all swedes are racist Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 On September 23, 2016 at 7:02 PM, larrytheimp said: Have a wonderful time! I remember similar communication when I was in a long distance relationship. Ms. Larry and I split up today after a week and a half detente. It was pretty amicable and a relief for both of us, although it is slightly complicated because as of now, we will still be housemates for the next six months, mostly because we are still friends, not jealous, and the place is fucking rad. Just glad the anxiety of wondering if we could work shit out is over, just two very different people who live each other but are completely incompatible. She always congratulates friends when they break up a relationship, so I bought her a bottle of champagne with a "Congratulations" card, hopefully it was received with the same good humor it was given. Shit man, sorry to hear that, though also glad to hear it's all groovy with you two as far as that goes (so also...congrats?) next time I see ya, first (few) rounds on me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted September 25, 2016 Share Posted September 25, 2016 Dating is so weird. I go about 6 months without a date, and then ask someone out and am asked out by someone else within the span of about 3 hours. Interested in both, so hopefully at least one goes well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 congrats, larry. probably a good praxis to adopt this convention in general. it's kickass that you regard your place as rad, incidentally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 On 9/23/2016 at 6:02 PM, larrytheimp said: Have a wonderful time! I remember similar communication when I was in a long distance relationship. Ms. Larry and I split up today after a week and a half detente. It was pretty amicable and a relief for both of us, although it is slightly complicated because as of now, we will still be housemates for the next six months, mostly because we are still friends, not jealous, and the place is fucking rad. Just glad the anxiety of wondering if we could work shit out is over, just two very different people who live each other but are completely incompatible. She always congratulates friends when they break up a relationship, so I bought her a bottle of champagne with a "Congratulations" card, hopefully it was received with the same good humor it was given. Shoot Larry. Glad y'all are keeping it friendly. I'm with the Lobster, beers are on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 On 9/25/2016 at 0:16 AM, R'hllors Red Lobster said: Shit man, sorry to hear that, though also glad to hear it's all groovy with you two as far as that goes (so also...congrats?) next time I see ya, first (few) rounds on me 3 hours ago, Lily Valley said: Shoot Larry. Glad y'all are keeping it friendly. I'm with the Lobster, beers are on me. 8 hours ago, sologdin said: congrats, larry. probably a good praxis to adopt this convention in general. it's kickass that you regard your place as rad, incidentally. Thank you all for the kind offers of libations. We shall drink and be merry, be the venue rad, or be it not! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A True Kaniggit Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 I know I'm not a regular dating thread poster, so I hope it doesn't bother ya'll too much if I start. So I finally asked one of my best friends if we could start calling what we did dating, and it kinda backfired. (Yeah I know, trying to start a relationship with a long term friend is always risky, but I didn't think things would go this far south though) Now I'm in super damage control mode. I brought up the topic 2 weeks ago, and the conversation ended with us agreeing that we would still remain friends (Me not happy with it, but accepting of it). Since then I haven't seen her once, she canceled on our plans to go to the zoo last weekend, and now she says she can't hang out this weekend because she'll be too busy. Though I would've been ecstatic if she returned my sentiments and was as interested in a relationship with me as I am with her, I'd still much rather be her friend than not see her at all. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Really hoping I'll be able to fix things with her next week. Edit: You know, I really don't know what I could've done differently. I sure as shit wasn't going to sit on my feelings, hoping that some day they might go away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 I think it was pretty brave to tell her and I really hope you guys sort out your friendship! Im so so confused but im going out tonight for my first night out in like...a YEAR so im gonna have tons of fun and not think about it but guy I liked started messaging me again this morning and just fuckit im so confused and anxious but im gonna have fun tonight and maybe flirt with some cute girls and Boys and not feel bad or guilty or anxious Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mormont Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 1 hour ago, A True Kaniggit said: I know I'm not a regular dating thread poster, so I hope it doesn't bother ya'll too much if I start. So I finally asked one of my best friends if we could start calling what we did dating, and it kinda backfired. (Yeah I know, trying to start a relationship with a long term friend is always risky, but I didn't think things would go this far south though) Now I'm in super damage control mode. I brought up the topic 2 weeks ago, and the conversation ended with us agreeing that we would still remain friends (Me not happy with it, but accepting of it). Since then I haven't seen her once, she canceled on our plans to go to the zoo last weekend, and now she says she can't hang out this weekend because she'll be too busy. Though I would've been ecstatic if she returned my sentiments and was as interested in a relationship with me as I am with her, I'd still much rather be her friend than not see her at all. