Animosity Between Work Colleagues?

[The Lord Bastard]

Things are bad.

I'm an apprentice studying for entry into a new career and I live at a training establishment with all of my colleagues. From day one I was one of a group of eight. The group is now six.

At the beginning, there was one individual who cemented his place (through his own naivety) as the so-called "whipping boy." He continuously said the wrong thing and quite frequently whinged when something didn't go his way. The job is a merchant navy position, and because this individual went to sea cadets he had an unhealthy sense of entitlement from the very beginning. He was also obsessed with things such as rank, rules and regulations. I think this was primarily due to the fact that he enjoyed lecturing people. 

In fairness, he was the youngest but he was still twenty. Another group member was the oldest but probably the least responsible. He smoke, drank, gambled and his manners were dire, in the sense that he often interrupted people or just didn't listen to them.  This person and the sea cadet quite often came to blows. 

This, however, is where things get a little annoying...

There are two more group members who are significant here. One of them is ex-army and thinks of himself as tough, saying he had many fights during childhood and he comes across like a loose cannon who has calmed himself down a little. In my opinion, though, he's just cruel. He quite often makes negative remarks about people, even about people we don't even know such as passers-by. It's for this reason that I know for an absolute certainty that he had said things about me and because he's taken seriously it's always affected my standing in the group. 

The last person I want to mention is the one who irritates me the most. Compared to myself and other group members, he's the most successful. He is, at least, in a stable long-term relationship with a woman who is a dance teacher, he has a car and has supposedly already paid off half of his mortgage because he's spent the last few years hoarding cash. He annoys me because he frequently assumes the role as the "father" of the group...even the ex-army person listens to him. When I say father of the group I mean he's always the one trying to mediate group disputes (imo badly) and shoves infuriatingly obvious advice down people's throats such as "ask for help" or telling people off "be quiet" "do your work" "keep the noise down please" and such like. He even saw me smoking an e-cig in my room one day and made a point of telling me "you can't smoke them in here, mate." It's not so much that he says these things but that he is always looking to. If he sees somebody make a mistake he is on it straight away and seems to thrive off the moment afterwards. I've met many, many patronizing people in the workplace in my time but all of them end up on the wrong side of everybody and are the least liked / listened to. Maddeningly, this person is well liked, respected and listened to. He got the highest score in our last progress review and a comment section rammed with praise. 

The two people I mentioned earlier...the sea cadet and the guy with all the vices. They quite often came to blows and all or any group members joined in. Mr. Perfect joined in very sparingly at first. There was, eventually, a divide in the group where it was myself and two others (vice guy and another guy) in one clique and everybody else in another. These cliques formed thanks to Mr. Perfect, who would defend the sea cadet when certain people took the mick out of him, but was absolutely fine if he himself or certain others were doing it. Thanks to this, the sea cadet, the naive space-waster that he was, eventually got manipulated and turned into their drone. He frequently said things to deliberately annoy myself and my friends and begin arguments. He just completely turned into their mouth-piece, their proxy. 

It played out like this...because they got this sea cadet to wreak most of the havoc, they could effectively get their point across without even soiling their own hands. It's a no-no in the workplace to have drama like this, so if our management got involved they would obviously have everybody in the office and individual reputations would be ruptured somewhat. We could, in theory, have taken the gripe to the people who were pulling his strings but they would only deny everything. And with a simpering smile. 

There is definitely a motivation in any group for individuals to try and out-shine their peers. My problem was that none of this was done on the shop-floor, or done by more worthy methods such as helping and offering value. It was always sly games or cock-measuring contests. 

Two people have now been fired, however. And things were nice and quiet for a while. There was no sniping, no whinging, no running to the office and no mind games. But today, when studying a new module that involved networking and connecting a PC to a switch, I missed out one step i.e. forgot one of the cables. When this happened the amount of contempt I got just for this one mistake was sickening. People sat shaking their heads, rolling their eyes, laughing (loudly) and face-palming. None of it was tempered with even an attempt to make it seem like banter. This sort of thing happened quite a bit when we were on placement. The group was halved and I was cut-of from the rest of my clique. It was pretty much like living in a strangers house for two months. The amount of contempt I got whenever I didn't know the answer to a question was pissing me right off...even the man in charge of us got sucked into it without really noticing. And even if he didn't...I couldn't very well go to him with a problem like that. 

But yeah...rant over. The good news is I only have to put up with this until midway through December, and then the group dynamic won't be like this anymore. We will be paired up and sent to separate placements, but if it's just me and one other person I'm not too worried as to who it will be. 

[Liffguard]

Slightly off-topic, is this in the RFA by any chance?

[Datepalm]

Wait are y'all literally frequently coming to blows, or were? Where is this acceptable conduct, even in a behind-the-scenes off time kind of space?

[The Lord Bastard]

9 minutes ago, Datepalm said:

Wait are y'all literally frequently coming to blows, or were? Where is this acceptable conduct, even in a behind-the-scenes off time kind of space?

It's not openly hostile. It's mainly gossip games to be honest. It's just that in places I've previously worked at I've never known a divide so wide as this one. 

[Iskaral Pust]

Is this just a place to vent or are you asking for advice?

This situation sounds pretty unpleasant.  What makes you think it will be any better when you're stuck on a ship with a cliquish crew?

Should you really let juvenile mocking, gossip and contempt get under your skin?

You should examine your reaction to "patronizing" "Mr. Perfect" who is popular and respected by the others.  If he represents a culture champion, or if you react negatively to anyone who tries to give you direction, you may not enjoy a few years of being a junior crew member.

I hope for your sake that this is just a temporary annoyance from some anomalous bad chemistry in the group, but it's worth asking whether you're just at the start of a path that you won't enjoy.

[The Lord Bastard]

30 minutes ago, Iskaral Pust said:

Is this just a place to vent or are you asking for advice?

This situation sounds pretty unpleasant.  What makes you think it will be any better when you're stuck on a ship with a cliquish crew?

Should you really let juvenile mocking, gossip and contempt get under your skin?

You should examine your reaction to "patronizing" "Mr. Perfect" who is popular and respected by the others.  If he represents a culture champion, or if you react negatively to anyone who tries to give you direction, you may not enjoy a few years of being a junior crew member.

I hope for your sake that this is just a temporary annoyance from some anomalous bad chemistry in the group, but it's worth asking whether you're just at the start of a path that you won't enjoy.

The situation will be different on a ship. It's not a case of going to a classroom everyday with the same people like it is at the moment. 

Yeah mocking and gossip are juvenile and that's pretty much why it annoys me. I just don't understand why people choose to behave like that in preference to forging good working relationships where they help each other out and don't brow-beat each other over ridiculous things. Some of the things that have been griped over are just neither here nor there and none of them worth getting anyone's back up. If people really are bothering about such things then it makes me think there are people present who have personal disliking of other people. 

"Mr Perfect" is just plain annoying. He doesn't really try to give direction as in he's trying to help. It's egotistical. He wants to be the one helping...it's pretty much just about him so that's why I've never been able to stomach the vibe it gives off. 

I'm fine with learning the job from a junior position. It's not learning the actual technical parts of the job that bothers me. I love learning. The problem is the group. 

And yes. I have actually never been part of a weirder group of fellows in my entire life, if truth be told. I've worked in many places. I've worked, drank tea and ate with hundreds and hundreds of different men in various bate rooms. Yeah...there were some oddballs. But every team, at least, had its own balance and cohesion. And a pecking order that made sense. There was plenty of give and take. This lot now, though...