economics & ethics of praise

[sologdin]

was recently engaged in colloquy with a very charming fellow new orleanian who kindly opined on the aesthetics of my basse couture, to wit: how a particular color is favorable for my presentation.  my response was it is, which response was regarded as defective, perhaps not unreasonably (allowing for epimethean perfection), as though the compliment had therefore been stolen or otherwise arrogated.

what say you, sages of the board--

is there an economic or ethical obligation to produce gratitude in exchange for praise, or might one rather simply affirm the praise without indicating that the appraiser may in fact be one of those great villains of the ancient common law, an officious intermeddler, insofar as the compliment may have been unsolicited?

if the former, what remedy for tortious conversion of a compliment? must the gratitude be paid immediately and in words?

if the latter, should one in fact point out officious intermeddling?  what discipline therefore to be imposed for same?  

and is it fair to construe praise as unsolicited in the absence of prior express solicitation, or might there be some conjunctions in which encomia are always already solicited implicitly, such as when the appraiser had been solicited in the etymological sense?

[White Walker Texas Ranger]

Tell him that praise is counterproductive.

[NestorMakhnosLovechild]

You're kind of a jerk, and the next time someone compliments you on the color of your clothing, you should say thank you. 

[Ravenhair]

23 minutes ago, NestorMakhnosLovechild said:

You're kind of a jerk, and the next time someone compliments you on the color of your clothing, you should say thank you. 

Exactly.  If a person says, for example, "blue is a good color on you," the correct response is "thank you," not "it is." 

[Iskaral Pust]

"It is", or "I know", or "that's why I wore it" are eminently acceptable if the compliment is from an irritating toady or a deeply unwelcome sexual advance.  Sometimes stern measures are required to send a clear signal.

"Thanks" should be the neutral, gracious response if no offense was received.

The real problem is when the complimented, especially women (with what bizarre social expectations are they brainwashed?), feel compelled to respond with "Oh no, this looks horrible on me, but I love your <whatever>, that is so cute, where did you get it?"

Of course, your response may have been deemed defective because the compliment was intended with obvious sarcasm that went unnoticed.  He was helpfully and playfully suggesting that your orange and purple shirt should be immolated at the first opportunity.  Heed him.

[IamMe90]

I think it's okay to affirm while expressing gratitude. E.g. "Thank you! I thought so too, that's nice to hear," or whatnot. Just affirming comes off as arrogant and irritating, though. 

[sologdin]

1 hour ago, NestorMakhnosLovechild said:

You're kind of a jerk

54 minutes ago, Ravenhair said:

Exactly.  

thank you.

[Weeping Sore]

You could always respond with, "Yes, I rather thought I was doing that color a favor". Or address the color directly, e.g. : "You're welcome, turquoise."

[Astromech]

2 hours ago, Ravenhair said:

Exactly.  If a person says, for example, "blue is a good color on you," the correct response is "thank you," not "it is." 

Hmm, were you the charming fellow New Orleanian?

The acceptability of your reply of "it is" is entirely dependent upon its delivery: pleased, humble agreement vs. snarky or conceited reply.

[Hereward]

Surely the correct response depends on how much lower in the social hierarchy the complimenter is. If it was a charming peasant, the response was perfectly reasonable. If it was a social equal, regrettably unfortunate. If it was a person of quality, you should expect a challenge by first delivery.

[maarsen]

As a recipient of many favourable comments, whether complimenting my sartorial elegance or my astonishing physique, I usually eschew a mere thank you or an 'it is' for a 'Wait till you see how I fill out a Hawaiian  shirt. I mean hey, I just can't turn it off! '

[James Arryn]

Treating a compliment as though it requires aa specific response reduces it to an excercise in manipulation. Forgo it.

[Larry of the Lawn]

What kind of heathens are you, going about clothed in the summer, agonizing over the minutia of your jnanic rituals?  

#nudieisyerduty

[maarsen]

44 minutes ago, larrytheimp said:

What kind of heathens are you, going about clothed in the summer, agonizing over the minutia of your jnanic rituals?  

#nudieisyerduty

Dude, can't scare the horses, can we. Besides when the sun shines where it usually doesn't shine  leaves me neither lobster  red nor golden bronze but merely a pallid pink. 

[Xray the Enforcer]

the right answer is always an armpit fart.

[all swedes are racist]

6 hours ago, sologdin said:

thank you.

Hahaha

[Datepalm]

15 hours ago, Iskaral Pust said:

The real problem is when the complimented, especially women (with what bizarre social expectations are they brainwashed?), feel compelled to respond with "Oh no, this looks horrible on me, but I love your <whatever>, that is so cute, where did you get it?"

Does that still happen? Has that ever happened? I can't for the life of me remember ever being party to an exchange where such a sentiment was expressed. 

[Iskaral Pust]

4 hours ago, Datepalm said:

Does that still happen? Has that ever happened? I can't for the life of me remember ever being party to an exchange where such a sentiment was expressed. 

It does and I'm always still shocked.  It sounds like something from Betty Draper. 

[Fragile Bird]

As my mother always said, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar...

[lacuna]

The nod was not returned...