Robin Of House Hill Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 3 hours ago, karaddin said: I strongly suspect the latter, and I'm not going to blame anyone for utilising your philosophy on personal safety Robin. Much love WF. As surprising as it may seem, I think the environment today is survivable, so I'd like to provide WF with some encouragement. My belief in personal safety is from the perspective of someone who has already transitioned (next week will be 40 years). I know how I felt when I thought it might be impossible for me to transition, so I'm hoping there may be a way to help her avoid what that feels like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weeping Sore Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 On 1/21/2017 at 9:36 PM, WinterFox said: I'm beginning to feel increasingly regretful about having started to transition, and my family having found out. But mostly I'm very upset that the VA has my name and paperwork on me. Maybe I'm overreacting, everyone else seems to think so, but I feel no faith in the process I once was willing to defend with my life. I think I'm going to retreat for a while again, thanks to everyone for your help and for sharing your own stories for people like me to share your journey. There may be more than one way to understand your relationship to gender, whether you feel more akin to Native American Two-Spirit, or you are more than usually identified with your Anima (or female self), as it's referred to by Carl Jung. You may have other issues that you're rolling up into a ball with gender; maybe you can disentangle that without transitioning. Or maybe transitioning is your path and you're just waiting a bit. Nobody else knows better than you, not your family, or therapist, or anyone on this board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 On 1/16/2017 at 7:38 PM, Xray the Enforcer said: I hear you so much on privacy. Depending on the venue, I let all that shit hang out. But Mr. X is a lot more reserved. We've made it work -- that can be one of the many things you and I talk about when we have our ADVICEORAMA. X-Ray, I can't wait for ADVICEORAMA. She's coming this weekend (omg catbox) and we'll hash out some more stuff so I even know WHAT to ask you. On 1/17/2017 at 9:01 AM, Weeping Sore said: That's fantastic, Lily! Congratulations! Love you! I know you and Sapphic Spouse will be happy! THANK YOU! WS, you are going to LOVE HER. I have a certain piece of art (postcard) that is one of the things I want to make sure she sees as I explain y'all. She knows about the board in the peripheral sense. Kinda like the way people know about crocodiles from movies. Thank you everyone for your support. I don't remember if I said, but some of my family has kinda sucked about this. Friends too, but for different reasons. I couldn't be happier. Our marriage will involve a giant life change for both of us, but it's one that is not out of character for either of us and it is a welcome one. I am impatient and excited and scared. WinterFox, I am sorry to hear about your anxiety. I'm getting a bit of that. The smallest bit, because I'm not out at work. I imagine that Monday is going to be....interesting. You can PM most any of us anytime. I don't know if I'd be as much help as the others on this thread, but I am a pair of ears if you want to vent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mormont Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 Speaking of transitioning: I'm sure many of you will have seen this, but I wanted to post it anyway because I admit that the parents' comments here brought a tear to my eye. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-38638487 Quote "I'd lost my little boy and I was grieving for my little boy," she says. "As a mum you know that your child's going to take a certain path and you've got their future mapped in your mind. "Now all of a sudden it was taking a completely different direction and I knew it was going to be a really, really hard journey." But seeing Ciera as a girl was also a relief. "I just looked at her and I thought, 'You should have been born a girl, you are a girl', and actually from that day forwards a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, because my little girl was coming to me now," she says. Quote "All the things she's done since she transitioned, which was only March, it's almost overwhelming," says her dad. Her mum adds: "We are so lucky because now we've got our daughter, and she is beautiful and she will be happy." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 1 hour ago, mormont said: Speaking of transitioning: I'm sure many of you will have seen this, but I wanted to post it anyway because I admit that the parents' comments here brought a tear to my eye. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-38638487 I wish more parents would feel that way. The only thing that worries me is the effect of going public in a world that is tilting increasingly to the right. I look at her picture and realize that without that publicity, she had the opportunity to blend in with society and never be subject to the crap that floats around society, these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Monday work update. NOBODY in my department spoke to me. :sighs: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin Of House Hill Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I could take that two ways, but I fear it isn't the good one. People...sheesh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 46 minutes ago, Robin Of House Hill said: I could take that two ways, but I fear it isn't the good one. People...sheesh! I'm going to be optimistic and assume they are either digesting new information or doing that "If you don't have anything nice to say," thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Pepper Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Is