Theon's marriage options (pre AGOT)

[devilish]

48 minutes ago, The Wolves said:

Olenna and Margaery manipulate the situation, that doesn't mean that they are more powerful than the typical noble woman. Margaery is definitely more powerful than a female Frey but she wouldn't be more powerful(unless queen and even than she's not wielding a lot of power as queen)than a Tully, Arryn or Stark. 

Mance is the one calling the shots, he's in charge hence Olenna telling him to stay out the war and him getting stupidly involved and she can't do anything about it but make the situation better for her family. 

Maybe I shouldn't have used matriarchal. That was taking it too far. However you must admit that the Tyrell girls have more space to manoeuvre then others. Their advice is worth something, they speak more freely about sex and politically and Olena could marry the man she wanted. FFS a king died because he might hurt one of their girls.

Its hard to manipulate if you're considered just a breeder.

 

[Eden-Mackenzie]

5 hours ago, estermonty python said:

Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think Ned had any legal right to arrange a marriage for Theon.  Theon wasn't actually his adopted son, he was his ward.  Ned couldn't arrange a marriage for Theon any more than Jon Arryn could arrange a marriage for Ned or Robert.  If Ned wanted Theon to marry someone, that still would have had to have been arranged with Balon, I think, and if Theon became Lord of the Iron Islands, he would have been able to arrange his own marriage.  

I also don't think Ned had any sort of long term calculation regarding Theon's rule of the Iron Islands; it was just the simple and usual terms following a rebellion - the losing house sends a kid to be a ward/hostage to ensure good behavior in the future.  Nothing more to it than that.

I agree, especially with the bolded parts. With Balon alive, Ned really had no business making a marriage pact for Theon, and if Balon had died, Theon would have been free to arrange his own marriage. 

However, the fact Balon had not already made a betrothal agreement for Theon shows Balon had possibly written off Theon as his heir ("possibly" because there was no known betrothal for Asha either, so perhaps Balon was just lax in his matchmaker duties), in which case Theon would have been left to his own devices, and I could see Theon asking Ned, his pseudo-father, for advice/assistance. If Ned was to have any say in Theon's wife, I could see him recommending someone from the North, whose family is loyal to the Starks, such as one of the Mormont or Manderly girls, whose families also have naval interests, or Alys Karstark. 

There is also the possibility Robert could have mandated Theon marry into a family loyal to the crown, which is the only way I could see Theon marrying a non-Iron Islander or non-Northern girl.

[Oakhearts head]

30 minutes ago, Eden-Mackenzie said:

I agree, especially with the bolded parts. With Balon alive, Ned really had no business making a marriage pact for Theon, and if Balon had died, Theon would have been free to arrange his own marriage. 

However, the fact Balon had not already made a betrothal agreement for Theon shows Balon had possibly written off Theon as his heir ("possibly" because there was no known betrothal for Asha either, so perhaps Balon was just lax in his matchmaker duties), in which case Theon would have been left to his own devices, and I could see Theon asking Ned, his pseudo-father, for advice/assistance. If Ned was to have any say in Theon's wife, I could see him recommending someone from the North, whose family is loyal to the Starks, such as one of the Mormont or Manderly girls, whose families also have naval interests, or Alys Karstark. 

There is also the possibility Robert could have mandated Theon marry into a family loyal to the crown, which is the only way I could see Theon marrying a non-Iron Islander or non-Northern girl.

Thankyou so much for giving a response relevant to the topic. Seriously, we're on to the 2nd page of this thread and there has been what? Two responses that have been even remotely relevant to what I asked in the OP? Lord help me. I wouldn't have even brought her up if I knew even the mere mentioning of Sansa would completely derail the thread. Jesus Christ.

Anyway, I disagree with the notion that Ned had no plans whatsoever for Theon going forward. He's Balon Greyjoy's only living son, so the assumption (within Westeros) would be that Theon is Balon's heir. Eventually sending "Lord" Theon back to the Islands with a marriage that ties the Isles to the rest of Westeros is just common sense. I wouldn't even call it "scheming." It's exactly the same thing Rickard Stark did.

[Oakhearts head]

Either way, the topic of this thread is who would have been deemed a good political marriage for Theon. Let's steer the topic of discussion back to it's relevant course.

