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Mental Wellbeing Thread


HexMachina

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19 minutes ago, lessthanluke said:

I've been struggling lately. Girlfriend works weekends so I on my own at home and everything feels like a chore. Took me 3 hours to psyche myself up to go to the shop last Saturday. 

SAME. sweet jesus it was absurd. and then I had to take a nap afterward. :grouphug:

I have a therapist now. First appointment is next week and I'm a bit scared about the whole thing. But it's better to at least try to fix whatever is wrong because I had another episode last Thursday where I just fell into this inferno of hatred and it 1) ruined my entire day and 2) made me physically ill -- I'm still feeling the effects and it's Tuesday! I was a weepy mess at work yesterday. Gods I hope I can pull it together enough to be support to my mom this weekend. 

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8 minutes ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

SAME. sweet jesus it was absurd. and then I had to take a nap afterward. :grouphug:

I have a therapist now. First appointment is next week and I'm a bit scared about the whole thing. But it's better to at least try to fix whatever is wrong because I had another episode last Thursday where I just fell into this inferno of hatred and it 1) ruined my entire day and 2) made me physically ill -- I'm still feeling the effects and it's Tuesday! I was a weepy mess at work yesterday. Gods I hope I can pull it together enough to be support to my mom this weekend. 

Also needed a nap afterwards!

Most of the time right now I am constantly busy so its fine, work, training, comps etc but as soon as I have free time I don't know what to do with myself and just feel like crap and any motivation to even move seems to disappear.

You got this. Hopefully the therapist helps :)

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6 minutes ago, lessthanluke said:

Also needed a nap afterwards!

Most of the time right now I am constantly busy so its fine, work, training, comps etc but as soon as I have free time I don't know what to do with myself and just feel like crap and any motivation to even move seems to disappear.

I was going to sarcastically ask if you had "tried working out" to help ease the blues -- but then I remembered that there are probably a bunch of people here who don't know your background and would have torn me a new asshole for that. :lol: 

I wish I had answers for you. I know that, for me, I broke things up into smaller, more goal-directed tasks. Like "go to store, buy these five items that I will need immediately to clean the bathroom." This is different than how I usually shop, which involves much longer-range planning and multiple tasks to complete. So I went to the shops four separate times over the weekend (it's walking distance) rather than one big trip. 

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13 minutes ago, lessthanluke said:

Also needed a nap afterwards!

Most of the time right now I am constantly busy so its fine, work, training, comps etc but as soon as I have free time I don't know what to do with myself and just feel like crap and any motivation to even move seems to disappear.

You got this. Hopefully the therapist helps :)

I'm having exactly the same problem and it is leaving me absolutely exhausted. I've been in a pretty good place this year for the most part but it seems to only be because I'm so overscheduled I don't have time to think. The second I get any sort of break it all comes rushing back and suddenly the simplest day to day stuff just seems way too much to cope with.

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I spent the last two months reading tons of easy, escapist books - the kind that you read in 3-4 hours.  A book a day (2 a day on weekends) on the nook at an average of $8 for two months made for a shocking credit card bill. I tell myself I am doing better, but when I do stuff like that there is obviously still a problem.

But really, I am managing ok. (or rather I am managing work, and that takes every bit of willpower I have, so by time I get home, I have nothing left. But if I don't take my meds on weekends, I can't hardly manage getting off the couch, so my meds do work, but I'm at the max dose.

Then last week my 15 yr old son left his sketch book open on the living room floor, and on the open page he had written what I thought at first was a poem about being depressed, but it turned out to be more of a letter to us.  It started with "I lie to my friends.  I lie to everyone, even myself." he then went on to say how he felt broken, that he just wanted to start over, to not be who he is.  I could have written that myself. My heart broke for him. 

I put aside all my guilt, and talked to him about how he feels, that he's not alone, that we can get him counselling if he wants.  He really doesn't want to, so I printed out a guide to teenage depression, a list of things for them to do (and not do) to help and we talked about it over dinner. I told him I have all the same feelings too, and that we will work together to get through it and make changes in our lives that hopefully will help.  I did make him agree that if he hasn't noticed any improvement by the end of the year, we will see a counselor.

