MinotaurWarrior

What if Theon had drowned his family?

21 posts in this topic

So, Theon comes back to the homeland he's always dreamed of. At long last, he can expect to be treated like a Prince instead of a Prisoner. Then his sister gives him a flase name while letting him embarrass himself by fooling around with her, his favorite uncle rants at him about religion, and his dad calls him a whore. He's pissed off and wants his birthright, so he plots his revenge. He overpowers physically weaker Asha and Aeron in the night, plunging their heads under buckets of water, and then he shoots the ropes on the bridge to send his father plunging into the deep. He's technically shed no blood, and proven himself to be very good at killing people. Assume the plan went off without a hitch. What happens next? 

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If that plan went off without a hitch? That plan would never work.

But assuming it did, somehow, Theon might become Lord of the Iron Islands. Unless a kingsmoot was called because someone accused Theon of not being a true Ironborn. Or unless Euron had Theon murdered so he could become king.

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I absolutely adore the fact that his masterful scheme here is to go into their rooms at night and put their heads in buckets. 

10/10 Theon for King 299 AC. All hail Theon Bloodbucket. 

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11 hours ago, Trigger Warning said:

I absolutely adore the fact that his masterful scheme here is to go into their rooms at night and put their heads in buckets. 

10/10 Theon for King 299 AC. All hail Theon Bloodbucket. 

It does seem like the perfect Ironborn scheme.  To bad they don't have scratch-n-sniff stickers in Westeros as sticking one of those on the bottom of a water bucket would be perfect to take out Vic.

Edited by Minsc

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3 hours ago, MinotaurWarrior said:

 He overpowers physically weaker Asha.

 

I doubt she would be pleasent enough to allow this to happen and I would expect at least a dozen ways she would have pre-planned ways to stop Theon washing her hair in the night.

 

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Assuming this ridiculous plot works, he would become Lord of the Iron Isles. He would still be a kinslayer (what does bloodshed have to do with it?) and be universally hated, but he would inherit his fathers titles. The kingsmoot is only called because Theon is presumed dead. Feudal succession is still a thing on the Iron Isles.

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1 minute ago, Ser Tristan Flowers said:

Assuming this ridiculous plot works, he would become Lord of the Iron Isles. He would still be a kinslayer (what does bloodshed have to do with it?)

He would be laughed at for confusing the rites of Vaes Dothrak with the Ironborn/Westerosi taboo of kinslaying. ;)

 

22 minutes ago, Grey Firewyrm said:

 

I doubt she would be pleasent enough to allow this to happen and I would expect at least a dozen ways she would have pre-planned ways to stop Theon washing her hair in the night.

 

Theon would of course cunningly disguise himself as Qarl the maid.

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1 hour ago, Minsc said:

It does seem like the perfect Ironborn scheme.  To bad they don't have scratch-n-sniff stickers in Westeros as sticking on those on the bottom of a water bucket would be perfect to take out Vic.

Oh Lord, I laughed at this so hard! 

I think the best plan would be to go for a long swim, and hide a small boat somewhere close, then use the boat to be gone for a month or so. After this he would have to go back,  hide the boat again, swim back to come crawling out of the water at some busy place. 

Now he can say he also speaks with the Drowned God. He makes some crazy prophesy about the Iron Islands ruling over all of Planetos. Only for this all his family need to be "drowned" again.

So he just has them all drown themselves to fulfill the prophesy, without ever attempting to wake them up again.

He"s not a kinslayer,  because they did it themselves. 

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7 hours ago, Grey Firewyrm said:

I doubt she would be pleasent enough to allow this to happen and I would expect at least a dozen ways she would have pre-planned ways to stop Theon washing her hair in the night.

Yeah, I mean she apparently has two deadly weapons on her at all times, and Theon has never distinguished himself as a close-combat fighter. Theon drowning her and not bleeding to death is about as far fetched as Theon taking Winterfel with barely any men. It's physically possible, but it would have to happen off screen.

7 hours ago, fenr1s said:

He would be laughed at for confusing the rites of Vaes Dothrak with the Ironborn/Westerosi taboo of kinslaying. ;)

From AFFC:

Quote
"Ironborn must not spill the blood of ironborn."
"A pious sentiment, Damphair," said Goodbrother, "but not one that your brother shares. He had Sawane Botley drowned for saying that the Seastone Chair by rights belonged to Theon."
"If he was drowned, no blood was shed," said Aeron.

