Dating: “I have this disease late at night sometimes, involving alcohol and the telephone.”

[Raja]

13 hours ago, Roose Boltons Pet Leech said:

That leaves the websites, and the countless messages sent off to no reply. Oh well, got to keep trying. At least they're of the free variety (if I'm going to be ignored or rejected, at least I'm not paying to be ignored or rejected).

Good luck, friend

Re: Websites - I've found that the reply rate is generally quite decent, it's just conversations tend to fizzle out. Then again, I have an innate ability to bore people to death ( which is something you might lack). It's that or my excessive use of parenthesis. 

On 6/22/2016 at 1:27 AM, Mandy said:

I made excuses the last 4 or 5 times I was asked out, and while the idea of it sounds okay, I don't seem to be able to make myself actually go.  Good thing is, I'm pretty sure I've said no enough that anyone who wanted to see me has given up by now

I have three distinct stages - 1. Excitement at the prospect of meeting someone 2. An increasing sense of apathy the day before & 3. Going through a list of plausible excuses to call it off the day of ( none of these excuse are anything but a cliche) 

[Datepalm]

I am now the recipient of the world's worst ever booty text, from history of religion guy. A bit of odd 2 AM questionable vulnerability and self-doubt, and he doesn't know when to be "aggressive" or "supine", but "I've never been to the western wall. And you can help with that." 

Or he has a real complex about the western wall. ::dunno::

(This joining my other trophy, of the thing ever said over a phone (well, skype) that is the single least likely chain of words to lead to phone sex. For the record, it was "I am straight, but I don't know how I can possibly prove that to you.") 

Raja, (et al,) I'm just going to go there: someone explain to me how there came to be 1.3 Billion Indians? 

[john]

C'mon man, in a booty text you have to call it the wailing wall.  And then follow up by mentioning Temple Mount.  Jerusalem has so much sex geography.

[The guy from the Vale]

10 hours ago, Datepalm said:

I am now the recipient of the world's worst ever booty text, from history of religion guy. A bit of odd 2 AM questionable vulnerability and self-doubt, and he doesn't know when to be "aggressive" or "supine", but "I've never been to the western wall. And you can help with that." 

Or he has a real complex about the western wall. ::dunno::

(This joining my other trophy, of the thing ever said over a phone (well, skype) that is the single least likely chain of words to lead to phone sex. For the record, it was "I am straight, but I don't know how I can possibly prove that to you.") 

Raja, (et al,) I'm just going to go there: someone explain to me how there came to be 1.3 Billion Indians? 

I heard arranged marriages are a big thing in India. Reading your posts, I feel like I'm on the trail to understanding why that is the case.

[Kelli Fury]

So, I guess I'm not single anymore

[Lily Valley]

12 hours ago, Kay Fury said:

So, I guess I'm not single anymore

Congrats!  I hope this happened with a classic note passed during lunch that said,

"Will you go with me?

[ ] Yes

[ ] No"

[Datepalm]

I think I need that note...my response to Western Wall Guy to "just be straightforward" went unanswered (clearly, he can't just be straightforward, fair enough,) but Economist Guy turned up, of course, having taken ten days to respond to a one-line email and displaying a typical inability to understand that time, for most day to day purposes, moves in one direction. 

[Arkhangel]

On the topic of sending out countless messages with no reply - one thing which I think many some dudes seem to be unaware of at least on OKC is the junk filter. You set the age range, gender, location, and messages from anyone who doesn't meet what you're looking for go straight to junk without you ever having to read them. So if you're shooting out messages to, say, women half your age who are looking for men half your age (not that anyone here would do that, I'm sure, but it does happen) there's a good chance they're not even going to see your message. Save yourselves some time and pay attention to what the other person is looking for.

Can you tell I've just been clearing out my junk mail folder on OKC?

[Aniel]

Le sigh. Still no answer from the Migration Agency, so I definitely won't have my SO here for my birthday. But maybe for his birthday...? I just got off the phone with them and was told almost in passing that it'll probably be only a few more months until the decision is sent out, which is great because SO thinks that the longer it takes the more likely it is that we'll get a "no". Which is obviously not the case, lack of resources and it being vacation times is.

That wasn't the reason I had to call them, however.

I had to call them because the other day my SO had to go file a police report on identity theft, because he found out that his dad had (once again) used his social security number to open a credit card, so I had to ask if that would be a problem. And like a week before that his sister found out that their dad had taken out a payday loan in her name.
Anyway, the answer I got was that no, it shouldn't be a problem. Yay! Still asked to supplement the case with a message about what has happened and a copy of the police report so that they have that information. Which doesn't help my SO's paranoia, but at least I've got that estimate of the time until the decision to soothe him.

[Lily Valley]

Mayday has gone radio silent.  I have been in the middle of my neverending family crisis for weeks now.  So the other night I went out and did some daydrinking and wound up going home with a cute guy who was willing to cut the chit chat down to, "Your place or mine?"  Refreshing.

Turned out he had read SevenEves and loved it.  Seriously, what the hell is wrong with all the interesting men in the world???  Anyway, he actually texted.  Maybe I'll follow up.

[Kelli Fury]

Good for you, Lily!!!!

 

having a boyfriend in a touring band is dumb. However, they have a show here Wednesday and he's trying to negotiate being released into my custody overnight and having them leave in the morning. Henceforth he will be referred to as Casey, since that's what his name is. He comes home on the 23rd, so not too long

[Datepalm]

Wait, is having read and loved Seveneves the indicator that he's interesting or the indicator that there's something wrong with him? I could see it going either way. 

