Veltigar

Vikings XI: Aelle's Anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun [SPOILERS]

260 posts in this topic

2 hours ago, Astromech said:

Just in case one can't picture the Sami's castration technique, here's an educational video:

 

:o I came to visit the thread to see if the new season was worth getting invested in again... You never know when and where you're going to learn fucked up new stuff I guess :wideeyed:

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Ok, whoever came up with the thread's title has my standing ovation :lmao:

I've just finished the second part of the fourth season, so I'll be slowly reading the thread to avoid season 5 spoilers.

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1 hour ago, Baltan said:

Ok, whoever came up with the thread's title has my standing ovation :lmao:

My mum always said I would eventually amount to something, guess she was right, now that I'm getting a standing ovation and all :P 

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Strategy aside, the battles are still entertaining. This was probably my favorite episode of the season after the earlier one where Floki lands at Iceland.  The brother against brother discussions became a bit tiring this episode and the entire season, to be honest, but I enjoyed the battle when it finally happened.

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Yeah, the battle was solid (they’ll probably never top the siege of Paris though), but it took forever to get to it. 20 episodes a season is just way too many. 

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I can't quite decide if I understand that last episode or not. So they meet to talk and try not to fight. Have brother v brother talks everywhere it seems. Ivar decides that he doesn't want to fight. Then he of course insults them and wants to fight. Then his big plan is to send a large force into the woods in clear view of the enemy, and take 1/3 of the troops away from the battle and not come back when clearly needed......? Also, did the archers decide to take the day off?

Now on a side note, war like that must have been just f'd up. How would you know who to kill once it all turns to chaos? They all look the same, use similar weapons, dress the same.

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2 hours ago, dbunting said:

I can't quite decide if I understand that last episode or not. So they meet to talk and try not to fight. Have brother v brother talks everywhere it seems. Ivar decides that he doesn't want to fight. Then he of course insults them and wants to fight. Then his big plan is to send a large force into the woods in clear view of the enemy, and take 1/3 of the troops away from the battle and not come back when clearly needed......? Also, did the archers decide to take the day off?

Now on a side note, war like that must have been just f'd up. How would you know who to kill once it all turns to chaos? They all look the same, use similar weapons, dress the same.

Haha, I have no idea what the strategy was supposed to be. It seemed to be one big clusterfuck with some moving parts here and there. Ivar I believe split his forces to go back and protect his ships that he thought were vulnerable. Hvitserk's flanking maneuver resulting in mass death by poison darts was pretty lame though. And I suppose the only way to tell which side was which was by the color of the shields, orange and blue, which only some were using and was only useful until it turned into one massive melee. It was fun to watch though.

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The battle was a great spectacle as always. Fairly fun but incredibly dumb and a lot of the same shit we see in every battle. Why doesn't anyone use formations any more? Why do they all just rush in for a slaughter mosh-pit like a bunch of morons? I though Ivar was supposed to be a tactical genius. And nobody important dies, instead we just get every main character mowing down red-shirts in boring fashion. And why doe most of them not even use their shields any more? Overall it just felt like an empty spectacle.

And then the Sami attack was probably the most ridiculous part. The Sami are ninjas with blowguns, seriously? That's how you choose to depict the Sami? What do you use a blowgun for in northern Scandinavia and what kind of poison can you find there that can instantaneously kill a full grown man?

The rest of the episode was just characters reiterating shit we already know, repeating the same lines we have heard before and declaring the motivation again. Lagertha doing another speech about usurpers and rightful rules and fuck Ivar for wanting to avenge his mom. I officially like Torvi more than Lagertha. And I do not look forward to seeing her hook up with Bishop JRM. Plus some random Wessex and Iceland scenes that felt completely out off place. The only parts I really liked was the bits with Harald and Halfdan, because that was at least interesting and well acted.

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That battle was not the big battle of the season, though. 

I'd say Ivar's strategy was to use Harald's man to either win the fight without Losing his men, or weaken him so he can blow past him easier later. Harald being the dumbass that he is was like ''Oh yeah the boats! Go and bring your men with you!'' But Ivar's look on his face was confusing. Maybe he really just didn't have a plan. Hvitserk in the woods vs the Sami people was ridiculous but the fact he came back without a scratch when all or amost all of his men got killed was really weird.