[Blue-Eyed Wolf]

27 minutes ago, Eden-Mackenzie said:

However, the fact Balon had not already made a betrothal agreement for Theon shows Balon had possibly written off Theon as his heir ("possibly" because there was no known betrothal for Asha either, so perhaps Balon was just lax in his matchmaker duties), in which case Theon would have been left to his own devices, and I could see Theon asking Ned, his pseudo-father, for advice/assistance. If Ned was to have any say in Theon's wife, I could see him recommending someone from the North, whose family is loyal to the Starks

I think it's pretty evident that Balon had written Theon off, alive or not.  Look at Balon's attitude toward Theon when he returned to the Iron Islands.  Balon's primary focus seems to be his foolish dream of being a king again and returning the Ironborn to the "greatness" of a loot and pillage" based system.  The whole point of Theon being Ned's ward is actually he's a hostage against his rebellious father from starting trouble again.  So that puts Theon in a limbo.  He's disdained by his family and people for not being a real Ironborn (though through no fault of his own).  Ned can't ever really be a father to him because one day he may have to execute him if his father decides to rebel again, which with Balon is a real possibility.  Ned treats him kindly, but not warmly.  So technically, he is still Balon's heir, but he's like Viserys in that he's a prince with no power or support backing him up.  I don't see any one really thinking Theon is a catch in this predicament.  If Balon dies and Theon were to inherit, anyone sending their daughter there to marry could potentially be making the bride a hostage for a hostile, rebellious people.  Plus if Theon is not capable of truly leading the Ironborn, a political marriage doesn't really do anything helpful in this situation.  Even if Balon hasn't officially named Asha his heir, he certainly seems to trust her and is grooming her for leadership.  I'm not sure why he hadn't arranged anything for Asha, but maybe he wanted to turn his ambitions into reality first then be in a better position to demand a better match that is more beneficial to the Ironborn.  She's not a maid and she's not going to be anyone's docile broodmare.  No one outside the Ironborn has made any offers as far as we can tell.  I get the impression the rest of Westeros doesn't respect or trust the Ironborn enough to make any kind of agreements with them, marriage or otherwise.    

[The Wolves]

Do we know of any Tyrells or Lannisters that was in Theon's age range that could be marriable? 

[Protagoras]

Hmm, I can see a possible alliance-deal in that Theon is returned to iron Islands if Theon has a northern-friendly marriage and that Balon confirms Theon as his heir. The problem is that few options outside of the Starks themselves will have enough power to keep the alliance sweet. The Ironborn is after all far less interested in an alliance than the North (they have the fleet, they have the small islands and need to expand, thier economy is not trade-based enough, and they seem to have forests enough to rebuild their ships).

So, what do we have - Starks have Sansa and Arya, Boltons have no eligible female, Karstarks have Alys but are too far away to be interested (unless they are planning on overthrowing the Starks), Manderly have some options but has the same issues as Karstark - but less likely to rebel - and I don´t think the Starks will that happy having a bannerman with an ally who is strong enough to make a revolt possible (assuming no other outside interferance and maybe one or two more northern houses supporting the rebel house). And its impossible for the Lord paramount of the North to be as invested in upholding an alliance between two regions his house has no direct benefit from.

The only reasonable choice here (Not that Ned planned something, but still) is Arya. She is tough enough to fit in (Alys might be too, but I have hard time seeing a Manderly doing that due to them being soft, fat southroners), she is important enough to be married to Theon - especially if you actually want to create a strong alliance, then you need to do a good offer and if she comes with a dowry of say, some Stark lands in the North (Parts of Stony shore or Cape kraken is my suggestion) then you might get somewhere. It is also very important to not express themselves as Robb did. This is a partnership of two equals and any northern voices who disagree should do so in silence. Otherwise this will be seen as a cause for war, risking the project.