this due to your recent wedding announcement or current events? Sorry they are being jerks either way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xray the Enforcer Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 7 hours ago, Lily Valley said: Monday work update. NOBODY in my department spoke to me. :sighs: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sivin Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 On 1/31/2017 at 11:07 AM, Lily Valley said: Monday work update. NOBODY in my department spoke to me. :sighs: I am compelled to break my self imposed exile to tell you that I hope you're doing OK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 7 hours ago, WinterFox said: I am compelled to break my self imposed exile to tell you that I hope you're doing OK. Hey thanks. Didn't mean to worry anyone. My coworkers consider themselves to be fairly liberal. :eyeroll: I knew from office gossip and a series of overheard conversations that there might be some fallout to coming out at work. I just wish this wasn't considered GIANT SHOCKING BIG NEWS to them. I mean, seriously it isn't. I haven't told them I'm getting married, I just changed my facebook status. No Big EFFING DEAL. These people have had to keep their blinders on REALLY HARD to not notice I'm queer. One weekend they asked me how my date went and I said, "It was great. We had a Siouxsie and the Banshees dance party and made a blanket fort." They didn't turn an eyelash. I was all, "REALLY?????" So at that point, I figured they MUST know, but didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Instead, I think they just had no idea who Siouxsie and the Banshees is. I am certain they'll get over themselves, but I think it'll be awkward for a while. I'm just....disappointed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 3 hours ago, Lily Valley said: Hey thanks. Didn't mean to worry anyone. My coworkers consider themselves to be fairly liberal. :eyeroll: I knew from office gossip and a series of overheard conversations that there might be some fallout to coming out at work. I just wish this wasn't considered GIANT SHOCKING BIG NEWS to them. I mean, seriously it isn't. I haven't told them I'm getting married, I just changed my facebook status. No Big EFFING DEAL. These people have had to keep their blinders on REALLY HARD to not notice I'm queer. One weekend they asked me how my date went and I said, "It was great. We had a Siouxsie and the Banshees dance party and made a blanket fort." They didn't turn an eyelash. I was all, "REALLY?????" So at that point, I figured they MUST know, but didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Instead, I think they just had no idea who Siouxsie and the Banshees is. I am certain they'll get over themselves, but I think it'll be awkward for a while. I'm just....disappointed. Sorry mate that IS disappointing...I mean what respectable cool pperson doesn't know who siouxsie and the banshees are!?!?! Just kidding but that does suck it still strikes me as bizarre that it should ever be a big deal. I came out in work the other day and all I got was one of the guys making a comment about how all girls pretend to be bisexual *sigh* but he's just a dumb ass anyway haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Theda, the BEST thing about getting older and being queer is that little morons DO NOT think it's "hawt" anymore. They're all "ew granny pannies!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The guy from the Vale Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 How can anybody be ignorant of the greatness that is Siouxie and the Banshees? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 40 minutes ago, Lily Valley said: Theda, the BEST thing about getting older and being queer is that little morons DO NOT think it's "hawt" anymore. They're all "ew granny pannies!" LMAO does my head inthis idea that I do anything for men's enjoyment. I really don't. 31 minutes ago, theguyfromtheVale said: How can anybody be ignorant of the greatness that is Siouxie and the Banshees? They've been my fave band since I was like 13 siouxsie is sooooo cool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sivin Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 5 hours ago, Lily Valley said: Hey thanks. Didn't mean to worry anyone. My coworkers consider themselves to be fairly liberal. :eyeroll: I knew from office gossip and a series of overheard conversations that there might be some fallout to coming out at work. I just wish this wasn't considered GIANT SHOCKING BIG NEWS to them. I mean, seriously it isn't. I haven't told them I'm getting married, I just changed my facebook status. No Big EFFING DEAL. These people have had to keep their blinders on REALLY HARD to not notice I'm queer. One weekend they asked me how my date went and I said, "It was great. We had a Siouxsie and the Banshees dance party and made a blanket fort." They didn't turn an eyelash. I was all, "REALLY?????" So at that point, I figured they MUST know, but didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Instead, I think they just had no idea who Siouxsie and the Banshees is. I am certain they'll get over themselves, but I think it'll be awkward for a while. I'm just....disappointed. You should go to Panera Bread. I just walked into one for the first time and it's like a liberal oasis in the middle of Tennessee. The self importance is actually overwhelming the smell of bread. This is my new favorite place, I don't even care how the food tastes. I'm faking hunger to come back here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 4 hours ago, WinterFox said: You should go to Panera Bread. I just walked into one for the first time and it's like a liberal oasis in the middle of Tennessee. The self importance is actually