 What is wrong with Astrid ? I swear I don't know if she wanted to get back on the battlefield in hopes of switching sides or if she wanted to fight against Laguertha...

Alfred saying Aethewulf won't listen to him... what ? He listened to you when you had that stupid vision about York did he not ?

I don't mind Heahmund as a character, but can you at least hide the fact he as 12 inchs of plot armor Hirst ? Knocking him behind the head ? Not even a wound ? Ffs.. And Laguertha not wanting to kill him because he ''might have been saved but the gods ?'' not because she saw him close with Ivar and could be helpful or anything remotely intelligent, nope!

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Damn, that tease with Rollo! I'm still holding out hope. Hvitserk must have had extremely favorable winds.

Wessex was terrible again. RIP Aethelwulf, you went out like a champ chump. Uhh, I can't stand Judith, now she's some kind of master manipulator? Her and Magrethe should be leading their respective peoples.

I liked the developments in Iceland, if only because the tension seems to have reached a breaking point. That and the sacrifice scene  reminded of this show several seasons ago. It just need some Wardruna.

As much as she is a shell of her former shelf, I somehow still love Lagertha. I'm rooting for her and Bjorn. The developments with Bishop Heahmund were a bit Tudors-esque, but it's Hirst. Not the oddest development in this show.

 

 

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Jesus fucking christ, to call Michael Hirst a hack is an insult to hack everywhere. All that Wessex stuff was pure garbage.

At least the Iceland stuff was somewhat compelling and had a pretty and sacrifice-ceremony scene.

 

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Meh, I’m even bored with the Iceland stuff tbh. I’ll keep watching since I’m currently only watching 2 shows a week, but I enjoy almost nothing about this show anymore. 

Does anyone else think Ivar’s stupid haircut looks like King Koopa from the terrible Mario bros movie? :lol:

Wonder where the general is to tell us how great the show still is...

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Well at least I know I am not the only one who sees the show is still getting worse. I mean, to have a hornet (wasp whatever) sting and kill him right after he makes a speach about a hornet was just silly even for this show. Then to continue the theme of everyone doing the same thing at the same time. Last week it was the sets of brothers talking this week it was people having sex.

The one thing I am holding out hope for, and it's very morbid dark hope, is for Floki to realize that there can be no men or women in gods country or whatever he calls it. I think/hope he is going to realize that Kattegat and Wessex weren't the reasons for kings, queens, murders and sinners. That the real reason is humans. I could see him realizing that he soiled gods country with humans and deciding to wipe them all out ala a cult style ritual suicide where only he knows what's happening. I know it's a horrible thing, but to me it would seem like a logical conclusion based on what we are seeing. What likely will happen is he will have an epiphany and travel back just in time to save Kattegat, since that's where this show is heading. 

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That was one of the worst episode of the show. I REALLY hope the battle next week will make up for this shitty half season...

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Ivar's character is unbearably ridiculous... he has been the eye of the shit storm that has been post-Ragnar Vikings... 

... and over in England... the start a bad Last Kingdom prequel

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If Lagertha dies (and I believe she will) I'm done. No one remaining is compelling enough to watch week in and out. 

And the writing is just shit.

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21 hours ago, The Unborn said:

That was one of the worst episode of the show. I REALLY hope the battle next week will make up for this shitty half season...

Genuine question: how long are you willing to keep pushing yourself to watch the next episode in the hopes it makes up for the shit this show became? I only ask because I was the same as you only my breaking point was season 4. I only browsed this thread following something I learned about this season from another poster

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3 minutes ago, HelenaExMachina said:

Genuine question: how long are you willing to keep pushing yourself to watch the next episode in the hopes it makes up for the shit this show became? I only ask because I was the same as you only my breaking point was season 4. I only browsed this thread following something I learned about this season from another poster

Whenever I get the urge to catch up on Vikings (I stopped after 4a) I just come to this thread and read some comments and that kills any motivation to do so :lol: 

Edited by Mark Antony

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14 minutes ago, Mark Antony said:

Whenever I get the urge to catch up on Vikings (I stopped after 4a) I just come to this thread and read some comments and that kills any motivation to do so :lol: 

I got to mid-4b after stopping a few episodes into 4b. Heard about Ragnar dying and decided that was a nice, natural cut off point if I could reach it. Reading this thread killed any desire I had to come back though :P 

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This thread really is more reflective of codependency than anything else.

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