Why give them land? Because the North wins more on ths alliance than the Ironborn do and because empty gestures of trust doesn´t mean squat. It should be pretty obvious that future hostilities will mean a retaking of those lands, giving a reason for the ironborn to go raid elsewhere and actually send that fleet in assistance in future wars. It will also give them a reason for stop raiding forever and instead maybe (depending on who leads them) open up a trade between the Ironborn and the west part of the North, something both parties can benefit from. Is this too generous? - certainly, but do you want a strong alliance or not. Statuswise, a Mandeley, Bolton or Karstark (maybe some other houses too, but you can´t throw a Mormont, Cerwyn or a Tallhart on them and claim its an equal trade) should work fine, but then you won´t be sending the same signals. Nor might those houses have an interest in this due to that they are on the east coast. Even a complete nut like Euron would be foolish to throw away friendship, a large part of land and trade over some principle.

[Darksnider05]

He did exactly that in canon. 

[Oakhearts head]

On 10/22/2016 at 9:35 AM, The Wolves said:

Do we know of any Tyrells or Lannisters that was in Theon's age range that could be marriable? 

Theon wouldn't be considered too old for Margaery Tyrell or Myrcella Baratheon. It's just a matter of whether the various lords would deem it to be an appropriate match or not. There are a ton of Tyrell girls of a similar age to Margaery from lesser Tyrell branches who might have been appropriate, most of whom are companions for Margaery in Kings Landing (Alla, Megga, Elinor, etc). The Lannisters are likewise a huge family, having various branches at Casterly Rock and Lannisport.

On 10/22/2016 at 10:37 AM, Protagoras said:

Hmm, I can see a possible alliance-deal in that Theon is returned to iron Islands if Theon has a northern-friendly marriage and that Balon confirms Theon as his heir. The problem is that few options outside of the Starks themselves will have enough power to keep the alliance sweet. The Ironborn is after all far less interested in an alliance than the North (they have the fleet, they have the small islands and need to expand, thier economy is not trade-based enough, and they seem to have forests enough to rebuild their ships).

So, what do we have - Starks have Sansa and Arya, Boltons have no eligible female, Karstarks have Alys but are too far away to be interested (unless they are planning on overthrowing the Starks), Manderly have some options but has the same issues as Karstark - but less likely to rebel - and I don´t think the Starks will that happy having a bannerman with an ally who is strong enough to make a revolt possible (assuming no other outside interferance and maybe one or two more northern houses supporting the rebel house). And its impossible for the Lord paramount of the North to be as invested in upholding an alliance between two regions his house has no direct benefit from.

The only reasonable choice here (Not that Ned planned something, but still) is Arya. She is tough enough to fit in (Alys might be too, but I have hard time seeing a Manderly doing that due to them being soft, fat southroners), she is important enough to be married to Theon - especially if you actually want to create a strong alliance, then you need to do a good offer and if she comes with a dowry of say, some Stark lands in the North (Parts of Stony shore or Cape kraken is my suggestion) then you might get somewhere. It is also very important to not express themselves as Robb did. This is a partnership of two equals and any northern voices who disagree should do so in silence. Otherwise this will be seen as a cause for war, risking the project.

Why give them land? Because the North wins more on ths alliance than the Ironborn do and because empty gestures of trust doesn´t mean squat. It should be pretty obvious that future hostilities will mean a retaking of those lands, giving a reason for the ironborn to go raid elsewhere and actually send that fleet in assistance in future wars. It will also give them a reason for stop raiding forever and instead maybe (depending on who leads them) open up a trade between the Ironborn and the west part of the North, something both parties can benefit from. Is this too generous? - certainly, but do you want a strong alliance or not. Statuswise, a Mandeley, Bolton or Karstark (maybe some other houses too, but you can´t throw a Mormont, Cerwyn or a Tallhart on them and claim its an equal trade) should work fine, but then you won´t be sending the same signals. Nor might those houses have an interest in this due to that they are on the east coast. Even a complete nut like Euron would be foolish to throw away friendship, a large part of land and trade over some principle.

Interesting. With Balon still alive, Theon's claim would be pretty difficult to make as his father explicitly told Aeron that he wanted Asha to succeed him. With Balon out of the road though, it would pretty much be guaranteed win for Theon. The Ironborn pretty much fall into two categories:

A. Dumb Victarion raider types, who while generally would be labeled as Old Way sympathisers are more likely to follow whatever direction their liege lord tells them to, even if they don't particularly like it. They're loyal to a fault.

B. Progressives, or at least progressive by comparison to the rest of Isles. Asha obviously, the Harlaws, Botley's, Merlyns and Blacktydes are all influential Ironborn families who would actively support ties with the greenlands. 

