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LBGTQ - 4 out of 5 cats prefer lesbians


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7 hours ago, WinterFox said:

In any event, I am very curious about your own situation. I am afraid I don't quite follow, would you be willing to educate me? You are biologically female, but identify as masculine with no desire for physical alterations? I apologize if I am misinterpreting.

I'm finding that I'm terrible at describing it myself, so no need to apologize! The gist: I was assigned female at birth and I also just look really female -- classic hourglass figure, etc etc. I can buy all male clothing and keep my hair short, and everyone will still read me as female. But since I was young I've always had this sense that mentally/emotionally I'm occupying two spots on a spectrum, where I feel simultaneously male and female. Like....I guess all I can say is that when I've talked to female friends and male friends about how their perceive things, react to things, experience things, a portion of my experience consistently ended up being just that nth degree more masculine than any of the wide array of my cis-gendered female friends (including some very butch lesbians), but I'm not trans, because I don't actually feel "male." I experience both genders, sometimes in series and sometimes simultaneously. 

Anyway, so maybe "bigender" is the most accurate way for me to describe my experience, but I just say non-binary. Anyway, so I don't want to physically transition, not just because I'm a mix, but because I have a chronic illness and 1) I already spend enough time with doctors and 2) I have no idea how hormones would upset the delicate health balance I've managed to build after years of suffering. And since without taking T I am still a very female-looking person (no chance for androgyny unless I starve myself and get top surgery), it's just going to be easier right now to not insist on confusing people with different pronouns. I just don't have the energy to be constantly correcting people and managing their feelings (and mine). I realize that all of this is a huge privilege, especially compared with externally non-gender-conforming people.

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I dunno X, it's privilege in the sense that (for now) your feelings aren't so strong you can't handle that, but at the same time it's very much not. I actually think non-binary, but expressing in a way that leaves you appearing cis can be the hardest for pronouns. For a binary trans person you can at least signal to non assholes "I'd like to be read as male/female", but afab non-binary femme? Even the nicest of people won't have an idea unless they're never assuming and asking everyone. It's difficult and you don't have to dismiss that. Not that you're femme, just an example. 

On labelling your identity, bigender often involves flipping but doesn't have to. It's complex, but if you ever wanted to talk to someone I'm friends with the person who started the forums for it.

EF - big hugs to you, I'm so sorry it's all blown up and they're being awful. I hope they'll come around in time, but even if they do it doesn't make it easier to deal with at the time. Much love.

 

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On 31/12/2016 at 8:38 PM, WinterFox said:

Well, the floor has fallen out. My mother decided to tell everyone in my family, and after a few days of quiet on the front things are heating up. Step-dad says he can't accept a transition, and he+mother would "rather you take testosterone and be gay". In addition, my sister told me that my mother believes my business partner has "made you like this".

Yikes! I knew I should have kept my mouth shut, but I cannot say I am surprised. Now I am left to hope they do not intrude upon my home and upset my co-residents.

I'm so sorry you've been so let down by the people who are supposed to support you :( Sending love. 

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I am broken hearted for anyone whose family rejects them for their sexuality.... Having two kids of my own, I don't understand how a parent could be like that.... but much of what I do (for a living) is to fight against bigotry and ignorance in the public square... it's difficult when the tenets of most of the world's religion calls same sex relationships a "sin"

Ironically, bigots (mis)use "morality" to justify their utter lack of morals

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Sometimes unexpected things happen.  My wife has been waiting for word that her brother-in-law who in hospice care, has passed.  It is expected.  But last night she told me that she is reluctant to fly to NY.  That surprised me as she has flown a number of times, including last year, when her father died.  Still, I told her that if she felt it unwise to fly, to come up with an explanation that wouldn't upset her family.  It seemed simple enough.

Then, this morning she also mentions that when she attended her father's funeral, one of her other relatives that she isn't in touch with much, noticed her wedding ring and asked, "What's your husband's name?"  I didn't press her to find out how she answered.  She knows my views on visibility and there are somethings it isn't good to delve into as her family is primarily very traditional Irish Catholics.  Besides, all she had to do is answer with my first name which isn't a tell-tale.  Okay, now I'm getting a clearer view of why she doesn't want to go to NY.

The icing on the cake is that when she was talking to her sister (the one whose husband is ill), on the phone, yesterday, her sister mentioned that she had seen The Danish Girl, recently.  My wife said she hadn't seen it and didn't know much about it.  So that fishing expedition went nowhere. It should that they are generally good people, unlike her other sister and her husband who are more Catholic than the Pope and who voted fro Trump.  The rest of her family are older and very traditional.

I guess I know why my wife doesn't want to enter that hostile environment, again.  Being over 2500 miles from her family is an advantage.