So, crazy devout Aeron was willing to let his most hated living brother off the hook on that technicality. I think Theon would have a chance.

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Odd as it may be, murdering his family may be the best scenario for Theon to have a somewhat happy ending. Assuming he could somehow consolidate control over the Iron Islands, and that he remains true to Robb, the Westerlands could be in a very uncomfortable position if Theon attacked Lannisport as Robb is taking Ashmark and the Crag.

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I would expect that everyone would know it was Theon and probably rise in rebellion for a "Stark puppet" to have killed respectable Ironmen. And given how little Theon gets of Ironmen culture it would probably not be far away before he is killed in an uprising. At least that's what I think.

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He would be instantly lynched. There is a very good reason that Euron refused to publicly admit his role in Balon's death in AFFC. You don't desecrate a culture's most sacred laws if you don't have the support to back you up.

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Drowning!?

I think that would have happened to Theon had Theon not betrayed Robb and sided with his family.

Aeron was inspecting Theon during the initial phrase of Ironborn's invasion of the North. Everyone called Theon the turncloak there. Yet Theon was more depressed about his fellow Ironborn keeping tab on him in case of insubordination because he believed they would drown him in the water bucket had he just said f**k to Balon and Asha's plan to invade the North.

 

Had Theon drown his own family, he might get away from its technicality like he was worrying about would happen to him. But he'd be known as a kinslayer and a turncloak (to his family). Robb letting Theon go to the Iron Islands were the worst decision of his that doomed both him and Theon.

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So, I'm getting that the majority opinion is that Victarion would have then had Theon Killed? How many innocent women do you think would have to die first? How annoying would Victarion's whining be, when he whined about having to kill the wrong family member ("Wah! I wanted to kill my brother, not my nephew! Wah!")?

 

How would a faceless man kill Victarion? Theon?

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All Theon had to do is to leave and warn Robb of Balon's trap while remaining loyal to his vow. All houses in Westeros are fed up of the iron islands being so treacherous. Once the iron islands were dealt with they would make  they would put someone who is well accustomed with Westerosi ways and who takes vows seriously. 

Edited by devilish

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27 minutes ago, MinotaurWarrior said:

So, I'm getting that the majority opinion is that Victarion would have then had Theon Killed? How many innocent women do you think would have to die first? How annoying would Victarion's whining be, when he whined about having to kill the wrong family member ("Wah! I wanted to kill my brother, not my nephew! Wah!")?

Or any other Ironborn who supported the Greyjoys (and basic law) and recognises that Theon is just an up-jumped  idiot, with no friends or allies and who has no understanding of their culture and customs. He might be their rightful lord but now they have no reason to love him and every reason to hate him.

Also you do realise that Victarion doesn't kill a woman every time he feels aggrieved? He killed his wife specifically for sleeping with Euron and bringing dishonour on him and he killed those slave girls to get him to Meereen quicker. Theon murdering his family is a completely different situation, the only innocent woman who will be killed in your scenario would be Asha.

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He'd probably be better of finding more discreet ways than drowning them in buckets, but assuming he pulls it off and no suspects or cares, I imagine most his bannermen will see him as a weakling and test his strength, and he'll fail miserably opening the door for Euron to take over.

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3 hours ago, devilish said:

All Theon had to do is to leave and warn Robb of Balon's trap while remaining loyal to his vow.

And betray his family and become a pariah to them as a result? Sounds pretty dumb. Had Jon Arryn and Rickard gone to war when Ned was a teenager there is zero chance that Ned would have picked the Vale over his own family. Theon is in the same boat.

3 hours ago, devilish said:

All houses in Westeros are fed up of the iron islands being so treacherous.

And have been for thousands of years, I'm not sure your point here?

3 hours ago, devilish said:

 

Once the iron islands were dealt with they would make  they would put someone who is well accustomed with Westerosi ways and who takes vows seriously. 

How is Robb, without a Navy, going to deal with them?

 

 

As for Theon drowning his family, that may have stood a chance if Balon was not a beloved figure amongst the Ironborn. A 'greenlander' killing Balon and Asha would be hugely unpopular and both Victarion and Aeron would react to it, as would the pragmatic Harlaw when his niece was murdered. Theon would be a dead man walking on the Iron Islands and would find no safety anywhere else as a kinslayer.

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The only way I see Theon having anything like a normal life is to join the Nights Watch. There is no future for him in the Iron islands. let alone in any part of the Seven Kingdoms. So he'll Probably become a cook or kennel master...dogs like Theon.

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