Datepalm Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 After a couple of postponements on my part, my quantum date (I can only know where we're going - or where this is going, never both) with Historian Guy (sigh, aka, Indian Academic num.4 (look, any more and they go in a spreadsheet,) is to...and he maintained this plan through a week of re-schedulings...the Western Wall. As one does. The, let's say, third most romantic gender-segregated, punctilliously conservative, heavily supervised public place on earth. (I feel like Hajj hanky panky must have a certain frisson.) Show of hands, who still thinks it's a date? At least I'll have something convenient to hit my head against, I suppose. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sologdin Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 a date is a status related to time & place only tangentially, sounding less in objective material dispositions and more in subjective intentions. one might accordingly transform any particular transaction into a date, irrespective of anything else, simply by means of mutual unambiguous expressions of affection--such as face-licking, as discussed at various times in these threads. i am impressed by the oblique caution and cool deliberation that occurs in these threads, a model of collaborative problem-solving and democratic risk-management for amative questions. my experience has by contrast become the incontrovertible optimism and imperative haste of falling head over heels, leaving spouse, &c., an etymological inexorability wherein not even the gods might stop it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 Nope. Never again. Since I - and my questionable objects of questionable affection - fail hopelessly at the recognition of emotions, ones own and others (reliance on algorithms having proved to go poorly, if you'll recall,) careful analysis of circumstances, accounting for social norms (thus requiring the input of others) is necessary. To wit - I will not behave as though its a date unless I think it's a date. Neither, probably, will anyone I agree to maybe-date. We both therefore have to set the scene in a way that's indicative but not inarguable and kind of hope for a gradual accumulation of evidence. I do know what my problem is, tovarish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted June 17, 2016 Author Share Posted June 17, 2016 Ahhh! Ah! Argh! What? I'm Indian academic guy now, (except for being Indian, an academic, or a guy.) I'm the common denominator, aren't I? I mean, I make friends with a guy, and am happy to chatter on when we meet about research directions and ideas for my thesis and the like, and we have a few interesting conversations and I've crashed at his place before and I was happy to again, when he and his wife invited me over, since they're starting an affordable housing anti-eviction thing with their housing complex now and stuff and that's my kind of thing, and anyway it would be nice to meet up, and yeah, he was terribly surprised that I was surprised that I'm very politely being invited to a threesome. Apparently a thing that happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 I love the nonchalantly way you slide that in at the end. I guess that answers why he was looking for friends on OKC, he wasn't trying to cheat on his wife! To be fair most profiles looking for that are explicit about it. I'm also used to them selling it via the woman not the man, but that's potential just a selection bias given those are the ones I'd see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted June 17, 2016 Author Share Posted June 17, 2016 No! No, it's not Indian Brain Science Guy! It's a different person! Different married person!!! Whom I met at the office of the NGO I volunteer with, ffs. !!! (No persons of Indian descent in this story at all. I guess that's something?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Oh! This really is getting convoluted haha, I was wanting to ask whether you went for it after the initial surprise wore off because *I* thought Indian Brain Science Guy's wife sounded awesome, but I don't know anything about this wife. Have you thought of trying to find a way to profit off these twists and turns, or would that taint your soul? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted June 17, 2016 Author Share Posted June 17, 2016 Frankly, i'm starting to lose track. Actually, I tried to give it some honest thought and came to the conclusion I find both of them attractive and am attracted to neither, if that makes sense. I should introduce the two couples. It may be just what they all need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buckwheat Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Do you people think that long-distance relationships are more common these days than they used to be a generation ago, or longer ago? I feel like my every other acquaintance of very roughly approximately my age (twenty-thirty) now has a partner in another European country somewhere. I mentioned I had an almost-boyfriend today, who lives in a city about 6 hours away, to an acquaintance who answered with "that is relatively close". It does not make it close at all and I was a bit surprised when I started thinking about it, but well, it is closer than some relationships I have heard of from people. Maybe it is just my friends/acquaintance circle that is weird that way (i. e. they go on international exchanges etc.), though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 DP - I'm actually not sure I follow that one, for the simple reason that if I find someone attractive then I'm attracted to them by definition, that's the way I'd use the terms. I guess you could find them independently attractive but contextually not be attracted to them which would make sense. I just had a night out invited to my crushes gf's housewarming (they've been together more than once before and only just got back together) and had the helpful discovery that I find her gf as hot as I find her. I can't imagine how this could go poorly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raja Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 1 hour ago, Gryka zwyczajna said: I feel like my every other acquaintance of very roughly approximately my age (twenty-thirty) now has a partner in another European country somewhere. I mentioned I had an almost-boyfriend today, who lives in a city about 6 hours away, to an acquaintance who answered with "that is relatively close". 5/6 friends who started university with me ( 5 years ago now) were in long distance relationships. Unfortunately, none of the five were still in that relationship by the end of the first year. The distance between these couples was a 14 hour flight, so I suppose relative to them, yours is fairly close. I certainly see lots of people in long term relationships but anecdotal evidence is anecdotal, so many of them don't seem to work out though. I did end up going on that date, and god, it was such a weird night. I should have stayed at home. I need to trust my instincts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted June 17, 2016 Author Share Posted June 17, 2016 Details? "Weird night" is like catnip to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raja Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 I..don't even know where to begin. It started okay, but by the end of the night I was counting down the minutes till I could get out of there. Firstly, she kept pushing drinks on me - I'd had a few, but apparently that wasn't enough. I must have politely told her 'no' 5 or 6 times but she still kept insisting I order another glass. Halfway through the night, we had another couple come sit on the table adjacent to ours - after they sat down, she asked me if I would have gone out with her if she looked like the women sitting beside us - who says these things?!? How do people sound perfectly sane on text but rather strange in person? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DreamSongs Posted June 20, 2016 Share Posted June 20, 2016 On 6/18/2016 at 3:07 AM, Raja said: How do people sound perfectly sane on text but rather strange in person? Easily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted June 21, 2016 Author Share Posted June 21, 2016 History of Religion Guy keeps postponing our questionable archaeological survey/date, but still maintaining contact. He cited social obligations for the evening. Oy, dude. I was your social obligations for the evening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 FIne I emailed Mad Economist Guy. Sigh, four months of effective radio silence down the drain. Hopefully he ignores me forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenhair Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 7 hours ago, Datepalm said: FIne I emailed Mad Economist Guy. Sigh, four months of effective radio silence down the drain. Hopefully he ignores me forever. Echoing what others have posted previously, delete his contact information and unfriend/unfollow on all social media. To the extent possible, eliminate all methods you have of contacting him. The temptation to reach out is too great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted June 23, 2016 Author Share Posted June 23, 2016 I have, but he has an annoyingly simple-to-spell name, which is also his email. Doom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Marquis de Leech Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 I have now officially given up on Tinder and its ilk - after running into countless bots, and technical problems, I deleted then tried to reinstall, only for it to apparently be incompatible with my device. So screw it. That leaves the websites, and the countless messages sent off to no reply. Oh well, got to keep trying. At least they're of the free variety (if I'm going to be ignored or rejected, at least I'm not paying to be ignored or rejected). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenhair Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 16 hours ago, Datepalm said: I have, but he has an annoyingly simple-to-spell name, which is also his email. Doom. I'm sorry. Is there a way to set up a rule on your computer that if the recipient is his address, then the email will be deleted, automatically saved as draft only, or something else? I have used the rules function only to move email to archive if it is from a certain sender. I don't know if you can set up such a rule for emails you send, but it may be worth investigating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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