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On 1/1/2017 at 9:28 PM, karaddin said:

I dunno X, it's privilege in the sense that (for now) your feelings aren't so strong you can't handle that, but at the same time it's very much not. I actually think non-binary, but expressing in a way that leaves you appearing cis can be the hardest for pronouns. For a binary trans person you can at least signal to non assholes "I'd like to be read as male/female", but afab non-binary femme? Even the nicest of people won't have an idea unless they're never assuming and asking everyone. It's difficult and you don't have to dismiss that. Not that you're femme, just an example. 

On labelling your identity, bigender often involves flipping but doesn't have to. It's complex, but if you ever wanted to talk to someone I'm friends with the person who started the forums for it.

Thank you. I may take you up on it. :) And you're right -- there are aspects about appearing cis that can be more fraught than being obvious trans or in the middle of transitioning. It's hard sometimes for me to acknowledge my own struggles as valid, partially because, all things considered, I've had it pretty good. It took me years to acknowledge that my chronic illness is a kind of invisible disability -- I thought that could only apply to people who were actually bed-ridden. But there are so many things that I have to compensate for in order to, say, have a day without being in blinding pain, and that takes a ton of energy. Energy I could be putting into something else, but heyyyyyyy.

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Yeah, I could tell you were dismissing the legitimacy of it because I think that's something that literally every person I know of who has legitimate struggles does. I'm slowly coming to grips with the fact that my migraines have real and probably permanent impact on what I can, much like they did for mum, as they're another thing that just makes me feel like a whiner.

We all need to cut ourselves some more slack. The things we struggle with are real, and so is the pain or turmoil they cause in us.

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8 hours ago, Lily Valley said:

Robin, 

I'm a big fan of living far away from family.  I'm so sorry your wife is stressed because of things that are NONE of your family's business.

xoxoxox

 

4 hours ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

Oooof. That really sucks about your wife's family, Robin. :(

Thanks.  Her feeling is, "Why should I want to be around people who think I'm going to hell."  She's crafting a reason she's not flying to NY that is least likely to cause problems.  But yeah, distance is handy to have.

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@Robin Of House Hill-

This article http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/04/myths-stealth-transexuals/ really helped me understand your perspective better. I think I'd been holding onto an "out-and-proud" prejudice (even against myself) that isn't always useful.

@Xray the Enforcer- I was glad you shared thoughts on your identity but didn't know how to respond. I continue to vacillate between seeing femaleness as a strictly spiritual state (when I feel quite contented), and being wracked by body-level dysphoria, which mercifully passes.

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2 hours ago, Weeping Sore said:

@Weeping Sore

This article http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/04/myths-stealth-transexuals/ really helped me understand your perspective better. I think I'd been holding onto an "out-and-proud" prejudice (even against myself) that isn't always useful.

 

It's a complex issue.  The out and proud side believes visibility, education and such will lead to greater acceptance and that there is strength in numbers.  The stealth side basically says that if people do not know you are different from them, acceptance is greater and that being perceived as just another human being, rather than someone who is different.  There is some unavoidable friction between the sides.

 

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Since I have no one to tell but still feel inclined to celebrate my weak will, I thought I'd let you guys know I managed to skip the soda at the grocery and instead went home with diet cranberry juice.

Bikini season 2020, here I come!

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18 hours ago, WinterFox said:

Since I have no one to tell but still feel inclined to celebrate my weak will, I thought I'd let you guys know I managed to skip the soda at the grocery and instead went home with diet cranberry juice.

Bikini season 2020, here I come!

Hey, Congrats!  Do you want to do a buddy system for a few months?  I just made 42 and I am finding the calories can't be wished away anymore.  If you're making dietary changes, I'd love to get on board with that!

 

ALL THE NERDS:   IMPORTANT NEWS (contains spoilers)

I'm getting married this year.  I have 2 important family members I need to talk to before I take out a page in the newspaper, so if you're friends with me on fb PLEASE wait until it is formally announced.  I'd be keeping it under my hat, but I got engaged before Christmas and I am about to BUST.

A woman that I have been friends with and crushed on for 20 years finally told me she was willing to marry me.  This woman has turned me down for several years.  I ramped up my game over the last six months.  We have some challenges ahead.  She did the right thing taking her time to think about it.  She can't live in New Orleans full time, but I'm only chained to work 30 weeks out of the year.  We got this.  There's a plan.

The most glamorous, beautiful and magnificent woman I have ever met in my whole life said she was willing to be my wife.

I am scared to death.  I'm so happy I feel like I'm gonna die because it can't be real.  I feel like a child waiting for Santa.  I have so many feels I've been crying off and on for nearly a month.

In random serendipitous stuff, I got a letter from my Alma Mater for life insurance that is very reasonably priced this week.  One of the things I worried about was leaving her with my student loan debt or any financial mess.  Problem solveable.  They make financial advisers for that stuff.  If anyone has advice on marriage, let me have it.  I'm all ears.  She's never been married and I don't ever want to get divorced again.

Here's our song.  Storm Large being amazing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbe1EyGR_KI

 

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27 minutes ago, Lily Valley said:

Hey, Congrats!  Do you want to do a buddy system for a few months?  I just made 42 and I am finding the calories can't be wished away anymore.  If you're making dietary changes, I'd love to get on board with that!

