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Writing letters to friends


Centrist Simon Steele

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So lately I've been a bad friend to my best friend. I want to write her a letter kind of laying it out--letting her know how I view her as a friend, how much I appreciate her, and how I think she's the best. I know I could just say it, but often times when you try to say these things, at least for me, the conversation is stunted. Things don't get said. I am a much better writer than verbal communicator, and I think writing a letter would be a fun way to do this. Years ago, when my son had Leukemia, I had trouble communicating to his Doctor and nurse of three years how appreciative I was, so I sat down and hand wrote them letters. It was great. My boss saw me writing one and asked if I had a crush on the nurse. So this makes me worried...could my current friend come away thinking I have feelings as "more than friends?" I don't want her to think that. I just want to express to her she's great, and I want to personalize it.

Am I overthinking this--like I overthink everything? 

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As a fellow overthinker, yes, you're overthinking it. I don't see how a letter could be construed as romantic in and of itself. I know that I personally would be deeply touched and appreciative to receive a letter like that from a friend. I think you should write it.

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Yes, you're overthinking, as a fellow fan of both writing and overthinking. Especially since the whole point of the letter is to communicate how you feel about her as a friend, I don't see how it can be mis-construed. The medium is not the message, in this case. Don't, for example, try to communicate how much you value your friendship by sending her a bouquet of red roses. Letters are fine.

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1 hour ago, Simon Steele said:

So this makes me worried...could my current friend come away thinking I have feelings as "more than friends?" I don't want her to think that. I just want to express to her she's great, and I want to personalize it.

Am I overthinking this--like I overthink everything? 

Yes, you are overthinking it. It's a good idea. The best thing about letters is that nobody can interrupt you mid-sentence or mid-paragraph. :)

If you are concerned about giving the wrong impression then, quite simply, do not do that. For example, don't put anything which could be ambiguous and cause confusion if you can help it (and don't sign it dramatically like 'all my love always, Simon Steele' especially if you have never used the word 'love' in a friendly way with this person). But also remember that intent is important - just write clearly about the way you feel and then stand by your words. How you feel about it is important. Not how you fear other people might interpret it.

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14 minutes ago, sologdin said:

no such thing as overthinking

I feel like spending fifteen minutes trying to decide whether to end a text message with an exclamation point or a period because you're worried one sounds too excited but the other sounds too cold probably qualifies as overthinking. 

Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything :P

@Simon - Write the letter, I think it's a great idea :)

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19 minutes ago, KiDisaster said:

I feel like spending fifteen minutes trying to decide whether to end a text message with an exclamation point or a period because you're worried one sounds too excited but the other sounds too cold probably qualifies as overthinking. 

That is a completely real problem and not overthinking at all. Full stop plus smiley to undercut the coldness - and it is cold - of the full stop without stooping to the adolescent excitability of the exclamation point? 

Or just use a comma, be mysterious,

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13 minutes ago, Datepalm said:

That is a completely real problem and not overthinking at all. Full stop plus smiley to undercut the coldness - and it is cold - of the full stop without stooping to the adolescent excitability of the exclamation point? 

Or just use a comma, be mysterious,

And then they end their reply with an ellipsis and the true crisis begins :P

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Language is a skin: I rub my language against the other. It is as if I had words instead of fingers, or fingers at the tip of my words. My language trembles with desire. The emotion derives from a double contact: on the one hand, a whole activity of discourse discreetly, indirectly focuses upon a single signified, which is "I desire you," and releases, nourishes, ramifies it to the point of explosion (language experiences orgasm upon touching itself); on the other hand, I enwrap the other in my words, I caress, brush against, talk up this contact, I extend myself to make the commentary to which I submit the relation endure.  

- Barthes. Only gay mid-century French structuralists can possibly approach a geeky millenial writing a text to a crush in considering all the possible erotics of language. 
 

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8 hours ago, Liffguard said:

As a fellow overthinker, yes, you're overthinking it. I don't see how a letter could be construed as romantic in and of itself. I know that I personally would be deeply touched and appreciative to receive a letter like that from a friend. I think you should write it.

 
 

Good, this is what I want--for her to realize she's appreciated. Thank you!

7 hours ago, Datepalm said:

Yes, you're overthinking, as a fellow fan of both writing and overthinking. Especially since the whole point of the letter is to communicate how you feel about her as a friend, I don't see how it can be mis-construed. The medium is not the message, in this case. Don't, for example, try to communicate how much you value your friendship by sending her a bouquet of red roses. Letters are fine.

 
 

I'm glad we're all overthinkers here. Or as Solo put it: "proper analysis."

7 hours ago, Isis said:

Yes, you are overthinking it. It's a good idea. The best thing about letters is that nobody can interrupt you mid-sentence or mid-paragraph. :)

If you are concerned about giving the wrong impression then, quite simply, do not do that. For example, don't put anything which could be ambiguous and cause confusion if you can help it (and don't sign it dramatically like 'all my love always, Simon Steele' especially if you have never used the word 'love' in a friendly way with this person). But also remember that intent is important - just write clearly about the way you feel and then stand by your words. How you feel about it is important. Not how you fear other people might interpret it.

 
 

Haha, I actually could probably get away with signing it that way, BUT I am not going to. Just in case. Your advice in particular is why I love want to write a letter.

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I regularly write a very close female friend. Phoning her is hard because of conflicting shift work so writing her is a simple solution.  She has mentioned many times how much she enjoys getting my missives.  I am sure she will understand exactly where you are coming from when you write her.  She is your friend. She knows you. 

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