Dating: Hell is Other People

[Elder Sister]

Min, that guy has been doing this manipulative, selfish behavior since you posted about him.   Ykou deserve way better.

4 hours ago, kairparavel said:

His behavior reminds of Rufus Sewell's character in The Holiday, minus the physical relationship he had at one point with Kate Winslet's character. 

I always picture him like this.  Rufus Sewell is so cute and so heinous in that movie.

[Arch-MaesterPhilip]

I'm with everyone else here on this Min, you deserve way better.  

 

In other news Josie is able to pencil me in next week.  I'm terribly excited.  

[Angalin]

Min, I have a free bottle of prosecco due us at the pizza place. Come up this way soon.

[Theda Baratheon]

On 29/04/2016 at 5:34 PM, kairparavel said:

His behavior reminds of Rufus Sewell's character in The Holiday, minus the physical relationship he had at one point with Kate Winslet's character. 

Yeah I thought the same actually...Min you're too awesome for his shit tbh. Obviously you're a grown woman and can do whatever you want including talking and joking with this guy but I wouldn't genuinely get upset over this dicknose (easier said than done i know tho)

[Datepalm]

Soooo.....Married Brain Science Guy from OKCupid and I have pretty much fallen into a pattern of a weekly coffee or beer, mostly to complain about how much both of us dislike whatever it is we're working on at the moment. That's all fine. It is a relationship devoid of any subtext that I can pick up, assuming you don't hew to the school of thought that argues that there is no innocuous version of friendship across gender, which I don't, (and if there's any kind of misdirected mental or emotional energy going on in his head, it's not in my direction. I'd say he's clearly in love with his (female) bff back home, but what do I know?) except I still would kind of like to meet the wife.

I'm trying to put together a groupish Friday dinner but sense I may be out of my depth social-engineering wise and maybe its better not to poke situations that are probably perfectly fine with pointy sticks just to make sure? Oooooor....I need my roommate to organize a dinner and then just kind of invite some people - including them - along also. That way its not my doing. Right? Right?

 

[Datepalm]

Soooo.....Married Brain Science Guy from OKCupid and I have pretty much fallen into a pattern of a weekly coffee or beer, mostly to complain about how much both of us dislike whatever it is we're working on at the moment. That's all fine. It is a relationship devoid of any subtext that I can pick up, assuming you don't hew to the school of thought that argues that there is no innocuous version of friendship across gender, which I don't, (and if there's any kind of misdirected mental or emotional energy going on in his head, it's not in my direction. I'd say he's clearly in love with his (female) bff back home, but what do I know?) except I still would kind of like to meet the wife.

I'm trying to put together a groupish Friday dinner but sense I may be out of my depth social-engineering wise and maybe its better not to poke situations that are probably perfectly fine with pointy sticks just to make sure? Oooooor....I need my roommate to organize a dinner and then just kind of invite some people - including them - along also. That way its not my doing. Right? Right?

 

[Elder Sister]

On 5/2/2016 at 7:24 AM, Datepalm said:

I'm trying to put together a groupish Friday dinner but sense I may be out of my depth social-engineering wise and maybe its better not to poke situations that are probably perfectly fine with pointy sticks just to make sure? Oooooor....I need my roommate to organize a dinner and then just kind of invite some people - including them - along also. That way its not my doing. Right? Right?

 

I'm personally a big fan of not jamming the stick into the fire ant bed.  What would be the point of this except to satisfy your curiosity?  

 

[Tears of Lys]

Hmmm.  I can think of what the point is!  That way you get to see the BFF of Married Brain Science Guy and, more important, gauge their chemistry, or lack thereof, in person.  And now that I think about it, is BFF his wife, or another friend?

And what's he doing on OKCupid, again?  Is OKCupid a site for people to find more friends?  I reiterate, "Hmmmm. . ." 

DP, I kinda like your devious anthill stirring.  It smacks of Lucrezia Borgia in small.     (Real anthill stirring, however, I strongly discourage.  Those little frackers get testy when poked.   

 

And glad to see you're back (even if it's only for a little while,) ES!    We've missed you! 