It's hard, but we are working together. I am making him spend an hour with me every night with no screens. We're starting a tai chi dvd (he has P.E. this quarter, so he is exercising, but I thought it good to start this so it will continue when the quarter ends soon), coloring (I got him a swear word coloring book because all the others seemed rather girly and I didn't think he'd use them if he didn't like them), (both also for the meditative aspects) and I'm making better dinners (I could (and frequently do) skip dinner and just let him eat some leftovers or more often something frozen and quick to fix-without veggies)

He actually went out and hung out with a friend after school yesterday instead of just getting on the computer and his friend called his boss at "Land of Fear" since they are looking for another zombie and Alex has an interview Friday afternoon.  It's just an October job on Friday nights and weekends, but he's excited: "I'll even get paid money" :lol: but the getting out of the house will be so good for him.  Jobs are very limited for 15 yr olds, but I hope he likes the "doing" of something and will try and find something after this gig is up. (I've told him to ask where his friends volunteer and do some of that too)

It's a long process, and my husband doesn't really get depression, no matter how many times I've told him over the years, so Alex and I are doing this on our own.

 

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39 minutes ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

SAME. sweet jesus it was absurd. and then I had to take a nap afterward. :grouphug:

 

 

31 minutes ago, lessthanluke said:

Also needed a nap afterwards!

 

8 minutes ago, brook said:

I'm having exactly the same problem and it is leaving me absolutely exhausted. I've been in a pretty good place this year for the most part but it seems to only be because I'm so overscheduled I don't have time to think. The second I get any sort of break it all comes rushing back and suddenly the simplest day to day stuff just seems way too much to cope with.

This is so me at the end of my days.

39 minutes ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

 

25 minutes ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

 

I wish I had answers for you. I know that, for me, I broke things up into smaller, more goal-directed tasks. Like "go to store, buy these five items that I will need immediately to clean the bathroom." This is different than how I usually shop, which involves much longer-range planning and multiple tasks to complete. So I went to the shops four separate times over the weekend (it's walking distance) rather than one big trip. 

I've taking to do this too.  I have 1 1/2 days worth of yard/house work to do, and I've broken it up to do over a week (plus the weekend if needed). I also know that after I stop for lunch, I'm not going to continue. No matter what I do, once I stop, I can't seem to manage to start again.

I end up worse off and doing less if I try to do too much and fail.  Then it's a complete shut down for months. I'm lucky if I get my laundry done, and only running out of clean underwear forces me to do it. I considered buying more, that would be more work than laundry.

 

 

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32 minutes ago, brook said:

I'm having exactly the same problem and it is leaving me absolutely exhausted. I've been in a pretty good place this year for the most part but it seems to only be because I'm so overscheduled I don't have time to think. The second I get any sort of break it all comes rushing back and suddenly the simplest day to day stuff just seems way too much to cope with.

Bolded part is me exactly. I will try your suggestion this weekend XRay :) 

 

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15 minutes ago, Lany Freelove Cassandra said:

 

 

I end up worse off and doing less if I try to do too much and fail.  Then it's a complete shut down for months. I'm lucky if I get my laundry done, and only running out of clean underwear forces me to do it. I considered buying more, that would be more work than laundry.

 

 

Yeah I had a whole list of plans/things last weekend then I ended up not doing a single one and felt terrible about it.

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3 hours ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

I was going to sarcastically ask if you had "tried working out" to help ease the blues -- but then I remembered that there are probably a bunch of people here who don't know your background and would have torn me a new asshole for that. :lol: 

I wish I had answers for you. I know that, for me, I broke things up into smaller, more goal-directed tasks. Like "go to store, buy these five items that I will need immediately to clean the bathroom." This is different than how I usually shop, which involves much longer-range planning and multiple tasks to complete. So I went to the shops four separate times over the weekend (it's walking distance) rather than one big trip. 

I might have to borrow this idea, I feel it would be very useful for me. I do manage to get out at least once a day because of the dogs (I feel guilty if I don't because I feel they are being badly cared for because of my selfish behaviours) but the shop idea would likely keep me occupied throughout the day instead of laying around doing nothing.

2 hours ago, Lany Freelove Cassandra said:

I spent the last two months reading tons of easy, escapist books - the kind that you read in 3-4 hours.  A book a day (2 a day on weekends) on the nook at an average of $8 for two months made for a shocking credit card bill. I tell myself I am doing better, but when I do stuff like that there is obviously still a problem.

