to educate me? You are biologically female, but identify as masculine with no desire for physical alterations? I apologize if I am misinterpreting.

[Robin Of House Hill]

10 hours ago, WinterFox said:

Well, the floor has fallen out. My mother decided to tell everyone in my family, and after a few days of quiet on the front things are heating up. Step-dad says he can't accept a transition, and he+mother would "rather you take testosterone and be gay". In addition, my sister told me that my mother believes my business partner has "made you like this".

Yikes! I knew I should have kept my mouth shut, but I cannot say I am surprised. Now I am left to hope they do not intrude upon my home and upset my co-residents.

On the bright side, the cat's out of the bag, so you won't have that to deal with that again.  Be fore I suggest anything, might I ask in what ways you are dependent on your family?