Those who supported Euron at the Kingsmoot because they genuinely agreed with ideals were in the vast minority.

With Balon and Euron out of the way, and Theon as the hypothetical Lord of Pyke, the logical thing to do would be to not only arrange a mainland marriage for Theon himself but for the likes of Asha (if possible), Lord Baelor Blacktyde, Lord Tris Botley, Ser Harras Harlaw and the like.

[Protagoras]

7 hours ago, Oakhearts head said:

Interesting. With Balon still alive, Theon's claim would be pretty difficult to make as his father explicitly told Aeron that he wanted Asha to succeed him. With Balon out of the road though, it would pretty much be guaranteed win for Theon. The Ironborn pretty much fall into two categories:

A. Dumb Victarion raider types, who while generally would be labeled as Old Way sympathisers are more likely to follow whatever direction their liege lord tells them to, even if they don't particularly like it. They're loyal to a fault.

B. Progressives, or at least progressive by comparison to the rest of Isles. Asha obviously, the Harlaws, Botley's, Merlyns and Blacktydes are all influential Ironborn families who would actively support ties with the greenlands. 

Those who supported Euron at the Kingsmoot because they genuinely agreed with ideals were in the vast minority.

With Balon and Euron out of the way, and Theon as the hypothetical Lord of Pyke, the logical thing to do would be to not only arrange a mainland marriage for Theon himself but for the likes of Asha (if possible), Lord Baelor Blacktyde, Lord Tris Botley, Ser Harras Harlaw and the like.

One of the most important thing of all (when it comes to reform) is to give the ironborn an "out". They have basically nothing, their islands lack much and more and if you lack many things others have it will be tempting to raid for them. What they really need is land and thats something the North have in abundance. They also need to be seen as respected - something only a marriage to a lord paramount can do. It has to be shown that ironborn are good enough for daugthers from noble greenlanders or they will wonder why they must adapt the a culture who are unwilling to accept them. In return for that land and respect, ironborn support the North with their fleet (sure, its an alliance but its a pretty one-sided one since the North have no western fleet). Win-win. 

When it comes to marriages - sure, as long as they are prestigious enough. There is a risk of pushing this too hard though as The Shrike demonstrated. Bit I am surprised tbh that no region has made a greater effort in this (and especially the North or Riverlands). Instead of having the Ironborn as a random joker card, why not at an earlier stage push for marriages with them in order to have the support of, you know, one of the biggest fleets in Westeros. If that alliance had been in place earlier then maybe Robb wouldn´t need Walder Frey. 

[Lord Lannister]

I was always under the impression Theon was to be returned at some point, so Ned marrying him off would be premature. Theon marrying a main lander would pretty much kill his credibility with the ironborn and thus lessen his value as a hostage.

[Eden-Mackenzie]

On October 21, 2016 at 2:50 PM, Oakhearts head said:

Thankyou so much for giving a response relevant to the topic. Seriously, we're on to the 2nd page of this thread and there has been what? Two responses that have been even remotely relevant to what I asked in the OP? Lord help me. I wouldn't have even brought her up if I knew even the mere mentioning of Sansa would completely derail the thread. Jesus Christ.

Anyway, I disagree with the notion that Ned had no plans whatsoever for Theon going forward. He's Balon Greyjoy's only living son, so the assumption (within Westeros) would be that Theon is Balon's heir. Eventually sending "Lord" Theon back to the Islands with a marriage that ties the Isles to the rest of Westeros is just common sense. I wouldn't even call it "scheming." It's exactly the same thing Rickard Stark did.

Saying Ned had no plans may have been an oversimplification or too broad of a generalization, because he probably had some plans, but I see them as being more along the lines of "raise Theon to be an honorable man, the way Jon Arryn raised me, so when the time comes he will make the right decision" type of plans, instead of anything concrete. Like Balon, albeit somewhat more disastrously, Ned had not made any marriage agreements for his children, even though Robb and Sansa were definitely of an age to be betrothed. Perhaps this was a reaction to the aftermath of his father's marriage alliances?  