overwhelming the smell of bread. This is my new favorite place, I don't even care how the food tastes. I'm faking hunger to come back here. I am crying laughing. I had no idea about Panera, but one of my students gave me a gift card to Panera last semester. I think she was trying to give me a head's up. I am lucky enough to live in New Orleans. We have a great queer community here and I am seriously whining over a non-problem. I wish to GOD I had known this when I was visiting my son in Jesus-Church Louisiana. There was a Panera right by the bus stop. I'm 42 and have been bi-invisible most of my life. The first partner I lived with was a woman and she Broke. My. Heart. I've been out as much as a cis-bi-woman can without people just dismissing every single heartbreak I've ever had as a "phase" or "what did you expect would happen, you're not gay?". For me, getting married and being able to put a foot in my own ass to come out has been really more of a big deal than I thought it would be. I'm understanding that a lot of the downplay about my relationships with girls is deep homophobia with people I thought I knew. I know this makes me pretty late to the party. In my defense, I have kept my public and private lives very separate until this last job. It's just not really possible anymore. I'm used to backlash from the general public, I'm used to my family being...themselves. I'm just not used to people I think of as friends behaving like my family or the general public. It sucks. Anyway, I'm going on and on about silliness. I will say this to you: I have NEVER been sorry to fight for who I am. I have never been sorry to try and be myself. It has cost me a lot in things that many people care about. It has cost me money, it has cost me friends, it has cost me jobs, it has cost me personal safety, it has cost me family. I am a happier and better person than I would have been if I had shoved myself down an oubliette. This shit is still hard. It's worth it. Every battle is a LOT easier than the last one. I got arrogant and thought the fight was over. I was wrong, that's OK. I have learned how to protect myself. WF, I want you to have that armor too. I regard every shitty little setback I get on this new journey through the eyes of how much worse it was. It doesn't really hurt that much anymore. I remember how much more it used to hurt. Now I reduce people I respect, and I hate it. I especially hate thinking about what they are teaching young people. Reach out if you need us. Thanks for checking in on me. I really appreciate it. I was out sick most of the week. Next week I am bringing in cake for everyone. They can either EAT MY FUCKING CAKE OF HAPPINESS OR ELSE I WILL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lany Freelove Cassandra Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 On 2/3/2017 at 6:35 PM, Lily Valley said: They can either EAT MY FUCKING CAKE OF HAPPINESS OR ELSE I WILL. I posted a while back about a chat I had with my teenager about being gay not being a choice. You can never tell with teenagers how much they take in, or how much of an impression it makes on them. At 14, I was pretty sure it was in one ear and out the other. But yesterday he proved me wrong. Not only did he listen to me, he took the message to heart. There was something on tv about the limiting of LGBTQ rights and he just shouted at the tv “that’s not right. They can’t help who they love.” I love that kid! Also love that he’s willing to speak out about it, and to defend his brother’s rights. It’s so easy to teach them this when they are little, but by time they are teenagers, they had so many influences outside their parents, that it’s not always easy to get important ideas through to them. I’m proud of my son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sivin Posted February 18, 2017 Share Posted February 18, 2017 On 2/6/2017 at 8:16 AM, Lany Freelove Cassandra said: I posted a while back about a chat I had with my teenager about being gay not being a choice. You can never tell with teenagers how much they take in, or how much of an impression it makes on them. At 14, I was pretty sure it was in one ear and out the other. But yesterday he proved me wrong. Not only did he listen to me, he took the message to heart. There was something on tv about the limiting of LGBTQ rights and he just shouted at the tv “that’s not right. They can’t help who they love.” I love that kid! Also love that he’s willing to speak out about it, and to defend his brother’s rights. It’s so easy to teach them this when they are little, but by time they are teenagers, they had so many influences outside their parents, that it’s not always easy to get important ideas through to them. I’m proud of my son. Your son sounds like a keeper. Socially conscious at 14? I wish I had been. I went to one of those trampoline gyms today and I have a few notes. 1) it was a lot of fun and when I move to Denver I intend to make it a regular part of my schedule along with going up the incline. 2) God I'm fat. 3) see above. But also the reason I'm posting here is I noticed a few things that should not be attributed to my unacceptable weight. I'm slower and less explosive than before I started hormones. I've always been a fairly powerful athlete, even when in poor shape and above ideal weight. In fact, I've been heavier than I am now and I still had that explosiveness. But today doing flips on the trampoline and playing dodge ball I definitely noticed a severe erosion of my athletic abilities. It was harder to complete a flip, I dropped an easily catchable ball, and I was just a hair too slow when evading. These things stick out to me. Not that they're bad things, in a sexist way it's kind of like vindication, but definitely notable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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