Starkess Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 Nope, the only medication I am on is birth control (Microgestin Fe 1/20). I've been on this particular version for over 2 years and other BCPs for over 10 years. I know anecdotally a lot of people report their BCP messing with their libido, but I looked up some studies and it's <15% and even that could be mostly correlation. Definitely going to bring it up with my gyno but hesitant to point at that as the issue. The only big change I can think of before this started was that he went on deployment and I didn't see him for 7 months, so I went for a long time without having sex so maybe I just got used to not having it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angalin Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 22 hours ago, Datepalm said: now I'm trying to figure out if this one is gay as well, just for general record keeping purposes @Datepalm: >90% of guys I get along with super well are gay or married/seriously-coupled. It's always a surprise when they're single and straight. I am probably doing something wrong except that >90% are wonderful people. Not sure if this is the demographics where I am or what. @Lily Valley: his knowing circuits when needed is worth giving him extra time to de-Stephensonize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maithanet Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 On 12/8/2016 at 9:16 AM, Datepalm said: Weirdly drifty post-doc guy from last year has resurfaced as someone I see a lot around school and has become something of a mentoring relationship, which is great, except now I'm trying to figure out if this one is gay as well, just for general record keeping purposes. How do you parse the following sentence? "You should come to the thing, I invited a guy who looks like a Greek god. I mean, he has a girlfriend, but I find it inspiring just to look at him." I have trouble imagining a straight guy saying that unless his tone made it obvious he was joking. That's not sexual subtext, that is the actual text. He could be bi though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted December 9, 2016 Author Share Posted December 9, 2016 Nope, not at all obvious he was joking. Could definitely be bi though...my response was that I thought his problem was that he tended to date lesbians (highschool story he'd told like one day earlier) which he had to think about for a while and then went, "oh, right. Yeah, that one dodn't work out." Why can no one ever comfortably say, 'yes, and, of course, since then I've realised I was gay too.' Meeting new people is like the time traveller problem, where in the movies there's always a convenient radio on saying Cuba has just been invaded, but in reality you'd wander around for days getting weird looks from people who then run away before answering if you ask them what year it is. So it is whenever our interpid filmed heroine meets a peculiar but attractive young man, it is by walking in on him just mailing his ex-girlfriend that bra had found under the couch and mentioning how great boobs are in a totally woman-respecting way or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 16 hours ago, Starkess said: Nope, the only medication I am on is birth control (Microgestin Fe 1/20). I've been on this particular version for over 2 years and other BCPs for over 10 years. I know anecdotally a lot of people report their BCP messing with their libido, but I looked up some studies and it's <15% and even that could be mostly correlation. Definitely going to bring it up with my gyno but hesitant to point at that as the issue. The only big change I can think of before this started was that he went on deployment and I didn't see him for 7 months, so I went for a long time without having sex so maybe I just got used to not having it? My short experience with hormonal birth control made me so crazy I never went back. Most of the women that I know who took any form of progesterone experienced very low libido as a side effect. That's my $0.02. In my early thirties, I thought about taking an anti-depressant to SUPPRESS my libido. It was out of control. Thank God it mellowed a bit. I just find Stephenson boring. SnowCrash was his least dull book. The man will write 3 pages waxing poetical when the sentence "astronaut cut his head" will suffice. Pages and pages describing basic algebra. Pages and pages describing a ratchet. I simply don't understand how an author could make a story about the moon blowing up so boring. In the opening, he spends a whole page describing the different meanings of the word "agent". So that has to be important to the story, right? No, he was just talking about the word "agent" because he wanted to. Now some of my best friends like Stephenson. I'm just giving the side eye to "Best Book Ever" praise given to SevenEves in particular. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manhole Eunuchsbane Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 I love Stephenson's early stuff quite a bit. Snowcrash and The Diamond Age primarily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Tiger Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 5 hours ago, Manhole Eunuchsbane said: I love Stephenson's early stuff quite a bit. Snowcrash and The Diamond Age primarily. I liked Diamond Age as well, but the man can't write an ending to save his life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manhole Eunuchsbane Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 Just now, Red Tiger said: I liked Diamond Age as well, but the man can't write an ending to save his life. That's a solid point. I enjoyed the Mouse Army deal at the end, but it really could've used a neater epilogue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 53 minutes ago, Red Tiger said: I liked Diamond Age as well, but the man can't write an ending to save his life. Never stopped Stephen King Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 @Starkess I'd take any studies with a grain of salt unless you've read them and are happy with the methodology and conclusions, there have historically been a lot of issues with how this stuff has been researched. Also 15% is actually a pretty high side effect rate. One other thing I think might be going on, and I worry will sound like a criticism - it's not meant to be, is that you give the impression that with your "sex 3-4 times per week" you're rarely actually wanting it. I don't mean this from a psychological point of view, but purely the libido/physical arousal perspective. When you try push through that and have sex without that, it can actually have the effect of suppressing your libido and over