But really, I am managing ok. (or rather I am managing work, and that takes every bit of willpower I have, so by time I get home, I have nothing left. But if I don't take my meds on weekends, I can't hardly manage getting off the couch, so my meds do work, but I'm at the max dose.

Then last week my 15 yr old son left his sketch book open on the living room floor, and on the open page he had written what I thought at first was a poem about being depressed, but it turned out to be more of a letter to us.  It started with "I lie to my friends.  I lie to everyone, even myself." he then went on to say how he felt broken, that he just wanted to start over, to not be who he is.  I could have written that myself. My heart broke for him. 

I put aside all my guilt, and talked to him about how he feels, that he's not alone, that we can get him counselling if he wants.  He really doesn't want to, so I printed out a guide to teenage depression, a list of things for them to do (and not do) to help and we talked about it over dinner. I told him I have all the same feelings too, and that we will work together to get through it and make changes in our lives that hopefully will help.  I did make him agree that if he hasn't noticed any improvement by the end of the year, we will see a counselor.

It's hard, but we are working together. I am making him spend an hour with me every night with no screens. We're starting a tai chi dvd (he has P.E. this quarter, so he is exercising, but I thought it good to start this so it will continue when the quarter ends soon), coloring (I got him a swear word coloring book because all the others seemed rather girly and I didn't think he'd use them if he didn't like them), (both also for the meditative aspects) and I'm making better dinners (I could (and frequently do) skip dinner and just let him eat some leftovers or more often something frozen and quick to fix-without veggies)

He actually went out and hung out with a friend after school yesterday instead of just getting on the computer and his friend called his boss at "Land of Fear" since they are looking for another zombie and Alex has an interview Friday afternoon.  It's just an October job on Friday nights and weekends, but he's excited: "I'll even get paid money" :lol: but the getting out of the house will be so good for him.  Jobs are very limited for 15 yr olds, but I hope he likes the "doing" of something and will try and find something after this gig is up. (I've told him to ask where his friends volunteer and do some of that too)

It's a long process, and my husband doesn't really get depression, no matter how many times I've told him over the years, so Alex and I are doing this on our own.

 

:grouphug: I'm so sorry to hear about your son Lany. I'm glad you've been open and talked to him about it and your own struggles. Depression can often make you feel isolated but particularly as a teen I think you just feel you are completely alone in how you are feeling. I hope you are both able to help each other through your struggles, best wishes to you both 

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7 hours ago, Lany Freelove Cassandra said:

 

This is so me at the end of my days.

I've taking to do this too.  I have 1 1/2 days worth of yard/house work to do, and I've broken it up to do over a week (plus the weekend if needed). I also know that after I stop for lunch, I'm not going to continue. No matter what I do, once I stop, I can't seem to manage to start again.

I end up worse off and doing less if I try to do too much and fail.  Then it's a complete shut down for months. I'm lucky if I get my laundry done, and only running out of clean underwear forces me to do it. I considered buying more, that would be more work than laundry.

 

 

Sending you lots of love, Lany. I was depressed at 15 but I couldn't talk to my parents about it. It's a great thing that your son can talk to you and like your company and feel comfortable opening up to you xx

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Sending tons of love to everyone. :love::love: 

One thing I want to flag for those who feel over-subscribed or over-programmed -- it is OK to have a sloth day. Just sit the fuck down and pretend to read a book or pay no attention whatsoever to an episode of Bojack or Rick and Morty or Sherlock or whatever-the-fuck. I have to do this sometimes or I'll just lose my goddamned mind. 

@Lany Freelove Cassandra -- you might want to look into borrowing books on Kindle if you're burning through throwaways. There's so much out there for a flat fee that you should be able to manage that cost. 

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Aso sending much love and hugs.

13 hours ago, Xray the Enforcer said:

 

One thing I want to flag for those who feel over-subscribed or over-programmed -- it is OK to have a sloth day. Just sit the fuck down and pretend to read a book or pay no attention whatsoever to an episode of Bojack or Rick and Morty or Sherlock or whatever-the-fuck. I have to do this sometimes or I'll just lose my goddamned mind. 