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Really hoping I'll be able to fix things with her next week. Edit: You know, I really don't know what I could've done differently. I sure as shit wasn't going to sit on my feelings, hoping that some day they might go away. Sounds pretty simple: she feels like a bit of space is needed right now, and she's probably right. Whether you guys can continue to be friends depends on many things and remains to be seen. But pushing it right now won't help. It'll probably do you a bit of good to have space too. Just stay in touch and stay calm and see how things pan out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A True Kaniggit Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 41 minutes ago, mormont said: Sounds pretty simple: she feels like a bit of space is needed right now, and she's probably right. Whether you guys can continue to be friends depends on many things and remains to be seen. But pushing it right now won't help. It'll probably do you a bit of good to have space too. Just stay in touch and stay calm and see how things pan out. Yeah, I know better than to try and push it. She made it very clear she was not interested in being anything more than friends and will never be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liffguard Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 1 hour ago, A True Kaniggit said: Yeah, I know better than to try and push it. She made it very clear she was not interested in being anything more than friends and will never be. I'd probably explicitly put the ball in her court. Send a message or a letter saying you understand if she wants space, that you're happy to be friends, and that she can get back in touch with you any time she wants to and you'd be happy to hear from her, but until then don't make any other attempts to contact her. Lay out your position, make it known you're open to communication, then back off. Just my uninformed advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A True Kaniggit Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 48 minutes ago, Liffguard said: I'd probably explicitly put the ball in her court. Send a message or a letter saying you understand if she wants space, that you're happy to be friends, and that she can get back in touch with you any time she wants to and you'd be happy to hear from her, but until then don't make any other attempts to contact her. Lay out your position, make it known you're open to communication, then back off. Just my uninformed advice. Thanks for the advice. I checked the mail today and she did send me an invite to her youngest daughter's birthday in a couple of weeks. That's a good sign I suppose, considering she must have sent it only a few days ago. Edit: Thanks TB. Have fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manhole Eunuchsbane Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 9 minutes ago, Mandy said: “You do know demons aren’t real, right?” and now I just really can’t bring myself to make plans to see him. Ever tried to quit smoking? DEMONS ARE REAL, yo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manhole Eunuchsbane Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 1 minute ago, Mandy said: I quit a few months ago Dude, I wish I could summon demons. I would absolutely do it in the hot tub, too. Seems like an ideal spot if it's circular. I'd get out of it first though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 Brilliant!!! I think I'll adopt the 'Demkn Test' myself with any potential partners as an early component of the screening process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manhole Eunuchsbane Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 27 minutes ago, Mandy said: ehhh good point. I guess I always assumed we'd be friends. These things take time. I wouldn't chance it off the jump. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpaceChampion Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Ever see THE FLY with Jeff Goldblum? Make sure your demon comes out whole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clueless Northman Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Well, unlike appearaces, I've visited this topic from time to time. So, good luck to all of you in your current and future endeavours Coming back on the boards after a bit of busy real life, I just feel silly. I've wondered for the last week which friend or which of my usual online haunts would be best suited to talk / get some opinion about my latest shitty story - online being better than real life friend who might end up knowing the person involved sooner or later -, and this is actually the perfect place So there it is. I work in a quite small firm, have some degree of official responsibility there. Accountants are (very) part time due to our size, and 2 years ago, our new one was the daughter of a boss's friend - who I've known for years, knew he had a daughter, but had never met. She's finisshing her studies so a few hours a week here are a good fit for her. That also means she's younger than me by a third. Being in a higher position than her at work, knowing her dad, and considering the age difference quite huge, I wasn't "interested" in her; wouldn't have crossed my mind on my own. Not because of her looks, she's not gorgeously stunning but pretty enough, she's cool, nice, but just because of these reasons. Then, after 6 months, I had a feeling due to some signs, slight troubles / looks she gave - a general impression which might be wrong -, that she could have some interest in me. Left me confused for a couple of months, didn't know what to make of it, never thought about it, flattering but looked close to insane to me due to age and me not wanting to look like I'm taking advantage of employees (or being killed by her dad ). Stil, came to the conclusion that "What the hell, why not if she's actually interested and a good opportunity happens", but I wasn't going to try to aggressively go after her, and wanted to see if I could get better confirmation. So, with her being around no more than one day a week and us being nearly never able to talk alone (when there are others around, we chat, but not about something that personal), nothing happened - except having a few more times that feeling she had a little bit of interest. Of course, my doubts - how could she be interested in me when she's younger and has plenty of younger students around, and there's office drama/relations to boot - could easily be mirrored on her side - how could I be interested in someone so young and not mature enough, her not daring to move on me due to our office positions. A few months ago - being aware she was single for the last months -, I decided that if she ever had a thing for me, I shouldn't leaver her hanging like that, that I actually really like her and shouldn't consider her like just a possible passing flirt / adventure while waiting / looking for some other hypothetical woman, and since I'd definitely like to haver her as girlfriend, I should check her interest. So I asked her out for drink or dinner, and she looked quite interested and enjoying the idea; yet since she was busy with exams closing in and student's partying life, I told her she should tell me when she'd be able to, when her busy schedule would allow it. At this point, I wanted to see if there was anything on her side, and if so, I would move and open up - if there was nothing and I was wrong all along, I would leave it be and not try to woo her -; therefore, it was never advertised as a real *date*. Next weeks, signs were that she had some degree of interest, but