Meanwhile, History PostDoc Guy, he of the strangely mixed yearnings (I can only assume there's an 80's music video level mixture of sex and religion going on in this guy's head at this point) texted again to say that he's leaving the country and did not mean to be flaky, flakily, after a week. People eh. 

[Lily Valley]

6 minutes ago, Datepalm said:

Wait, is having read and loved Seveneves the indicator that he's interesting or the indicator that there's something wrong with him? I could see it going either way. 

I think a deep love of SevenEves is some sort of male version of The White Plague.  Men who otherwise show good judgment and taste are raving through that snoozer of a doorstop.  :shrugs:

The fact that he read a 880 page SF novel that came out last year is a real boner bonus, even if it was THAT ONE.   I wonder what else he's read.  If he's free for coffee I'll loan him The Three Body Problem.  If he's already read that one, I'm in big trouble.

Kay, congrats on the conjugal visit.  Try not to break him.  :snickers:  Oh, and happy Birthday!

[Datepalm]

You need to do a complete overview of this guy's SFF cred, with statistics. Stephenson is a very male writer, I think, or maybe he writes well for the male ego (deconstructively when he's good, blatanlty when he's bad) but Seveneves was just boring. Hmm, what would be the Stephenson book to find out someone had read that would be the biggest turn-on? Snow Crash? Baroque Cycle? Anathem? Not Cryptonomicon and definitely nor Reamde. 

(I once nearly went on an OKCupid date with someone who otherwise seemed like a total douchehat but had Ursula LeGuin listed in his profile. And Mad Economist Guy, I once found out, considered Daniel Kahneman light reading and also regarded Alexander McCall Smith the pinnacle of fine literature. I will never cease to try to draw conclusions from other people's taste in books...and, to be honest, marvel at how they manage to breathe and walk at the same time if it's not identical to mine.) 

[Kelli Fury]

3 hours ago, Lily Valley said:

I think a deep love of SevenEves is some sort of male version of The White Plague.  Men who otherwise show good judgment and taste are raving through that snoozer of a doorstop.  :shrugs:

The fact that he read a 880 page SF novel that came out last year is a real boner bonus, even if it was THAT ONE.   I wonder what else he's read.  If he's free for coffee I'll loan him The Three Body Problem.  If he's already read that one, I'm in big trouble.

Kay, congrats on the conjugal visit.  Try not to break him.  :snickers:  Oh, and happy Birthday!

Yours sounds at least teachable, that's a good thing.

 

And he's mine, he was gone on my birthday, if he dies, he dies.

[Ded As Ned]

Apparently I suffer from SevenEves Syndrome as well! 

Just checking in.  I'm pretty happy where I'm at, but once in a blue moon I browse POF when the boys are with their mom and I've had a few drinks... and tonight I hit on a match that I just KNEW I'd click with.  It was enough to get me to update my profile before I messaged her (it was about a year outdated).  Of course by the time I have it tweaked to my satisfaction the website had timed me out, so I re-typed everything... hit save... computer crashes.  Reboot... re-type it AGAIN, get it saved, go back to my matches... and she's not there.

THE FATES SAID NO! 

Maybe she'll pop back up again

[Lily Valley]

Aw, Ned that's frustrating.  Coffee date in 20 minutes.   I'm nervous.

 

[briantw]

Anyone here using Bumble?  In my city at least the quality is significantly higher than on Tinder.  Like, it's night and day different.

[briantw]

40 minutes ago, Mandy said:

I've never heard of Bumble.

I've always been very wary of tinder and those type of app dating services, though.  I know it comes with the territory really, but I think maybe I'm uncomfortable with the mainstream idea of "swiping" and being judged in such a way.  I dunno.

Bumble is basically Tinder with a better user interface and with the caveat that, after matching with someone, the woman has to say something first.  When two people match, the girl has 24 hours to say something, then the guy has 24 additional hours to respond.  If one of you doesn't meet the deadline, the match disappears.  After you both say something, though, you can message at your leisure with no timeline.

I had a pretty great first date with a girl I met on Bumble last weekend.  Lots in common and the conversation was never dull.  She was at home in Michigan visiting her family this weekend, but we're planning on date number two now that she's back.  

By the way, I can't stress enough having a couple of good "first date" spots.  To me, the first date should always be drinks.  Well, unless the girl is a recovering alcoholic or something.  On my date with the girl in question, I met up with her at a place called The Broken Spoke, which is owned by a distillery in town.  It's got great decor inside and a great selection of bourbon, whiskey, and other types of alcohol.  There are also two popular breweries around it, so we walked to both of those as well.  

Wine bars are also great, in my experience, especially if you're meeting someone who doesn't like beer.  Beer is insanely popular in Charlotte, though, so that's rare.  We have over a dozen breweries (most of which have opened in the five years I've lived here).  I live next door to one, actually.  

[sperry]

So, after seeing briantw mention Bumble, I downloaded it on a whim.

And I am about 95% positive that they are ordering the profiles you see by right swipe percentage or something similar.  On tinder, I typically swipe right about 3-4% of the profiles I see. That's because about 2/3 of the profiles are bots, and I then swipe right on about 10% of the "real" profiles.

 

When I downloaded Bumble, I was shocked.  The first 100 or so profiles I saw were extremely attractive women with good jobs, and was right swiping about 90% of the time. The profiles that looked like bots were way down as well, maybe 5-10%.  Things started becoming more of a mixed bag by then, until eventually I reached a point where I was swiping almost nothing right. There is no way that that is a coincidence.