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Inigima

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had a two hour meeting with the recruiter. he is sure I will be easy to place. two offerings were restaurants I like a lot operated by restauranteurs I really respect. both places have the size and cuisine styles my own food would integrate well with. 

I feel the current employer thinks I may want to leave because if the current turmoil. both hotel gm and director of hr met with me offering support and suggesting we will get past everything and just generally buttering me up. 

more and more I am ready for a new chapter in my career. 

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@MercurialCannibal glad to hear there's good fit options available.  Go talk to them and see what it feels like.  It's nice to see your current place trying to keep you too.  Did your team disavow the union gripe?

@sperry have you tried working with a friend, or even a recruiting consultant, to practice your interviews?  If it hasn't gone well in the past, it's a bit strange to start huge interviews for you just hoping they'll go better than before without having actively done something to improve. 

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7 hours ago, Iskaral Pust said:

@MercurialCannibal glad to hear there's good fit options available.  Go talk to them and see what it feels like.  It's nice to see your current place trying to keep you too.  Did your team disavow the union gripe?

@sperry have you tried working with a friend, or even a recruiting consultant, to practice your interviews?  If it hasn't gone well in the past, it's a bit strange to start huge interviews for you just hoping they'll go better than before without having actively done something to improve. 

i have practiced a ton.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Should I contribute to the leaving collection of a colleague who stuck up an abusive note about me in a shared office? What about signing a leaving card?

I have a functional professional relationship with this person (the incident was almost two months ago) but I naturally I don't consider them a friend and they never apologised (to me at least) for their actions.

It's all a bit weird and uncomfortable but that's not of my doing so I probably shouldn't feel bad about it, right?

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The only person who will notice if you didn't sign the card is the person leaving. The only person who will notice if you don't cough up some cash is the person doing the collecting (if it's not somehow anonymous). Depending on how you want to be perceived by either the person leaving or the person collecting money (and anyone with whom they like to gossip) should dictate how you act in each situation. 

I'm not sure how I'd react. I would probably not contribute to the gift nor sign the card, but that's because my workplace is sprawling and I don't think anyone (including the person leaving) would notice. 

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Is the leaving-collection-card thing a highly standardized sort of workplace ritual that is conducted for everyone all the time no matter what? If it is, I guess contributing - as minimally as possible - falls under basic collegiate conduct and maintaining a working relationship. If there's any degree of leeway - ie, its not done for everyone, its initiated by people who are particularly friendly to the departee, etc, - it seems like you can bow out.

 

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There are two people here whose going away card/collection/lunch etc I would not involve myself in, nor would I be expected to given my icey relationship with them. And vice versa should I move on.

I wouldn't contribute nor give it a second thought. You weren't friends, you owe her nothing in that regard. 

Ultimately, go with what gives you the least discomfort. Simply signing your name to the card, no well-wish, and no $ contribution is perhaps a compromise. But I still think you owe nothing. 

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Thanks for the varying viewpoints. We are a small group - about 15 of us including everybody in the department. Some people do notice who does/doesn't sign cards/contribute because some people are nosy gossips.

I chose not to put into the collection because it doesn't feel right to do so given the context and I don't wish to be a hypocrite. I did choose to sign the card to say 'best wishes for the future' because I don't wish any ill on this person.

I don't worry too much about what people think of me generally (especially at work). I am more annoyed that I have been placed in a situation (by this person) where I am having to ask myself these questions at all, and also things like: is the gift giving event going to happen in our communal office while I am working in there? It just makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable - I know that it shouldn't but it does.

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 I think you've hit the nail on the head there, Helena. I have not discussed it with anyone except my manager and HoD (and HR). But there was actually a subsequent incident where three different members of staff were caught gossiping about me and were reprimanded for it. Those three are all buddies of the person who wrote the note about me. So I would guess there has been 'talk' but I have no idea if Person A has explained their own actions honestly or if they have told their buddies a fictious tale about what happened.