 

ALL THE NERDS:   IMPORTANT NEWS (contains spoilers)

I'm getting married this year.  I have 2 important family members I need to talk to before I take out a page in the newspaper, so if you're friends with me on fb PLEASE wait until it is formally announced.  I'd be keeping it under my hat, but I got engaged before Christmas and I am about to BUST.

A woman that I have been friends with and crushed on for 20 years finally told me she was willing to marry me.  This woman has turned me down for several years.  I ramped up my game over the last six months.  We have some challenges ahead.  She did the right thing taking her time to think about it.  She can't live in New Orleans full time, but I'm only chained to work 30 weeks out of the year.  We got this.  There's a plan.

The most glamorous, beautiful and magnificent woman I have ever met in my whole life said she was willing to be my wife.

I am scared to death.  I'm so happy I feel like I'm gonna die because it can't be real.  I feel like a child waiting for Santa.  I have so many feels I've been crying off and on for nearly a month.

In random serendipitous stuff, I got a letter from my Alma Mater for life insurance that is very reasonably priced this week.  One of the things I worried about was leaving her with my student loan debt or any financial mess.  Problem solveable.  They make attorney's and financial advisers for that stuff.  If anyone has advice on marriage, let me have it.  I'm all ears.  She's never been married and I don't ever want to get divorced again.

Here's our song.  Storm Large being amazing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbe1EyGR_KI

 

YYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, BTW,  that's the way it's supposed to feel.

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1 hour ago, Lily Valley said:

Hey, Congrats!  Do you want to do a buddy system for a few months?  I just made 42 and I am finding the calories can't be wished away anymore.  If you're making dietary changes, I'd love to get on board with that!

 

ALL THE NERDS:   IMPORTANT NEWS (contains spoilers)

I'm getting married this year.  I have 2 important family members I need to talk to before I take out a page in the newspaper, so if you're friends with me on fb PLEASE wait until it is formally announced.  I'd be keeping it under my hat, but I got engaged before Christmas and I am about to BUST.

A woman that I have been friends with and crushed on for 20 years finally told me she was willing to marry me.  This woman has turned me down for several years.  I ramped up my game over the last six months.  We have some challenges ahead.  She did the right thing taking her time to think about it.  She can't live in New Orleans full time, but I'm only chained to work 30 weeks out of the year.  We got this.  There's a plan.

The most glamorous, beautiful and magnificent woman I have ever met in my whole life said she was willing to be my wife.

I am scared to death.  I'm so happy I feel like I'm gonna die because it can't be real.  I feel like a child waiting for Santa.  I have so many feels I've been crying off and on for nearly a month.

In random serendipitous stuff, I got a letter from my Alma Mater for life insurance that is very reasonably priced this week.  One of the things I worried about was leaving her with my student loan debt or any financial mess.  Problem solveable.  They make financial advisers for that stuff.  If anyone has advice on marriage, let me have it.  I'm all ears.  She's never been married and I don't ever want to get divorced again.

Here's our song.  Storm Large being amazing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbe1EyGR_KI

 

I normally don't post here but Wow!! Congratulations and good luck. Hope everything goes great for you. 

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2 hours ago, Lily Valley said:

Hey, Congrats!  Do you want to do a buddy system for a few months?  I just made 42 and I am finding the calories can't be wished away anymore.  If you're making dietary changes, I'd love to get on board with that!

 

ALL THE NERDS:   IMPORTANT NEWS (contains spoilers)

I'm getting married this year.  I have 2 important family members I need to talk to before I take out a page in the newspaper, so if you're friends with me on fb PLEASE wait until it is formally announced.  I'd be keeping it under my hat, but I got engaged before Christmas and I am about to BUST.

A woman that I have been friends with and crushed on for 20 years finally told me she was willing to marry me.  This woman has turned me down for several years.  I ramped up my game over the last six months.  We have some challenges ahead.  She did the right thing taking her time to think about it.  She can't live in New Orleans full time, but I'm only chained to work 30 weeks out of the year.  We got this.  There's a plan.

The most glamorous, beautiful and magnificent woman I have ever met in my whole life said she was willing to be my wife.

I am scared to death.  I'm so happy I feel like I'm gonna die because it can't be real.  I feel like a child waiting for Santa.  I have so many feels I've been crying off and on for nearly a month.

In random serendipitous stuff, I got a letter from my Alma Mater for life insurance that is very reasonably priced this week.  One of the things I worried about was leaving her with my student loan debt or any financial mess.  Problem solveable.  They make financial advisers for that stuff.  If anyone has advice on marriage, let me have it.  I'm all ears.  She's never been married and I don't ever want to get divorced again.

Here's our song.  Storm Large being amazing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbe1EyGR_KI

 

Way to go!!!! Congratulationso! I'm all for teaming up on a diet to help you with your impending nuptuals.

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