Whatever his reasons, if Ned had not made arrangements for his own children (despite his bannermen's attempts), he likely had not made arrangements for Theon either. But not making arrangements is not the same as not having thought about the situation, which is why I think if Ned had anything to do with it, Theon would have been married to a northern girl. It is interesting that we know of no marriageable Iron Islander girls, beyond Asha, because that is the only other viable option I can see. The families of the Reach, Riverlands (excluding perhaps the Freys), and Westerlands all have too much emnity and disdain for the Ironborn to send one of their daughters there. 

Two other possibilities:

1) Meera Reed - unquestionable family loyalty to the Starks, but with Jojen's apparently acknowledged lack of longevity it wouldn't make much sense for the Reeds to send their presumptive heir away. Also, depending what your believe about her parentage, Meera could be far too valuable to send to Pyke. 

2) Balon could arrange a marriage with a family from the Vale, Stormlands, or Dorne, with an eye towards conquering one of the other regions between them - Ironborn launch a naval attack from the west, wife's family launches a land attack from the east. But then again, Balon has zero regard for the greenlanders, so this also does not seem like a likely route. 

[Ashes Of Westeros]

10 minutes ago, Eden-Mackenzie said:

Like Balon, albeit somewhat more disastrously, Ned had not made any marriage agreements for his children, even though Robb and Sansa were definitely of an age to be betrothed. Perhaps this was a reaction to the aftermath of his father's marriage alliances?  

I think it was GRRM's intention to show the pre-AGOT life in Winterfell as a kind of idillyc bubble, especially for Stark children,not disturbed by politics or any other prosaic life matters. Robb and Bran would likely be squired in some other house as Ned and Robert did. But GRRM apparently chose to keep them in the family. If Sansa would be betrothed to some real dude she wouldn't have any dreams about marrying a prince/a knight in shining armor. It shows the life in Winterfell as a paradise lost for Starks.

19 minutes ago, Eden-Mackenzie said:

2) Balon could arrange a marriage with a family from the Vale, Stormlands, or Dorne, with an eye towards conquering one of the other regions between them - Ironborn launch a naval attack from the west, wife's family launches a land attack from the east. But then again, Balon has zero regard for the greenlanders, so this also does not seem like a likely route. 

After Balon's rebellion the renome of the Ironborn was beyond the low. It's highly unlikely that any family (even a rebellious one) would be eager to marry their daughter to one of them. The only exception I see is walder Frey, because he has too many.

[Balerion's Whiskers]

Theon wasn't exactly received like a noble heir returning home when he arrived on the Iron Islands and Asha was given respect and obedience. Balon had written Theon off and had no intention of naming him heir. He distrusted Theon because of how the Northerners raised him and most likely never gave a thought for a betrothal to anyone. Balon is probably one of the most arrogant and self-centered characters in the whole series and that is saying alot.  If Balon dies, the Ironborn would follow Asha, not Theon. (but Balon's brothers would give her a fight) Theon's best bet would to choose an Ironborn wife.  Given Theon's haughty personality, he would not have come to Ned for advice either.

I believe as others have stated, Ned had no right to make a marriage pact for Theon as long as Balon lived. Granted, he would have suggested a Northern girl...but not one of his daughters. The daughter of the Lord Paramount would be prime hostage material in the event of an uprising. (reverse of the situation of Theon at Winterfell) Ned would have probably suggested one of the Mormont girls as this might have helped mend fences between the two houses. Ned's reluctance to betroth any of his own children probably stems from what happened when Rickard went outside the North to find spouses for his. Ned would choose Northern for his own kids, but give them a say in who it is. Jon would have either gone to the Wall or been married to a daughter of a minor noble (Beth Cassel, or Jeyne Poole maybe?)

However, for Theon to get the ironborn to follow him, one of their own is the only choice. If he was to marry a soft greenlands girl, the Ironborn would never respect him. Absolutely not a Tyrell or anyone from the Reach (Sam even has at least one marriageable sister, I think) Too far south and they follow the Seven. If Theon takes a wife that doesn't follow the Drowned God, he immediately makes the Iron Islands hostile to him and her.

If the Wot5K had never happened, Theon would have chosen his own wife and the pickings outside the Iron Islands would have been slim because of their history.