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I have begun having biweekly meetings with the shop steward who likely started the racism allegations. it has been useless.  he speaks in crazy sweeping generalities and cannot site any instances that back up any of what he says. 

I have been having one on one meetings with staff to good effect.  I have learned they have  issue with one of our sous chefs.  it seems when I am not there the overall feel of the place changes. that sous chef has been talked to about his management issues.

my gm and director have been talking a lot about the future. we have a new hotel opening in Baltimore they want me to assist in. we are remodeling in 2018 and want my thoughts on what the restaurant will be and look like. 

this is all nice. I like that they believe in me so much. but, I am still committed to moving on.  Monday I meet with the corp chef of the restaurant group I am looking into.  i really need to see what else is out there.  

and again I find myself wanting my own restaurant. I have a couple close colleagues who want to do a place together.  we are brainstorming trying to figure out what we want.  

tonight I worked the line all service. I missed the simplicity of joking around with the cooks,  cooking nice food, making sexy plates and just enjoying it.  

20 plus years and I am suffering a existential crisis in my career and craft. my wife is utterly fucking amazing in dealing with my moodiness, crazy sleeping habits, not being at home much, occasional binge drinking and general uselessness. but she deserves better. 

do chefs get career councelers?

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4 hours ago, MercurialCannibal said:

I have begun having biweekly meetings with the shop steward who likely started the racism allegations. it has been useless.  he speaks in crazy sweeping generalities and cannot site any instances that back up any of what he says. 

I have been having one on one meetings with staff to good effect.  I have learned they have  issue with one of our sous chefs.  it seems when I am not there the overall feel of the place changes. that sous chef has been talked to about his management issues.

my gm and director have been talking a lot about the future. we have a new hotel opening in Baltimore they want me to assist in. we are remodeling in 2018 and want my thoughts on what the restaurant will be and look like. 

this is all nice. I like that they believe in me so much. but, I am still committed to moving on.  Monday I meet with the corp chef of the restaurant group I am looking into.  i really need to see what else is out there.  

and again I find myself wanting my own restaurant. I have a couple close colleagues who want to do a place together.  we are brainstorming trying to figure out what we want.  

tonight I worked the line all service. I missed the simplicity of joking around with the cooks,  cooking nice food, making sexy plates and just enjoying it.  

20 plus years and I am suffering a existential crisis in my career and craft. my wife is utterly fucking amazing in dealing with my moodiness, crazy sleeping habits, not being at home much, occasional binge drinking and general uselessness. but she deserves better. 

do chefs get career councelers?

dude, start a patreon for your new gig and ill mail you my damn credit card

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@MercurialCannibal mid life crisis in your career is all too common, and you absolutely can talk to a career (or non-career) counselor for a sanity check and how to develop options.  You absolutely need to get yourself into a situation and/or head space where you can enjoy your job again. 

Reaching the top of the mountain to find that you don't have the time or freedom to enjoy it like you expected is all too common.  So is wishing to hang your shingle on your own place, but fearing the financial risk and even more stress.  

What you're describing is the ennui of senior management, not at all confined to the role of chef.  There's a reason that the management layer is generally the least happy: they look like they're at the top but they're really in the middle.  They are answerable for all the business outcomes, while expected to solve the problems of all their underlings.  

Take control of either improving your situation or your mindset, preferably both.   Don't keep grinding along with so much agitation oppressing you.  That creates a toxic mess for you and your life outside work. 

Best of luck with the new options you're exploring. 

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thank you all for the positivity and insightful words.  

tomorrow I have a meeting with the corporate chef.  I am fairly scared. i don't interview particularly well and despite my role I know frighteningly little about running a business outside of my kitchen.  I have that locked down. 

he has asked I show up with a menu.  I will need to do a tasting of seven dishes at some point.  that excites me. my food is solid, but ultimately I want to be somewhere where there is a push,  drive and resources to make it even better. 

 

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Does anybody else have a job where they only exist in case sh!t happens and they have to manage it?  I have averaged 30 minutes 'actual work' per day over the last 7 shifts.  Working in the sleepiest borough in London can be a lot boring.

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