time will continue to make itself worse. Again I just want to say this suggestion isn't a criticism of either of you, working this stuff through is complicated and it's frustrating when our bodies won't do what we want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravenhair Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 On 12/8/2016 at 6:44 PM, Starkess said: I like Stephenson, personally, so I don't really get it either. So I have a dating-related problem and I need some ears to vent to. Basically: I have no libido. Zilch. Mr. Starkess and I have been together for 5 years now, and I would say this started 1-2 years ago. I am not really sure why. I used to love having sex, but now I just do it for his sake. It's not like the sex is bad, he is good in bed and always makes sure I orgasm if I want to (in fact sometimes I have to convince him I don't want to because it just feels exhausting). And it's not like I'm just bored with him or something because I don't want to have sex with anyone else either. Not even myself! I used to have a super high sex drive but have had periods of low libido before, but they've always passed after a little bit. At this point I have to admit to myself that this isn't just passing. My bf has a very high sex drive (I would say we have sex about 3-4x a week right now and that is too little for him) and this is a big deal to him. Has anyone had any experience like this? I am going to see my gyno and look into switching birth control, but from what I've researched that isn't actually usually a factor, and I've been on some form of birth control for a decade now so not sure that could be the culprit. I do have depression but have functioned with that pretty much my whole life and am not on anti-depressants (notorious libido killers). Maybe I've just aged out of wanting to have sex as I got older? The Pill can absolutely affect your libido. The same hormones in birth-control pills that prevent pregnancy (estrogen and progestin) also reduce testosterone production, and testosterone plays a huge role in sex drive and orgasms. The Pill's hormones increase production of SHBG, the sex hormone-binding globulin, which, in turn, can reduce circulating levels of testosterone even more. Before you think you have aged out of sex, ludicrous because you are a mere babe in the woods, go quickly to your gynecologist and discuss non-hormone based alternatives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theda Baratheon Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 11 hours ago, larrytheimp said: Never stopped Stephen King LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Tiger Posted December 10, 2016 Share Posted December 10, 2016 12 hours ago, larrytheimp said: Never stopped Stephen King I don't care about Stephen King. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angalin Posted December 11, 2016 Share Posted December 11, 2016 Stephen King is only relevant in this thread if he's writing about dating, and if he's doing that it's ending really badly in a not-funny way, so can we move on so I can retain some hope here without imagining every date ending like Carrie? Thanks. @Starkess, one reason I hated hormonal birth control was the side effects (including, in my case, dreadful depression and inability to function one week out of four). I could well believe that's what's going on for you here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starkess Posted December 11, 2016 Share Posted December 11, 2016 Thanks guys. I have an appointment with my new gyno (just moved) so I'll definitely bring it up then and see what she recommends. I'm gonna be really pissed if I have to go off BC though. Periods suck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kairparavel Posted December 11, 2016 Share Posted December 11, 2016 @Starkess it absolutely could be due to hormones and birth control but it could be other things or a combination of several things. You state the idea of orgasm sometimes feels exhausting and that sounds like stress. How fatigued do you feel in your day to day life? How much stress do you feel from your job or your relationship or other things? Conversely, how much satisfaction do you get from those things? Have you experienced fluctuations in weight or appetite or sleep patterns? How much extra stress do you feel because your low sex drive feels like a problem or a failure (it's not). How much stress do you experience from having sex even 3-4 times a week for his sake instead of having less sex for your sake? How much understanding and comfort does he provide? This can all compound, especially if it's been a couple of years. Your low sex drive at your young age might be more than just a side-effect of birth control. I hope your doctor helps you sort it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karaddin Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 I think it's most likely a combination of several of these things, psychological stuff can be complex and if you layer some impact from birth control and then general tiredness on top it can be difficult to try figure out what's going on. Fingers crossed your new gyno is good and has some ideas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry of the Lawn Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 So I feel like I've reached a new level on tinder. Like the equivalent of the Deep Web or Dark Web or whatever. Said hey to this woman I matched with, and her first response was asking me if I wanted to have her two pet sugar gliders. Assuming this wasn't a euphemism, I think I've stumbled onto the Exotic Animal Black Market part of tinder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Datepalm Posted December 13, 2016 Author Share Posted December 13, 2016 Socially distant German Postdoc Guy? Apparently a Catholic theologian by training. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily Valley Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Alright. Been down with the plague for about 4-5 days. One of the men I was messaging asked me out on Sunday for a date on Monday. Sent a sulky follow up message Monday morning and as of today (out of the Dr. and not lying in bed) deleted his profile. Like ARE YOU KIDDING?? This also tells me he didn't pay for A-list. If he had, he'd know I hadn't gotten his message. FFS. Got a message from a pretty cute queer. Stalking profile now. Not that I can do anything before I get better. I feel like hammered ass, but starting to get antsy after several days in bed. Note to all: Trying to pray away sinus pain did NOT work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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