[HexMachina]

On 26 April 2016 at 11:00 PM, Elder Sister said:

Hi, gang.  I apologize for being away for so long..just wanted to wish everyone well.  I'm still dating the same guy and having a blast. So far, he has not revealed that he's an axe murderer or anything, but it's only been six months.  

LitA - that's awesome!   

 

Most important question after reading this;

Does this mean Hal is available?

[Datepalm]

19 hours ago, Tears of Lys said:

Hmmm.  I can think of what the point is!  That way you get to see the BFF of Married Brain Science Guy and, more important, gauge their chemistry, or lack thereof, in person.  And now that I think about it, is BFF his wife, or another friend?

And what's he doing on OKCupid, again?  Is OKCupid a site for people to find more friends?  I reiterate, "Hmmmm. . ." 

DP, I kinda like your devious anthill stirring.  It smacks of Lucrezia Borgia in small.     (Real anthill stirring, however, I strongly discourage.  Those little frackers get testy when poked.   

Well...it would satisfy my curiousity...ok, and my conscience, in that i'm hanging out with a married guy I met on OKC and do not know if his wife knows about it. I think i'd feel less awkward about it having met her? Maybe? It would be fine if I had met him basically anywhere else, but here we are.

Oh, and no, the wife is here, the BFF is in India. Guess which one he talks about way more? (and apparently to, every day.)

[Elder Sister]

20 hours ago, HelenaExMachina said:

Most important question after reading this;

Does this mean Hal is available?

If you mean Hal, my imaginary boyfriend, then, no.  He is not.  I know it's wrong for me to cheat on my real bf with my imaginary bf, but Hal never says, when confronted with a photo of me from 1985, "Is that Reba McEntire?"

Hal doesn't exhibit hoarder tendencies or have a bathroom that looks like someone has been planting and harvesting potatoes.

In short, Hal is damn perfect.  And that's why I will never, ever, break up with him.

[HexMachina]

43 minutes ago, Elder Sister said:

If you mean Hal, my imaginary boyfriend, then, no.  He is not.  I know it's wrong for me to cheat on my real bf with my imaginary bf, but Hal never says, when confronted with a photo of me from 1985, "Is that Reba McEntire?"

Hal doesn't exhibit hoarder tendencies or have a bathroom that looks like someone has been planting and harvesting potatoes.

In short, Hal is damn perfect.  And that's why I will never, ever, break up with him.

How disappointing  We all need Hal in our lives.

(More seriously though, I am glad things are going well for you, hoarding, questionable comparisons and bathroom agriculture aside)  

[Lily Valley]

I am finally off work before a million o'clock tomorrow, but Mayday is working 8am-9pm.  So I'm going to stop by with cake and then see how she's feeling after work.   My weekend is still pretty tied up with packing the baby off and getting finals sorted out.   I don't know what the hell I was thinking trying to date someone right now, but things will free up around the first of next month.  The schedule conflict has left both of us rather....frustrated, so I'm hoping that tomorrow she'll be up for some netflix and chill (tee hee).

The good news on the dating front is that her ex-girlfriend has changed her fb status.  She's dating someone seriously, so at least I don't have to be all worried anymore about that.  Also, I got some great advice here about dealing with communication and community vs. none of my business stuff on how to handle the situation.  Thank you.  Some of it was private advice, but you know who you are.

For those of you who don't know, Mayday is a friend's ex.  I haven't told my friend, because we aren't THAT close.  We're like neighbors for 20 years and have a rich shared history.  We are friends because we're both still here  She is a very, very territorial woman and I have been understandably worried.

I ultimately decided that it was for Mayday to talk to her if any talk needed to happen.  They were still in contact (sharing dogs and stuff) up until recently.  That's none of my business and they had the closer relationship.

Also I am just DATING this woman.  I don't do the three date move-in thing that seems to be the norm around here for women.  YIKES.

Speaking of YIKES, I ran into the girl from last year out last weekend.  She ushered her drunk friends away from the karaoke joint I was at.  I sent her a text saying she didn't have to avoid me (it's what it looked like, they wanted to come in).  So I have restarted that lawnmower and she is texting / messaging again every day. 

 

 

[MinDonner]

Damn, that sounds complicated!