[Protagoras]

One thing that should be added to all this is that Neds lack of plan devalued Theons value to the point that not only Balon, but many persons including me simply wouldn´t be interested to pay or at least not much to get the person back. Why? Because a hostage removed from you, who you never will get back could be seen as good as dead for you - even guarantees of that persons life is not good enough, since that persons value is based on its ongoing relation to me, that I can spend time with said person and share partly a life together. But if I don´t recieve the person back this will be denied me and so will my feelings for said person lessen. Time will not only heal the would, but make me forget what made the relation worthwhile. I will accept that the person is no longer part of my life and move on.

So what Eddard should have done is to have contacted Balon somewhere between 6-8 years ago when Balon could have been interested in a bargain. Going to Balon now, 10 years later, have emotionally and practically reduced Theons value for Balon. The deal Ned would get now would be a pittance compared to what he would get if he was returned when the feelings were more fresh, just as I would be far less interested giving the kidnappers money for a return of my mother 10 years after her capture than I would if I was contacted one year after the event.

[devilish]

There are very few decisions taken by Ned/Robert which I agree with. The way they handled Theon’s situation is one of them.

 That strategy had 2 aims

a-    To keep Balon in his place. If he rebelled then Theon would have risked his neck. Considering that Balon has agreed with the Robert’s conditions of handling his only son as ward, than that would translate into kinslaying. That’s something even the bannermen on the iron islands would have to take into account

b-     Theon was being groomed as a Westerosi Lord. Sure Balon could disinherit him. However one false step from the Greyjoys and the Crown would go down against them like a sledgehammer, forcing Theon as Lord Paramount over them

Some say that Theon would have had to marry within a great family to consolidate power on the iron islands. I disagree. No King would give a hostile piece of land a potential hostage. It would be wiser to have Theon married off to a woman from a powerful Iron island house whose views are closer to those of Westeros then to the old way (House Harlaw?), with Asha Greyjoy and other girls from the his wife’s side being married off/taken as lady in waiting to Westerosi Lords/Cersei Lannister. Asha would have been a great wife to Renly with Gwynesse Harlaw being employed as Cersei’s service.
 

[Balerion's Whiskers]

16 hours ago, Protagoras said:

One thing that should be added to all this is that Neds lack of plan devalued Theons value to the point that not only Balon, but many persons including me simply wouldn´t be interested to pay or at least not much to get the person back.

I agree with this. Ned's refusal to play politics just fueled Balon's anger and desire for revenge. If Ned had negotiated Theon's return and helped make a suitable match for Balon's heir there was a chance that things may have gone differently.

Also, Theon would have been of an age where he would have been open to the suggestion of a suitable match. The way things ended up, he dreamed of a girl like Sansa, but in reality, no lord would have given up their daughter to such a man. (well, Walder Frey would have, but that's the only one)

[Darksnider05]

13 hours ago, Balerion's Whiskers said:

I agree with this. Ned's refusal to play politics just fueled Balon's anger and desire for revenge. If Ned had negotiated Theon's return and helped make a suitable match for Balon's heir there was a chance that things may have gone differently.

Also, Theon would have been of an age where he would have been open to the suggestion of a suitable match. The way things ended up, he dreamed of a girl like Sansa, but in reality, no lord would have given up their daughter to such a man. (well, Walder Frey would have, but that's the only one)

This is not something Eddard can fucking do, he's holding Theon for Robert.  Theon is Roberts Hostage being held by Eddard.  At no point was Eddard responsible for Theons marriage prospects.

He could of leaned on any possible negotiations sure.  But that would require several things.  For him to give a fuck about Ironborn beyond not wanting to massacre them to the last person.  Or him wanting to spend political capital on this.  As well as him just in general caring about the Iron born beyond simply not wanting them to raid his lands which no amount marriages will stop. 

It's like you all think Eddard was ignorant of Ironborn culture.  Their rapey slavey pirates at no point would inviting the rapey slavey pirates to live on any of his land in peace time be an idea that he would get behind. 

So get back to Robert about what he wants done with his hostage.  I still have no idea how Balon Greyjoy is alive post rebellion. 

[Protagoras]

17 hours ago, Darksnider05 said:

This is not something Eddard can fucking do, he's holding Theon for Robert.  Theon is Roberts Hostage being held by Eddard.  At no point was Eddard responsible for Theons marriage prospects.