was unsure of what to think about my proposal and my motives. So after nearly 4 weeks without her coming with a date for the bar/restaurant, I reminded her. If there's anything wrong or she doesn't want, she can tell me, no problemo. According to her, no problem with me, she's just awfully busy and can't manage her schedule at all, but would like it. Still, even though she could've told me she didn't want to, without any repercussion (ffs, I like her a lot, I'm not going to want anything harmful or bad to ever happen to her), she maintained she'd like to hang out for a few drinks and hadn't forgotten my nice proposal, but insanely busy schedule. Meanwhile, I was becoming internally upset, trying to decide if there wasn't any hope and I should drop the affair, or if she was confused/unable to believe that I could actually want to date her. Bottom line, I was thinking more and more about her, about what she thought, about how our evening would turn out. I became way more infatuated than I was when I first decided to check if she was into me... After a few more weekly meetings, 1 month ago, I asked her about my still standing offer; she was troubled. Asked her if actually she preferred not to, and she basically said "Yeah, not right now; I'd really like to in some time, but rather not right now". Told in a way that could nearly pass for "I would try hanging out with you and dating you in the future, but not right now.". Then last week I learned that she had met some guy at university less than 3 months ago (so after I asked her out), and they've been dating for at least a month. Guy obviously having been more pressing and aggressive than me - but then he was at uni and could meet her way more often. I'm quite annoyed at me because I didn't want to put too much pressure on her and didn't extort a fixed date, and am just as much annoyed because I let my feelings become too big. Definitely upset because if she'd say no at once, or we managed to hang out early and it turned out she never had a thing for me, I would've let go without much hurt. At this point, my default tendency would be to let things run their course, waiting for my feelings to eventually die down, and if before this happens her relationship goes down (statistically, it happens, and they don't last that long on average, specially with 26-27-y old people) and try another better probably more open and explicit approach again. Of course, I might talk to her about my feelings , in the probably misguided and stupid hope of her trying to check on me if she ever becomes single again. Or if it turns out she actually had some feelings for me, and considering her relationship is still recent, I might try to fight and woo her more openly, but I think it'd be a dick move, one I've never done until now, unfair and unfriendly - and would fully expect that to turn her off and piss her off. Dang, that was far longer than expected... Next time, I might talk about another interesting situation, but that one is absolutely not dating, just strong friendship-related, so a bit off-topic. On 01.10.2016 at 11:41 AM, A True Kaniggit said: Since then I haven't seen her once, she canceled on our plans to go to the zoo last weekend, and now she says she can't hang out this weekend because she'll be too busy. Though I would've been ecstatic if she returned my sentiments and was as interested in a relationship with me as I am with her, I'd still much rather be her friend than not see her at all. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot. Really hoping I'll be able to fix things with her next week. Edit: You know, I really don't know what I could've done differently. I sure as shit wasn't going to sit on my feelings, hoping that some day they might go away. Been there, done that. When you feel you just can't go further without opening up, it's futile to try to keep feelings for yourself. As for your friend, from my experience, it might not be that she doesn't want to see you, but that she thinks it will hurt you to see her too often right now - usually she'd be right - and hopes it'll go away more easily if you don't see each other now and you'll resume friendship in a few months - for me, that's a very bad idea, I would just suffer as long, but without even seeing that friend, your own mileage might vary, and obviously friends don't understand this until you tell them. Mormont is right that you shouldn't try to see her too often, like every day, but on the other hand not seeing her at all for weeks can hurt you even more. There's a middle path that's not painless or comfortable for both, but that overall can be a better way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkess Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 You asked her out, she didn't accept, you made it a standing offer and she didn't take you up on it. I know it sucks, but just leave it alone. Trying to read her mind is useless and honestly comes across as a little creepy in your story. Let her words and actions speak for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sperry Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Yep. It sucks, but in my life I don't think I have ever had a woman I asked out say "Thanks, but I'm just not interested in you." Without fail, it is "that sounds fun, but I'm busy." If they are interested, they will follow that up with a suggestion for a date at a concrete time. If they don't, they aren't interested. Feel free to ask again, but you'll get the same response every time. I have no idea how the standard way to decline a date became to feign interest but claim to be busy, but it is it what it is. Don't take it personally, that's just the way the dating game works. Also, given your specific case, Starkess is right. Give it up. It's beginning to sound creepy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 5 hours ago, Starkess said: You asked her out, she didn't accept, you made it a standing offer and she didn't take you up on it. I know it sucks, but just leave it alone. Trying to read her mind is useless and honestly comes across as a little creepy in your story. Let her words and actions speak for her. I'm sorry but I have to agree. It really is as simple as YOU *thought* she fancied you, so you asked her out. She didn't go out with you. She met someone else around her age. I mean, I would just leave it. I'm sorry but sometimes people can see signs of flirting or interest when their really isn't any. I mean, maybe she did sort of like you - but so? She's seeing someone now, is much younger than you and probably is very busy to be honest. Sorry to be so harsh and I do sympathise just better for you to stop all thinking of it, mate. I don't think it's going to happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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