Speaking of exes in new relationships, my parents were down the other weekend and we met up with my ex-husband's* gf and their kid. She was really worried that they'd hate her, but I suspect they're more likely now to try adopting her as a replacement daughter; Baby A was a big hit, and he even called my dad "granddad" at one point, though I don't think he heard . 

HWD saga has concluded somewhat more happily in the meantime; he seems to have got his head straight and we had a proper conversation about it, where he was suitably contrite and confessed that he'd probably been giving mixed signals (shirtless pics and snuggling up in the pub? YA THINK?), but wanted to clear the air and make it explicit that we were just mates. So I'm pretty happy with that, cos he could easily just have tried to fudge it and go back to receiving the same level of flirty attention, but this counts as Doing the Right Thing.

Not sure where I go from here. Just can't get my head round the OKC mindset. Maybe it's time to embrace my inner shallowness and try Tinder instead :-/ 

 

*technically still actual husband, as despite HAVING A CHILD, he still hasn't troubled himself to sort out a divorce, and I'm fucked if I'm gonna bother with that if he's the one that more urgently needs to deal with it - been over a year now since he told me he would handle the paperwork and so I handed over the marriage certificate... 

[Datepalm]

Min...that sounds mature but unsatisfying. Do you not get to throw a drink in his face or stomp on his emotions or something deserving of the sort at some point in all of this?

It turns out a moderately close friend is Cute Physicist From That One Time's Ex and the reason they split was that he was too into studying and monogamy for her. Facebook also constantly bothers to inform me he's serious about feminist geekery, goofy large-scale group engineering projects, rock climbing and swing dancing. I think I find all this appealing and should probably contrive to run into him somewhere but this is easier said than done and now it all seems alarming.

[MinDonner]

You should totally take up rock climbing anyway cos it's awesome. Even if you can't persuade that chap to be your climbing buddy you might meet some other cool people instead

[Datepalm]

It's the old nothing-cool-to-do-in-Jerusalem thing. All rock climbing communities I am aware of are in TeI Aviv. I've also been thinking of taking up contortionism, but that's in Tel Aviv too. I have joined a newly opened Jordan valley anti-occupation intervention group. That's going to be...rocky. I probably already know everyone in it though.

In other news, i'm like 90% doing my summer plans, which are to volunteer with an organization doing interesting-to-me stuff in....Pune, India. Which is a city that apparently has 17 PhD granting institutions. (for comparisons sake, all of Israel has 7 of those.) Is swerving into the skid the correct phrase?

[Raja]

Have a date lined up for Thursday, I pulled out of this a few months ago but she reached out and wanted to reschedule, which is nice. 

Datepalm, Pune is nice enough ( I head back every summer). Except for the traffic and the absurdly high drinking age of 25 ( Maharashtra is a strange state) 

[Arkhangel]

12 hours ago, Datepalm said:

It's the old nothing-cool-to-do-in-Jerusalem thing. All rock climbing communities I am aware of are in TeI Aviv. I've also been thinking of taking up contortionism, but that's in Tel Aviv too. I have joined a newly opened Jordan valley anti-occupation intervention group. That's going to be...rocky. I probably already know everyone in it though.

In other news, i'm like 90% doing my summer plans, which are to volunteer with an organization doing interesting-to-me stuff in....Pune, India. Which is a city that apparently has 17 PhD granting institutions. (for comparisons sake, all of Israel has 7 of those.) Is swerving into the skid the correct phrase?

By this point I think the word you're looking for is 'self-inflicted'.

[Arkhangel]

12 hours ago, Datepalm said:

It's the old nothing-cool-to-do-in-Jerusalem thing. All rock climbing communities I am aware of are in TeI Aviv. I've also been thinking of taking up contortionism, but that's in Tel Aviv too. I have joined a newly opened Jordan valley anti-occupation intervention group. That's going to be...rocky. I probably already know everyone in it though.

In other news, i'm like 90% doing my summer plans, which are to volunteer with an organization doing interesting-to-me stuff in....Pune, India. Which is a city that apparently has 17 PhD granting institutions. (for comparisons sake, all of Israel has 7 of those.) Is swerving into the skid the correct phrase?

By this point I think the word you're looking for is 'self-inflicted'.