 

Wishing this worked in reverse.  Like can't I tell my brain its ok to have an over programmed day.  Or at least pretend to enjoy the over subscribed days.  Or taking regular showers.

 

 

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I haven't had the courage to post here when I've been anxious and depressed (bulk of the last couple years), but reading this thread let me know I wasn't alone. 

I'm in a better place right now and wanted to say thanks for helping me make it through some of that without feeling so alone, and I love you all.

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I just read a fascinating article about former WNBA superstar Chamique Holdsclaw. She is retired from basketball and working as a spokesperson/advocate on mental health issues.

Her story is quite interesting as she describes the journey she has had from HS and College All American, to the number one draft pick and All Star in the Pros, all the while struggling with Bipolar Disorder. And how for many of those years she was undiagnosed.

Today Chamique (once the worlds best in her sport) out of the spotlight, never touches a basketball, but describes herself as more fulfilled and never happier. http://www.espn.com/espnw/feature/20826369/espnw-former-wnba-great-chamique-holdsclaw-shattered-facades-reclaimed-purpose?addata=espn:frontpage

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I regret not seeking therapy at least 10 years earlier when I should have. Because of that, with me being 26 years old with zero job experience, finding a job that doesn't require anything more than a High School diploma has been difficult to come by. Also, by my age, most employers will be wanting a resume, which I don't have. In my late teenage years, I knew deep down that I wasn't going to transition well into adulthood, and now look what's happening to me. This is my biggest regret.

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10 hours ago, KingintheNorth4 said:

I regret not seeking therapy at least 10 years earlier when I should have. Because of that, with me being 26 years old with zero job experience, finding a job that doesn't require anything more than a High School diploma has been difficult to come by. Also, by my age, most employers will be wanting a resume, which I don't have. In my late teenage years, I knew deep down that I wasn't going to transition well into adulthood, and now look what's happening to me. This is my biggest regret.

You're in your 20's. Still very young. Where do you live? With parents? If so you can still do lots of things. Go back to school - do distance learning. Volunteer somewhere to build up CV etc. What's your situation if you don't mind me asking? It isn't hopeless :)

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On 10/7/2017 at 5:52 AM, Theda Baratheon said:

You're in your 20's. Still very young. Where do you live? With parents? If so you can still do lots of things. Go back to school - do distance learning. Volunteer somewhere to build up CV etc. What's your situation if you don't mind me asking? It isn't hopeless :)

I'm currently living with my mother. I thought about going back to school this semester (I'm a part time student, so I don't have to worry about student loans) but ever since my mother was let go from her job, money has been pretty tight around here. What does CV stand for? My situation is that I'm a homebody that has only practiced filling out a couple of applications with zero job experience. I told some family members that if they ever needed help around their house and yard and have the money to pay me, that they can call me anytime. 

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CV = curriculum vitae, aka a résumé. In the States, we use CV mostly for academia or other high-level hires that would need more than a single page to summarize their professional qualifications (usually CVs are used to list publications, etc). Most people only need résumés, which should never be more than one page. "CV" is used elsewhere in the English-speaking world to cover both types of document. 

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On 10/6/2017 at 8:31 PM, KingintheNorth4 said:

I regret not seeking therapy at least 10 years earlier when I should have. Because of that, with me being 26 years old with zero job experience, finding a job that doesn't require anything more than a High School diploma has been difficult to come by. Also, by my age, most employers will be wanting a resume, which I don't have. In my late teenage years, I knew deep down that I wasn't going to transition well into adulthood, and now look what's happening to me. This is my biggest regret.

Not gonna lie, I'm nearing mid 30's and sometimes I still feel like this, as though I've wasted all of this time and that there's no hope of getting that time back.  I get stuck thinking about all of my regrets and wishing for do-overs of my teen years or my 20's.  If only I had known then what I know now, maybe I wouldn't have wasted so much time being ill.  

I think a major problem with society is that they make you feel like there's only one way to adult.  You're supposed to follow this one path where you come out the other end with a resume and some sort career.  It's not for everyone, but there aren't many alternatives for those who aren't interested in typical adulting.  You can find a partner who will financially support you, you can try to find a way to apply for disability and be supported by the state, or some other avenue that will feed, house and entertain you.  But it's not like there are many options for that.  I'm sorry.  Hopefully in the near future we'll have universal basic income.  

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