He could of leaned on any possible negotiations sure.  But that would require several things.  For him to give a fuck about Ironborn beyond not wanting to massacre them to the last person.  Or him wanting to spend political capital on this.  As well as him just in general caring about the Iron born beyond simply not wanting them to raid his lands which no amount marriages will stop. 

It's like you all think Eddard was ignorant of Ironborn culture.  Their rapey slavey pirates at no point would inviting the rapey slavey pirates to live on any of his land in peace time be an idea that he would get behind. 

So get back to Robert about what he wants done with his hostage.  I still have no idea how Balon Greyjoy is alive post rebellion. 

Well, we do have the following quote...

Ned turned back to his wife. “[…] from this day on, I want a careful watch kept over Theon Greyjoy. If there is war, we shall have sore need of his father’s fleet.”

So clearly Eddard wanted the ironborn assistance. And if you want to to get someones assistance, you will need to give them some kind of offer, right? Surely it is easy to take a moral highground and call them "rapey slavey pirates" but then you will be forced to stand alone in the time of need. And Ned could with some smart diplomacy (and yes, Roberts goodwill towards it but thats something Robert most likely would accept due to their strong friendship) have secured Balons assistance in the upcoming conflict. Certainly he could have prevented raids on the North - if the deal is good enough, the Ironborn will go raid somewhere else.

It's like you don´t get the concept of an alliance. It means letting feuds of the past be forgotten, it means working with "the bad guy" - with enemies who have done awful, terrible things, out of necessity (and you can´t call them out of it nor even pretend that they are bad guys but you are for the moment willing to work with them despite that - because they won´t stand for it) but it also means that the next time the Lannisters come knocking, you have some back-up. And if you refuse to take these steps - well, then maybe that fleet you have sore need of won´t show up.

[Darksnider05]

1 hour ago, Protagoras said:

Well, we do have the following quote...

Ned turned back to his wife. “[…] from this day on, I want a careful watch kept over Theon Greyjoy. If there is war, we shall have sore need of his father’s fleet.”

So clearly Eddard wanted the ironborn assistance. And if you want to to get someones assistance, you will need to give them some kind of offer, right? Surely it is easy to take a moral highground and call them "rapey slavey pirates" but then you will be forced to stand alone in the time of need. And Ned could with some smart diplomacy (and yes, Roberts goodwill towards it but thats something Robert most likely would accept due to their strong friendship) have secured Balons assistance in the upcoming conflict. Certainly he could have prevented raids on the North - if the deal is good enough, the Ironborn will go raid somewhere else.

It's like you don´t get the concept of an alliance. It means letting feuds of the past be forgotten, it means working with "the bad guy" - with enemies who have done awful, terrible things, out of necessity (and you can´t call them out of it nor even pretend that they are bad guys but you are for the moment willing to work with them despite that - because they won´t stand for it) but it also means that the next time the Lannisters come knocking, you have some back-up. And if you refuse to take these steps - well, then maybe that fleet you have sore need of won´t show up.

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“Oh, now there’s a treasure,” Littlefinger said, exiting.
When the door had closed behind him, Ned turned back to his wife. “Once you are home, send word to Helman Tallhart and Galbart Glover under my seal. They are to raise a hundred bowmen each and fortify Moat Cailin. Two hundred determined archers can hold the Neck against an army. Instruct Lord Manderly that he is to strengthen and repair all his defenses at White Harbor, and see that they are well manned. And from this day on, I want a careful watch kept over Theon Greyjoy. If there is war, we shall have sore need of his father’s fleet.”
“War?” The fear was plain on Catelyn’s face.
“It will not come to that,” Ned promised her, praying it was true. He took her in his arms again. “The Lannisters are merciless in the face of weakness, as Aerys Targaryen learned to his sorrow, but they would not dare attack the north without all the power of the realm behind them, and that they shall not have. I must play out this fool’s masquerade as if nothing is amiss. Remember why I came here, my love. If I find proof that the Lannisters murdered Jon Arryn...
He felt Catelyn tremble in his arms. Her scarred hands clung to him. “If,” she said, “what then, my love?”

Context nice try though, yep I like Eddards plan lets cut his head off if his father doesn't comply.  The threat in watching him is pretty implied.